


a mess of a story

by AquaQuadrant



Series: rewrite the stars [3]
Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, Tangled (2010), Tangled: The Series (Cartoon)
Genre: Developing Relationships, Drama and Action, Guilt, Mentions of Death, Mentions of self-harm, Minor Violence, Multi, Nightmares, Nonbinary Character, One-Shot Series, Personal Growth, Poison, There will be fluff, and plenty of angst, and undergoing brand new traumas, excessive use of OC's, forgiveness and redemption, implied/referenced homophobia/transphobia, mentions of abuse, moon cult au, moon varian, non-descriptive kissing, recovering from trauma, self-depreciation, therapy like WOAH
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 20:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 78,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14143635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AquaQuadrant/pseuds/AquaQuadrant
Summary: ~*~i finally see myself.unabridged and overwhelmed,a mess of a story i’m ashamed to tell,but i’m slowly learning how to break this spell.and i finally see myself.~*~Following the events that led to the discovery of his moon powers, Varian finds himself on an inner journey, requiring him to face his mistakes and failures, his traumas and fears, and make sense of his place in the world. It won't be easy, but he won't have to go it alone; Perilune will be beside him every step of the way.The story of Varian and Perilune’s life in the castle, told in a series of connected one-shots.Currently playing: Chapter Eighteen -speak in little steps.Varian gets some good advice from an unexpected source, and Perilune grapples with the parts of their past that haunt them today.





	1. an almost promise

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hi readers! Now begins Part 3 of the series, aptly named _“a mess of a story”_ because, uh, it’s gonna be a LOT. Most of it is going to be character development, through and through. There will be fluff. There will be angst. And eventually, there will be action, so if it feels slow for a while, I promise there’s a reason for it. Each chapter will be as long as I need it to be, so that means one week you could get a short and sweet 1k fluff-piece, but the next get 3k of deep introspection. I’ll be covering an insane amount of content in this part, so just sit back and enjoy the ride.
> 
> And comment! Don’t forget to comment! I love and appreciate every single one :D 
> 
> (lyrics from _Three,_ by Sleeping at Last) – Aqua

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _an almost promise_  
>  Rating: G  
> Timeline: Starts the morning after _long be hidden,_ covers the events of _what we can be._  
>  Summary: After Varian’s… _dramatic_ return to the castle with Perilune in tow, there’s a lot for Rapunzel to work out. Fortunately, the people in her life are more than happy to help.

_an almost promise_

~*~

“So, let me get this straight…”

Eugene paced back and forth across Rapunzel’s bedroom, his footfalls soft on the carpet. Rapunzel tracked his movement, sitting cross-legged on her bed with Pascal perched on her shoulder as usual. The window was open, letting the pale morning light fall across the floor as a pleasant breeze played with the curtains. It was peaceful, not at all like what last night had been.

Cassandra was seated beside Rapunzel, the bed dipping from their combined weight. Her legs coiled beneath her in such a way that she could easily spring into action at a moment’s notice, should the need arise, but for now she was still. Her silence was a stark contrast to Eugene, both of them processing what Rapunzel had told them in their own way.

Eugene’s hands gestured wildly as he talked. “Varian was kidnapped by a secret cult because he has magical powers that are supposed to be able to destroy the world as we know it? And this new friend of his was a part of the cult but decided to help him escape? But they were almost killed by an assassin spy, which was why the whole castle was up in arms last night?”

Rapunzel nodded. “Yeah, that… kinda sums it up.”

“Wow. That’s, uh, a lot to wrap my head around.” Eugene sat down on the bed beside Rapunzel, running a hand through his hair before giving her a sidelong glance. “And he had _no idea_ he had powers?”

“None,” Rapunzel said grimly. She looked to her other side, noting that Cassandra hadn’t said anything yet. “Cass…? What are you thinking?”

Cassandra hesitated, uncertainty flashing in her hazel eyes. “I don’t know… secret societies? Ritualistic sacrifices, magical lightning? Are you sure, Raps? That… all sounds a _bit_ farfetched, don’t you think?”

Eugene gave her a look. “What, you think the kids weren’t telling the whole truth?” he asked doubtfully.

Cassandra threw her hands up, exasperated. “I don’t know, maybe! I mean, I know that obviously, _someone_ sent an assassin after them, but as far as the rest of it… how can we know for sure? I wouldn’t put anything past Varian-”

“You didn’t see him, Cass,” Rapunzel said quietly. “After he came back.”

Something in her voice seemed to make Cassandra pause, her expression softening. “Alright,” she ventured. “Then… tell me?”

“Okay.” Rapunzel took a deep breath, fidgeting with a strand of hair as she recalled the events of the night before. “It was very late when I saw Varian. My dad wanted to question Perilune first, but… we should’ve checked on him right away...”

~*~

_Rapunzel walked in step with her dad, glancing at Perilune out of the corner of their eye._

_The young teen was following closely behind them, their head tilted slightly down and their steps quick. They seemed to be resisting the urge to run on ahead as Varian’s cell came into view, everything about them screaming urgency. Varian’s guards straightened at the trio’s approach, giving Dad a quick bow of the head._

_“Your Majesty!” Pete looked relieved to see them._

_“Hello, Pete. Stan.” Dad nodded at them in turn. “Any change?”_

_“No, sir,” Stan said. “He’s still unresponsive.”_

_Dad’s mouth pressed into a line before he glanced down at Perilune, furrowing his brows. “Now, I don’t want to see any funny business, understood?”_

_“Of course, Your Majesty.” Perilune’s eyes almost looked like they could burn through the door with their intensity. Tension was strung in every muscle in their body; their jaw clenched and their hands curled into fists._

_Satisfied, Dad turned to Stan and nodded. Stan pulled a key off his belt and slipped it into the lock, stepping aside as the heavy wooden door swung open with a low groan. The light from the torches in the hallway flooded into the cell, illuminating its sole occupant._

_Varian was curled up on the floor, knees tucked to his chest and hands clutching his head. Shackles around his wrists tethered him to the bed against the wall, and the skin beneath them was raw and bleeding. Tears glistened on his cheeks, his eyes squeezed almost painfully tight, and he was shaking violently. There was no indication he even heard the door open, teeth bared in a grimace._

_Rapunzel hadn’t really seen him in a while, aside from a passing glance here and there. His hair was longer, more unkempt. Even in the scarce light from the hallway, she could see how pale he was, the dark circles under his eyes more pronounced. He was skinnier, too; his face was hollow, and his shirt seemed even more ill-fitting as it hung off his frame. Bare-footed and missing his alchemy gear, he almost looked like an entirely different person._

_Rapunzel felt her breath catch at the sight, even Dad stiffening beside her. Stan and Pete looked grim, and she was suddenly struck nauseous at the thought that Varian had been in such a state for hours, now. The hopelessness and terror in the cell was almost a physical sensation, sitting heavily in the air like a dense fog._

_The spell was broken the moment Perilune called his name._

_“Varian!”_

_Varian’s head snapped up instantly, his eyes wide. He appeared to try and push himself up, unable to support himself on trembling limbs, but that didn’t matter because Perilune bolted no sooner than the word had left their mouth. They practically crashed into him, wrapping him in a tight embrace. Varian put his arms around them, shaking with silent sobs._

_They stayed like that, just clinging to each other. Like they weren’t entirely convinced the other was really there. Rapunzel’s throat tightened, and she exchanged a look with her dad. Beneath his ever-composed features, he seemed unnerved. It was hard, seeing how upset these two were and knowing it could’ve been prevented. She understood Dad’s reasoning, for all the questioning and the precautions, but it was still something that weighed on the conscience. A difficult choice._

_Varian was the first to speak, his voice wavering. “Is- is it you? P- Perilune?”_

_Perilune’s response was barely audible. “Yes, my love, it’s me. I’m here.”_

_A jolt of surprise went through Rapunzel. From the way Perilune had talked about Varian, it was clear they cared about him, but she’d had no idea to the extent. It… wasn’t that hard to believe though, after hearing about everything they’d been through together. And seeing them with each other, now… it couldn’t be more obvious. The revelation left a warm, fuzzy feeling in Rapunzel’s stomach, that these two could find solace in each other despite everything that’d happened. It was uplifting, to say the least._

_Varian finally pulled away, stammering. “I- I thought that- I didn’t kn- know if you- if you were-”_

_“I know,” Perilune murmured. “I know. It’s alright. I’m here.”_

_“Are you okay? They- they didn’t hurt you?”_

_“No, I’m fine. Your wrists, what happened?”_

_“It doesn’t matter. What- what about your leg?”_

_“It’s been taken care of. It’s late. You should rest.”_

_At Varian’s nod, Perilune started to help him over to the bed. Rapunzel watched the exchange with an odd mix of happiness and heartache; their concern for each other was touching, but there was such brokenness to them…_

_Dad let out a slow breath and glanced over at Stan and Pete meaningfully, and Rapunzel caught on to his intent just as he opened his mouth to speak._

_“Dad, please.” Rapunzel put a hand on her dad’s arm. “Just… look at them. They need each other right now.”_

_Dad hesitated. “Rapunzel, we have to remember that Varian is a criminal,” he said, his voice low. “There are rules put in place to ensure that-”_

_“Pe- Perilune…”_

_Varian’s faint voice made them fall silent again, glancing over at the pair of teens. Varian was finally settled in bed, Perilune at his side._

_“Please don’t go…” he was pleading, struggling to keep his eyes open._

_“Shh, shh… just rest,” Perilune soothed him. “I’m not going anywhere.”_

_“… promise?”_

_“I promise.”_

_Dad’s expression softened. He seemed to realize what Rapunzel had; if they forced Perilune to leave Varian right now, when they were both in such fragile states of mind, it would go over disastrously. They’d both been through enough for one day. At this point, separating them would be unbearably cruel. Any tentative trust Perilune had in them would be shattered, and Varian would probably fall to pieces all over again._

_“… very well,” Dad relented. “Make sure to check in on them regularly, Stan. Every hour. And when the night watch gets here, make sure they know, too.”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“Good.” Dad put a hand on Rapunzel’s shoulder. “We should get some rest, dear. You did well tonight,” he added gently. “I’m glad to have you by my side in all this.”_

_“Thanks, Dad,” Rapunzel smiled. She gave Varian and Perilune a parting glance, her expression sobering._

_Varian’s eyes were closed, his hand gripping Perilune’s as they ran their other one through his hair. Both of them still had tears on their faces, and the emotion in Perilune’s expression made Rapunzel’s heart tighten._

_It was a sweet moment, but she could tell they both had a long road to recovery ahead of them. They’d been through more trauma than could be erased in a single night; Rapunzel ached to think of all the hurt they’d faced. But at least they had this._

_Rapunzel turned away as the cell door closed, hoping beyond hope that these two kids would be okay._

_Someday._

~*~

The room was quiet for a moment.

Rapunzel’s shoulders slumped with weariness at the memory. Pascal gave a sympathetic chirp, scales rubbing comfortingly against her cheek.

Cassandra let out a slow breath. “He was that bad, huh? I… didn’t know, Raps. I’m sorry.” Her eyebrows creased together in thought. “Hey, if you believe them, then that’s good enough for me.”

“Yeah, we’re with you,” Eugene said, putting a gentle hand on Rapunzel’s shoulder. “Look, I think we can all agree that things weren’t handled the way they could’ve been with Varian. Now that things are even crazier, we should try our best to be there for him. And his new friend.”

Rapunzel nodded slowly. “Agreed.” As hard as it had been to accept it, she knew they’d failed Varian at the start. It didn’t excuse or justify the lengths he’d taken in retaliation, but she couldn’t ignore the circumstances that’d pushed him that far.

“Agreed.” Cassandra still didn’t look entirely convinced, but it was enough that Rapunzel was certain she would at least try. That was all Rapunzel could really ask of her.

“Thanks, guys.” Rapunzel smiled at them, squeezing Eugene’s hand, before rising to her feet. “I think I’m gonna go try and talk to Varian. He should be awake by now.”

“Be careful,” Cassandra offered.

“And let us know how it goes,” Eugene added.

“I will,” Rapunzel assured them. Their support helped ease some of her nervousness, and not for the first time, she was thankful she had such great people in her life. “See you in a little while.”

Her walk to Varian’s cell was cautiously optimistic, and she took a single, steadying breath before knocking on the door.

~*~

Rapunzel hesitantly poked her head into her dad’s study.

“Hi, Dad.” Her voice made Dad look up from whatever document he was scanning intently. “Can we talk? About last night?” she asked.

Rapunzel had a lot on her mind. Her talk with Varian the morning before had gone… well. Comparatively. He’d talked to her, which was apparently more than he’d given anyone before. She hadn’t visited him in his two months at the castle; all the lingering fear and resentment and heartache hadn’t left her in a mindset where anything good would’ve come from it. So, she wasn’t surprised by how he’d received her. Obviously, there would still be tension between them- but he wasn’t the same spiteful, malicious boy she remembered from his trial. At least there was that.

But then, last night… things had taken a drastic turn for the worse. The discovery of Varian’s ability to drain life had shocked them all, Varian especially. It was definitely something that required following up on, since Rapunzel hadn’t stayed long enough to see the resolution. Which is why she’d made sure to track her father down early in the morning, before his duties took him away for the day.

“Yes, I wanted to speak with you as well,” Dad said, tucking the paper away in his desk drawer. He invited her to sit beside him, and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I sent you away, Rapunzel. After hearing what Varian’s powers are capable of, I wanted to make sure you were safe. But I shouldn’t have disregarded you like that.”

“Hey, I understand, Dad,” Rapunzel assured him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “So what happened? How’s Stan doing? And is Varian okay?”

“Stan is fine; there seem to be no lasting effects, and he’s taking the day to rest. As for Varian…” Dad frowned. “It’s… difficult to say. He’s going to be wearing gloves now, to prevent any more accidents. He seems certain that the power won’t work unless he’s directly touching someone.”

Rapunzel tiled her head, considering. “That makes sense.” After all, her healing abilities had relied on direct contact, too.

“Unfortunately, it won’t stop his other abilities from manifesting,” Dad continued, expression somber. “He will continue to stay under strict watch in his cell until a solution can be found. I already have Xavier looking into it, and once the patrol I sent to the temple returns, whatever information they’ve found will hopefully be of help.”

Rapunzel was silent for a moment, turning the information over in her head. It seemed like a reasonable course of action; Varian’s powers shouldn’t be taken lightly. But she did need to make something clear.

“… he didn’t mean to do it, Dad,” Rapunzel murmured, looking up at him.

Dad’s expression softened. “I know, Rapunzel. I promise, I’m not trying to punish him for it. And I don’t believe Varian would intentionally harm someone, not anymore, but accidents can happen, and an accident such as this could be devastating. I feel it is best to err on the side of caution for the time being.”

Rapunzel nodded slowly. “So… are you going to tell me to stay away from Varian?” she ventured.

Dad sighed wearily, and the lines in his face suddenly looked deeper, like he’d aged five years in a single moment. “No, sweetheart,” he said quietly. “I… have made many mistakes, and will likely make many more, but I endeavor not to repeat the same ones. Whatever all this means, you’re a part of it, and Varian is as well. I won’t try to keep you from it like I did before.” Gently, he took her hands in his own. “All I ask is that you be careful, and ask for help when you need it.”

Rapunzel gave him a reassuring smile. “I will, Dad,” she told him, hugging him tight. “Thank you.”

“Thank _you,_ dear,” Dad replied, returning the embrace. “For being so supportive in all this. I haven’t forgotten my promise to help Varian, but this cult business was an unforeseen complication. It’s my responsibility, and I’ll do my best to take care of it.”

“You won’t have to do it alone,” Rapunzel reminded him. “You’ve got me and Mom.”

“And I am thankful for that, every day.” Dad pulled away, brushing a strand of hair from her face with a fond smile. “It won’t be easy, but we’ll get through it. Together.”

Rapunzel kissed him on the cheek. “Together,” she agreed.

~*~

Rapunzel looked up from her journal at a soft knock on her door.

She dog-eared the top of the page she was working on- her scribbled, half-formed thoughts titled _Varian and Perilune_ \- before closing her journal. “Hello?” she called. 

The door cracked open, and Rapunzel straightened at the sight of her mother. “Oh, hi Mom!”

“Hi, dear.” Mom gave her a gentle smile, lingering in the doorway. “May I come in?”

“Of course,” Rapunzel said. “Is everything okay?”

“I was actually going to ask you the same thing,” Mom said, sitting down on the bed beside her. “You seemed quiet at dinner. What’s on your mind?”

“Well…” Rapunzel bit her lip, brushing a thumb over the cover of her journal. “I’m worried about Varian. And Perilune.”

It’d been nearly a week since the night when Varian’s powers activated unexpectedly. Since then, it’d been happening often; usually whenever he had a nightmare. If Stan and Pete hadn’t mentioned it to Rapunzel, she still would’ve known because she could _feel_ it. She didn’t always get woken up from it, but whenever Varian’s powers were active, she’d get that same nagging sensation in her mind. Like someone or something was trying to call to her, but getting distorted, as if she was underwater. Even if it wasn’t enough to wake her, it would slip into her dreams, leaving her uneasy when she woke.

(Absently, she wondered if Varian would feel it if _her_ powers acted up...)

Whenever it happened, Stan and Pete couldn’t do anything but watch from outside the door, until Varian exhausted himself and the magic faded. It didn’t seem like his powers were getting any more explosive, and there hadn’t been an incident like the first time, but Varian was definitely struggling. She’d heard it all from Stan and Pete; not sleeping, hardly eating, and withdrawing from all interaction. It was like nothing had changed, like that one promising day had been nothing but a dream.

Most troubling was his decision to stop seeing Perilune. Rapunzel had been shocked when she’d first heard. She still was; she would’ve thought that Varian would be reaching out to Perilune now more than ever- she’d seen firsthand how much Perilune seemed to reassure him. But instead, he’d asked Stan and Pete not to let them visit him- which was his right, Rapunzel supposed, but it had worrying implications.

Mom reached out and squeezed Rapunzel’s hand. “I know the past week has been… eventful,” she said. “I’m sure things will settle.”

Rapunzel sighed. “I don’t know, Mom… I mean, obviously Varian wasn’t going to be fine straight away, but he just seems to be getting worse. And I don’t think Perilune’s been sleeping, Pete said that when they came by today, they looked really tired.”

Mom’s eyebrows knit together in concern. “Do you think they’re just having a hard time adjusting, or is it because they’re worried about Varian?”

“Both?” Rapunzel shrugged helplessly. “Honestly, I think they need each other right now, but Varian won’t let Perilune see him. He… seemed really freaked out about his powers, after almost hurting Stan… it’s like he’s pushing Perilune away.”

“He’s been doing that since his arrest,” Mom said thoughtfully. “All my attempts, and anyone else’s to connect with him, were in vain. But the day after his return… he spoke with your father civilly and answered his questions. He held a conversation with you, and even willingly reached out to Stan and Pete. It was more progress in a single day than I’d seen in his two months here- and now he’s reverted back to the way he was before.” She gave Rapunzel a considering look. “So, what can we do about it?”

Rapunzel recognized the open question for what it was. “Well, they need to talk, but Varian’s made it clear he won’t see them willingly,” she mused, playing with a strand of hair. “Forcing it would probably make things worse, I don’t think Varian would appreciate me… meddling, or anything, and Perilune would feel like they’re imposing. So if I could just get them to meet in a less… _oppressive,_ environment… maybe they’ll work things out?”

Mom nodded slowly. “Varian’s been on lockdown for almost a week, I’m sure he’s long overdue for a trip outside. Perhaps the courtyard?”

“Oh! Yes, that could work!” Rapunzel said excitedly, standing up. She paced back and forth, toying with the beginnings of a plan. “I’m sure Dad can be convinced, especially if Varian’s guards are with him, and then I just need to get Perilune outside. At the very least they’ll _see_ each other, which might be enough as a starting point. I can go ask Dad right now, and- oh!” She quickly whirled back around to hug her mother. “Thanks, Mom!”

“Anytime, Rapunzel,” Mom smiled. “I’m proud of you, you know. Most people would consider Varian a lost cause. I fear even your father was starting to lose hope. But perhaps he just needed someone to believe in him.”

Rapunzel hummed in agreement. “I think so, too. But… that progress we saw in him wasn’t brought on by anything _I_ did.” She thought of the tenderness in Perilune’s eyes when they looked at Varian, and realized they’d probably been the first person to believe in him in a long time.

Mom seemed to realize it, too. “Then I’m glad those two have someone like you looking out for them,” she said gently.

Rapunzel gave her a determined smile. “I’ll do my best,” she said, the weight of her words settling around her heart.

It was an almost-promise; no guarantee that things were going to turn out a certain way, but the commitment to try and be there for Varian this time. For the both of them.

She could do that.

~*~

“So? How’s it going? Are they talking?”

Rapunzel kept her face carefully angled away from Varian and Perilune, the pair of teens seated on a bench at the far end of the courtyard. She didn’t want to be too obvious, but she was dying to know if her plan had worked, if the two were finally attempting to clear the air between them.

“Uh, looks like it, Your Highness,” Pete murmured, with a discrete glance over his shoulder. “Doesn’t look too good, though. Varian seems upset.”

“Well, there’s a lot of hurt right now, Pete,” Stan put in wisely. “They’re gonna have to get through it.”

“I know how conflict resolution works, Stan,” Pete huffed. “I’m- I’m just saying, he looks upset _right now,_ but there’s really no way to know how things are going since we can’t hear them.”

Rapunzel hummed noncommittally. “I think this’ll be good for them,” she said. “Thanks again for letting Perilune over there. I mean, I know it’s technically not against the rules since Varian’s not in his cell, but… I appreciate it.”

“Of course, Your Highness,” Stan replied. “Happy to help.”

“And even if they don’t work everything out, it’ll at least be a good starting point for them!” Rapunzel continued, playing with a strand of her hair. “Maybe Varian will be open to talking with them again tomorrow, and eventually they can-”

“Oh, uh, Princess?” Stan raised his eyebrows, looking past her. “Yeah, I think they’re good.”

Confused, Rapunzel risked a glance over at Varian and Perilune. She immediately had to stifle a gasp- they were kissing, Perilune’s hands cupping Varian’s face. 

Rapunzel quickly looked away so as not to intrude, though she couldn’t hide her smile. That was a reconciliation if she’d ever seen one. It did take her slightly by surprise, but happily so; for Varian to be willing to take such a leap… he must really trust Perilune. It was also relieving in a roundabout way; not only did it mean that things were going to be better for the both of them, but it was proof that Varian was not beyond help, beyond _love_ … it made Rapunzel more hopeful for his future than she’d been in a long time.

“Oh, that’s so _sweet,”_ Pete said beside her, his voice soft.

Stan nodded in agreement. “And thank goodness, too. It broke my heart to send Perilune away every day. And I’ve never seen the kid as happy as he was with them.”

Rapunzel bounced on her toes, only just managing to contain her excitement. “Seriously, thanks so much, you guys! They both really needed this.”

“No problem,” Stan replied, putting a hand on Pete’s shoulder. “We know as much as anyone how bad he was doing before. We just want him to be happy.” He glanced over at the bench. “Oh, okay, they’re done. Good timing, we should probably get Varian back now.”

He tilted his head at Varian and Perilune, who had finally pulled away and were talking quietly. Varian looked almost breathless with happiness, and Perilune was smiling brighter than Rapunzel had ever seen them. It made her feel like her heart was going to burst.

“I’ll go fetch the lovebirds,” Stan continued, the corners of his mouth pulling up.

Pete let out a gentle sigh as he and Rapunzel watched Stan walk away. “Y’know, Your Highness… I think those two are gonna be okay,” he said thoughtfully.

Rapunzel watched as Varian and Perilune stood, still holding hands. A tender smile made its way across her face, and she was filled with certainty, reassurance, and above all, hope.

“I think so, too.”

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hope you enjoyed catching up with Rapunzel! Our favorite lovebirds will be back next chapter. Now, I’d like to say I’ll get one up every week. That is my intended goal. But it is all extremely variable. Chapters like this one are quite an endeavor, both in length (4k words!) and content. If I’m doing a shorter, less serious piece, then getting it done in a week should be no problem. But after ones like this, I may end up needing more time. So, I’m going to apologize in advance for the inconsistent schedule. I can promise that you won’t have to wait longer than two weeks for an update, but that’s about it.
> 
> Also, if you want some Varian/Perilune feels, here's a link to a playlist I made for them! http://aquaquadrant.tumblr.com/post/172014340379/what-we-can-be-a-varianperilune
> 
> Thanks for your continued support, feedback means so much to me. **Please don't forget to comment!** If I don’t see you guys next week, it’ll definitely be the one after! - Aqua


	2. for this moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _for this moment_  
>  Rating/Warnings: K+, for some very mild suggestive themes (mostly people embarrassing our lovebirds)  
> Timeline: the evening after Ch. 1  
> Summary: Following an important meeting, Varian and Perilune finally get a chance to check in with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey y'all! Here we are again- I do think I'm gonna have to stick with updating every other week. We're in the home stretch of this semester and though my summer isn't a complete break, it should be a lighter load. So maybe then, update will be more frequent. We shall see.
> 
> Anyways, thanks to those who commented on the first one, and I hope I hear from even more of you as the series progresses. This week we revisit our favorite lovebirds, so hopefully you'll enjoy it! - Aqua

__

_for this moment_

~*~

Rapunzel glanced around the room again, biting her lip.

Dad and Mom sat next to each other at the round table, deep in conversation with Xavier, who sat at Mom’s left. Rapunzel was at her Dad’s right hand, which meant Eugene was sitting between her and Cassandra. Normally, that would have worried her, but they’d both promised to be on their best behavior- today was about Varian and Perilune. And Captain Elliot’s place across from Cassandra would likely dissuade any of their usual banter from flaring up, anyways.

It was sort of a cozy fit, and would be even more so when Varian and Perilune arrived. Rapunzel had convinced Dad to hold the meeting in the small recreational room instead one of his grander conference rooms. She wanted to make this as stress-free as possible; there was a lot to discuss, and it would be a daunting prospect. Varian’s trust in them was shaky at best, and she got the feeling Perilune would find it hard to be at ease in the presence of so many authority figures.

Rapunzel stood, pushing her chair back and grabbing Eugene by the arm to pull him up. “Eugene, stand up with me. If we’re all sitting down when they come in, it’ll look like we’ve been waiting impatiently for them.”

“Alright.” Eugene blinked.

“And Cass,” Rapunzel turned to her friend with a beseeching smile, “I… know you and Varian aren’t exactly-”

“It’s okay, Raps, I’m not here to cause problems,” Cassandra assured her. “I’m here for the same reason Eugene is, to stay informed and support you in this.”

“Yeah, ‘it takes a village,’ and all that.” Eugene put a hand on her shoulder. “If these kids are gonna make any progress, they’re gonna need all our support.”

Rapunzel took a steadying breath. “Thanks, you guys.”

She couldn’t help but feel a little nervous; she’d been anticipating the meeting all day, going over the plan with her parents during dinner. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it was an important starting point. She wanted to make good on her intentions to be there for Varian and Perilune, and while she knew it’d be a long and continuous road, tonight was about establishing the steps they were going to be taking.

“I just want to help them,” Rapunzel sighed. “It’s like… since Perilune’s been here, I think Varian really stands a chance, you know? He’s not like he was before.”

“We’ll take your word for it, Blondie,” Eugene said gently. It was a sudden reminder that neither he nor Cassandra had actually spoken to Perilune yet, or Varian since his return. That would be Rapunzel’s next order of business, once all this was settled…

There was a sharp knock on the door before the handle turned. Varian and Perilune entered, followed by Stan and Pete. Varian’s hands were shackled once more, the skin beneath still bandaged. The sight was disheartening; Rapunzel really didn’t think it was necessary anymore, but it seemed her Dad thought otherwise.

Varian came to an abrupt halt once inside the room, flinching almost imperceptibly as Stan closed the door behind them. His gaze swept over the assembly, anxiety written plainly across his face. Perilune shifted closer to him, their own tension evident in the line of their jaw.

“Ah, hello,” Dad said pleasantly, as if they were meeting for brunch. “Come in, have a seat.”

Rapunzel casually took her own seat, Eugene following suit.

Varian stared at the two empty chairs for a moment before taking the one beside Captain Elliot, putting him farther away from Cassandra. Perilune settled in the seat beside him, Stan and Pete standing attentively behind the chairs.

Both Varian and Perilune had wary expressions. Rapunzel gave them her most encouraging smile. While everyone here only wanted to help, she knew it had to be intimidating. She didn’t want either of them thinking they were in trouble.

Dad cleared his throat, lifting his voice to address the room. “Thank you all for coming. I’ve called this meeting about the events of the past week.” He glanced over at Perilune. “First, I believe promised I would update you on our efforts concerning the Servants.”

Perilune straightened up at that, watching the king with sharp interest.

“Our patrol has returned from the Iveria compound,” Dad said. “Twenty-seven children were taken into custody, along with three caretakers who surrendered themselves upon my men’s arrival. They claimed they refused to leave the children in the mass evacuation that took place and have renounced affiliation with the Servants. The children have all been placed into temporary care while the adults are being processed.”

Perilune let out a slow breath, their expression unreadable. They simply dipped their head in acknowledgement.

Dad waited for a moment before continuing. “My men were also able to recover some documents and scrolls that may be of significance. Once they’ve been gone over, I will relay any relevant information to you both.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Perilune said, their voice betraying no emotion.

“Of course.” Dad turned his gaze to Varian, expression sober. “Now, there is the matter of the recent issues you’ve been having with your powers.”

Rapunzel could tell her dad had done his best to not sound hostile or accusatory, but distress and guilt flashed across Varian’s expression before he lowered his gaze.

“I don’t mean to lose control, I promise,” he murmured, fidgeting with his gloves. “It just- it just happens.”

Mom put a hand on Dad’s arm, silently taking over. “It’s alright, Varian,” she said gently. “No one is blaming you for that. But it is something that has to be handled, so we’ve come up with a solution.” She exchanged a look with Dad before turning to Xavier. “I believe it would be better for you to explain this next part.”

“Certainly, Your Majesty.” The blacksmith bowed his head before giving Varian and Perilune a kind smile. “My name is Xavier. I’m a blacksmith by trade, but have some experience in the alchemical and arcane arts. I believe I have come up with a serum that will prevent your powers from manifesting.”

Varian’s eyes widened. “What, like- like get _rid_ of them?”

“No, no, it will only prevent you from accessing them while under the potion’s effects,” Xavier explained. “A dose will need to be taken each day, and can be discontinued at any time to regain your abilities.”

At a look from Rapunzel’s dad, Captain Elliot picked back up from there. “Every morning, you will be escorted to Xavier’s workshop to receive your dose for that day before starting your work itinerary. At the end of the day, you will be returned to your cell before curfew.” He gave Xavier a meaningful glance, who reached into the satchel he’d slung across the back of his chair.

Xavier withdrew a small glass vial filled with blue liquid, topped with a cork. “I’ve brought a sample of it,” he said, holding it out to Varian. “Just enough for tonight so you can get on a regular schedule tomorrow morning.”

Varian blinked at the offered potion. “Oh. You mean- you mean right now? Like, drink it right now?” he asked, his voice slightly strained.

Rapunzel shared his surprise. She hadn’t known Dad was planning on starting the potion that day- springing it on Varian like this didn’t seem like the best move. He’d only just learned about it, and was suddenly being expected to agree to it without question? It left a sour feeling in Rapunzel’s stomach.

“Yes,” Dad clarified.

To his credit, Varian simply bit his lip and took the vial from Xavier without protest, his shackles rattling from the movement. Perilune, however, looked troubled, putting their hand on Varian’s arm. He glanced over at the other teen, and a silent conversation seemed to pass between them.

After a moment, Perilune nodded slightly, relenting, and Varian uncorked the vial. Giving it an experimental sniff, Varian tipped his head back and drank the potion, handing the empty vial back to Xavier.

“Thank you,” Xavier said, tucking the vial away. “There shouldn’t be any side-effects, but you will feel a difference. Can you feel it?”

Varian’s eyes were clouded with an unreadable emotion. “Yes, sir,” he replied faintly.

Perilune took his hand in theirs, and Varian gave them a small smile, as if in reassurance.

Dad filled the potentially awkward silence. “Now then,” he began. “While this should prevent your powers from flaring up during these incidents, it won’t stop the cause of them.” He politely avoided mentioning exactly what that cause was, though everyone in the room knew it.

The nightmares.

Varian winced at the reminder, almost looking guilty. “It’s… it’s okay, sir, I’ll just…” He took a shaky breath. “Deal with it. N- now that my powers won’t act up, it’s- it won’t cause problems, right?”

As if the fact that Varian woke up screaming night after night wasn’t a problem. Rapunzel’s throat tightened at the thought that his own wellbeing meant so little to him.

Dad paused at that, and when he spoke again, his voice was kinder. “Aside from my own observations, I’ve spoken to those who’ve been in your company most often.” His gaze traveled across the room, resting briefly on Rapunzel as he gave her a small smile.

Rapunzel returned it with excitement; this had been her idea, after all. She couldn’t wait to see how Varian and Perilune would react.

Dad returned his gaze to Varian. “And… we’ve agreed that it seems in everyone’s best interest to allow Perilune to stay with you, if you both would so desire.”

Varian sat up in his chair with a gasp. “R- really?”

“At night?” Perilune asked, disbelieving.

“Yes.” Dad nodded. “I have arranged for a double bed to be brought to your quarters. Perilune will be permitted to stay at night, so long as you both are on your best behavior.” His expression grew stern, in an almost fatherly manner. “Keep in mind, you will be subjected to random checks, and your guards are able to see and hear you through the grate in the door. Any inappropriate behavior will result in immediate revocation of this privilege. Are we clear?”

Varian flushed a bright red. “Y- yes, sir,” he stammered.

“Of course, Your Majesty.” Perilune tried and failed to hide a grin.

“And,” Captain Elliot added, “you must ensure you are at his cell before curfew. Once he’s locked in for the night, you will not be permitted entry.”

“I understand.” The humor faded from Perilune’s expression, replaced by gratitude. “Thank you,” they said softly, looking from the captain to the king before resting their gaze on Rapunzel.

Rapunzel beamed back at them. She may not have known Perilune for very long, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t already care for them. She also wanted to look out for Varian, help him in any way she could. This would be good for them, she could tell.

“There’s one more thing, Varian,” Mom spoke up almost tentatively.

Rapunzel realized why; she was regretful to ruin the mood with her next order of business. It was more than necessary, and should probably have been considered a long time ago, but there was no telling how Varian would react to it.

Mom paused for only a moment. “We’re going to be employing a therapist here at the castle. You will be required to meet with him once a week, though you are more than welcome to visit him anytime- and so can you, Perilune, if you feel the need,” she added.

“A therapist.” Varian said the word slowly, looking confused. “… what for?”

Mom looked taken aback. “He’ll be someone for you to talk to, about… everything that’s happened. If you feel like it. The sessions will be completely free of expectations, it’s up to you what you want to make of them.”

“To _talk.”_ Varian still sounded lost, but he merely lowered his gaze, resigned. “When… when does this start?”

“He’ll be arriving next week,” Mom replied. “We’ll let you meet him first, to get acquainted.”

Varian nodded mutely in response.

Rapunzel got the feeling that was about as much new information as Varian could handle at the moment.

Dad sensed it, too. “I know we’ve discussed a lot tonight,” he said. “Do either of you have any questions?”

Varian merely shook his head, and Perilune replied for them both. “No, Your Majesty.”

“Does anyone else have questions or concerns?” Dad asked, looking around the room. When no one spoke up, he dipped his head. “Very well. You’re all dismissed, thank you.”

Varian and Perilune stood up together, the former still looking at the floor. Perilune slipped their hand into Varian’s, his shackles rattling, and he met their gaze with a small smile. They turned and followed Stan and Pete from the room, the door closing behind them.

The room broke into an easy chatter as Rapunzel’s parents thanked Xavier for his help, and went over the next day’s schedule with Captain Elliot. Rapunzel let out a sigh of relief, thankful there hadn’t been any issues. Varian had been remarkably receptive to everything, considering the way he used to be.

Eugene turned to her with a grin. “Hey now, that went pretty good!” he said appreciatively.

“I think so, too,” Rapunzel said happily. “This’ll be good for him. For both of them. They’ve got a way to go, but I think with the therapy and everything to try and stop the nightmares… it’s a step in the right direction.” She glanced over at Cassandra. “Thanks for coming, I really just wanted you to know what’s going on.”

“Of course.” Cassandra looked thoughtful. “I think you’re right, Raps. There’s… something different about him, he might not be as far gone as we’d thought.” The _‘but I’ll be keeping an eye on him anyways’_ went unspoken.

It was enough, and Rapunzel smiled.

“I hope not.”

~*~

Varian was deep in thought as he followed Stan back to his cell, walking hand-in-hand with Perilune.

All the events of the meeting clamored for his attention, ringing in his ears as they made their way through the castle. So much had happened- his mind raced as he struggled to process it all, conflicting thoughts and emotions chasing each other back and forth. He was actually grateful when his cell came into view, looking forward to a chance to be alone.

Not entirely alone, he remembered with a jolt of excitement. Perilune would be with him!

Varian glanced over at them, and they met his gaze with a smile. Perilune seemed just as happy at the prospect, leading the way as Pete opened the cell door for them and removed Varian’s cuffs.

As promised, there was now a bed large enough for two people pushed against the wall. Ruddiger had already made himself right at home, curled up near the foot of the bed. He gave them a sleepy chirp in greeting before tucking his head back on his paws.

The moment the door closed behind them, Varian’s shoulders sagged with relief. It was nice to be away from all the prying eyes. Logically, he knew they were just trying to help, but he hadn’t been able to shake the uneasy feeling of being outnumbered, overwhelmed… this was much better. And he never thought he’d say _that_ about his cell.

Without saying anything, Perilune wrapped him in a hug, which he returned instantly. Their arms just felt _right_ around him, soothing unlike anything else. Varian exhaled shakily and held them tighter, in an attempt to both give and receive comfort. He was grateful for Perilune’s support, but he knew it had to be a lot for them to process, too. He wanted to be there for them as much as they were for him.

“Are you alright?” Perilune asked, their voice quiet in his ear. “How are you feeling? Is the potion affecting you?”

“I’m fine,” Varian assured them. “It… it’s not painful, it’s just… I don’t know how to describe it. But I promise I’m alright. I’ll ty to explain better tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.” Perilune pulled away, giving him a shy smile. “We should get ready for bed.”

Varian’s heart skipped a beat at the reminder. Bed. Sleeping. Together. “R- right.” He managed a nod, turning away to pull off his boots. He took a moment to compose himself before glancing over at Perilune, who was finishing up.

In addition to their boots, they’d removed their necklace- the small moon-like stone on a short bronze loop- though their arm bracers remained. They’d also discarded their robes, dressed only in their underclothes; a pair of baggy pants and a long-sleeved tunic.

Though Perilune was still fully clothed, Varian couldn’t help the blush that flooded his cheeks. There was almost something intimate about it, despite the fact that they were just going to be sleeping in the same bed.

Perilune noticed his expression and gave him a knowing smile. They gently took him by the hands and pulled him to sit down on the bed. The mattress dipped beneath their combined weight, and it was cozy- just big enough to accommodate both of them in the small room.

For a moment, Varian just let himself appreciate the wonder of it- that Perilune was here with him at all. Now that he had precautions in place, with the gloves and Xavier’s potion, he was overjoyed that Perilune would be allowed to stay with him. Not only was the prospect of nightmares less daunting, but he didn’t have to worry about if Perilune was safe or not. That’d been one of the worst parts of the past week; not seeing Perilune meant he really had no way of knowing if they were alright.

Perilune’s quiet voice brought him out of his thoughts. “What are you thinking?” they asked, tilting their head.

“I missed you,” Varian murmured, giving them a small smile. “How have you been doing?” They hadn’t really had a chance to talk since returning to the castle, something Varian noted with no short amount of guilt. It was _his_ fault they’d been apart the past week, after all, leaving Perilune to deal with their whole word changing by themself.

“It’s… been a lot,” Perilune said softly. They absently picked at their arm bracer. “There was an… incident, the night we got here. After the guards arrested us.”

Alarm shot through Varian. “What? What happened?”

“First off, I’m perfectly fine. I wasn’t hurt, so please don’t be worried. But…” Perilune bit their lip. “There were Servants here at the castle, undercover as guards. They’d been planted here for years. And one of them attacked me.”

 _“What?”_ Varian was struck with horror. “A- are you okay?”

“Varian, I already told you, I wasn’t hurt,” Perilune quickly reassured him. “I was able to hold him off until the real guards caught up. There was a second spy, too; they caught him trying to get to you.”

A chill ran down Varian’s spine. He’d been completely vulnerable, there’s no way he would’ve been able to defend himself. To think that they’d come _that_ close to recapturing him, only moments after his return…

“But the king handled it,” Perilune continued, their voice gentler. “And all the guards have been cleared. There hasn’t been a problem since.”

Varian let out a slow breath. Several emotions were clashing inside him; cold terror gripped him at the thought that there’d been Servants at the castle, the one place he’d thought for certain would be safe. There was even a small pit of rage in his stomach; how could they have let the spy get to Perilune? How could he trust the king and his people if they couldn’t even protect those in their custody?

(That, and the fact that he hadn’t even _heard_ about it until now made him slightly bitter- not at Perilune, but at the fact that things could so easily be kept from him now, like he’d lost all agency in his life.)

Even more so, a part of him still wanted to panic at the thought of Perilune being in danger, to frantically check that they were indeed safe and hadn’t been hurt at all. But he’d already seen that Perilune was capable of taking care of themself, and if they told him they were alright and it wasn’t a big deal, then he trusted them.

“… alright,” Varian breathed. “I’m glad you’re okay. Thank you, for telling me.”

“Of course.” Perilune seemed relieved, but there was a flash of uncertainty in their eyes.

Concern bit at Varian, and he gave Perilune a searching look. “There’s something else?” he guessed.

Wincing, Perilune nodded. They actually seemed more nervous than before, and the thought that there was something _worse_ than an assassination attempt sent Varian’s heart racing.

Perilune picked up on it immediately. “Don’t, Varian, _please,”_ they pleaded, putting their hands on his shoulders. “I’m fine. Look at me, I’m fine. But I want to tell you, because I don’t want you to think I’m keeping it a secret. Because I’m not ashamed, or hurt, or scared. I only found out after we got to the castle, but with everything that happened it just wasn’t the right time.”

Despite their reassurances, anxiety spiked in Varian’s chest. “I’m- I’m kinda getting freaked out here.” He tried for a laugh, but it failed miserably.

“Please, it’s alright.” Perilune lightly squeezed his shoulder. “I promise.”

Varian bit his lip. “Okay.”

Perilune gave him a final comforting look before turning around on the bed, putting their back to him. They pulled the collar of their shirt down over their right shoulder, revealing their shoulder blade and upper arm.

Delicate white lines forked across their skin in jagged arcs, blossoming out from a single point on their shoulder. It almost looked like a snowflake, or like a web of shatter marks that would appear in cracked glass. The lines were so intricate that it took Varian a moment to realize they weren’t tattoos, but _scars;_ the skin was slightly raised, an indicator of the damaged tissue.

Varian stared. He’d never seen scars like that. “Wha- what happened?” he asked, knitting his brows together. “When did you...?”

Perilune hesitated. “… the temple.”

Varian’s stomach dropped. Now he understood why Perilune had been worried about telling him; it was _his_ fault. During the ritual, when his powers were going wild- Perilune had been hit, and though they’d assured Varian they hadn’t been hurt, it was clear they’d been affected more than they’d let on. He’d left _scars_ on them.

It took Varian a second to find his voice. _“Oh.”_ He inhaled sharply, his eyes stinging. “Perilune, I’m so- I’m so sorry, I didn’t-”

“Don’t apologize. It was an accident,” Perilune said gently, looking at him over their shoulder.

Varian swallowed the lump in his throat. Gingerly, he reached a hand out, meeting Perilune’s eyes uncertainly. At their nod, he carefully brushed his fingers along the scars, feeling the warmth of their skin through his glove. He glanced back up at Perilune, checking for any signs of pain.

Perilune’s gaze was filled with reassurance, their dark blue eyes glistening. “It doesn’t hurt,” they murmured. “I promise, it doesn’t. And I don’t mind it.”

“You don’t?” Varian asked hoarsely.

“No.” Perilune reached their hand up to squeeze Varian’s. “It’s a reminder of the night I chose you.”

Varian managed a weak smile, his heart fluttering. “Heh, I- I would’ve thought th- the _silver hair_ would be enough,” he said faintly.

“Oh, but that just wouldn’t be special enough,” Perilune said, their voice light and teasing. Beneath the humor, though, there was the slightest bit of sincerity, and Varian’s breath caught.

“You... you really think it’s special?” Varian asked, his voice colored with wonder.

A hint of a blush tinted Perilune’s cheeks. “I do.” They idly brushed their thumb along Varian’s hand, his fingers still splayed over the scars, before meeting his gaze again. “And so are you.”

Varian’s heart swelled with so much happiness it was almost painful. "Perilune… I-”

“Hey, now! Clothes back on!”

Varian nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Stan’s voice. The guard was peering at them through the slat in the door, expression stern yet slightly amused.

“Sorry,” Perilune called, quickly tugging their shirt back into place.

Varian pulled his hand away like he’d touched a hot stove. “It’s- it’s not what it looks like!” he stammered, his face heating up.

“First warning. You kids behave yourselves, now,” Stan said, a knowing glimmer in his eyes. His face disappeared from view, and the cell was silent for a moment.

Varian cleared his throat. “Um. So-”

Perilune burst out laughing.

It started out as sort of a snicker, the sound gradually swelling until it filled the air like a musical crescendo. They laughed so hard they even started to snort, with each hiccupping breath they took.

Varian stared only for a second, a stunned kind of wonder making every thought vanish from his mind except that Perilune was _absolutely beautiful,_ before his own laughter bubbled up in his chest. Before he knew it, he was doubled over and completely breathless, his stomach hurting from how hard he was laughing.

It hadn’t even been that _funny;_ honestly, Varian was more embarrassed than anything, but he couldn’t seem to make himself stop. He hadn’t laughed in such a long time, and it felt incredible. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, and he didn’t have a single worry in all the world.

Still laughing, Perilune flopped down on the bed, pulling Varian down with them. They just held each other as their laugher slowly ebbed into peaceful contentment, their faces mere inches apart on the pillows. It took them a while to catch their breath, until they were simply laying next to each other, still and quiet, staring into each other’s eyes as they breathed together.

Varian wasn’t sure how much time passed before he spoke. “I’m really glad you’re here,” he whispered.

Perilune’s gaze softened, and they bridged the distance between them by planting a little kiss on the end of Varian’s nose. The quick peck sent a flush back into his cheeks, and Perilune gave him a delighted smile.

“Me too,” they said. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

Sighing happily, Varian held Perilune closer and closed his eyes. The stresses of the day’s events were practically nonexistent, disappearing into the embrace. Suddenly, everything he’d been through with the meeting didn’t matter; careful scrutiny of the most vulnerable parts of him, an ambiguous potion he had no choice in taking, and the uncertainty that came from having his future decided for him. 

It had all been worth it, for this moment.

~*~


	3. testing the waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title: _testing the waters_  
>  Rating/Warnings: G (none)  
> Timeline: The day after Ch. 2  
> Summary: Things start to settle around the castle, and Perilune gets some second impressions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! Hope you're enjoying so far! I swear, I don't know how these keep getting so long, this chapter's over 5K. Apparently I don't know what a one-shot is, lol. Please remember to leave feedback, and read on and enjoy! - Aqua

__

_testing the waters_

~*~

Perilune squinted up at the sun.

The last time they were outside, it’d been at sunset. After spending most of the past week inside, the full strength of the morning light was a tad harsh. But it was certainly not unwelcome. Perilune breathed deeply, taking in the fresh air. There were sounds all around them, new but familiar at the same time; neighing horses and clashing swords from the stables and the training grounds out behind the castle, and the distant chatter of the market square down the way.

Beside them, Varian let out a steadying breath. As they both began following after Stan, Pete bringing up the rear, Varian slipped his hand into Perilune’s, cold metal brushing against their skin.

The shackles were back, which Perilune wasn’t happy about. But it couldn’t be helped; since the potion was being made and kept at Xavier’s workshop, which was located in the main courtyard before the castle, it required going outside. And whenever Varian went outside, he had to be shackled.

Fortunately, he didn’t seem too bothered by it. He was content to hold Perilune’s hand, the chains rattling around them as they walked. There was already a change in Varian, noticeable in the brightness of his eyes; even just one night of good sleep made a striking difference. He’d even eaten breakfast that morning; not much, but it was an improvement from how little he’d been eating the week before.

“Thanks for coming with me.” Varian’s voice was quiet, instinctively trying to keep the conversation from Stan and Pete in the illusion of privacy. Perilune didn’t know how he stood it; they’d only just begun to spend time with him since coming to the castle, and they already found the guards’ constant presence overbearing. “I mean, I know I’m just taking the potion, it’s not a big deal, but… thanks.”

“Of course,” Perilune said softly. “I wish I could stay with you today.”

Perilune had been disappointed to learn that they wouldn’t be allowed to accompany Varian into town. Apparently, whenever his community service took him outside the castle, security was even more of a concern. Though Perilune knew full well why this much caution would be warranted, considering Varian’s past, they couldn’t help but be frustrated by it. It was so painfully clear to Perilune that Varian no longer meant anyone harm- why couldn’t the others see it, too?

Varian shrugged. “It’s- it’s okay, the jobs they give me are usually really boring, anyways.”

Perilune hummed. “It wouldn’t be boring, because I’d be with you.”

Varian blushed at that. Perilune flashed him a grin, greatly satisfied that they could get him with such simple words.

A distinct, flat building loomed ahead of them, open-faced to the rest of the courtyard. As they approached, Perilune’s ears pricked at the sound of clashing metal somewhere within. Stan brought them to a stop at the threshold, peering inside.

It reminded Perilune of the Artificer’s forge back at the compound, where all the Templar’s armor and weapons were made and repaired. They half-expected to see a bronze helm waiting on a workbench, dual swords hanging on the walls. But this forge had a homier feel to it. Warmer, and not just from the heat of the hearth fire.

Varian didn’t seem to have ever been inside the forge, either. Interest and curiosity sparked in his eyes as he took it all in, gazing longingly at various tools and scraps of metal. Abruptly, Perilune remembered that he was an inventor- he’d told them all about the machines he’d built in his attempts to free his father, and while their purposes were malevolent, they’d sounded like quite a feat. That type of skill was a part of who you were; he probably missed it.

Stan held a hand up, motioning for them to wait, before he stepped across the threshold. “Xavier?” he called.

A deep, jovial voice answered in return. “Be with you in a moment!”

Varian stiffened beside Perilune, his expression tight.

A dark-skinned man emerged from the back of the workshop. Xavier, the blacksmith; he was present at the hearing the day before. Now, though, he was dressed a little less formally than before, wearing a grease-stained shirt beneath a worn apron, with his wiry gray hair tied back with a sweat rag. 

“Ah, hello Stan, Pete.” Xavier nodded at the guards before looking down at Varian and Perilune with kind eyes. “Here for your potion, Varian?”

“Yes, sir,” Varian replied, eyes not quite meeting. His hand tightened around Perilune’s.

If Xavier noticed the tension, he didn’t show it. He smiled at Perilune, flashing bright white teeth. “Perilune, was it?”

Perilune nodded. “Good to see you again, sir,” they said politely.

“You as well.” Xavier pulled a key from his apron pocket and turned to a locked metal cabinet sitting on the workbench. He unlocked it and withdrew a vial of a familiar blue potion. 

Perilune’s jaw tightened at the sight of it. Their feelings on the subject came rushing back, and they chewed their lip to stop themself from pointing out the unfairness of it. Varian hadn’t even been given a choice; it was like he was being punished for things beyond his control. Not to mention how _dangerous_ it could be- Varian’s powers were a force of nature, trying to keep them contained seemed like a very bad idea.

“Now, Varian, here’s your dose for today,” Xavier said, turning back to Varian. “This is the amount you’ll be taking from now on, it should last you well through the night. If you happen to notice any side-effects, be sure to let me know, alright?”

Nodding, Varian took the potion and drank it, handing back the empty glass.

“Thanks, Xavier,” Stan said, tipping his helmet. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”

“You as well,” Xavier returned, turning back to his work.

With that, Stan led the way out. Perilune studied Varian’s face as they left the forge, unable to keep all the concern from their expression. He’d said he was fine the night before, but that had just been a small test dose, maybe the full amount would be too much.

Back in the courtyard, they both lingered as Stan and Pete went to speak with the guards at the castle gate.

“Are you alright?” Perilune asked. “You seemed tense back there.”

Varian nodded. “Yeah. It’s just… hard. Xavier’s nice and all, but I- I hardly know the guy, and for them to put him in charge of all… _this.”_ He sighed. “I don’t know. I’m sure the whole castle knows about my powers by now, but they don’t really _know._ They haven’t seen all I can do, they didn’t see the ritual… I don’t know how they can help me with these powers if they don’t understand them.”

Perilune gave him a sympathetic look. “What about the potion? What does it feel like?”

Varian made a noncommittal noise. “I… even when I wasn’t using my powers, I could feel them inside me, deep down. Like a tiny ball of cold energy lying dormant, waiting to be activated. Now it’s all… numb. Like when your leg falls asleep. It’s… not too distracting, I’m not- I’m not having a hard time focusing, but… it’s definitely different. And it’s different than how I felt before they were first activated, too.” He jerked his shoulders in a shrug. “It’s just kinda weird. I’ll have to get used to it.”

Perilune bit their lip, absently running their thumb along the back of his hand. “I wish you didn’t have to,” they murmured.

Varian’s expression softened. “Hey, it’s alright. I mean… at- at least I won’t have to worry about another incident. And this way… we can be together at night,” he added.

“You have a point,” Perilune admitted. They doubted that the king would’ve agreed to let them sleep in Varian’s cell if there was still a possibility of his powers flaring up. The fact that Perilune wasn’t afraid wouldn’t have mattered.

“It’ll be okay,” Varian assured them, with a small smile. He glanced over at Stan and Pete, waiting expectantly by the gate. “I think I have to get going now. I’ll see you back at the castle later, okay?”

“Okay.” Perilune gave his hand a comforting squeeze. 

They watched Varian depart with his guards, a small knot of worry forming in their stomach despite themself. Rationally, Perilune knew he was safe, that he was just doing a community service job, but it was hard not to think about what could go wrong. Like, if the potion started having dangerous side-effects. Or if the Servants returned, he wouldn’t be able to defend himself-

“Perilune?” Xavier’s voice made Perilune startle. They turned to see the blacksmith standing in front of his workshop. “I have a question to ask you,” he said.

Perilune blinked, taking a step closer. “What can I do for you, sir?”

There was a knowing look in Xavier’s eyes. “You don’t seem to agree with the decision to have Varian on the potion,” he said gently. “May I ask why that is? If you have concerns, I will do my best to address them.”

Perilune swallowed, lowering their gaze. “I don’t mean to question the king’s decision.”

“Please, speak freely.” Xavier’s voice was reassuring, like he actually meant the words. Not like people who _thought_ they wanted you to speak freely, but then didn’t like what you said.

After a moment, Perilune hesitantly met Xavier’s eyes. “I just… don’t feel it’s wise to restrict his powers,” they admitted, picking at their arm bracer. “He’s only just unlocked them, they’re very sensitive and volatile. I fear that bottling them up will lead to something worse.”

“Ah, I understand.” Xavier nodded slowly, his expression thoughtful. “However, I can assure you, it should not reach that point. This was never intended to be a permanent solution, merely a way for Varian to manage them while he recovers. When he’s in a better state of mind, I promise we will work towards getting him to a place where he won’t need the potion.”

“Okay.” Perilune gave him a tentative smile. A part of them still didn’t agree with it, but at least they knew Xavier’s intentions were sound. “Thank you.”

“It’s no problem,” Xavier replied easily. “Varian must feel very lucky to have someone like you looking out for him. I’ll be here if you’d ever like to talk more about it.”

Perilune’s smile turned genuine all on its own.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

~*~

Perilune glanced down the two hallways, considering.

They’d kept to themself most of the week, but now that things were a bit more settled, they figured it was worth getting to know their way around the castle. And it wasn’t as if they had much else to do, with Varian away.

Making their choice, Perilune started down the left hallway. Maybe they could find the servant’s quarters, offer their help. It’d been nice to catch their breath after all the stress of escaping the temple, but now they found themself longing for something to keep busy with.

As Perilune turned a corner, they came to an abrupt halt to avoid colliding with someone.

Lady Cassandra.

The young woman looked surprised to see them, hazel eyes flashing with recognition. She was dressed differently from when Perilune had last seen her. The powder blue gown was exchanged for a loose brown tunic over a pair of tight trousers, tucked into ankle boots. Her headscarf was gone, revealing short, wavy black hair that just brushed her jawline. The belts slung low on her waist held no weapons, but Perilune noted the hilt of a dagger poking out from her boot.

“Oh, Perilune, hey.” Lady Cassandra offered a friendly smile, if a bit forced. “Glad I ran into you. We didn’t really get a chance to meet, before.”

“Lady Cassandra.” Perilune dipped their head in greeting.

The handmaiden held up a gloved hand. “Please, just Cass is fine.”

“Cass,” Perilune said haltingly. For some reason, people around here seemed to disfavor their titles. Another thing to get used to. “You’re the princess’s handmaiden. And trusted friend. Daughter of the Captain of the Guard.” At Cassandra’s curious look, Perilune elaborated. “Varian… mentioned you.”

Cassandra winced. “Ah.”

Perilune kept their expression neutral as they recalled that particular bit of history; Varian had almost crushed Cassandra in his attack. “Are you going to try and warn me about him?” they asked warily.

“No,” Cassandra sighed. “I just wanted to meet you. Officially.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “Look, Varian and I have our issues, but I don’t want you to think I hold anything against you. And I don’t mean Varian any harm.”

“Of course,” Perilune replied automatically.

Cassandra’s lips pressed into a line, like she could tell Perilune wasn’t entirely convinced. What was surprising, though, was the emotion glimmering in her eyes.

“You’ve probably noticed, but things are still kinda cagey around here. We… _I_ really appreciate what you’re doing for Varian.”

Perilune was taken aback. “I… just want him to be happy,” they answered honestly.

Cassandra smiled. “Good answer, kid. I’d like that, too.” She made as if to leave, but hesitated for a moment, like a thought had occurred to her. “I… think my dad mentioned you had swords on you, when you came to the castle,” she said finally. “Technically, they have to be kept with the other weapons in the armory, but the training pit’s open if you ever wanna spar. Just give a shout.”

“Oh. Thank you, Cass.” Perilune watched her leave, tilting their head.

The offer was definitely tempting. The thought of receiving training, _real_ training, sent a flurry of excitement in their chest; though they were far beyond dreams of becoming a Templar, the concept of furthering their skills in the blade was an appealing one. _Especially_ since the Servants were still out there.

And despite Perilune’s misgivings, Cassandra seemed nice enough. Maybe they’d ask Varian more about her; they’d noticed how he’d deliberately distanced himself from her at the hearing, even at the expense of sitting closer to Captain Elliot. His tension with her had to go beyond guilt for what he’d done, and Perilune wouldn’t be able to be friendly with Cassandra if she was any kind of threat to Varian’s wellbeing- physical or emotional.

Perilune bit back a sigh, wishing Varian was here so they could just ask him. His absence made itself known, an acute pain in their chest, and they had no idea how they were going to last the rest of the day without him-

“Guess that means it’s my turn.”

Perilune startled at the new voice, turning around quickly. Eugene was standing a few paces off.

The man was even more of a mystery to Perilune; Varian had mentioned him even less than Cassandra. All they knew was that he was a former thief, and current boyfriend of the princess. His long brown hair matched his eyes, his tanned skin and strong jaw giving him a weathered look.

Perilune froze up as they debated how to address him; would _sir_ be an offense to the boyfriend of the crown princess? But he wouldn’t be prince consort until they were married, nor king until Rapunzel took the throne, so those wouldn’t be correct either-

“Look, whatever Cassandra said, just ignore it,” Eugene continued, walking a bit closer. He leaned against the wall. “Being a spiteful, cold-hearted harpy is just how she bonds with people.”

Perilune gasped. “She- she didn’t say anything like that!” they assured quickly. “She was just-”

“Relax, I’m just kidding. It’s how _I_ bond with people.” Eugene gave an easy grin, one that invited Perilune to join in on the humor rather than being the brunt of it. “So, how’re you liking the place? I know, it’s a lot to get used to. Soft beds, right?”

“Um… right.” Perilune gave him a considering look. “Sir.”

Eugene pulled a face. “Ugh, please, what am I, thirty? No, Eugene’s fine. Though you might know me as Flynn Rider.”

“I can’t say that I do, Eugene,” Perilune said apologetically. “Though I assume that was your pseudonym?”

“Correctly assumed,” Eugene praised, folding his arms across his chest. “Though I am a bit wounded that my reputation didn’t reach that far. I’ve been through Iveria more than once, you know,” he said with a wink. “Nice city, lots to steal.”

Perilune grinned. “Then it’s a credit to your skills that I haven’t heard of you,” they said. “They say the only famous thieves are the bad thieves, because they’re the ones that get caught.”

“Ha! Touché.” Eugene looked amused. “Now, I’m gonna do us both a favor here and just skip over the whole _‘if you ever wanna talk, I’m here for you’_ spiel. I mean, it’s true, but let’s be honest, you’ve probably heard it from every adult in the castle by now, am I right?”

“Everyone’s been very helpful,” Perilune said mildly.

Eugene chuckled good-naturedly. “I’ll bet they have, they’re a helpful bunch. But has anyone actually shown you around yet?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to impose,” Perilune assured him.

Eugene held his hands up. “Hey, it’s cool, I’m not talking the grand tour or anything. I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and say that you’ve found yourself with an abundance of free time, yeah? So, I figured I can help with that.” He quirked an eyebrow. “You been to the library yet?”

“Library?” Perilune tilted their head. “No, I haven’t.”

Eugene’s eyes lit up. “Well, then you’re in for a treat! Rapunzel ended up staying for like, three days when she first visited. And though I’m not a bibliophile,” he leaned in conspiratorially, his voice dropping, “I have to admit it’s _quite_ the impressive sight.”

Perilune slowly absorbed the information. They knew what a library was, but there hadn’t been one at the compound. The Servants weren’t big on reading- for reasons Perilune now suspected were probably less than innocent. It was probably a lot harder to shelter and control people who were well-read. Perilune was certainly curious about the history of the kingdom, and the world at large. And, it would solve their boredom problem.

“That… actually sounds wonderful,” Perilune said gratefully.

Eugene clasped his hand over his heart. “Why the surprise? I have good ideas.”

Perilune winced. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply-”

“Kidding.” Eugene flashed them another grin. “I do that, remember?”

“Right.” Perilune relaxed, the corner of their mouth pulling up. They were surprised at how at ease they felt. “So, the library?”

Eugene pushed off from the wall and swept his arm out. “Right this way. I promise, it’s the coolest room full of old, dusty books you’ve ever seen.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Perilune said in mock seriousness. “I hope you know I’m taking time out of my _very_ busy schedule of wandering about aimlessly for this.”

Eugene gave them a delighted smile. “Trust me, you won’t be disappointed.”

~*~

Rapunzel studied the two designs.

The gown on the left was a bit more suited to her personal style; a rich purple with a loose, flowing skirt. The detailing on the bodice was done in gold, intricate and elegant. The gown on the right, however, was colored a deep, midnight blue, with a lace collar and no sleeves.

“I think they’re both beautiful, Freidborg,” she said truthfully. “But maybe the blue would fit the theme better? It is a Winter Gala, after all.”

The gala wasn’t for a couple months, now, but preparations had already begun. Corona would be entertaining ambassadors from all the Seven Kingdoms, so Rapunzel knew it meant a lot to her parents. Which was why she wasn’t surprised that Freidborg was already planning her gown. It was skillful, painstaking work, that would likely keep Freidborg quite busy in the coming days. Rapunzel had sewn her own clothes now and again, but never attempted something so elaborate.

Nodding, Freidborg tucked the sketches away, approval flashing in her wide eyes.

“So, was there anything else you-” Rapunzel broke off at the sound of footsteps, glancing down the hallway. Stan and Pete were approaching, Varian in between them. He was fidgeting with his gloves, gaze downcast as he came to a stop in front of her.

Rapunzel gave them a curious look. “Oh, hello! Anything I can do for you?” She directed the question to Stan, since Varian looked like he’d rather be anywhere else.

“Actually,” Stan said, “Varian has a question for you, Princess.” He gave Varian a gentle nudge. “Go on, it’s alright.”

Varian took a small step forward, meeting her eyes briefly. “Um, e- excuse me, Your Highness,” he said stiffly. “Have- have you seen Peri around anywhere?”

Rapunzel was surprised he’d actually approached her; usually, he avoided her like the plague, if he could help it. “Oh, as a matter of fact, I-” She paused as Varian’s words registered. A slow grin spread across her face. “… wait. _Peri?_ Is that your nickname for them?”

Varian’s cheeks burned red, and he quickly glanced away. “I don’t know,” he mumbled, rubbing his arm.

Rapunzel resisted the urge to coo, _‘oh, that’s so sweet!’_ Varian probably wouldn’t appreciate it; they weren’t there yet, they weren’t _friends._ The abrupt reminder left a bad taste in Rapunzel’s mouth, but she managed to keep her expression pleasant.

“Well, I just saw them talking to Eugene a few minutes ago,” she said. “They were in the library.”

“Thank you.” If Varian thought it strange that Perilune was hanging out with Eugene, he didn’t show it. He simply dipped his head in acknowledgement before turning away.

Rapunzel watched him go. Before leaving, Pete shot her a glance as if to say, _‘can you believe that?’_ to which she shrugged, _‘I know, right?’_ It was further proof that Varian was making progress at an astounding rate. She’d heard that before, trying to coax him into a conversation was like pulling teeth. Yet here he was, asking her questions.

Not for the first time, Rapunzel was thankful for Perilune’s presence. It wasn’t like they had miraculously changed Varian overnight- and Rapunzel wouldn’t want Varian to change for someone else, anyways- but they seemed to have inspired him to make an effort. That, she could appreciate.

And she did. Greatly.

Smiling, Rapunzel turned back to Freidborg. “Now, where were we?”

~*~

Varian turned down the hallway, Stan and Pete’s footsteps echoing behind him.

He didn’t need their direction to find the library. Unconsciously, he’d gotten pretty good at navigating the castle. Though he hadn’t particularly cared to memorize routes before- he hadn’t cared about _anything,_ then- he was habitually observant. So, he found that he could actually get around with ease. He supposed it was a good thing to know, could come in handy. And it was nice to have some agency in that regard, instead of following his guards around like a lost sheep.

Varian’s steps slowed as they neared the library. The ornate double doors were slightly ajar, allowing the voices within to spill out into the hallway.

“- a palace library have a children’s book series?” Perilune was asking.

“I dunno, it surprised me too. But this is where I got the name from, you know.” And that was Eugene. _“The Tales of Flynnigan Rider._ Truly, a literary classic.”

Varian paused just outside the door, suddenly overcome with nerves. He didn’t know why. Out of all the people he had issues with at the castle, Eugene was one of the less severe cases. He hadn’t had as large a part in everything, which was maybe why it felt less personal. But Varian was still reluctant to see him.

“Hey, uh, they’re gonna stop serving dinner in a little bit,” Pete spoke up, his voice kind. “You and Perilune might wanna get going.”

“Right.” Varian swallowed. He took a deep breath and hesitated for only a moment longer before pushing the door open.

It wasn’t his first time in the library; he’d shelved books a few times before as part of his sentence. But he still found the room an impressive sight; bookshelves stretched from the floor to the high ceiling, rolling ladders placed here and there to help access the books higher up. A polished marble staircase led to a second level, a sort of balcony overlooking the rest of the library with a massive window set into the wall. There were comfortable reading couches dotted around the room, upholstered with plush red fabric.

Perilune and Eugene were seated on a couple of them, piles of books scattered at their sides. Varian recognized the particular book Eugene was holding, Volume Five of the Flynnigan Rider series, and a pang of… _something_ gripped his chest. He pushed it down.

The two glanced over as Varian stepped inside. Perilune’s face lit up when they saw him, making Varian’s heart skip a beat.

“Varian!” Perilune jumped up from the couch and ran over, throwing their arms around him. “I missed you.”

Varian returned the hug, a warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach. “I missed you, too,” he murmured. He pulled away to give them a small smile. “Keeping busy?”

Perilune nodded, beaming at him. “Yes, the library’s wonderful! I’ve been catching up on my history.” They scanned his face, concern flickering across their features. “What about you? How were things today, everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” Varian assured them, knowing of their misgivings about the potion. “I just wanted to check in with you. But hey, if you’re busy then- then it’s no problem, we can meet up later-”

“I’m _never_ too busy for you,” Perilune said seriously. Before Varian could respond, they whirled back around. “I’ve got to get going now. Thank you for showing me the library, Eugene.”

Eugene gave a nonchalant wave. “Hey, anytime! Nice actually getting to talk to you.” He looked at Varian, and his expression softened into something a little less certain. “Have a good night, Varian,” he offered.

Varian lowered his gaze. “You too, sir.”

He turned and left the library. Perilune followed, closing the doors behind them. Once out in the hallway, Varian let out a shaky breath. That hadn’t been fun, but it hadn’t been that bad, either. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected- Eugene had been nothing but civil to Varian in his time at the castle, even going so far as to visit him at his cell- but it’d felt weird, seeing Perilune and Eugene hanging out. 

Not in like, a _jealous_ way; maybe he’d been expecting his strained relationship with the others to carry over to Perilune. Of course, he was glad it hadn’t- Perilune had done nothing wrong, and he would’ve hated for anyone to treat them badly for what _he’d_ done- but the sight would definitely take some getting used to.

“Hello,” Perilune greeted Stan and Pete before turning to Varian expectantly. “So. Dinner?”

“Please,” Varian agreed with relief. He wasn’t really hungry, but he could use the distraction.

They started to walk, flanked by Stan and Pete like normal. Varian could tell Perilune had a lot on their mind, and they didn’t wait long to strike up a conversation.

“Are you alright?” they asked, their low voice just audible over the echoing footsteps. “I know that must’ve been a surprise, I hadn’t planned on that either. I just sort of… ran into him.”

“It’s fine,” Varian assured them. “Eugene’s alright.” Out of all the people who’d turned their backs on him… it had hurt, sure, because Varian had looked up to him (or rather, Flynn Rider), but at least Eugene had never claimed to be his friend.

Perilune tilted their head. “So, your history with him…?”

“I don’t really hold any of it against him. He’s a good guy.” Varian’s throat tightened. “It’s just hard cause- cause I put his girlfriend in danger, you know? I… I could’ve really hurt her and I don’t think he’ll forgive me for that.”

“I wouldn’t give up hope, Varian,” Perilune said reassuringly. “He doesn’t seem like the type to hold a grudge.”

Varian sighed. “I’ll take your word for it.” He didn’t have faith in much these days, but Perilune definitely fit that criteria. If they saw something there, then it was worth a try.

Perilune was silent for a moment. “I also spoke with Cassandra.” They met his gaze, their eyes somber, and their voice dropped. “Is she someone I should watch out for? Has she… said or done anything concerning?”

Varian was taken aback by the question. “No, she’s… been keeping her distance. Yesterday was probably the first time I’d been in the same room as her since being arrested.”

Perilune looked thoughtful. “Alright, that’s good to hear. It just seemed like you were wary around her.”

“Ah. That.” Varian winced; Perilune was certainly observant. “Well, I- I guess part of it is just that I haven’t talked to her since… you know… so I have no idea what to expect from her.” He glanced away. “She probably hates me.”

Perilune hummed noncommittally. “That’s her loss, then,” they said, taking his hand in their own.

Varian managed a smile, the sudden weakness in his knees almost making him stumble. “Thanks. Look, I know things a- are complicated with me, so I- so I don’t want them to be complicated with you. I don’t want you to think that I’ll see it as… taking sides, or anything, if you make friends here.”

“I know,” Perilune said simply. “But I couldn’t be friends with anyone who treats you poorly, so I had to double check.”

Not for the first time, Varian wondered what he’d done to deserve Perilune. How had he gotten so lucky? “I… I appreciate it, Peri,” he said softly. “Really, I know things are weird between me and the others, but…” he trailed off, knitting his brows together at Perilune’s expression.

Perilune was staring at him intently. “You called me Peri,” they said slowly.

“O- oh.” Varian felt his face heat up. He’d done it again, with the stupid nicknaming, “sorry, I-”

“I love it,” Perilune breathed. Was Varian imagining it, or were they blushing? “No one’s ever given me a nickname before.”

 _“Oh.”_ Varian’s stomach flipped, and he managed a slight laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “S- sorry it’s not that creative-”

“It’s perfect,” Perilune said, “because it came from you.”

Now Varian _knew_ his face was red. He clutched his heart, playing off how flustered he was with dramatics. “Jeeze, what- what are you trying t- to do, _kill me?”_

“No, just making up for lost time,” Perilune replied sweetly, lifting his hand up to plant a kiss on the back of his glove. “I meant it when I said I missed you today.”

Varian felt his breath catch. The action brought up the memory of sitting in the courtyard, the sky colored orange with sunset. Perilune gently kissing his hand and quiet, whispered _I love you’s_ before their lips met his. For a moment, Varian wondered what it’d be like to kiss them now, in such a casual setting.

Would it be fireworks, like before? Or something warm and familiar and comforting? Had they reached that point yet, or was every tender word and look going to send his heart racing? He didn’t know- and maybe that was the most exciting part. He’d never been in love before, and he and Perilune were going to get to find out together, testing the waters.

“Uh, h- hey guys? We’re here.” Pete’s voice was torn between sounding awkward and amused.

Varian blinked, returning from his thoughts to realize that they had indeed arrived at the kitchens. Rather than allowing himself to feel embarrassed for having quite literally lost himself in Perilune’s gaze, he gave them a broad grin and extended his arm.

“Can I take you to dinner, Peri?” he asked, fluttering his lashes.

Perilune smiled, looping their arm through his. “Lead the way.”

~*~


	4. all i can give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _all i can give_  
>  Rating/Warnings: K+ (mentions of abuse, nightmares, mentions of death)  
> Timeline: The day after Ch. 3, spans a few days.  
> Summary: Making progress is hard. Accepting that is even harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! Hope you're enjoying so far. I just wanted to let you guys know that this part of the story is still in its early stages, I have about twenty chapters total mapped out for this part and will likely end up with more as I get more ideas. So the fact that everything's developing quite slowly is deliberate. I'm doing my best not to make it boring for you guys, but my final plans require a lot of time to set up.
> 
> I appreciate your patience and continued support. Hopefully all this character work is still interesting for you guys, and you'll enjoy the mix of fluff and angst. - Aqua

__

_all i can give_

~*~

“Ready for our work order, are we?”

Varian shifted beneath the captain’s gaze. “Yes, sir.”

Seated in the chair beside him, Perilune gave him a comforting look.

Having just received his dose of potion for the day, Varian’s next order of business was meeting with the captain of the guards to be given his work order. Perilune came with him simply because they were allowed to. Stan and Pete hadn’t seen a problem with it, but Varian knew that if his job took him out of the castle again, he and Perilune would be spending the day apart, so he was happy to make the most of whatever time they had together.

The captain flipped through a thick stack of papers; Varian’s file, which included his community service log. “Well, let’s see here. Looks like you’re scheduled in laundry today.” He glanced up at Varian, expression stony. “I trust I don’t have to explain that to you?”

“No, sir,” Varian replied tightly, lowering his gaze and leaving it at that. He didn’t think he could explain that, _yes, he knew how to do laundry, and had done so in the castle before,_ without snapping at the captain. And that wouldn’t get him anywhere.

“Captain?” Perilune spoke up timidly. “If I may, I’d be happy to assist Varian with his work.”

Before Varian could object, because he didn’t want Perilune getting roped into his sentencing, to be treated like a servant, the captain shook his head.

“No, that won’t be necessary.”

Perilune tilted their head. “But surely if I helped him, the job would get done much faster? Wouldn’t that be more efficient?”

The captain frowned. “Yes, but that isn’t the purpose of community service.” His gaze shifted to Varian. “It’s about the lesson involved. Building character through hard work and humility, contributing to society instead of being a detriment…”

As he talked, Perilune idly twisted a strand of their hair between their fingers. Catching Varian’s eye, they pulled the hair along their upper lip and adopted a stern expression, mimicking the captain and his mustache.

Varian just managed to catch the startled laugh that bubbled up in his throat, disguising it into a cough. 

The captain broke off, raising an eyebrow at Varian. Perilune had quickly dropped the act, faking obliviousness.

“S- sorry, sir,” Varian managed, feeling his cheeks flush. “Something in my throat.”

It was hard to tell if the captain was convinced. “… right,” he said, shaking his head. “In any case, Perilune, you may accompany Varian if you’d like, but in no circumstances are you allowed to help him complete his work. And you mustn’t be a distraction,” he added sternly.

Perilune dipped their head. “Yes, Captain, I understand.” They shot Varian a smirk. “I’ll do my best to not be… _distracting.”_

Varian choked on air. The words were perfectly innocent, but when said like _that_ … he was too easily flustered for this.

The captain gave him an odd look, glancing between him and Perilune for a moment, before speaking. “Good. Pete, Stan,” he nodded at them in turn, “come find me when he’s finished, if it’s still early I’ll give him something else to do.”

“Yes, Captain,” the guards replied in unison.

With that, they took their leave, Varian and Perilune standing to follow them out of the room. 

Varian waited until he was certain they were out of earshot. “What was that about?” he asked, giving Perilune a disgruntled look to hide his embarrassment.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.” Perilune grinned. “I just love your laugh. I’d like to hear it more often.”

Varian’s stomach flipped, and he just knew he was blushing again. Well. That was hard to be mad at. “Peri… just, not while I’m talking to the captain, okay? I don’t want to get in trouble with him.”

Perilune sobered quickly. “Hey,” they said soothingly, “it’s alright, I wouldn’t have let him hurt you. It was my doing, anyways, so if he’d caught us, then _I_ would’ve been the one punished.”

“Punished? I don’t…” Varian blinked. “Look, he wouldn’t have been thrilled to catch me laughing at him, but… they don’t beat their prisoners here. I mean, if I- if I tried to escape they’d have to stop me, but they’ve never like, hit me or anything.”

Perilune knit their brows together. “But… the way you act around the captain, I assumed you feared him for a reason?”

Varian made a noncommittal noise. “It’s more complicated than that. I just- I don’t like being around him, because I’m pretty sure he hates me for attacking his daughter. And yeah, he kinda scares me, but I’ve never thought he was gonna _hurt_ me.”

“Oh.” Perilune looked away.

Varian’s blood turned to ice. “… Perilune?” His voice was scarcely audible. “Has the captain, or- or any of the other guards ever-”

“No, Varian,” Perilune said quickly, “nothing like that. I _promise.”_

Varian let out a slow, steadying breath. The thought of anyone in the castle laying a hand on Perilune threatened every bit of self-control he had. “Okay, then… has anyone else?”

Perilune bit their lip. “It’s… I wasn’t going to bring it up because it’s not important, but… back at the Temple…”

Varian got a sick feeling in his stomach. “They beat you?”

Perilune winced at that. “Not- not quite,” they said, their voice strained. “The standard punishment for disobedience or errors was whippings. On the wrist.”

Varian realized Perilune was pointedly avoiding looking at their arm bracers, and his heart tightened. “Is… is that why you always wear those?” he asked hesitantly.

Perilune nodded slightly. “Yes. I don’t like the way they look. The scars.” They cradled a hand to their chest, rubbing their thumb along the metal of their arm bracer. “They remind me of my past failures.”

The slightly bitter tone in their voice filled Varian with concern. “Perilune, that’s- that’s not your fault,” he said. “What they did to you… they had no right. You didn’t deserve it, no one deserves that.”

Perilune gave him a half-hearted smile. “Thanks, Varian,” they said softly.

Varian smiled faintly in return, taking their hand in his own. “Have you told anyone about this?” he asked.

Perilune was silent for a moment. “The king has seen them,” they said finally. “It’s how he knew to identify the Templar agents. But I’ve asked him not to tell anyone. Only the captain, and the other guards who were present at the time, know about it.”

Varian chewed his lip. “Do you… _want_ to talk to anyone about it?” he ventured.

“No.” Perilune shook their head. “It’s in the past, Varian, don’t worry about it.”

Varian gently squeezed their hand. “The past can still hurt,” he said quietly.

Perilune’s expression softened. “I’m okay, _really,”_ they assured him. “I know the Servants can’t reach me here. It’s alright.”

“Okay.” Varian was still hesitant. “But if you ever feel like talking about it, I’m here for you. You know that, right? Don’t- don’t ever hesitate to tell me if something isn’t-”

“Yes, Varian, I know,” Perilune said, their expression fond. “You’re sweet. But you worry too much. I’m okay, alright? If I ever change my mind, I’ll let you know.”

“Alright,” Varian relented. He trusted that if Perilune felt the need, they’d come to him with their worries, and he didn’t want to push them before they were ready.

“Besides,” Perilune shrugged, “I don’t think we’d have to worry about Captain Elliot catching on to our antics, anyways. He doesn’t seem big on humor.”

Varian’s jaw dropped. “His name is _Elliot?”_

Perilune’s eyebrows shot up. “You didn’t know?” A grin spread across their face. “Suits him, doesn’t it?”

Varian snickered. “Think he’d let us call him Eli?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Perilune said seriously. “In fact, you should call him that next time we see him, I’m sure he’d be _thrilled.”_

They’d reached the laundry room; a tall, domed room with clotheslines strung between the walls. Several large wash basins were pushed against the wall beneath water pumps, their metal sides streaked with dried soap. Varian took in the giant pile of dirty clothes and bedsheets with raised eyebrows, giving Perilune a look.

“You sure you wanna hang around for this?” he asked. “It’s- it’s not exactly the most interesting thing in the world.”

Perilune laughed. “Varian, my love, I already told you; it won’t be boring, because I’ll be with you.”

Varian blushed.

~*~

Varian thought about the question for a moment. “As long as I can remember,” he answered.

“Really? What brought it on?” Perilune’s voice was piqued with interest. “I can’t imagine that alchemy was a standard interest for young children?”

Varian chuckled. “Definitely not.”

Knelt beside one of the washing tubs, gloved hands submerged in soapy water, Varian scrubbed at a stained apron as he talked. Perilune sat cross-legged on the floor beside him, while Stan and Pete occupied a couple chairs by the door. The younger guard was slumped against the wall, fighting off sleep, and Stan’s eyes absentmindedly traced along the molding of the walls. Not for the first time, Varian wondered how they dealt with the drudgery of their post.

Surely when they’d become royal guards, they hadn’t pictured being assigned to what was essentially glorified babysitting. True, a lot of guarding involved standing about and waiting, no matter where your post was, but Varian’s situation was a special kind of boredom. Watching some kid polish silverware or do laundry for hours on end…

Still, Varian couldn’t bring himself to feel sorry for them. After all, he wasn’t any more thrilled with the twenty-four-hour surveillance than they were, and he was the one who actually had to do the work. It was never particularly challenging, but maybe that was the problem. He’d never been good with mindless, repetitive tasks, especially when he wasn’t particularly invested in them, and it was just _agonizing._

But that wasn’t quite the case, now. Varian found himself having a much easier time with Perilune there. Just having someone to _talk_ to made the work much more bearable. It’d started with a simple question; Perilune had asked him about his reaction to Xavier’s forge the day before. That turned into an explanation of his love for inventing and experimenting, which led to even more questions.

Before Varian knew it, he had a whole pile of laundry washed and hanging up to dry. It was easy to forget himself, talking to Perilune.

“I guess if there had to be one… _defining moment,_ or something,” Varian continued thoughtfully, “there was this really cold winter when I was… four? Five? There was ice and frost everywhere, and all the crops started dying. But I noticed- there was this old quarry out behind my village, and I noticed that there were these specific rocks that weren’t covered in ice at all. They were salt depots; I didn’t know at the time, but I shaved off some of it and sprinkled it over the fields.”

“Did it work?” Perilune asked curiously.

“It actually did. I didn’t understand how it worked back then, but it kept the water from freezing on the crops. Salts are good depressors; they- they lower the freezing point of water they come into contact with. So the precipitation that gathered on the crops wouldn’t freeze and…” Varian glanced over his shoulder at Perilune and trailed off mid-sentence.

Perilune was watching him intently, as if hanging onto every word he said. Their eyes were filled with appreciation and fondness and _love,_ a tender smile on their face.

“Woah, w- what’s _that_ look for?” Varian managed, taken aback.

Perilune hummed. “You’re just… you’ve got this _light_ in your eyes, when you talk about this stuff,” they explained. “It’s breathtaking.”

Varian’s face heated up. People always found his scientific rambles annoying, especially since he usually had a hard time taking hints. He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised, since this was _Perilune,_ but he couldn’t help it. They never ceased to astound Varian with how much they seemed to care for him- he hadn’t thought _anyone_ would care for him the way Perilune did. It was hard to wrap his mind around, at times.

“Hey, no being distracting!” Pete called suddenly, his voice teasing.

Perilune shot the guard a surprised look. “I wasn’t doing _anything,”_ they insisted, looking playfully affronted. The gleam in their eyes told Varian they knew exactly what they were doing.

“So you claim.” Varian grinned at them. “Now, no more with the _eyes,_ I can’t- I can’t concentrate with you looking at me like that-”

“Ah, Varian! I’m glad I found you.”

Varian glanced over at the new voice, and his heart jolted.

Queen Arianna stood in the doorway, her hands clasped primly in front of her and a pleasant smile on her face. Her dark brown hair was pulled up in a low bun today, her long, purple skirts swishing about her ankles. Beside her was a man Varian hadn’t seen before, dressed in a nice suit and wire-rimmed spectacles.

Varian felt the smile drop off his face, and he quickly rose to his feet, dipping his head. Perilune stood beside him, all traces of humor gone as they adopted a polite expression.

Stan and Pete came to attention as well, bowing their heads respectfully. “Your Majesty.”

“Hello, Stan, Pete,” Queen Arianna greeted them warmly before turning to Varian. “Varian, this is Dr. Morrison.” She introduced the man with a wave of her hand. “He’ll be your therapist. Your first session is at the end of the week.”

Dr. Morrison gave Varian a smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Varian.” 

For some reason, Varian had been expecting him to be older. He looked to be in his early fifties, with salt and pepper hair and brown eyes that were bright behind his spectacles. Fairly tall, but with narrow shoulders, he gave off a calming demeanor one would expect for his profession.

“You too, sir,” Varian said quietly.

Queen Arianna spoke before an awkward silence could settle. “Well, I just wanted to bring Dr. Morrison by to say hello, I’ll let you get back to your work, now,” she said.

“I’ll see you in a couple days,” Dr. Morrison offered in parting. “But if you happen to see me around, you’re more than welcome to come say hi.”

Varian nodded mutely in response, and the two took their leave. Swallowing, he dropped back onto his knees in front of the wash basin, dipping his hands into the water. He scrubbed at the dirty clothes like that could alleviate the terrible anxiety building in his chest.

Perilune picked up on his change of mood. “Hey.” They knelt beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”

Varian sighed, nodding after a moment. “Yeah. Yeah, I- I know, it’s just… a lot. I know it’s supposed to help. I’m just… not looking forward to it.” _But when had that ever mattered?_ “I’ll just have to get used to it,” he shrugged.

Opening up to a complete stranger about all the horrible things he’d been through, the horrible things he’d done? Reliving all those painful memories? Laying bare his deepest fears and insecurities to be picked apart?

Yeah. No problem.

~*~

Perilune was awakened by a sharp, electrifying scream.

They bolted upright in bed, heart pounding. It was still night, the dark room illuminated only by a sliver of moonlight from the window and the faint torchlight from behind the door. Perilune’s eyes struggled to adjust enough to take in Varian’s face. His eyes were squeezed shut, tears streaming down his cheeks as his expression twisted in anguish.

“Dad! N- no, no, _please!”_ Varian cried, writhing against the sheets he was tangled in. “I’m sorry! I- I’m sorry, Dad!”

Perilune’s stomach dropped. He was having a nightmare.

“Varian, can you hear me?” Perilune took him by the shoulders, steadying him. “It’s Perilune, I’m here, Varian, wake up!”

Varian’s eyes flew open, wild and hazy and terrified. It took him a second to stop thrashing, his chest heaving as the panic ebbed. His ragged gasps rang out in the quiet cell. Finding Perilune’s gaze, he threw himself into their embrace without hesitation and buried his face in their shoulder, their shirt growing damp with tears.

Perilune wrapped their arms around him, blinking the sting from their eyes. “Shh, I’m here, Varian,” they said softly, their heart aching for him. “I’m here.”

Over Varian’s shoulder, Perilune could see the unfamiliar face of one of the night guards peering through the small, barred opening in the door, his features taut with concern. Meeting his eyes, they shook their head slightly, quietly conveying that he didn’t need to interfere.

There was a flicker of hesitation before the guard nodded, and his face vanished. Perilune ran their hand over Varian’s hair soothingly, murmuring wordless reassurances. As Varian sobbed and trembled in their arms, they realized a couple of things.

First, the potion was definitely working. From what Perilune had heard, nightmares like these caused Varian’s powers to flare up, but at the moment, there wasn’t even a hint of a glow from him. Certainly no flashes of white energy or shaking floors.

And second; Perilune had no idea what to say.

This particular ghost of Varian’s past was unfamiliar to them. Perilune had barely known their parents, barely remembered them. They had no idea what that loss felt like. Much less what it’d be like to feel responsible for it. To be pushed so far as to actually cause others harm in grief and desperation and blinding _rage-_ and the crushing guilt that came after. When it came to everything that’d happened at the temple, Varian’s concerns about his powers, they knew how to reassure him. But this? This was far beyond anything they could fix.

So Perilune just held Varian until he cried himself back to sleep, resting pale and exhausted in their arms as the tears dried on his cheeks, and prayed that would be enough to keep the nightmares away for the rest of the night.

Let them give him that, at least.

~*~

“Hello, Varian. Come on in.”

Varian stepped into the office, giving Dr. Morrison a small smile.

It was almost strange not to have Stan and Pete follow him. Varian only really got a break from them when he returned to his cell for the night. But if this was going to be anything like what he was expecting, he was glad the guards weren’t there. It’d be hard enough without having them in the room.

Perilune’s absence, however, was more keenly felt. They were waiting outside with Stan and Pete, having insisted on accompanying him for moral support, though the session was private. Varian tried to remind himself that it was a good thing; he didn’t want to keep burdening Perilune with his troubles. Yes, they could confide in each other, but it wasn’t Perilune’s job to help Varian make sense of everything.

He knew they felt bad for it. His nightmare a few days ago confirmed as much; Perilune had seemed troubled the next morning. They’d been real worried about him, checking up on him more than usual. And they also seemed… guilty, almost.

Like it was their fault Varian was going through this. Or that they couldn’t make it stop.

The thought didn’t sit well with Varian. He knew he needed help, it was hard to ignore nightmares like _that,_ but if Perilune started feeling responsible for his progress, it wouldn’t end well. They had enough going on as it was. And they’d done so much for him already- he didn’t think he could ever express how grateful he was for them.

But this was something Varian had to do for himself, however much he might be dreading it.

“Would you like to have a seat?” Dr. Morrison asked, waving a hand at an empty chair.

 _'Odd question,'_ Varian thought, but he took the chair anyways. “Yes, sir.”

“Oh, there’s no need for that here,” Dr. Morrison said kindly. “Have you ever been in counseling before?”

Varian shook his head. “No.” He had to stop himself from tacking on a _‘sir’_ to the end of it. It was unnerving how quickly he’d gotten used to that.

Dr. Morrison nodded thoughtfully. “That’s not unusual, it isn’t a common practice. Now, first of all, under oath, everything you tell me will be confidential. Understand that this is a safe place for you to share your thoughts and feelings, nothing you say can be held against you.”

Varian raised his eyebrows at that. “You- don’t you have to report to the king and queen?” he asked doubtfully.

Dr. Morrison shook his head. “The only time I would be required to break confidentiality would be if you or someone else were in danger,” he explained. “I can tell them how I feel you’re progressing, make suggestions if there’s changes you could benefit from. But your thoughts and feelings will be kept private. You can speak freely.”

Varian studied him warily. “Alright,” he said eventually, still not entirely convinced.

If Dr. Morrison noticed Varian’s disbelief, he didn’t mention it. “Now, what are you hoping to get out of this?” he asked.

A memory flashed in Varian’s mind. His lab, back at home- black rocks in every corner and Dad’s amber tomb- Queen Arianna in chains, listening with wide eyes as Varian revealed that Dad was dead, and then quiet composure and a soft, simple question;

_‘Then what do you hope to gain by this?’_

Varian shook the memory away. “What… I don’t know what you mean?” He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “I- I’m here because I have to be. It’s part of my sentence.”

“Yes,” Dr. Morrison nodded. “But what are your expectations? What do you _think_ will come out of this?”

That was a weird thing to ask. Varian blinked, taken aback. “I’ll… I dunno, you’ll talk about what happened and- and why I did it, and I’ll… stop having nightmares? That’s- that’s why they’re having me do this, isn’t it?” he asked, uncertainty coloring his voice.

“They’ve asked me here because they feel you can benefit from counseling,” Dr. Morrison said. “You’ve been through some experiences that many would find traumatic.”

Varian just managed to stop himself from flinching at the word, looking away. “Okay,” he muttered.

“Do you think you’ll benefit from this?” Dr. Morrison’s voice was light. Curious, as if genuinely interested in the answer.

“I don’t know,” Varian mumbled, picking at his gloves. “I- I know I’ve got a long way to go. I’m not- I’m not normal. I want to stop having nightmares. I want to stop feeling scared a- and _hurt_ and anxious, and I _want_ to put all this behind me and move on. But…” His voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. “I don’t know if I can.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Dr. Morrison said gently. “Now, I’ve asked a lot of questions. Is there anything you’d like to know from me?”

Varian met his eyes hesitantly. “How… how will this work, exactly?”

“Well, typically, I’ll spend some time just getting to know you,” Dr. Morrison said. “But even after we’ve been meeting for a while, I won’t force you to talk about things you aren’t ready to talk about. Everything is on a voluntary basis.”

 _‘Except the fact that I have to be here at all,’_ Varian thought, a spark of bitterness igniting in his chest. He pushed it down quickly, averting his gaze again.

“Right. So, today?”

Dr. Morrison leaned back in his chair. “Why don’t we just start with how your day’s been going so far?”

Varian took a deep breath. 

He could do that.

~*~

Perilune glanced up as the door to the office opened.

Varian emerged, looking a little uneasy but none the worse for wear. His face lit up with relief as he met Perilune’s eyes, making their heart skip a beat. They stood from the little waiting bench that sat outside the office and wrapped Varian in a hug.

“How’d it go?” Perilune asked, pulling away.

“Good, I think?” Varian rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, we just kind of… talked. Not- not about any of… I guess he wants to get to know me first? Before we get to the… issues.”

That was a kinder way to put it. Perilune nodded encouragingly. “That sounds like a good idea. How do you feel about it?”

Varian chewed his lip. “I mean, it was fine today. A little awkward, I guess. I just… I don’t know how I’m gonna do later.” He looked away. “I haven’t talked about this stuff with _anyone_ except you and even _that_ was hard…”

“Hey.” Perilune put a hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile. “One day at a time.”

Varian held their gaze for a moment before exhaling slowly, nodding. A faint smile spread across his face, and he reached a hand up to cup Perilune’s cheek before pressing a kiss to their lips.

Perilune didn’t have time to react before Varian stepped away. It was just a quick little peck, but it sent Varian blushing furiously, despite the fact that he’d been the one to act. He averted his gaze, rubbing at his arm.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

Perilune blinked, their hand coming up absently to touch their lips. Their chest swelled with warmth, and they very much wanted to pull Varian in for another kiss, a _proper_ one, this time-

“You two done?”

Stan sounded amused, but they both still jumped at his voice. Perilune didn’t know how they kept forgetting the guards’ presence so easily. Whenever they were around Varian, things had a funny way of fading into the background, like it was just the two of them. Perilune refused to be embarrassed, however, and flashed Stan and Pete a good-natured grin.

Another time, then.

“Sorry, sir.” Varian ducked his head, sheepish.

“In my defense, sir,” Perilune said earnestly, “he’s _very_ distracting.”

Varian burst out laughing. It was an infectious sound, and he was absolutely adorable when he laughed. His nose scrunched up, and he laughed behind one hand, the other wrapped around his middle as his shoulders shook.

Contentment curled around Perilune’s heart. There were some things they couldn’t help Varian with. His battles had begun long before he met Perilune, and those were his to fight. But even so, there were plenty of ways Perilune could be there for Varian. Making him laugh. Showing him that he wasn’t alone. Reminding him he was loved.

Perilune smiled. 

They could do that.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Alternate title for this chapter is _‘how many times can I make Varian blush in a single chapter?’_ I can’t help it, they’re just too cute. Hoped you enjoyed it!
> 
> Now, I really haven’t gotten much feedback so far. The response has gotten smaller and smaller as the weeks go by. I don’t want to guilt anyone into leaving comments they don’t mean, but please, **if you truly like this story, then let me know!** I know a lot of you are probably just shy, but please don’t be. I’m a huge nerd who loves yelling about my precious babies, I appreciate every single comment.
> 
> Thanks for reading! - Aqua


	5. and yours is mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _and yours is mine_  
>  Rating/Warnings: K+ (mild, non-descriptive kissing and general angstiness)  
> Timeline: about a week after Ch. 4  
> Summary: Eugene gives Varian the ‘Big Brother of Corona’ treatment, Rapunzel and Perilune enjoy a day out in town, and there are revelations to be made all around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! So, this chapter is uh, over 8,000 words long? Somehow? I was considering splitting it up into two separate chapters, but ultimately, I didn’t want to do that to you guys. So, I hope you enjoy this extra-long chapter! You guys gave some great feedback on the last one and I hope you’ll continue to do so! - Aqua

_and yours is mine_

~*~

Varian frowned at the shackle around his left wrist.

It was strange to only have it on one hand, a thin chain connecting him to the matching one Eugene wore.

“Uh, sir,” he said haltingly, “why is this necessary?”

Eugene held a finger up, the cuff around his wrist rattling from the movement. “First off,” he said, “you don’t have to call me sir. And second, it was the only way I could convince the captain to let me keep an eye on you today.”

Varian knit his brows together as he considered Eugene’s words. Being told that the man had volunteered to take responsibility over him for the day had come as a surprise, to say the least. His reasons for doing so were still a mystery to Varian, though he had a couple theories.

Of his three former friends, Eugene had made the most of an effort to reconcile. He’d been friendly to Varian whenever their paths had crossed, visiting him every so often and trying to make conversation (to no avail). It was never really clear to Varian if Eugene was trying for his own sake, or if he were acting on the wishes of someone else. It was no secret that Varian had idolized him at one point (or, rather, he’d idolized _Flynn Rider),_ so that made Eugene the ideal candidate to… what, _rehabilitate_ him? Was that what they were calling it?

In any case, it could be as much an attempt to ease his conscience as anything. Varian no longer blindly placed the blame for his actions on others, but he _did_ know that he’d been let down by those he’d thought he could count on. Maybe it was Eugene’s way of… making up for it. Or trying to, at least.

“Besides,” Eugene continued, “it worked just fine last time.”

It took Varian a moment to realize what Eugene was talking about. He’d heard the story; a thief who’d been terrorizing the capital city turned out to be two young children, placed under Eugene and his friend’s watch in an effort to put them on the right path. They’d since disappeared, but not before returning everything they’d stolen.

A wry smile tugged at Varian’s lips. “You’re- you’re using the same method you did for an eight-year old?” he asked.

Eugene pursed his lips. “She was a very crafty eight-year old,” he mumbled.

Varian nodded slowly. “You flatter me.”

Eugene broke into an easy grin. “Hey, I do my best. Besides…” He shrugged. “I know you won’t try to escape.”

Varian faltered. “H- how do you figure that?”

Eugene gave him a knowing look. “Well, you’ve been here for almost three months now, and haven’t tried anything once, though you’re certainly capable of it.” His expression softened, and he put a gentle hand on Varian’s shoulder. “If we’re all being honest, you aren’t the same kid that was behind the controls of that mech.”

Varian throat tightened.

Eugene was right. _That_ Varian, the one who lived off hatred and would go to any extreme in pursuit of revenge, was dead. It had died only a few days after the sentencing, replaced by the despairing Varian who just wanted to crawl into a hole and stop existing. Varian wasn’t that one either, not anymore, but he could still feel it lingering deep below the surface, waiting for him to stumble and fall back into it.

The vengeful part of him, though, wasn’t there anymore. It only manifested slightly in the form of resentment from time to time, maybe an occasional flash of bitterness, but that was it. The closest he’d come to reviving it had been during the ritual, when the tempting promise of destruction had lied at his fingertips.

But he’d resisted it, then, and he hadn’t entertained the thought since. So, Eugene was definitely right in thinking Varian wasn’t out for revenge anymore. Whether or not that made him trustworthy was up for debate.

Varian shrugged Eugene’s hand off his shoulder and glanced away. “So, what’s the plan, then?” he asked hoarsely. “Work around the castle? Or- or are we going into town today? It’s been a while since I re-shingled a roof.”

Eugene let the abrupt change in subject slide. “Actually, I was thinking we could grab something to eat,” he said, jerking his thumb at the main doors leading out the castle. “I happen to know a great place for lunch.”

Well. It wasn’t like Varian had much of a choice, anyways.

“Alright.”

~*~

Rapunzel peeked carefully around the corner.

“Okay, Pascal,” she whispered. “We’ve got to make this convincing.”

A ways off down the hall, Perilune sat unaware on a bench by the window, looking lost in thought. There was a book by their side, unopened, and as they stared at the castle grounds through the window, Rapunzel had a feeling they were waiting for Varian to return from his little excursion with Eugene.

That was why Rapunzel was there. She’d noticed Perilune had yet to branch out from the castle unless they were accompanying Varian over to Xavier’s forge. While they seemed content to spend their time in the library, trying to help the servants with their daily tasks (and failing, because they couldn’t allow a guest to do work in the castle), or even just waiting around, Rapunzel thought a change of scenery would do them well. Some fresh air and sunshine, getting to stretch their legs, meet some new people… a little tour around the town would be just the trick.

Tracking Perilune down wasn’t too hard, but pretending to randomly bump into them was. She wanted to make sure Perilune didn’t feel pressured, and if they knew Rapunzel had specifically sought them out, they might feel obligated to go. And while Rapunzel felt it was important for them to do so, it’d have to be on their terms if they were ever going to get used to not taking orders from everyone.

Perched on her shoulder, Pascal chirped a suggestion, tapping her cheek with a scaly foot.

“Great idea!” Rapunzel held her hand up for him to crawl on before lowering him to the ground. The chameleon gave her a little salute before running off around the corner. She waited a couple seconds before following him at a jog.

“Pascal?” she called, feigning confusion and looking around. “Okay, Pascal, you win! Where’d you go?” She slowed her approach as she came up to Perilune, who’d glanced over at her curiously. “Oh, Perilune, hi! Have you seen- _agh!”_

Pascal jumped out at her from the wall, having camouflaged himself to match the paint, and genuinely startled her. She would’ve thought she’d be used to it by now, but he still managed to catch her off guard, landing on her arm with a little squeal.

“Pascal!” Rapunzel clutched her heart as Pascal climbed back onto her shoulder. “You scared me!”

Perilune looked like they were trying not to laugh. “Hello, Rapunzel,” they said. “Pascal. May I ask what you’re doing?”

Rapunzel quickly recovered herself. “Well…” she said, keeping her voice casual, “Pascal and I were just having a little race to see who could get to the front doors first. With Eugene off with Varian, and Cass busy helping her dad with the new training regimen, we were thinking about heading into town today- oh, hey!” she said suddenly, like a thought had just occurred to her. “Would you like to come with us?”

Perilune’s eyes widened. “I… I can do that?” they asked wonderingly.

Rapunzel’s heart gave a pang, and she exchanged a look with Pascal. “Oh, Perilune, of course you can!” she assured them. “You’re not a prisoner here. As long as you let someone know where you’ll be, and you’re back before dark, you’re free to come and go as you want.”

Perilune blinked before a happily surprised smile spread across their face. “Well, then that sounds lovely!” they said gratefully. “I didn’t really get to see much of the town on my way in.”

Rapunzel winced, remembering the chaotic night of Varian and Perilune’s arrival. “Heh, I’ll bet. But, um, anyways, we can find somewhere to eat lunch and do some shopping, it’ll be so much fun!”

Perilune followed Rapunzel outside through the front doors, dipping their head at the guards they passed. “I’m looking forward to it. But I don’t actually have any money, so I suppose I’ll leave the shopping to you.”

“Oh,” Rapunzel said quickly, mentally smacking her forehead for her forgetfulness, “Perilune, I’d be happy to cover anything you pick out, it’s no trouble!”

Perilune made a noncommittal noise. “Thank you, Rapunzel, but you’re family has already been so generous, I-”

A neigh rang out across the front courtyard, coming from within the stables. Perilune broke off, turning their head to give the stables an interested look.

Rapunzel chuckled. “That’s probably just Max, he gets a bit huffy at Saros because he keeps trying to steal his apples.”

Perilune started, whirling back around to look at her. “Saros is here?” they asked, shocked.

“Yes, would you like to see him?” Rapunzel tilted her head, confused by their reaction. “I’m kinda surprised, you haven’t asked about him so I just figured… I don’t know, that you weren’t too attached?”

“I am… fond of him, actually,” Perilune said. “He got used to being around me because I fed and groomed him most often. Usually they’re pretty dedicated to their riders. I… had wondered what happened to him.”

Their eyes were starting to cloud with a memory, so Rapunzel took them by the hand. “Well, then let’s go stop by!” she said excitedly, ushering them towards the stables.

Once they were through the doors, Perilune’s face lit up. “Saros!”

The dappled gray horse lifted his head up to look at them, his ears pricking up in surprise. In the stall beside him, Max came to attention, relaxing when he saw who it was. He gave a friendly neigh at their approach.

“Hi, Max!” Rapunzel greeted him. “This is Perilune, that friend of Saros’s I’ve been telling you about.”

Max turned his curious gaze on Perilune, looking them up and down before giving them an introductory sniff.

“Hello, Max,” Perilune said, ever polite. They turned to Saros, resting a hand on his neck. “Hey there, boy,” they said, quieter. “I missed you.”

Saros nuzzled Perilune’s hair affectionately, and Rapunzel smiled.

“From what I hear,” she said, “he’s been adjusting well. Max here has sort of taken him under his wing.” She gave Max an appreciative pat on the muzzle. “And don’t worry, I’ve made sure someone’s keeping him exercised. Not _too_ much, the vet said that we shouldn’t overdo it because he’d worn himself out pretty well and had a couple of pulled muscles, but I bet he’d be fine with it if you wanted to take him out for a little ride sometime,” she suggested, noting the way Saros tossed his mane excitedly at the words.

Perilune, however, frowned. “Me? Take him on a ride?”

“Well, yes,” Rapunzel said, taken aback. “He’s your horse.”

 _“My_ horse?” Perilune’s eyebrows shot up. “I… I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“Oh, sorry, I spoke to my dad about it,” Rapunzel explained. Though Perilune hadn’t asked about the horse, Rapunzel hadn’t thought it’d be a good idea to find him a new home- after all, it hadn’t been long since they’d arrived. “He was a little uncertain at first, but I pointed out that even though you’d technically stolen Saros, it was from criminals. Can’t exactly… _return_ him, so I figured he’d be perfectly happy here! And you’re the closest thing to a legal owner of him now, so…” She shrugged. “It wasn’t too hard to convince him, really.”

“I… thank you.” Perilune looked absolutely floored. “Thank you so much, Your Hi- Rapunzel.”

Rapunzel didn’t mention the minor slip, merely smiling. She was glad she’d followed her hunch in giving Perilune rights over Saros. It seemed that Perilune hadn’t brought up the horse yet not because they didn’t care about him, but because they’d felt like it wasn’t their place to do so. The thought sent a twinge of sadness through her.

“You’re very welcome, it was nothing,” Rapunzel said kindly. “Now, are you ready to head into town?”

Perilune gave Saros one final pat before stepping away with a small smile. “I believe so.”

“Great!” Rapunzel waved goodbye to the horses and lead the way out of the stable. “Then let’s get started.”

~*~

Varian inhaled deeply, tilting his head up to look at the sky through the leaves.

When Eugene told him that it was a thirty-minute walk to the tavern, he hadn’t been looking forward to it. It’d been especially awkward to walk through town, cuffed to Eugene like a dog on a leash. The townspeople had gotten used to seeing him around, escorted by his guards to do his jobs, but the odd situation had garnered them some attention. Varian had just kept his head down, ignoring the stares and whispers.

Now that they were off the capital isle, though, he found it easier to breathe. Instead of cobblestone paved streets there was a soft dirt road beneath his feet that reminded him of home, framed by tall trees. The leaves had just begun to turn, yellow and orange and red overtaking bright greens, but they had yet to fall. Barring any freak snowstorms, Corona typically had mild autumns and winters, so it wasn’t even cold enough to need a coat yet.

It was nice.

Varian wouldn’t call himself the outdoorsy type; his interest in nature started and ended with the chemical aspects and how they interacted. But god, he’d missed trees. He hadn’t really realized how much of a change it’d been, going from his quiet little village to the capital city, so removed from the forests he’d grown up with around him. And of course, that wasn’t counting all the time he spent locked up in the castle.

It reminded him of the two days he’d spent with Perilune, when they were on the run from the Servants. Sure, that time had been full of fear and uncertainty, but there were also fond memories of hours spent riding peacefully through the forest. The steady thudding of hooves on the earth, the slight breeze through his hair, Perilune’s comforting presence beside him… 

Yeah, there’d been good parts. It hurt Varian’s heart knowing that he and Perilune wouldn’t get to have moments like that again, without the threat of pursuers, this time. Something as simple as a horse ride through a forest trail was out of the question for him. Another little freedom he hadn’t fully appreciated until it was taken from him.

“So…” Eugene broke the silence between them. “How have things been going with Morrison? I’ve only run into him a couple times, seems like a nice guy. The man actually drinks herbal tea every morning, if you can believe it.”

Varian gave Eugene a wary look. “Uh, it’s been fine.”

He’d only met with Dr. Morrison twice, now, and so far, it was the same slightly awkward small talk as they got to know each other. They hadn’t spoken about anything heavy yet, and Varian was perfectly happy to keep it that way for as long as he could. The knowledge that he’d have to get into it eventually hung over him like a boulder, making him unable to truly relax around the therapist.

Varian expected Eugene to press the subject, but instead he nodded. “Good to hear it. You a fan of tea? Because I don’t get the whole craze. If _I_ boiled some leaves for dinner everyone would think I’d lost it, but put it in a porcelain pot and suddenly you’re a connoisseur…”

As Eugene talked, Varian watched him uncertainly. But it quickly became clear that Eugene wasn’t expecting him to respond. His voice was a light, casual chatter that was… pleasant to listen to. The tension gradually eased from Varian’s shoulders. His gaze drifted around their surroundings as they walked, and though he only processed about half of what Eugene was saying, the air between them was almost companionable.

Almost. Varian couldn’t bring himself to feel truly at ease around the man. A part of him was always waiting for the explosion; Eugene had never yelled at Varian for what he’d done, never even lectured him about it. There was no way he’d forgiven Varian, so it had to come at some point.

Eugene came to an unexpected stop, the shackles tugging on Varian’s arm. “Well, here we are.”

Stretched out in front of them was a strange, lopsided building, tucked into the side of a massive tree. Long branches twined around the structure, a couple even poking through to the inside. The pale green roof was missing a few shingles, littered with fallen leaves.

Varian read the sign with a raised eyebrow. “The… Snuggly Duckling?” He glanced at Eugene. “How- how old do you think I am?”

Eugene looked amused. “Don’t get huffy, if anything, you’re too _young_ for a place like this. But hopefully we’ve caught them on an off day and no one’s currently committing any felonies.”

It was impossible to tell if Eugene was joking or not. Sighing, Varian followed Eugene up to the front door, hastening to keep up with the man’s longer strides and avoid having his arm yanked by the chain.

The interior was a bit dark and musty, the floors and walls made of wood. A fireplace roared away on the back wall, a grand piano tucked away in the corner. There were small signs of renovations here and there; wooden tables that looked new, fresh polish on the steel bar top, patched holes in the walls. It seemed Varian and Eugene come ahead of the lunch rush; only a few customers were seated at the tables, one or two lingering at the bar. They were all large, brutish men wearing leather and fur, armed to the teeth.

To Varian’s surprise, the ones that looked over at them gave Eugene friendly smiles, full of yellowed and chipped teeth, before turning back to their meals. Eugene led the way to the bar, Varian trailing behind.

The man behind the counter was vaguely familiar to Varian; tall and dark-skinned, with broad shoulders and a barrel chest. Converse to his bald head, he sported a neatly trimmed beard and mustache, a golden stud pierced in his left ear. He wore a grease-stained apron over a red vest, his long sleeves rolled up past his elbows.

Rich brown eyes fell on them, and the man broke into a wide grin. “Fitzherbert!” he called in a booming voice. “I was wondering when you’d drag your ugly mug in to see me at work.”

Eugene rolled his eyes and slid onto a stool. “Don’t flatter yourself, Lance, I came for the food.” He turned to Varian, putting a hand out. “Varian, you remember my good pal, Lance Strongbow?”

Varian blinked. He… might’ve been at the assault on Old Corona? And Varian had seen him around the castle every now and then, but they’d never exchanged words. Of course, that was back _then,_ when Varian wasn’t exchanging words with _anyone._

Lance nodded at Varian in greeting. “Well hey, kid, you’re looking a lot better,” he said appraisingly. “You’re not in a rampaging mood today, are you? Cause we just redid the dining room-”

 _“Lance,”_ Eugene snapped, “we’re not at the place for jokes yet.”

Lance put his hand to his chest, dipping his head apologetically. “My bad. Had to ask, though. The tables are real mahogany, and I had to put a hefty down payment on them.”

Varian hopped up onto the stool beside Eugene, his feet dangling above the floor. “It’s… fine.” Despite himself, a bit of humor leaked into his tone, his lip quirking up. “I’m- I’m not gonna destroy your _tables.”_

Lance grinned. “Well, that’s good to hear.” His gaze fell on the chain connecting Varian and Eugene, and a knowing gleam flashed in his eyes. “Ah, you trying the whole mentoring thing again, Eugene?”

“Not quite,” Eugene said. “This was mostly the captain’s doing, it was the only way I could get permission for this little excursion.”

Lance made a face. “Man, that guy’s such a hardcase. But whatever works, right?” He pulled a sheet of paper from his apron and set it on the bar in front of Varian. “See anything you like? Menu’s all new, thanks to yours truly, and it’s quite good if I do say so myself.”

Varian stared at the menu, taken aback.

It was such a simple thing, ordering off a menu. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had the option of choosing his own meals. It was one of those things that was decided _for_ him, now, like when he went to sleep and when he woke up, when he bathed and when he went outside… every second of every day mandated and accounted for, his every movement under strict surveillance.

It was _suffocating,_ and yet now that he’d actually been given a choice in something, he couldn’t seem to speak. His chest felt tight, his heartbeat pounding in his ears, and he stared at the paper in front of him, the lines of ink blurring together as his vision swam. 

Eugene’s voice brought him back, light and casual in a way that wasn’t oblivious but carefully, carefully designed. “Who needs a menu, anyways? I just get the same thing every time- the kebabs are _fantastic._ Is that alright with you, Varian?”

Absently, Varian recognized the move for what it was- Eugene had realized he was getting overwhelmed and was giving him an out without calling attention to it. “Yes,” he managed to say, the knot of panic in his chest loosening enough for him to get a breath in.

If Lance picked up on the mood, he didn’t let it seep into his voice. “An excellent choice! I’ll go get these started, then.” His footsteps carried away, faint thudding on wood.

Varian wrapped his arms around himself, the chain rattling from the movement. Here he was, sitting down to enjoy a meal with the boyfriend of someone he’d almost killed, one upon a time. Someone he’d _tried_ to kill, to destroy everything she was and everything she stood for and everything she cared about. And all the while, Eugene acted like nothing was wrong.

It was weird. It was too weird.

“Hey, you alright?” Eugene asked, his voice soft.

Varian took a shaky breath. “I just… why are you doing this? After e- everything I’ve done you should _hate_ me, but instead you do this. I don’t… I don’t get it.” His eyes started to sting with tears, and he quickly blinked them away. “You’re- you’re treating me like- like a…”

Like a normal person.

The realization sent Varian’s mind spinning. Not a criminal. Not a danger. Not an almost killer- or actual killer, in Dad’s case. Just a person. He hadn’t expected that from anyone other than Perilune, much less Eugene. Perilune hadn’t know him before, hadn’t known him _then,_ and they cared about him so it was easy. There was no way it was easy for Eugene, he shouldn’t even be able to stand being in the same _room_ as Varian.

So why do it? Why make an effort? Why visit him time and time again, back when he was deep in a black hole of misery? Why go through the trouble of spending the day handcuffed to him just to give him a break?

Why show him kindness?

Eugene must’ve sensed where Varian’s mind was at. “The way I see it,” he began slowly, “having to face up to your mistakes is punishment enough. I was given a second chance. Wouldn’t be right to deny you the same.”

“A second chance,” Varian repeated. He’d never considered it- his throat tightened up, and he shook his head. “I- I can’t. It’s too late for that, I had my chance.”

More than one, actually. But at the time he’d been too blind to see them- he’d thought that after stealing the sun drop flower, that was it. No going back. So he’d wasted those chances.

On top of that, the thought of actually being forgiven, and of making his own amends with those he felt betrayed by- it nauseated him. Being allowed to start over and move on felt… insulting, almost, to Dad’s memory. Even if the royals forgave his crimes against them, it wouldn’t erase what he’d done to his own father. Nothing would ever fix that.

There was a reason Varian didn’t think often about the future; he’d just assumed he’d be paying for his wrongs for the rest of his life. And thinking, _really thinking,_ about what all that would entail was just too painful. The possibility that he’d be a prisoner until the day he died… it threatened to send him back into that dark void he’d barely managed to escape the first time. So up until now he’d done his best to ignore it. Take everything day by day. It was easier, that way.

“Besides,” he added hoarsely, “I don’t deserve it.”

Eugene’s eyes were sad, but understanding. “You know, someone once told me, you can’t make someone better. The best you can do is give them a chance, and if they don’t want your help, all you can do is be there for them until they do. So consider me there. Here.” He frowned at the grammar. “You get the point.”

Varian was quiet for a moment, fiddling with the cuff around his wrist. “This someone wouldn’t happen to have blonde hair and talk to reptiles, would they?” he ventured finally.

Eugene tilted his head and drummed his fingers on the metal countertop, considering. “If they did, would it change the sentiment?” he asked simply.

“That depends.” Varian swallowed, glancing away. “… do they- do they still believe in that, now?”

Meaning; _does Rapunzel still believe in second chances? Even for me?_

Eugene put a hand on Varian’s shoulder. “They do,” he said gently.

Varian bit his lip, managing a slight nod. “Then I’ll try to remember that,” he murmured.

Eugene smiled. “That sounds like as good a place to start as any,” he said, turning back to the counter.

Lance pushed his way through a door behind the bar, a plate of food in each hand. “Food’s ready!” he announced, setting the plates down in front of Varian and Eugene. The kebabs were composed of chunks of beef, mushrooms, and potatoes, and compared to what Varian got at the castle, the fragrance of spices and herbs was almost too strong.

“Smells great, Lance, thanks!” Eugene said. He dug some coins from his pocket and slid them across the counter. “You didn’t taste-test it this time, did you?”

“That was one time!” Lance defended, tucking the coins into his apron. “And it was a brand-new recipe,” he added over his shoulder as he turned to deal with another customer.

Eugene snorted, shaking his head as Lance walked away. “Well, we better dig in while it’s still hot.”

“Hey, Eugene?” Varian spoke up, his voice quiet. He met Eugene’s gaze hesitantly before looking away, rubbing his arm. “… thanks.”

“No problem, kid,” Eugene said warmly.

Varian’s lip pulled up in a small smile. “Also, how are we gonna eat if we’re handcuffed together?” he asked, moving his arm around to demonstrate the limited range of motion.

Eugene squinted at the sharp-ended skewers of the kebabs. “Very, very carefully.”

~*~

Rapunzel gave a little wave to yet another young child who’d spotted her through the shop window.

People had more or less gotten used to Rapunzel’s visits to the town, but Perilune’s presence by her side garnered them some attention. It made sense that people would wonder who this new person was, accompanying their princess, but Rapunzel worried that Perilune would be put off by it.

Fortunately, that wasn’t the case. Perilune met curious stares with friendly smiles, politely answering questions from those bold enough to ask and striking up easy conversations. When Rapunzel complimented them on their composure, Perilune had merely shrugged.

“I’m used to questions,” they’d explained. “The Servants weren’t exactly subtle, and we’d get stopped a lot while in the city.”

It was another revelation to add to Rapunzel’s growing pile; Perilune’s tendency to keep to themself wasn’t because they were shy, but because they’d been taught those habits. Staying away unless specifically requested, not speaking unless spoken to- it was all a part of the role they’d been raised to play. It hurt Rapunzel to see Perilune so conscientious, instead of getting to be a carefree teenager.

There were glimpses of it, though. Perilune had been delighted by the marketplace, admiring all the colorfully painted shops and flowerbeds on the windowsills. Every store they went into provided some new wonder. Rapunzel was vividly reminded of her first trip into town- her first _real_ trip, anyways, without the massive escort.

But whenever Rapunzel noticed something had caught Perilune’s eye and asked if they’d like to buy it, they quickly turned her down. Even if it was clear they really, really liked it. Rapunzel had to spend several minutes just convincing Perilune they could pick what they wanted to eat for lunch instead of letting her decide.

Still, as evening rolled around and the pair browsed the last store, a curio shop, Rapunzel considered the day a success. Perilune seemed to have had a good time, and though it’d be a long process for them to feel more comfortable expressing themself, they’d taken some great first steps. Getting out and doing something instead of staying cooped up in the castle, with nothing to do but wait for Varian… that was important.

As Rapunzel turned to ask Perilune if they were ready to leave yet, she saw them lingering by a shelf. There was an assortment of little trinkets and mechanical contraptions, ticking away. Perilune seemed to be intently focused on one that looked like a compass, but the face of it was engraved metal instead of a needle.

Rapunzel sidled up to Perilune. “What’cha got there?” she asked casually.

“It’s an astrolabe,” Perilune explained. “It has quite a few functions, but it’s mostly used to measure the position of the sun and the moon in the sky, at any time.”

Rapunzel hummed thoughtfully. “Wow, that’s pretty cool! And what do you think of it?”

“It’s… very nice,” Perilune admitted.

“I’d be happy to buy it for you,” Rapunzel offered, already anticipating a refusal.

Instead, Perilune plucked the astrolabe off the shelf, cradling it in their hands. “Not for me,” they murmured. “Is… is Varian allowed to receive gifts?”

Surprise ran through Rapunzel, and then realization that made her heart give a happy little skip. From her shoulder, Pascal made a little sound which roughly translated to, _“aww!”_

Rapunzel fought the urge to do the same, playing it a bit cooler. “It’d probably have to be cleared with Captain Elliot, first,” she shrugged, “but yes.”

“Then… I would very much like to get this for him,” Perilune said tentatively. “If that’s alright with you,” they added quickly, apologetic.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Rapunzel assured them.

Perilune thanked her graciously, and then again at the counter as Rapunzel paid for the astrolabe, flushing all the while with a shy smile on their face. They clutched the bag the shop owner gave them to their chest like it was precious treasure, like they couldn’t believe they were holding it. Before they reached the door, Rapunzel put a hand on Perilune’s shoulder.

“Hey, Perilune?” she began softly. “I really did mean it when I said you could ask me anything. Or tell me anything. If there’s something you’re curious about, or confused about… anything you need or something that’s bothering you… you can come to me. I’ll never get upset with you for asking for something.”

Perilune bit their lip. “Are… you quite sure?”

“I promise,” Rapunzel said.

Perilune gave her a hesitant look. “Then… I do have a question to ask you,” they admitted, picking at their metal arm bracer.

Rapunzel hid her excitement, not wanting to make Perilune uneasy by overreacting. “Ask away!” she said cheerfully.

“All the children your father found at the temple.” Perilune’s voice was carefully neutral, avoiding Rapunzel’s gaze. “What happened to them?”

“Oh…” Rapunzel blinked. Of all the things Perilune could ask about, she hadn’t expected that. “Well, we’re in the process of finding foster homes for them all. Most of the younger ones have already been placed, and the rest are staying at the orphanage here in town in the meantime. I think last I’d heard there were… thirteen still waiting for homes? Most of them older than ten.”

“I see.” Perilune’s expression was still hard to read. “Are any of them causing problems?”

“Problems?” Rapunzel tilted her head, confused. “No, not that I know of. It’s just that older kids are generally harder to place anyways, and we don’t have many families here in the city able to take anyone in. My dad’s been corresponding with some nearby towns to find suitable foster homes, it’s just taking some time.”

“Alright.” Perilune gave a short nod. “Thank you, for telling me.”

“Of course!” Rapunzel said. “If you’d like, I can arrange a visit…?”

Perilune was quiet for a moment, their brows knit together in thought.

Rapunzel could sense Perilune had some complicated feelings on the subject. She supposed it made sense; from what Perilune had told her, their actions could be considered a huge betrayal to other members of the Servants. But surely Perilune had had friends at the temple? People they might miss? And connecting with people who understood where Perilune came from… that would have to count for something. 

As hard as it might be at first, it might be good for them in the long run. But once again, it’d have to be Perilune’s decision. If Rapunzel made them go, that would completely defeat the purpose of Perilune branching out on their own, establishing their sense of self and their agency.

So, Rapunzel waited.

“… yes, I… I think I’d like that,” Perilune said eventually, sounding a little wary.

“Alright,” Rapunzel said gently. “I’ll speak with my dad as soon as we get back, and we’ll come up with a day that works for you. Would you like me to try and get special permission for Varian to come, too?”

“No,” Perilune said instantly. Regret flashed across their face, and they winced. “I’m sorry, I mean, no thank you, I… don’t think that’s a good idea. Right now. But thank you.”

“Okay, no problem,” Rapunzel said easily, smiling to let them know it was alright. “Just ask if there’s anything else you’d like to know, alright?”

“Alright.” Perilune let out a breath before giving Rapunzel a small smile. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Rapunzel glanced at the door before meeting Perilune’s gaze again. “Are you ready to head back now?”

Perilune nodded, holding the bag with the astrolabe a bit closer. “Yes, I am.”

~*~

When Varian got back to his cell, Perilune was already waiting for him.

They were sitting on the bed, Ruddiger curled up in their lap. When the raccoon saw Varian, he jumped to the floor and ran over, chittering excitedly. Varian reached down and scooped him up, cradling the warm bundle of fur to his chest and stroking his head.

“Hey, buddy!” he said, walking over to sit beside Perilune. “Were you keeping Peri company?”

“He certainly was.” Perilune smiled, reaching over to scratch the raccoon’s ears affectionately. “So how was your day with Eugene?”

“Weird,” Varian said decisively. Ruddiger got settled against him, curling into a ball at his side. “But… mostly okay. Just weird.”

“Hm.” Perilune nodded, looking thoughtful. “Well, that’s a relief. I worried about you, you know.”

“I know,” Varian said fondly. The reminder that he had someone who cared so much about him sent a warm feeling through him, coupled with ever-present disbelief and wonder. “What about you? Do anything fun today?”

“As a matter of fact,” Perilune said, “I went into town today with the princess. We stopped by the stables and visited Saros.”

Varian blinked. “Saros? They’ve been keeping him here?” He tilted his head. “Huh. I thought they’d… I dunno, sold him or something. Found a home for him.” He was glad to hear the horse was doing well, though. After all, Saros had been the only reason they’d managed to escape from the Servants.

Perilune shook their head, a mixture of excitement and wonder flashing in their eyes. “Rapunzel said he belongs to me,” they said, almost shyly.

“Really?” Varian’s eyes widened in surprise. “They’re gonna let you keep him?” He hadn’t even considered that they might decide to defer ownership to Perilune; Saros was stolen, after all. And though it was from a group that was now wanted by the king, and done out of necessity, it was still technically against the law. Seemed they’d decided to turn a blind eye in this case, and he couldn’t help but wonder if Rapunzel had had something to do with it.

“I couldn’t believe it either,” Perilune said. Amusement colored their voice. “Maybe I’ll take you out on a ride sometime. After we both learn how to properly ride, of course.”

Varian grinned. “Aw, you don’t think our two-day crash course was sufficient?”

“We only made it,” Perilune said, holding a finger up, “because Saros knew what he was doing.”

Varian snickered. “Yeah, that’s fair,” he amended. “So what’d you think? Of- of the town?”

Perilune’s humor faded as they considered the question, their expression turning pensive. “It was… very bright,” they decided, after a moment. “Cheerful. Not like the city where I’m from, Iveria.”

Varian straightened with interest. Perilune had never talked about where they were from before, and he hadn’t wanted to pry in case it was a sore subject. “What’s it like there?” he asked.

“Dirty,” Perilune said simply. “Crowded. If there’s not a beggar on the corner, there’s a pickpocket. The buildings are all stone, and they hold up pretty well, but the roads are a mess. You can go from cobblestone to gravel to dirt in a single block.”

Varian pictured it. “Sounds pretty rough,” he said sympathetically.

Perilune shrugged. “We’re a trade city, so we’re on the fringes of the kingdom. Easy for things to… deteriorate. Unnoticed.”

Varian’s throat tightened. “I know what you mean, my village was right by the walls.” Thinking about the way his home had been ignored made his heart ache, so he pushed it to the back of his mind. “Do you miss it?”

“Sometimes,” Perilune admitted. “Things can feel too… quiet, here.”

Varian gave a small laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “That’s funny. I was- I was gonna say things feel too loud.”

Perilune hummed noncommittally. “I think I miss the cathedral most of all. Our Acolytes held sermons there, it’s how they get people to join. It’s how I joined. And… though I know now that it’s all built off of lies, the building itself…” They sighed wistfully. “It’s beautiful. The high domed ceilings, the arches, the stained glass… I wish you could see it. But mostly, I remember all the people I would meet there. The feeling that’d fill the air… it felt like we were helping people.” Their voice dropped, and their eyes clouded with guilt. “I… really thought we were helping people.”

Varian reached out and put a hand on their shoulder. “Hey, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of,” he said. “Not your fault. And… bad things don’t have to be all bad. There can be some good parts.”

Perilune chewed their lip. “Just… after what they did to you, it feels wrong to miss _anything_ about the Servants,” they said unhappily.

“That was your home for most of your life, Peri, there’s nothing wrong with missing it,” Varian said, his voice soft.

“Thanks, Varian.” Perilune managed a faint smile. “I do like it here, though. For the capital of the kingdom, it has an odd way of feeling… not small, but close. Like everyone knew each other. It was nice.” After a moment, their face brightened. “Anyways, while we were out, we stopped by this lovely little curio shop and…” They withdrew something from inside their robes. “Surprise!”

Varian blinked at the object Perilune held out to him. It was roughly the size and shape of a compass, but instead of a needle behind glass, the surface of it was an ornate bronze grate over a silver disk. The metal was engraved with lines Varian recognized as latitude and longitude- it was like a star map, with notches along the rim denoting time and position.

“You… you got this for _me?”_ Varian took it from Perilune gingerly, but then a thought occurred to him, and he glanced over at the door. “Wait, am I even allowed to…?”

“I already cleared it with Captain Elliot,” Perilune assured him. “This is an astrolabe, it charts the position of the sun and moon.”

“I… thank you, I _love_ it,” Varian said softly, brushing his thumb along the astrolabe. The bronze grate spun slowly at the movement, rotating on the face of the disk. The fact that Perilune had thought of him while they were out today sent a warm, fuzzy feeling pooling in his stomach.

Perilune smiled at him, their dark blue eyes glittering. “I wanted you to have a reminder that the sun and moon are constant; no matter how things change, they’ll be up in the sky watching over you, even when you can’t see them. They’re always there.” They covered Varian’s hands with their own. “Like I will always be with you.”

Varian’s heart suddenly gave a painful twinge. “… hey, Perilune? Where do you see yourself a few years from now?”

Perilune knit their brows together. “What do you mean? I’m not going anywhere.”

Varian swallowed, shaking his head. “No, I- I mean what will you be doing with your life? Where will you be five years from now? Or ten? Or-”

“By your side,” Perilune said.

Varian’s breathing hitched. How could they be so certain? “I don’t know if I’m ever going to be free, Perilune,” he whispered.

Perilune didn’t seem deterred in the slightest. “One day at a time,” they said resolutely.

Varian looked away, his eyes filling with tears. “But you haven’t done a- anything wrong,” he protested, his voice cracking. Distress welled up inside his chest. “You- you shouldn’t be wasting your life here, wasting your life on me-”

Perilune tilted his chin up to meet their gaze. “No,” they said sternly. “We’re not going down that road. I already made my choice, remember?” Their expression softened, their hand moving to cradle his cheek. “I chose you. My life is forever yours, and yours is mine.”

Perilune leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Varian’s forehead. Varian exhaled shakily, a few tears streaking down his face as he managed a smile.

“I love you.”

Perilune pulled back to look at him, eyes wide with surprise. Varian realized he hadn’t said that since they’d decided to be together, since that sunset in the courtyard. He blinked, suddenly self-conscious for reasons that escaped him, and his cheeks burned.

“Uh,” he stammered, “I- I mean-”

Perilune brought their other had up to cup Varian’s face before pulling him in for another kiss, on the lips this time. It was a simple, chaste kiss, but it sent Varian’s head spinning. He melted into it, and the warmth and closeness was as electrifying as it was deeply comforting. Finally, Perilune pulled away so they could both catch their breath, resting their forehead against Varian’s.

“I love you, too,” they breathed, “and that will never change.”

Perilune leaned in to kiss him again.

~*~

“So, how’d it go today?” Rapunzel asked.

Her voice, soft though it was, disturbed the peaceful silence of her room, Eugene laying beside her on the bed. Rapunzel rested her head on his chest, breathing in the familiar scent of his shirt and listening to the faint, steady beating of his heart. His fingers traced lightly over her back in soothing circles.

“Better than I’d expected,” Eugene answered. “Varian seemed a little thrown by the whole thing, which- which is fair enough, it’s an unconventional method. But I think it was a good change of pace for him. I’m starting to see glimpses of the kid he used to be, before everything went down.”

“That’s good to hear,” Rapunzel said, and she meant it. She wanted to help Varian, but they were still a ways off from being able to make any kind of progress with each other. She didn’t want to threaten all the ground he’d already made by trying too much too soon.

So, she still kept her distance for the most part. She’d greet him if she saw him around, of course, but she couldn’t imagine that Varian was in any kind of place to sit down and talk with her at length. For now, the best thing she could do was coordinate with the others trying to help him, and make it clear she’d be there for him if, and when, he was ready.

“He did get hung up when we went out to eat, though,” Eugene said, his voice slightly concerned. “He told me he didn’t understand why I was being nice to him. But I think he’s warming up to the idea of… you know, of forgiveness. Second chances.”

Rapunzel’s heart twinged painfully. “I really hope so,” she murmured.

“Just give it time,” Eugene reassured her gently. “How about you, then? Did Perilune enjoy the sight-seeing?”

“Oh, they _loved_ it,” Rapunzel said, beaming. “It was so precious, they wanted to stop and talk with everyone we met and…” She trailed off, the more troubling parts of the day returning to the forefront of her mind. “…did you know, this whole time they’ve been wanting to ask about their horse? But they didn’t think they could? They didn’t even think they’d be allowed to leave the castle.”

Eugene made a sympathetic noise. “Ah, yeah, that’s probably the left-over… cultiness. The first time I told Perilune they could actually take books from the library, you- you would’a thought I’d handed them the keys to the kingdom.”

Rapunzel hummed thoughtfully. “I guess we’ll have to be really clear with Perilune about this type of stuff, what they’re allowed to do. Even for things _we_ might think would be obvious.”

Eugene nodded. “Agreed.”

“And we’ll have to remember that Perilune might be hesitant to outright ask about things,” Rapunzel continued. “Like at the market. I’d already told them I’d be happy to pay if they saw something they liked, but they didn’t really believe me at first. I had to offer when I saw them eyeing something, and even then, they refused. Except for this really thoughtful gift they picked out for Varian.” She smiled at the memory. “They’re such a good… hm, what would be the right word? Not _boy_ friend or _girl_ friend… maybe I should ask them-”

“Woah,” Eugene cut in, “woah, woah, hold up.” His brow furrowed. “You’re telling me… that Varian and Perilune… are _dating?”_

“You didn’t know?” Rapunzel sat up and looked at him. “Eugene, they share a room. They’re always together, if they can help it- and I told you how Perilune called Varian _‘their love!’_ They’ve even kissed,” she added, her voice lowered instinctively as if she were telling a secret.

Eugene held a finger up. “Okay. Listen. In fairness, I didn’t know about any kissing. And I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, alright? I thought they seemed like good friends, but I didn’t wanna assume-”

“You totally didn’t have a clue, did you?” Rapunzel realized, amused.

Eugene grinned sheepishly. “So I’m a little oblivious. What else is new?”

Rapunzel chuckled at that, settling back down beside him. “Well, I think it’s wonderful.”

“Me too. And now that you mention it, it does make sense,” Eugene mused. “He’s just been so different, since coming back, you know? You and I have seen firsthand how love changes people. Or, I guess, inspires them to change.”

Rapunzel smiled, tilting her head up to kiss his cheek. “A former criminal falling in love with someone who’s been sheltered and lied to their entire life? Now where have I heard that before?”

Eugene laughed. “Well, if it worked for us, then I think their chances are pretty good.”

Sighing happily, Rapunzel settled further into Eugene’s embrace.

“I think so, too.”

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Now, before anyone gets the wrong idea, I didn't cut away from Varian and Peri for censoring reasons. They aren't about to make out or anything, especially since a guard could look into the room at any time. So just sweet, pure kisses. I ended the section there because that felt like a natural conclusion. (Also, did anyone spot that Once On This Island reference? :3)
> 
> Anyways, this chapter was a huge labor of love, so I would really, really, appreciate feedback! **Please don't be shy! Comment if you liked it!** And I'll see you next time. - Aqua
> 
> P.S. here's the specific astrolabe I had in mind while writing this: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/26/Jean_Fusoris_planispheric_astrolabe_in_Putnam_Gallery%2C_2009-11-24.jpg/220px-Jean_Fusoris_planispheric_astrolabe_in_Putnam_Gallery%2C_2009-11-24.jpg


	6. a hand extended

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _a hand extended_  
>  Rating: K+  
> Warnings: minor violence, one minor instance of misgendering/phobic language  
> Timeline: a few days after Ch. 5  
> Summary: Varian has an interesting day out, and Perilune reconnects with their past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! This week we broke 1,000 hits, which is amazing! So if you're new here, just a quick reminder that this is actually the third part of the series, you'll wanna go back and start with part one, _long be hidden._ Also, a big thanks to those who have commented, I'd love to hear from more of you! Please don't be shy, this fic is a lot of hard work and I really appreciate feedback! - Aqua

_a hand extended_

~*~

Varian stifled a yawn, scooping another bite of eggs onto his fork.

He was still waking up, slightly drowsy as he and Perilune ate breakfast. They ate in a little room across from the kitchens, where the castle staff would take their meals. Usually, there weren’t many people around when Varian and Perilune arrived, but if there were, no one would sit with them.

Today was a quiet day, though, just the two of them. And Stan and Pete of course, who were enjoying a cup of coffee and chatting softly a little ways off from where Varian and Perilune were, giving them the occasional glance. Perilune was being quiet, too, picking at their food. They hadn’t said much to Varian since they’d woken up, and he might’ve blamed it on drowsiness, but there was a look in their eyes that suggested otherwise.

Varian eventually brought it up. “You okay? You’ve been kinda quiet this morning.”

Perilune looked over at him, giving a small nod. “Just thinking,” they replied. “I’m… actually going out today.”

“Oh, yeah?” Varian sat up with interest. Perilune had told him a lot about the trip they took into town a few days prior. He’d loved seeing them so excited about something. “Where to this time?”

Perilune’s expression was hard to read. “Rapunzel is taking me to the orphanage here in town,” they said carefully. “To visit some of the Servant kids.”

“To visit the- oh.” Varian blinked. He hadn’t given the other young Servants much thought. After all, he hadn’t met any of them. Perilune had never brought them up before, either. “That’s- I didn’t know you wanted to see them?”

“I wasn’t so sure myself, either,” Perilune admitted. “A part of me still isn’t sure. But Varian, they’re just kids. Kids like you and me.” They bit their lip, staring down at their hands. “They’re probably… hurting, and confused and scared, and… if I can help them process everything that’s happened, then… I feel like I owe it to them to try.”

Varian nodded slowly. “Then you should try,” he said, covering Perilune’s hand with his own. “But, uh… be careful, okay? I- I know what you did went against everything the Servants stood for, and I’m worried they’ll be upset with you.”

Perilune’s expression softened. “I’ll be careful,” they promised, squeezing his hand. “Hopefully I’ll be able to make them understand.”

“If anyone can, it’d be you,” Varian said fondly.

“Thanks.” Perilune smiled and rose to their feet. “I should probably get going now, Rapunzel will be waiting for me. I’ll see you later, okay?” They bent down and kissed Varian’s cheek before leaving.

Varian watched them go, blushing as he touched where their lips had been. He didn’t think he was ever going to get used to that.

“You finished?” Stan asked.

Varian glanced over at the guard and nodded, gathering up his plate and rising from his chair. Time for another wonderful day of community service. If he was lucky, he’d get to go outside. And if not…

Well, hopefully Perilune would have more luck than him.

~*~

Perilune studied the orphanage curiously.

The building was made of cool teal brick, with dark shingles and trimmings. It was a little lopsided, a little worn, but gave off a warm and inviting feel like much of the other buildings in town. Perilune followed Rapunzel up to the front door, slightly apprehensive.

Rapunzel turned to them. “Are you ready?”

Perilune took a deep breath before nodding. “Yes.”

Rapunzel gave them a reassuring smile and knocked on the door. Her hand had barely left the wood before the door flew open, revealing a smiling woman.

She looked to be in her mid-thirties, her warm brown skin wrinkled slightly around her dark eyes. She seemed slightly frazzled, a few strands of silky black hair escaping her messy bun and one sleeve of her dress pushed up. But there was a lively energy about her, like she’d just had a few cups of coffee.

“Princess Rapunzel!” she exclaimed. “Welcome! I’m Bernadette. We’ve been eagerly anticipating your visit.”

“Thank you for having me!” Rapunzel said graciously. She introduced Perilune with a hand on their shoulder. “This is Perilune, they’re here to see the other kids from Iveria.”

Bernadette smiled kindly at Perilune. “Of course, dear. Come on in.” She stepped aside, allowing Perilune and Rapunzel to enter. “We had to clear out a couple rooms upstairs for them,” she explained, closing the door behind them. “You’ll likely find most of them there, they don’t often wander the house. But if I see any of them around I’ll let them know you’re here.”

Perilune dipped their head. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“No problem!” Bernadette replied brightly. “I’ll be down here if you two want to head on up.”

Perilune followed Rapunzel up the narrow staircase, trying to quiet the jumble of nerves in their stomach. It had barely been a month since they’d last seen anyone from the Servitude, but it felt like a lifetime ago. And despite reminding themself that it was nothing like facing down Templars, Perilune couldn’t help but feel anxious at the thought of being face to face with their peers again.

At the top of the staircase there were just two doors, facing each other in a short hallway. One of them was open. Giving them an encouraging look, Rapunzel led the way over to it, Perilune trailing after her.

Rapunzel poked her head through the doorway, knocking on the open door. “Knock knock!”

The kids inside all froze at Rapunzel’s voice, looking over at the two of them like frightened deer.

There were about a dozen or so, sitting on beds or stretched out on the floor. Perilune recognized all of their faces, even if a few names escaped them. Most of them had been Patrons, a consequence of being born outside the Temple. Perilune thought a couple of them might’ve been studying to be Artificers; the red-headed boy as a blacksmith, and the dark-skinned girl as a tailor.

They were all wearing different clothes, and the sight was jarring. Patched up tunics and trousers, button-up shirts with rolled sleeves. Bare wrists. The only thing that distinguished them from any other orphan were their marks, glittering silver ink on their faces, hands, or necks.

Perilune suddenly felt out of place in their robes. They fought the urge to pick at their wrist bracers.

Rapunzel broke the uncomfortable silence, her voice cheery as ever. “Hi there, everyone! I’m Princess Rapunzel- but you can just call me Rapunzel.” She put a hand on Perilune’s shoulder. “I believe you guys know Perilune? We figured we’d just drop in to say hi!”

None of the kids responded, their wide-eyed gazes switching between Rapunzel and Perilune.

It took Perilune a moment to find their voice. “Rapunzel, would you mind if we had a moment alone?” they asked.

Rapunzel blinked before realization dawned on her face. “Oh- _oh,_ sure! Of course, I’m sure you all have some catching up to do. I’ll be downstairs with Bernadette, just call if you need us.” She gave them a little wave before departing.

The room was still and silent for what seemed to be hours before one of the kids stood, approaching Perilune.

It took a second for her name to come to them; Ephemeris. She was about a year younger than Perilune, if they remembered correctly, and she’d been a Patron as well.

She had an elegant face and a pointed nose, her piercing hazel eyes studying Perilune carefully. Her chestnut hair was done in two thin braids, slung over her shoulders. The pale green dress she wore complemented her well, an off-white smock with a large patch worn over top. Her mark was a half-moon on her right cheek, horizontal so the flat side stretched underneath her eye.

Ephemeris finally spoke. “What are you doing here?”

Perilune didn’t wince at her tone. They’d been anticipating a less-than-warm welcome. “I… heard some of you were staying in town,” they said. “It didn’t feel right not to come see you.”

Ephemeris stared at them. “Why would you want to see _us?”_ she asked, furrowing her brows.

Perilune tilted their head. “I can’t care about the people I grew up with?”

Pain flashed across Ephemeris’s face. “You don’t care about us, you _betrayed_ us. Betrayed the Servants.”

“No,” Perilune said firmly. “The Servants were the ones who were disloyal. We had no right to try and control the will of the moon. No one does.”

Ephemeris hesitated. “It’s… just been so hard.”

Perilune’s expression softened. “I know,” they said gently. “I know that my actions changed everything, and change can be hard. But believe me, it’s a good thing that you aren’t with the Servants anymore.”

Ephemeris looked like she wanted to argue for a second, but then she sighed, relenting. “They didn’t care about us,” she murmured. “During the evacuation, we were all told to go back to our dormitories, that we’d be summoned once everything was under control. So we waited there for hours, and hours, until finally… the Orderlies came for us and told us that the others had left. They were supposed to go to, you know, but they didn’t want to leave us alone.”

Perilune was quiet for a moment. “Who was it that stayed?”

“Apogee, Mascon, and Breccia.”

Perilune didn’t let their surprise show. Breccia had stayed. After everything, after the way she’d always treated children under her care, she’d still refused to abandon them. Perilune… wasn’t sure how to feel about that. They pushed it to the back of their mind for the moment.

“I’m sorry for what you’ve all been through,” Perilune said. “But I don’t regret my choice. Stopping the ritual was the right thing to do.”

Ephemeris blinked. “I… how can you be so sure?”

“Do you really think the world is so horrible it needs to be destroyed and start anew?” Perilune asked. “Did you ever believe in that?”

Ephemeris looked away at that. “I guess not,” she admitted. “But… the Acolytes always said it was the will of the moon to-”

“They could have lied,” Perilune said simply. “Have any of you actually seen the ancient scrolls? The prophecy?”

Everyone in the room exchanged sheepish looks.

“They… _were_ wrong about the Moon Child…” a Patron boy pointed out tentatively.

A ten-year-old girl, the youngest in the room, brightened at that. “Is the Moon Child really living at the castle?” she asked Perilune curiously.

“Yes, he and I both are,” Perilune replied. A fond smile tugged at their lips. “His name is Varian.”

The last of the unease left the room as everyone started asking questions.

“What’s he like?”

“Can he control his powers?”

“Is it true that he’s nocturnal?”

Perilune chuckled. “Alright, alright, one at a time. I can only-”

_“You.”_

Perilune glanced over at the new voice, and their heart jolted. Standing in the doorway was a vaguely familiar boy, his eyes wide with shock and anger.

Lacus.

Perilune had a single moment to brace themself. Lacus lunged at them, pushing them against the wall by their shoulders. Their head snapped back against the wall with a painful thud, Lacus snarling in their ear.

_“Traitor!”_

Perilune grit their teeth and grabbed Lacus’s hands, bending his little fingers back with their thumbs. Lacus gave under the pressure, grunting in pain, and they took the opportunity to kick him squarely in the chest, sending him staggering back.

Perilune stepped away from the wall, their hands curling into fists. Lacus caught his balance, tensing as he prepared to throw himself at Perilune again.

“What’s going on here?”

Rapunzel’s voice was filled with alarm, but held that rare, hard edge of authority that demanded an explanation. The princess was standing in the doorway, her expression terse.

The whole room froze. Lacus didn’t look away from Perilune, though his shoulders hunched defensively. None of the other kids spoke, keeping their gazes lowered. A few of them looked to Perilune.

Perilune met Rapunzel’s gaze evenly. “Nothing. I tripped on the rug and fell.”

Rapunzel hesitated. It was clear that was not the case, especially considering the way Lacus was glaring at Perilune, how they were both slightly out of breath. But something in Perilune’s voice must’ve made her pause.

“Well, if you’re sure, then…” Rapunzel still looked uncertain.

“I am.” This was something Perilune needed to handle by themselves, and they tried to convey as much in their eyes.

Rapunzel seemed to understand. “Alright,” she relented finally. “I will be right downstairs if you need _anything,”_ she stressed.

Perilune nodded, and Rapunzel disappeared from view, her footsteps fading. Calmer, they looked back over at Lacus, narrowing their eyes slightly.

“Lacus.”

“Perilune.”

Lacus seemed suspicious, confused as to why Perilune hadn’t ratted him out, but still hostile. They stared at each other for a moment. Perilune slowly folded their arms, a deliberate show of nonviolence.

“Let’s talk.”

~*~

“I’ve gotta say, that’s some mighty fine work you’ve done, boy.”

The potter gave Varian an approving nod, his mouth pulled up in a smile behind his bushy mustache.

Varian ducked his head, unable to help himself from flushing at the compliment. “It- it was nothing, sir,” he mumbled.

After a hard day’s work, the potter’s workshop was spotless. Varian, however, was caked with dried clay and plaster dust. There were even a couple clumps of clay in his hair from when he’d made the mistake of brushing his bangs out of his face. He couldn’t _wait_ to get back to the castle and get clean.

But even though he hadn’t had a choice, Varian did feel a bit of pride in his work. He never half-did anything, after all. And getting the bits of clay out from in between the tile grouts had _not_ been an easy task.

The potter turned to Stan and Pete. “He’s welcome back anytime.”

“We’ll keep that in mind,” Stan said, tipping his helmet. “You have a good day, sir.”

Varian followed the two guards out of the workshop, his shackles once again clinking around his wrists. It wasn’t yet too late in the evening, so the town square was still pretty busy. He stuck close to Stan and Pete, letting the tall men forge a path through the crowd.

“Stop, thief!”

A shout from a little ways off made all three of them look over. A young woman was struggling to keep her satchel from the man trying to steal it.

“Help! Guards!”

Stan glanced at Pete. “Stay with him.”

Pete nodded, taking Varian by the arm. Stan rushed off to go help.

Varian watched with interest. Talk about bad timing to try and steal something. Stan successfully subdued the thief pretty quickly, but he was fighting hard to slip free. Stan couldn’t reach for a pair of cuffs without losing his hold on him.

“Pete! I need you!”

“Hang on!” Pete called. Looking around quickly, he spotted a notice board, held up by two tall posts, and led Varian over to it. Pulling a key from his pocket, Pete unlocked one of the shackles and locked it around the post, securing Varian to it.

Pete met Varian’s gaze warily. “Uh, just stay put here, okay?”

Varian merely nodded, not bothered enough to explain that he couldn’t really _go_ anywhere.

Pete, apparently satisfied, turned away to go help Stan with the thief. As he went to hook the shackle’s key back onto his belt, though, it slipped out of his grip and clattered to the ground. Pete didn’t notice, pushing his way through the crowd to get to Stan.

Varian blinked. “Uh, wait, sir-”

Pete was already out of ear shot, helping Stan wrestle the thief under control.

Varian snorted, looking down at the key. Well, _that_ was embarrassing. Sometimes he thought Pete was a bit too green for this job-

His heart jolted as he suddenly realized the situation he was in. The key was within reach. All he’d have to do was reach his foot out, step on the key, and slide it towards him. With the commotion going on, no one would even notice him. He could slip into the crowd easily, be gone in an instant. 

Panic seized him. Varian jumped back, away from the key, his free hand coming up to grip the shackle around his other wrist.

He’d been doing so well, he couldn’t have them thinking he was trying to escape- they’d blame him, he knew they would, and he was trying so _hard-_ but no one would believe him. They wouldn’t. They’d think he’d been waiting for his opportunity the whole time, that he was faking, and they’d be so angry and disappointed-

Varian inhaled sharply. Calm down. _Breathe._ He wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was just standing, waiting like he’d been told to, and anyone could see he wasn’t trying to get to the key. He forced himself to exhale slowly. 

He was _fine._ Just breathe.

Stan and Pete had finally gotten the thief into a pair of cuffs. With a firm grip on his arms, the guards walked him back over to where Varian was. Despite himself, Varian’s heart started to pound.

“Alright, let’s get going.” Pete reached for his belt, doing a double-take when the key wasn’t there.

Varian spoke up tentatively. “Um, sir? The key.” He tiled his head at it.

Pete’s eyes widened. He hurriedly picked the key up, glancing at Varian’s shackles like he couldn’t believe they were there.

Stan inhaled through his teeth. _“Pete,”_ he groaned. “I’m gonna have to report this.”

Pete sighed as he fixed Varian’s shackles. “Yeah, alright,” he relented. “Let’s just get back to the castle.”

The last of the tension eased from Varian’s shoulders. They didn’t blame him. He wasn’t going to be held responsible for it, wouldn’t have to deal with them all having one more reason not to trust him. The relief that swept through him was paramount, like a massive weight off his chest.

They started back towards the castle. The thief had finally stopped trying to get free from Stan’s grip, instead opting to shuffle along sullenly and give Varian the occasional strange look.

Varian was struck with sudden humor. “Got any friends we should pick up on the way?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow. “We could get a whole parade going at this rate.”

The thief responded with a derisive snort. Varian practically felt the surprise that shot through Stan and Pete, and he couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up in his throat. He realized he’d never really joked around in front of them before. The realization was a bit startling; he used to be the kind of guy who joked with people. Hadn’t been for a while, now. And maybe it was just because he was still so relieved, but… it felt nice.

So, Varian laughed.

~*~

Perilune regarded Lacus carefully, watching for any sign he was about to jump them again.

Brown eyes studied Perilune just as intensely. His hair hadn’t darkened at all as he grew; it was still a bright, platinum blond, with grown out bangs but cut close around the sides. He was taller than Perilune now, much to their annoyance, but still lanky. He was dressed in a similar manner as the other kids, but his bronze arm bracers poked out from beneath his sleeves. His mark was the only one not visible, but Perilune could picture it easily enough- two thin, crescent moons between his shoulder blades, facing out from each other. They remembered when he’d proudly shown it to them only hours after receiving it, his pale skin still red and irritated.

Of all the kids who could’ve ended up at the orphanage, Perilune had been dreading Lacus the most. They’d always found him mean-spirited and overbearing. He had this air of superiority about him that rubbed Perilune the wrong way. Worse still, he’d never been very understanding about Perilune’s gender. It’d always felt like he was just humoring them, like he thought he knew more about them than they did.

Despite this, Lacus had hung around Perilune a lot when they were younger. They might’ve even been friends at one point out of sheer persistence, but when Lacus was chosen to be a Templar, it went to his head. Even more so when Perilune was chosen to be a Patron a year later. So that’d given Perilune more cause to avoid him, and they’d drifted further. Perilune hadn’t really spoken to him in almost… _five years,_ now.

And of course, it didn’t help that he was probably the most loyal Servant Perilune knew.

Lacus finally spoke. “You’ve got some nerve showing your face here, _Patron,”_ he hissed. “You think being buddy-buddy with the princess will make us forgive you for what you did?”

“Bold of you to assume I’m here for forgiveness,” Perilune replied steadily. 

Lacus narrowed his eyes. “You betrayed us, betrayed the prophecy-”

“It was wrong and you know it,” Perilune cut in. “Everyone knew it, but no one was willing to do anything about it.”

“It was the Moon Child’s destiny!” Lacus pointed an accusing finger at Perilune. “But you ruined everything because you were too soft, too weak-”

“Varian’s destiny is his own,” Perilune retorted.

Lacus paused. The scowl dropped off his face, and was replaced by shock. “You… call him by his name?” he asked, brows creasing together. Realization dawned in his eyes, and then condemnation. “So, the rumors are true, then. You betrayed us because you developed feelings for him.” His voice had a disapproving edge to it.

Perilune lifted their chin, unashamed. “I did it because it was the right thing to do.” And then, despite knowing they owed Lacus no explanation, they added, “the feelings came after.”

Lacus’s expression twisted into a sneer. “You’re so naïve. Throwing your whole life away, destroying everything the Servants have worked for, because you fell for a pair of baby blues.” He scoffed. “You may have tricked him into thinking you’re a girl, but it’ll never last.”

It was like he’d punched Perilune in the stomach. All their old insecurities came rushing back, and for an awful moment, they were seized by doubt. What if Lacus was right? What if Varian-

No. Varian loved them. Perilune _knew_ he did, and suddenly they wanted to scream the words as loud as they could, to drown out all the uncertainty and throw it back in Lacus’s face.

But if Perilune did that, Lacus would know he’d gotten to them. They refused to give him the satisfaction. Instead, they kept their face carefully neutral and took a single, measured step towards Lacus, putting themself directly in his space; a threat and a challenge.

“Don’t presume to know more about Varian than I do,” Perilune said quietly.

Lacus held their gaze, his dark eyes flashing. The air surrounding them seemed to fill with electricity, the dangerous feel of an approaching storm, and for a second Perilune thought Lacus was going to go for them again, their heart starting to race.

Lacus looked away, and the moment passed. The tension in the room ebbed like receding tides.

“Whatever,” he mumbled. Without another word, he turned and left the way he came.

There was almost a collective sigh of relief from the room. Ephemeris stepped forward, meeting Perilune’s gaze.

“I apologize for him,” she said. “Lacus has been taking it all very hard.”

Perilune nodded slowly. “He would’ve begun Templar training in two years. Now, that path has been taken from him.”

It was easy to forget that Lacus hadn’t been born in the Temple, had come from nothing like the rest of them. But the Servants had promised him greatness, given him purpose and belonging. And all of that was gone, now. Some people handled that better than others.

“I understand where his feelings are coming from,” Perilune continued. “But I hope he gets over it, because I would like to visit again, if you all would have me.” 

Ephemeris smiled. “You’re welcome anytime.”

Perilune smiled back.

~*~

Varian stood before the king, his head tipped down both in respect and to hide the anxiety in his eyes.

He and Perilune had been enjoying dinner and catching up with each other when he’d been summoned by Captain Elliot. To see King Frederic. _Alone._ He was at least relieved he’d had a chance to wash up earlier; he’d be way more nervous if he was still covered in clay.

The throne room seemed even more massive, with only the two of them. Well, three, counting Captain Elliot, standing beside the king. Varian felt small and vulnerable under the combined weight of their gazes, and fought against the urge to nervously pick at his gloves.

King Frederic finally spoke. “I’ve been told there was an incident while you were in town today.”

Despite the fact that there was no hostility in his tone, Varian’s heart started to race. “Yes, Your Majesty,” he replied.

King Frederic gave him a considering look. “You had an opportunity to make an escape attempt. You didn’t take it.” He tilted his head. “Why?”

Varian bit his lip. “It… I’d just be right back where I was before. My freedom-” His voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again. “If I escaped, I’d have to spend every day for the rest of my life fighting for my freedom. But if I- if I _earn_ it… it’s mine.” He lowered his gaze. “Besides, I… I have- there are things keeping me here.”

 _Perilune,_ he thought. He could never leave Perilune.

King Frederic hummed thoughtfully. “Well put,” he said. He turned to Captain Elliot. “Captain?”

Captain Elliot’s face remained impassive. “From this point on, Varian, you are no longer required to be accompanied by your guards while you’re at the castle,” he announced. “You will still have a guard posted outside your room at night, and must be accompanied whenever you leave the castle. If you fail to complete your community service duties you will once again be escorted. When you are not working, you have free reign of the castle, with the exception of bedrooms, the dungeons, and the kitchen. Failure to comply with these rules will result in immediate reinstating of your guard.”

It took Varian a moment to process the words. He gasped. “W- wait, sir, are you- is this real?”

The faintest hint of a smile pulled at King Frederic’s mouth, his eyes shining with amusement. “Yes, I assure you this is real,” he said. “No more twenty-four-hour guard.”

Varian’s mind spun. No guards. No more being followed every step he took, no more looking over his shoulder to see them always there. Though he reminded himself he was still a prisoner, and therefore not truly free, it was still almost too good to be true.

“Th- thank you, Your Majesty,” he stammered, overwhelmed with shock and gratitude.

King Frederic nodded in acknowledgement. “You are dismissed.”

Bowing his head, Varian turned and quickly strode down the throne room. He was still reeling, a million thoughts buzzing inside his head.

The second he slipped through the doors, Perilune all but collided with him, wrapping him in a hug that lifted him off his feet. “Varian! I can’t believe it!”

Varian’s breath was squeezed out of him. “What?” he managed to ask.

Perilune set him back down, beaming. “Rapunzel already told me,” they explained.

Varian looked over Perilune’s shoulder. Rapunzel was lingering a few steps away with a hesitant smile on her face, Stan and Pete beside her.

Varian creased his brows together. If Rapunzel knew, then that meant…

 _“You_ did this?” he asked.

Rapunzel hummed noncommittally. “Well, it _was_ my idea, but…” Her expression softened. “Really, Varian, this is something _you’ve_ done. We’ve all seen you making an effort. And you haven’t done anything to take advantage of the trust we’ve allowed you so far, haven’t given us any reason to think you’ll try to escape.” She shrugged. “Today was just… further proof.”

Varian glanced away, his eyes suddenly stinging. The clash of emotions inside him was disorienting; he was elated, almost dizzy with relief. At the same time, a small, bitter part of him resented the idea of thanking Rapunzel for _anything,_ especially being allowed basic freedoms. But logic quickly swooped in, reminding him that the royal family could’ve chosen to throw him in prison for the rest of his life, and they would’ve had every reason to do so. Instead, they were willing to work with him, to try and rebuild that trust between them.

 _Rapunzel_ was willing. That had to count for something.

“I… appreciate it,” Varian said finally.

It seemed to be enough for Rapunzel, who smiled. “Of course. I’ll see you around.” She waved goodbye to Stan and Pete before departing, her footsteps fading down the hall.

“Congratulations, kid!” Stan clapped him on the back. “I gotta say, I’m looking forward to getting back to real patrolling.”

“Not for me, though,” Pete sighed. “I’ll be mucking stalls for weeks to make up for this. But um, it could’ve been way worse, so thanks for not trying to escape? I guess?”

Varian laughed. The idea that he’d refrained from escaping so his guards wouldn’t get in trouble was unexpectedly funny. “You’re _very_ welcome,” he said. His expression sobered. “But I- I did want to thank you two. For… for everything.”

Despite the fact that they were Varian’s guards, Stan and Pete had shown him nothing but kindness. They’d been so understanding and supportive, and Varian knew full well he could’ve gotten stuck with far worse people that would’ve made his life unbearable.

Stan and Pete exchanged a look, seeming touched by the sentiment.

“Hey, no problem!” Pete said.

“We wish you the best,” Stan added warmly. “You ever need anything, you can come to us. Even though we’re not your guards anymore.”

“Thanks,” Varian said softly.

Perilune grinned at them before turning back to Varian. “This is so exciting!” they exclaimed. “I’ve found so many wonderful places in the castle I can’t wait to show you.”

“And I can’t wait to see them,” Varian replied, smiling. “But uh, maybe tomorrow? I- I think I’m ready to turn in for the night.”

“Of course,” Perilune hummed, turning to head down the hallway. “It’s been quite a day.”

Varian hung back, looking at Stan and Pete expectantly.

Stan gave him an odd look. “Uh, what’re you waiting for?”

Varian blinked. Realization dawned on him. “O- oh, we’re starting _now?”_ he asked. “Like- like I can just go, _right now?”_

Perilune laughed in a way that made Varian break out into a grin, despite the flush in his cheeks. “Yes, _right now.”_

Varian took their hand in his.

“Then let’s go!”

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Alternate name for this chapter; OC's, OC's everywhere. **Don't forget to leave a comment** if you enjoyed, and I'll see you next time! - Aqua


	7. the white flag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _the white flag_  
>  Rating: K+  
> Warnings: one instance of minor language, death mention.  
> Timeline: the morning after Ch. 6  
> Summary: After a tough conversation with Rapunzel, Cassandra finally takes a moment to examine her feelings. Perilune is cautiously supportive, and Varian isn't sure what to make of the change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! I apologize that this chapter came a little bit late today, my dance studio had recital this weekend so that ate up a lot of my time. But I still managed to get 4,000 words! Hurrah! In other news, season 2 is tomorrow and I'm lowkey freaking out. Hopefully this is a nice little treat before we get overwhelmed with all the new content.
> 
> Please remember to comment if you enjoy! - Aqua

_the white flag_

~*~

“Are you serious, Raps?”

Rapunzel winced at Cassandra’s tone. She’d had a feeling that the news wouldn’t go over well with Cassandra, but she might have underestimated by how much. She was pacing in front of Rapunzel’s bed, several emotions clashing on her face as her jaw clenched.

It was the morning after the decision had been made to take Varian off of twenty-four-hour watch. Rapunzel hadn’t been surprised when Cassandra had come to talk to her straight away- she’d meant to tell Cassandra about it the night before, but the discussion had taken more time than she’d thought it would and when it was finally decided, it was already late. She’d wished she’d had a chance to tell Cassandra about it herself, though. That might’ve made this conversation a bit more pleasant.

On her shoulder, Pascal gave a little chirp of reassurance, and Rapunzel took a deep breath. “Yes,” she replied.

Cassandra whirled about to face her. “Taking away his guards? Is that really a good idea?”

Rapunzel nodded. “It’ll be fine,” she assured her. “He’ll still be perfectly secure, and be locked up at night. It’ll be just like house arrest.”

Cassandra frowned. “You’re acting like Varian can’t do any damage inside the castle,” she said. “He’ll have free rein of the place, there’s no _telling_ what he could do.”

Rapunzel tilted her head. “I know how it sounds, but he’s been here for almost three months now, and nothing is going to change if we don’t let it.”

“That’s my point!” Cassandra threw her hands up. “It’s only been _three months._ Do you really think a person like Varian can change that quickly?”

Rapunzel bit her lip. “No offense, Cass, but… you really haven’t spent much time around him.”

Cassandra bristled. “And _why_ do you think that is?”

“I’m just saying.” Rapunzel quickly put her hands up, her voice gentle. “You’re basing this off of the way he used to be. I don’t think he’s wanted revenge in a long time. Besides, even your dad agreed to it.”

“It was an order from the king, Rapunzel,” Cassandra said tersely. “An idea he got from you.”

Rapunzel stared at her, her stomach dropping. “What are you saying?”

Cassandra met her gaze evenly. “I’m saying that you might be letting your emotions cloud your judgement.”

 _“What?”_ Rapunzel gasped.

“You feel guilty about what happened, Rapunzel!” Cassandra exclaimed. “I know you do. That’s why you’re trying so hard to fix things, because you couldn’t be there for him then, and you want to be there for him now.”

The words stung. Rapunzel tried not to let it show. “And what’s wrong with that?” she managed.

Cassandra’s expression darkened. “His choices were his own,” she said lowly. “You _have_ to know that. So going easy on him because you feel like it was your fault isn’t-”

“That’s not what this is about,” Rapunzel protested. “He’s trying to change, Cass, and it’s my- our responsibility to help him.”

Cassandra nodded slowly. “Yeah. Right. This isn’t personal _at all_ for you.”

Rapunzel felt her shoulders hunch defensively. “Well, what about you, then?” she demanded. “You knew him too, probably more than I did. But ever since Old Corona, you’ve been running from your feelings. You’ve never even _talked_ to him about what happened-”

“Like _you_ have?” Cassandra cut in sharply.

“More than you!” Rapunzel retorted.

The words were louder than Rapunzel had intended, and the silence that came after was absolute. Cassandra stared at her, wide-eyed. With a start, Rapunzel realized she was standing, her fists clenched by her sides.

Rapunzel swallowed, wrapping her arms around herself. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “Look, Cass… I’m not asking you to forgive him straight away. Maybe not even at all. But I am asking you to trust me on this, okay?”

Pain flashed across Cassandra’s face. “I’ve always trusted _you.”_

With that, Cassandra turned on her heel and left the room.

Rapunzel fell back down onto her bed with a sigh. “Well, _that_ could’ve gone better,” she said, her voice wavering. Tears pricked at her eyes, and she quickly blinked them away, sniffling.

Pascal chirped comfortingly into her ear, patting her cheek with his scaled foot.

“Oh, Pascal,” Rapunzel whispered. “I hope I’m doing the right thing with him.”

~*~

Cassandra stormed down the empty halls, the castle still and quiet as it always was in the early mornings.

She didn’t get it. How could Rapunzel be ready to move on so quickly? How could everyone be so willing to forget what’d happened, what Varian had done? Yes, she’d seen him after the business with the moon cult went down, and he’d seemed different, but that didn’t mean he was ready to be trusted yet. 

And _sure,_ maybe she hadn’t been around him much. But someone who’d been so far gone couldn’t change that quickly. It didn’t matter that he was in a relationship, either- love couldn’t change people. She wasn’t even sure that the little incident with the key in the marketplace was a good indicator; for all they knew, Varian could’ve planted it to make himself look good. Or maybe he knew that a spur of the moment escape attempt would be ill-advised and likely to fail. Didn’t mean they should trust him with free rein of the place.

She’d been taken off-guard by what he was capable of once before. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake. She _couldn’t._ Not when it’d nearly cost lives last time-

Cassandra’s vision blurred suddenly, hot tears streaking down her face. _Damn it._ She stopped where she stood and angrily wiped them away, forcing a deep breath through her nose. Her chest felt tight, like it had back then- _metal wrapped around her, squeezing, crushing-_

She pushed the thoughts away. Here and now.

“Perilune, what are we doing here?”

Cassandra tensed immediately, startled out of her thoughts. It was Varian, just around the corner- she stepped back against the wall, going still and silent as she listened.

The next voice was Perilune’s, sounding excited. “Come on, I want to show you something!”

Cautiously, Cassandra peered around the corner. Varian and Perilune were a little ways off down the hall, standing in front of a pair of glass doors that lead out to a balcony. It was one of many in the castle, with carved stone walls and a view overlooking the castle gardens.

Varian was lingering back. “Out there?” he asked hesitantly. “I’m not sure…”

Perilune turned to look at him, one hand on the door handle. “It’s alright, they never said anything about the balconies.”

“I just don’t want them to think I’m- I’m trying to get out,” Varian replied, picking at his gloves in a nervous manner.

Perilune raised an eyebrow at him. “Varian, we’re so high up that jumping wouldn’t be escape, it’d be suicide.”

“Well, that just _fills_ me with confidence,” Varian drawled.

Perilune sighed. “Varian-”

“And- and besides…” Varian turned away, and Cassandra caught the anxiety that flashed across his face. “I’m gonna have to go get my potion from Xavier soon and then get my work orders, so I- so I really shouldn’t-”

“Just- come here.” Perilune gently took him by the hand and pulled him through the doors, out onto the balcony. “Look. It’s alright.”

Varian stood uncertainly, looking out over the balcony. Then his expression changed, his mouth falling open slightly.

The sun was rising from the horizon, casting it’s warm, orange glow across the water. It’s reflection was dazzling, sparkling and rippling light in the brightest colors that streaked loud over the still-grey sky.

“Oh,” Varian breathed. “So _that’s_ it.”

Perilune nodded. “I know it’s been a while since you’ve been out during the sunrise,” they said softly. “I thought we could watch it together. The view from here is amazing.”

Varian gave them a small smile, reaching a gloved hand up to cup Perilune’s cheek. “Yeah, it is,” he murmured, leaning in to give them a gentle peck on the lips.

Cassandra quietly slipped away, her brows knit together. That… wasn’t acting. There wasn’t anyone to pretend for, unless he was playing Perilune as well. But the looks on both their faces… that was real. They cared about each other. Which made it even less likely that Varian had been faking.

Worrying about something as simple as being out on a balcony? That wasn’t the behavior of an unreformed criminal. It was hard to imagine Varian was secretly plotting anything when he was just watching the sunrise with his date.

… she had a lot to think about.

~*~

Perilune adjusted their grip on their swords, turning their foot ever so slightly as they held their position.

They’d hardly been at the castle a month, but if felt like they’d gone ages without any sort of training. It was nice to have dual swords in their hands. They’d never really gotten to practice with them other than a few stolen moments while polishing the armory. It felt right. And this time, there was no threat, no danger. Just Perilune and Cassandra and the training field.

Cassandra’s suggestion to train that day had come a bit unexpectedly, though not unwelcome. It wasn’t too surprising, Perilune supposed, because Cassandra had offered a little while ago, but they had yet to take her up on it. Because despite what she’d told them, they found it hard to believe they could go up to her at any time and ask to train. It just didn’t feel right.

They’d started out easily enough. Cassandra had talked them through some of the basic sword fighting positions, and Perilune had been delighted to find that they knew them.

Cassandra studied Perilune’s placement with a keen eye. “Okay, at ease.”

Perilune lowered their swords, shifting out of the defensive stance they’d taken.

“So it looks like you’ve got a pretty strong foundation,” Cassandra said appraisingly. “How much did you say you’d learned?”

Perilune considered the question. “I was taught basic self-defense when I was ten, but I… secretly continued training on my own,” they admitted. “I would listen into the Templar’s lessons whenever I could, watch them train while grooming the horses… it wasn’t much, but I did what I could.”

Approval flashed in Cassandra's eyes. “Alright. We’re gonna focus on the basics first, then, and I’d like to get you comfortable with one-handed swords as well. There may not always be two swords for you to use.”

Perilune nodded. “That makes sense,” they said thoughtfully.

“But since it is your preferred style, we’ll work on that, too.” Cassandra walked over to the weapons rack and withdrew two dual blades, slightly longer than Perilune’s. “And of course, hand-to-hand combat. How often do you want to train?”

Perilune chewed their lip. “I… don’t know if a regular time would be doable. Varian’s schedule changes by the day, and I’d like to spend time with him whenever I can, when he’s just working in the castle.” They hesitated. “Could we… train on days he goes into town?”

Cassandra’s expression was hard to read. “Yeah. I can’t guarantee I’ll always be available, but on those days, come find me in the mornings and I’ll let you know.”

Perilune relaxed. “Okay, thank you.”

Cassandra turned her attention to her swords, twirling them in her hands and examining the blades. “So… Varian.” Her voice was a bit stiff. “How much did he tell you? About what happened?”

Perilune got the sense she meant what’d happened specifically between the two of them, not just in general. “He… just told me that he attacked you at the battle in Old Corona,” they said truthfully. “That you… were almost crushed in his machine.”

Cassandra looked a little surprised at that. “He didn’t say anything else? About… before?”

Perilune frowned. “No?”

Despite themself, they couldn’t help the unsettled feeling in their stomach. Was there something Varian hadn’t told them about his history with Cassandra? Something important?

Cassandra knit her brows together, studying Perilune’s face. “Varian and I were friends, once,” she said finally, her voice heavy. “But after the accident with his father happened… I wasn’t there for Varian the way I should’ve been. None of us were. He felt ignored, which is probably why he went to such extremes. It… doesn’t excuse his actions, but I’m sorry for it.” Her expression softened. “I… want to try and fix it.”

Perilune was quiet for a moment. They thought back to what Varian had told them before, that he didn’t want his own personal history to stop Perilune from making friends. Had he decided not to explain everything about Cassandra so Perilune would find it easier to bond with her?

Because the fact that they’d been friends made the whole thing more personal. Being denied help by the ruler of a kingdom was easier to accept than being denied help by friends. If Varian truly harbored ill feelings for Cassandra, he could’ve easily made her seem terrible to Perilune. The fact that he hadn’t meant he probably wanted to fix things with her, too.

“I think he’d be very happy to hear that,” Perilune said softly, giving Cassandra a small smile.

The corner of Cassandra’s mouth pulled up in a small, tentative smile before she cleared her throat. “Now. Swords up,” she commanded. “Keep your joints loose, and follow my blades.”

Perilune raised their swords.

~*~

Varian turned down the hall towards the library.

He’d been told that Perilune was around, but he hadn’t had any luck finding them yet. They weren’t in his room, so if they weren’t in the library, he might just end up seeing them at dinner. Privately, Varian thought the castle was just too big sometimes, and it was always hard to track Perilune down after getting back from a job in town. His footsteps echoed a bit loudly in the tall hallway.

It was odd, but he now found the absence of Stan and Pete a little unnerving. He’d gotten so used to hearing their footsteps behind him. And going through the castle alone felt like he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to. Like at any moment, guards would come pouring down the halls to throw him back in his cell. It made it hard to truly relax, which he suspected made him look suspicious, which made him even _more_ anxious.

Varian forced the tension from his shoulders as he rounded a corner. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was just looking for Perilune. Surely no one would fault him for-

“Hey.”

Cassandra.

Varian froze, his feet almost screeching to a halt as he stared up at the lady-in-waiting. She was in her more casual outfit, and despite the fact that there were no weapons slung in her belt, she radiated a natural sense of intimidation. Or maybe that was just Varian.

“H- hello,” he stammered finally.

Cassandra’s lips pursed in what might’ve been a smile. “I was hoping to run into you.” She leaned against the wall, her arms loosely folded across her chest. “So. How are things around the castle?”

Varian eyed her warily. “Um, good.” He felt horribly awkward all of a sudden, unsure of what to do with his hands. He crossed his arms, second guessed it, and let them fall to dangle at his sides, picking at the hem of his shirt.

Cassandra didn’t react to his stiff response. “Good. And that doctor, how are things with him?” she asked.

Varian tensed slightly at the question. They were three meetings in, and he still couldn’t say they’d made any actual progress. “Fine.”

“That’s good.” Cassandra nodded. “So, I trained a bit with Perilune today. They did a great job.”

Varian inhaled sharply. This was small talk. _Cassandra_ was making _small talk_ with him. It was weird. It was wrong. It didn’t make sense. They weren’t friends, why would they be? She probably hated him for what he did, and he couldn’t blame her.

“… why are you doing this?” Varian said after a moment, his voice hoarse.

Cassandra exhaled slowly. “Honestly, Varian? I… have realized lately that I’ve been holding onto what happened. And I’m tired of it. I don’t know if things will ever be okay between us, but… I’d like to try. So I’ll see you around.”

She turned to leave, and Varian was suddenly gripped with the need to say _something._

“C- Cassandra, wait!” he called. “I… about th- the automaton, I…”

Cassandra stopped at the words, turning back to look at him, and Varian had to stop himself from flinching under her gaze. He took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t everything he wanted to say. It wasn’t everything he needed to say, but it was all he could manage in that moment. And he _had_ to get it out, to make sure she knew he did regret his actions, that he didn’t view what she’d gone through as collateral damage. If nothing else, she needed to know that.

The look in Cassandra’s eyes was almost understanding- not forgiveness, but acceptance. “Take care, Varian.”

Cassandra vanished around the corner. Varian let out a shaky breath and fell back against the wall, sliding to the floor. He tucked his knees to his chest, holding his head in his hands as if that could stop it from spinning.

She didn’t hate him. Out of everyone, he’d thought for sure _she_ would, but she didn’t. It was almost impossible to wrap his mind around. After everything he’d done- she’d almost _died_ that night. Yet here she was, offering him a white flag of reconciliation. A confused jumble of emotions coursed through him- disbelief, uncertainty, maybe even some relief? And a heavy coating of guilt over it all, tainting everything like a black, oily stain.

“Varian?”

Varian’s head snapped up at Perilune’s voice. They were approaching him from down the hall, brows furrowed in concern.

“Hey,” he offered, his voice still shaky even to his own ears.

Perilune crouched beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright?” they asked, scanning him worriedly. “What happened?”

“I’m fine,” Varian assured them quickly. “Just had a lovely talk with Cassandra.”

Realization dawned, and Perilune nodded slowly, looking unsurprised. “What’d she say?”

Varian let out a shallow breath. “That she wants to move on from this,” he answered. It still seemed unreal to him. “She wants to try… I don’t know if- if forgiveness would be the right word for it. But, not what it’s been like so far.”

Perilune looked thoughtful. “That’s what she told me, too.” They tilted their head. “Why didn’t you tell me you two were friends?” they ventured softly.

Varian blinked. He was surprised Cassandra had brought it up. “Because it doesn’t change what I did,” he said after a moment. “It might’ve sounded like I was trying to… I don’t know, assign blame or- or justify myself. And I didn’t think it mattered anyways, cause we aren’t anymore,” he added, his throat tightening.

“I see.” Perilune’s gaze was sympathetic.

Varian bit his lip. “Besides, I… _may_ have, at- at one point… had a, uh… _tiny_ little bit of a crush on her,” he admitted, his face flushing.

Perilune’s eyes widened. “Oh?” A huge grin spread across their face. “Oh _dear,_ should I be worried?”

Varian buried his face in his hands, his cheeks scorching. “Peri…” he groaned. 

“Be honest. It’s the swords, isn’t it?” Perilune gave him a knowing smirk. “There’s something very attractive about a powerful lady with a sword, right?”

“God, Peri!” Varian gave Perilune a little shove, laughing despite the embarrassment. “It was just a little crush! She’s like- she’s like way too old for me anyways! Besides.” He took a moment to flutter his eyelashes at them. “You’re the only one for me.”

Perilune snorted, the faintest hint of a blush in their cheeks, and leaned forward to press a kiss to his temple. “It’s a relief to know I haven’t been wasting my time,” they said teasingly.

Varian grinned. “Time spent with you could never be a waste,” he assured them, putting a hand on his chest dramatically.

“Well, aren’t _you_ romantic,” Perilune said, amused.

“Hey, I’ve got some great moves!” Varian defended. “Remind me to make a new element and name it after you, okay?”

Perilune raised their eyebrows. “Now I’m curious.”

Varian chuckled. “Alright, but I warn you, the story is actually crazier than it sounds.”

As he delved into the story of the day of the science expo, he was surprised to find he didn’t feel bitter. It was a common notion that time healed all wounds, expressed in the popular saying, _‘we’re going to look back on this one day and laugh.’_ Now, he thought that maybe it didn’t matter how much time passed.

Maybe it mattered more _who_ it was spent with.

~*~

Rapunzel looked up at a soft knock on her door.

She stood from her desk, setting down the invitations she was examining. The Winter Gala committee needed her approval before they could go out, not just on the design of the invites, but who they were addressed to. While it was a bit of a hassle, she had to admit she was grateful for all the little things that kept her busy. It’d stopped her from worrying about her argument with Cassandra all day.

That apprehension was back tenfold, however, as Rapunzel called out. “Come in?”

Unsurprisingly, Cassandra poked her head through the door. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Rapunzel offered a small smile.

Cassandra stepped fully into the room. “I came to apologize. I said some things that were out of line, and that wasn’t fair to you.”

“I’m sorry too, Cass,” Rapunzel said. “Your concerns are valid, and I should’ve considered your feelings in all this.”

“No, it’s okay, Raps.” Cassandra shook her head. “I was just being stubborn, I guess, and you shouldn’t let it bother you. From now on, I’ll be more supportive.”

Rapunzel knit her brows together. There was something in Cassandra’s tone that stuck out to her. “Hey,” she said softly, taking Cassandra by the hands to sit down on her bed. “Hey, you can tell me what’s going on.”

Cassandra took a deep breath. “I guess I’ve been having a hard time because it seems like everyone’s ready to move past this, and… I’m not. Or, I wasn’t.” She lowered her gaze. “And it made me feel like I was the only person who remembered what happened.”

“Oh, Cass,” Rapunzel murmured. “That’s not it at all. I’m pushing so hard for this _because_ I can’t forget what happened.”

Cassandra looked up. “Really?”

Rapunzel nodded. “You were right in saying that I feel responsible for what happened with Varian. And I do, because it _was_ my responsibility. His actions were his own, but I shouldn’t have let it reach that point. So the fact that Varian wants to change? I just want to do everything I can to make that happen.” She squeezed Cassandra’s hand. “That night at Old Corona? That was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. And I want to do everything I can to make sure nothing like that happens ever again.”

Cassandra’s eyes were misty. “I… had no idea, Raps.”

Rapunzel gave her a rueful smile. “I guess we should talk more often, huh?”

Cassandra huffed a laugh, wiping at her eyes. “Yeah, major understatement.”

The last of the tension broke, and Rapunzel pulled Cassandra into a hug. “For the record? I do appreciate your input. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t bring up your concerns with me, okay?”

“Duly noted,” Cassandra said, her voice muffled in Rapunzel’s ear.

Rapunzel pulled away, smiling.

“Now, how about you give me your input on these invitations?”

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In case you can't tell, I really wish we'd gotten some insight to Cassandra's feelings on the whole Varian situation. Hopefully that'll come up at some point. But in any case, I unfortunately can't give it all the time and attention and nuance I would like in this story, for several reasons, so I've done my best to make her feelings, reactions, and thoughts believable. (Personally, I think she's got a perfectly valid reason to be wary of Varian, even if he's not nearly as villainous in this story.)
> 
> However, if you want to read a fic that gets really, _really_ deep into Cassandra's thoughts and mindset, then I'm gonna go ahead and recommed Izadreamer's fic 'The Labyrinths of the Heart', which is a darker au, and her canon setting one-shot 'erase the slate.' (In fact, I'd recommend _all_ of Iza's writing tbh, those are just where you'll find the most Cass introspection.)
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed! **Please leave a comment if you did!** And I'll see you next time! - Aqua


	8. the paths we make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _the paths we make_  
>  Rating: G  
> Warnings: none  
> Timeline: several days after Chapter Seven  
> Summary: Rapunzel’s good intentions bring a difficult issue to light for Varian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! I really appreciated all the lovely feedback I got on the last chapter, you guys are amazing! Slowly but surely, we’re working on repairing these relationships, and I’m so happy you’re enjoying the ride. Please continue to share your thoughts with me, and I hope you enjoy! - Aqua

__

_the paths we make_

~*~

Rapunzel hummed to herself as she made her way through the halls of the castle.

She was glad to have finally caught a free day, as most of her time outside of her regular princess duties was filled with planning for the Winter Gala. She had a few hours to herself before her lunch plans with Eugene, and was thinking of spending them painting.

But first, she thought she might drop by the kitchens and grab a little snack. Her bare feet were silent on the smooth floors of the hallways, taking her to the kitchen with practiced ease. Already, her mind was wandering, thinking about what she was going to paint. Maybe she could tackle landscapes today, capture the view from her balcony-

A distressed cry rang out through the halls. Heart jolting, Rapunzel immediately started running to the sound, noting with surprise that it was towards the kitchens. She turned the corner and gasped.

It was Varian, pinned to the wall by a guard Rapunzel didn’t recognize. His hands were tight around Varian’s arms, his features curled into a scowl beneath the visor of his helmet. Varian’s expression was that of sheer panic, his pale blue eyes wide and frightened.

“- trying to do?” the guard was asking him coldly.

“N- nothing, sir!” Varian looked close to tears. “I was- I wasn’t d- doing _anything!”_

There were very few situations where Rapunzel felt it necessary to raise her voice. She strongly believed in keeping her cool and speaking with respect, courtesy, and thoughtfulness- except in extreme cases. This counted as one of them.

 _“Hey!”_ Rapunzel shouted as she made her way down the hallway. “Let him go!”

The guard instantly startled at her voice, turning to face her. “Your Highness?”

Varian’s shocked gaze flickered to her, but he made no move to pull away from the guard’s hold. His stillness was tense, fearful, like a wild animal frozen in torchlight.

Rapunzel came to a stop before them. “What’s going on?” she demanded.

The guard kept on hand on Varian’s arm. “I caught him trying to sneak into the kitchens, Your Highness,” he said, his voice layered with hostility and suspicion.

Rapunzel knit her brows together. “Why would that…” she trailed off as she remembered. The kitchen had been deemed one of Varian’s ‘off-limits’ areas due to the truth serum incident. She glanced over at him. “Varian?”

Varian swallowed. “I w- was just looking,” he whispered. “I- I wasn’t gonna go in, I swear!”

“It’s alright,” Rapunzel said gently. She fought the urge to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, knowing it’d be ill-received. “What did you need from the kitchens?”

Varian’s expression clouded. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled.

The guard shook Varian’s arm. “Your princess asked you a question,” he said sternly.

“It’s not important!” Varian insisted, his voice wavering. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Please, just- I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, can- can I just go now?”

Rapunzel bit her lip. “Varian.” She waited until he’d looked up at her. “You can tell me, alright? It’s okay.”

Varian hesitated before he took a deep, shaky breath, lowering his gaze. “I… was just looking for the chef to ask if I could make cookies,” he said quietly. “Perilune told me they’ve never had them before, and… I wanted to surprise them.”

Rapunzel blinked. It was such a simple thing, so unexpected, it completely threw her. And it was sweet, it was absolutely precious that Varian had thought to do something like that for Perilune. But what quickly brought her mood back down was the realization that Varian wasn’t even allowed to do something as innocent as this due to the restrictions placed on him. It’d never even occurred to her before.

“Oh,” Rapunzel said finally. “Well, the chef is actually out right now, interviewing applicants for a new kitchen maid. But I wouldn’t mind keeping you company!” Which was, admittedly, a nicer way of putting it, but she was trying her best.

Varian bit his lip. He didn’t want to. He really didn’t want to, Rapunzel could tell, would rather not have to spend another second around her. But there was the slightest glimmer of hesitation in his eyes, the desire to do something thoughtful for someone he cared about, that made him finally relent.

“Thank you, Your Highness,” Varian said stiffly.

The guard frowned. “Your Highness-”

“I am more than capable of supervising him,” Rapunzel cut him off, a bit harshly. “Your assistance isn’t required for this situation; a situation you grossly overreacted to, by the way. Dismissed.”

The guard’s jaw tightened. He knew as well Rapunzel did that he couldn’t ignore a direct order from the princess, unless he had orders from Dad or Mom. “Yes, Your Highness,” he said, dipping his head.

He departed without another word, the thud of his boots vanishing around the corner. Varian wrapped his arms around himself, nodding his head at the kitchen doorway.

“After you, Your Highness,” he murmured.

Rapunzel’s heart twisted. “There’s… no need for that,” she said quietly, leading the way into the kitchen. The hearth fire was roaring away, a large pot of stew for tonight’s dinner left to slow cook over the flames, its aroma filling the air.

Varian didn’t acknowledge the words, brushing past her to grab a mixing bowl out of a cupboard. “Would you mind telling me where the eggs are, Your Highness? Or- or am I not allowed to touch any of the food, either?”

Rapunzel paused, inhaling slowly. Varian’s voice was tight with unhappiness, frustration, guilt. There was still an angry flush to his cheeks- or maybe it was more embarrassed. And she got the feeling he was more shaken from the incident that he was letting on.

“They’re in the icebox in the pantry,” Rapunzel replied calmly. “And it’s perfectly fine, I’m right here so if anyone tries to make a fuss, I’ll handle it.” She scanned the cluttered countertops for a sack of flour, pulling the heavy bag over to a cleaner workspace.

“W- wait,” Varian said suddenly. He was staring at the bag of flour in her hands, looking uneasy. “I- you don’t have to help me.”

Rapunzel paused. “Well, I’m not just going to stand here and watch you bake cookies,” she said lightly. “I love baking!” Her expression sobered. “Is… that okay with you?”

In response, Varian just jerked his shoulder in a shrug, turning away to go get the eggs.

Rapunzel bit her lip and picked up a flour scoop. They worked in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. There was something incredibly odd about making cookies with someone in such a tense atmosphere. Every sound seemed louder, more grating, from the cracking of eggshells to the clanking of measuring cups.

Finally, Rapunzel decided to try and attempt conversation. “So, you said these are for Perilune?” she asked, figuring that was as safe a topic as any.

Varian stiffened, giving her a wary look with a measuring cup hovering over the bowl. “Yeah,” he said, glancing away again as he dumped baking soda into the bowl. “They’ve never had them before. Apparently, the cult doesn’t do cookies.”

Not for the first time, Rapunzel was saddened at the thought of how Perilune had grown up. “Well, this is really thoughtful of you,” she said, mustering up a bit of cheerfulness to her voice. “I’m sure Perilune will appreciate it.”

Varian set the measuring cup down with a bit more force than necessary. “That was the point,” he muttered.

Rapunzel couldn’t stop herself from sighing. “Look Varian,” she began, keeping her voice level, “I’m sorry that guard gave you a hard time. I’ll be talking to my dad and the Captain about it. But it’s not fair for you to take this out on me. I’m only trying to help you.”

Varian’s shoulders hunched up defensively. “That’s just the thing!” he finally snapped. “I- I shouldn’t _need_ your help to- forget it,” he bit off abruptly, looking away. “Let’s just get this finished.”

Rapunzel frowned, but let the conversation die there. She got the sense he’d been pushed enough today as it was.

The rest of the time passed quietly, uneventfully. Varian didn’t snap at her again, but there was a sort of dark cloud hanging over him, and she thought once or twice there might’ve been tears shining in his eyes, quickly blinked away. When the cookies were done baking, Varian scooped some into a little basket and left without a word.

Alone in the kitchen, Rapunzel nibbled absently on a still-warm cookie. She wasn’t sure how much longer things would be this way, or how much longer she could stand it. And she supposed in all actuality, it’d hadn’t been _that_ long since everything had happened. He’d spent the following two months so deep in a depression that time hardly counted. He’d really only begun processing and moving on about a month ago, after the kidnapping and everything with his powers.

So Rapunzel was certainly impressed with the progress he’d made thus far, it was something he definitely deserved credit for. But she couldn’t help but feel concerned about the current pace. It really didn’t seem like things between her and Varian were getting better.

Maybe she’d have to be a bit more proactive about this.

~*~

Varian fought back tears as he hurried through the castle.

Now that he was alone, away from Rapunzel, what little composure he had was crumbling. He tightened his grip on the basket of cookies, angrily wiping his eyes with the back of his glove. He was frustrated and humiliated and still shaking from being unexpectedly grabbed by the guard.

It wasn’t just the act itself that’d rattled him so badly, though that alone was enough of a reason. It was the fact that after being shoved against the wall, he’d felt his powers trying to respond.

Varian hadn’t felt them since being on the potion. And he supposed it was still working because nothing had happened; no glowing, no lightning, no shaking ground. But for the first time since he’d found a solution- or rather, _they_ had found a solution _for_ him, he’d felt that small pinprick of ice in his core stirring, and it terrified him. And of course, he’d known the potion didn’t get _rid_ of his powers, that they were still there, but it was one thing to _know_ and another to _feel._

He choked back the sob that was determinedly working its way up his throat. This shouldn’t have happened. When he’d finished his job unexpectedly early that day, he should’ve just gone back to his room to wait for Perilune. Sure, it’d be a waste of a day, but if he had, he wouldn’t have gotten himself into trouble, wouldn’t be dealing with this right now-

Varian turned a corner and almost ran smack into someone, jumping back at the last second. Through his tear-blurred vision, he could just make out a fuzzily familiar face and a pair of spectacles.

“Varian?”

“Dr. Morrison,” Varian managed, his stomach dropping. Of all the people to see him like this-

“Are you alright?” Dr. Morrison asked, sounding concerned.

Varian sniffled and forced a watery smile. “Yes, I- I’m f- fine,” he babbled, “I just- I just came f- from the kitchens and was- and was heading back t- to my room, and I made cookies, would you like one?” He held the basket out, his breathing hitching.

Dr. Morrison put a hand on Varian’s shoulder, his gaze sympathetic and understanding. “Would you like to step into my office?” he asked gently.

It was then that Varian realized they were standing outside Dr. Morrison’s office. He hesitated; technically, their next session wasn’t supposed to be for another couple days, and he didn’t want to be a bother. He wanted to go straight to his room, cry, and then act like this had never happened.

Except…

He never really felt better after he did that, did he? No, he always had to get it out, somehow- nowadays usually that meant talking to Perilune. But there was a limit to how much he was willing to put on them. And if there was someone else he could talk to instead, someone who was right here and ready to help him…

Varian swallowed hard, nodding. “Y- yes,” he admitted, fresh tears streaking down his face.

Dr. Morrison opened the door for him, and Varian hurried inside. Instead of settling into the chair like usual, he dropped the basket of cookies onto it and started pacing the length of the room, his nails digging into his arms. Dr. Morrison sat down at his desk, undeterred, as calm as ever.

“What happened?” he asked.

Varian took a shuddering breath. “I was- I was stopped by a guard f- for trying to get into the kitchens. But I wasn’t, I _wasn’t,_ I was just looking for th- the chef.” He hated the way his voice trembled, but he couldn’t help it. “He d- didn’t even ask me, he- he just _assumed_ I was doing something wrong.”

Dr. Morrison’s brows furrowed. “Are you okay?”

“He didn’t hurt me,” Varian said absently. “Not really, I just- it still hurt, just in a- in a different way.”

“How so?” Dr. Morrison prompted.

Varian stopped pacing. “I thought things w- would be better now. I don’t- I don’t have guards following me everywhere. But I’m still just- I can’t even be trusted in a _kitchen._ Rapunzel had to watch me the entire time.” He raked his hands through his hair. “I c- can’t even do something as simple as making cookies for someone I care about and it just makes me feel so trapped and powerless and… I th- thought things would be better now but they _aren’t.”_

Dr. Morrison leaned forward a bit. “You said you feel powerless?”

Varian nodded, his vision blurring suddenly with hot tears.

“Why?” Dr. Morrison asked simply.

Varian’s throat tightened. “Because I’m just… it’s like I can’t- I can’t do _anything.”_ He grabbed the back of the chair to steady himself, his shoulders hitching up as the first tears started to fall. “I have t- to take a potion every morning and sleep in a locked cell and do w- whatever they tell me to, and- and even though I’m not being constantly guarded anymore there are st- still places I can’t go and things I can’t do and I _can’t-”_ His voice cracked, and he grit his teeth as a strangled sob tore through him.

Dr. Morrison was quiet for a moment, thinking. “What _can_ you do?”

“What?” Varian was so bewildered he stopped crying.

“What can you do?” Dr. Morrison repeated. 

Varian fell silent as he thought about it, drumming his fingers along the back of the chair. “I guess I… I could _technically_ refuse to take the potion every morning?” he ventured.

Dr. Morrison hummed noncommittally. “Why do you, then?”

Varian stared at him. “Because… if I didn’t, I’d… my powers would flare up,” he said slowly. “And I’d have to stay in my cell. That’s… not a great choice.”

Dr. Morrison shrugged. “But it’s still a choice.”

Varian blinked. “I… I guess.” He’d never looked at it like that before.

“Now, what about your community service?” Dr. Morrison looked at him expectantly. “What do you suppose would happen if you refused to do it?”

Varian knit his brows together. His immediate thought at doing something like that was panic, fear- but if he actually thought about it, realistically… they wouldn’t hurt him for it. It might be scary facing their anger or disappointment, but they wouldn’t _do_ anything to him. “I’d… probably just get sent back to my cell,” he said eventually.

“Well,” Dr. Morrison said thoughtfully, “that certainly sounds like less work. Why do it?”

Varian frowned. “Because I don’t want to sit in a cell all day?”

Dr. Morrison tilted his head. “So, by extension…?”

“I… do it because I want to.” Varian was stunned at the realization. He… admittedly, he enjoyed having stuff to keep him busy, working with his hands- even if it was just grunt work, and he enjoyed the sense of accomplishment he felt when he was done.

Dr. Morrison nodded. “Now, what about Perilune? You’ve chosen to be with them. What would happen if you ended your relationship?”

“I _wouldn’t,”_ Varian said instantly, a defensive edge to his voice.

Dr. Morrison didn’t look fazed. “But theoretically, say if you did?”

Varian hesitated. “Perilune… they’d understand,” he said quietly. “They… would move out of my cell, and- and they wouldn’t push it. They’d respect my decision, and…” he trailed off as he realized what he’d just said, his eyes widening. “My decision.”

Dr. Morrison’s expression was kind. “It’s true there are some things out of your control right now. But when that gets to be too overwhelming, it can be helpful to think about the things you _do_ have control over. Even if they’re small.” He sat back in his chair. “For example; even after what happened with that guard, you still decided to make the cookies. Even though it meant spending time around a person you have difficulties with.”

Varian inhaled slowly. “You’re right. I… did that.”

“Yes.” Dr. Morrison’s eyes shined with approval behind his spectacles. “And what do you want to do now?”

Varian sniffled a bit, wiping the tears from his face. He felt calmer now, more clear-headed, his breathing evened back out to normal. “I… want to go back to my room and wait for Perilune to get back,” he said decisively. “So I can surprise them.”

Dr. Morrison smiled. “That sounds like a great choice.”

Varian smiled back.

~*~

Perilune made their way through the castle, deep in thought.

Their trip to the orphanage to visit the other Servant kids had been tiring, but fulfilling. Fortunately, Lacus hadn’t caused any problems, and had settled for glaring at them from a distance. Perilune had enjoyed spending time with the others. Getting to know them, answering their questions… it was nice.

It was comforting to be in the company of people who understood them, where they’d come from. There was always this slight disconnect when Perilune was talking with people, a small gap they had to bridge. Varian probably understood the best because he’d spent time at the temple, had seen what they were like, but even he didn’t know the full extent of it. But among other Servant kids, that wasn’t a problem, so it was sort of a relief in that regard.

The strangest part of the day was the fact that Perilune had been allowed to make the trip on their own. Rapunzel had told them they were free to leave the castle whenever they wanted, so long as they let someone know where they were going, but it was a completely different thing to actually do it. All the way to the orphanage, Perilune had been waiting for someone to come after them, to call them back and scold them for going off on their own. But it never came. Upon their return, they’d been greeted with a simple ‘welcome back’ and that was it.

Freedom. Perilune supposed they could get used to it.

They turned a corner, heading down the hall towards their and Varian’s room. It was still early in the evening, so the night guards weren’t yet posted outside. Perilune didn’t know if Varian was done with his jobs for the day yet, but they figured it’d be worth it to check the room, maybe hang out there and rest until dinner time. They pulled the door open and slipped inside.

“There you are!”

Varian was already waiting, sitting on the bed with Ruddiger in his lap. The raccoon gave Perilune a little yip in greeting, though seemed content to remain where he was. There was a small basket resting next to Varian, its contents covered with a cloth.

“Well, hello,” Perilune said, crossing to sit beside Varian. They gave Ruddiger a scratch behind the ears before pressing a kiss to Varian’s cheek. “I hope you weren’t waiting long for me?”

Varian smiled. “Eh, I finished early today, but it’s no big deal.”

“Oh.” Perilune felt a rush of guilt. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have taken so long to-”

“Hey,” Varian said gently, covering their hand with his own. “It’s alright, I don’t mind! Besides, it uh, it gave me time to do this.” He grabbed the basket and held it out to them. “Surprise?”

Curious, Perilune took it, pulling back the cloth. Right away, a wonderful smell filled the air, and Ruddiger hopped off of Varian’s lap to poke his nose at the basket. It was filled with what almost looked like flat, round biscuits, dotted with chocolate. 

“I made cookies!” Varian said.

Perilune’s eyes widened. The topic had come up in conversation the day before. They hadn’t thought much of it; they were gradually realizing how different everything had been with the Servants, and this was just one more thing to add to the list. But the fact that Varian had not only remembered, but took it upon himself to do this?

Perilune’s heart tightened. “You… did this for me?”

Varian’s expression softened. “Well, yeah. Of course,” he said shyly. His eyes lit up. “Go on, try one!”

Perilune picked one up and took a bite. The texture was soft and chewy, but not dense. It was buttery, with hints of vanilla and brown sugar, and it was absolutely delicious.

“So? What- what do you think?” Varian asked excitedly.

“It’s sweet,” Perilune said, mildly surprised. They’d been expecting it from the chocolate, but not the dough itself. They flashed Varian a grin. “But not as sweet as you.”

Varian blushed. _“Peri...”_

“Too much?” Perilune asked teasingly. “Sorry, I was just hoping to _bake_ your day.”

Varian snickered, reaching up to brush some chocolate from the corner of Perilune’s mouth. “I won’t sugarcoat it, that was pretty crummy. You trying to butter me up?”

Perilune hummed, dipping down to give Varian a peck on the lips. “I just can’t help it if I want to _flour_ you with affection.”

Varian’s face turned even redder. “Ugh, I’m gonna get a cavity,” he mumbled.

Perilune shrugged. “Hey, you knew what you were getting into. You made your choice.”

Varian’s expression changed at that, becoming something thoughtful and sincere and determined all at once. “Yeah,” he said softly, “I did.” He cupped their cheek. “I chose you.”

Perilune’s heart fluttered. They tipped forward so their forehead was resting against Varian’s.

“And yours I’ll stay.”

~*~

“Thank you for meeting with me, Dr. Morrison.”

Rapunzel shook the doctor’s hand, smiling, before sitting down. Dr. Morrison sat down across from her at his desk. He had this calming aura about him, a reassuring and earnest glint in his eyes that immediately put Rapunzel at ease. She could definitely see why her parents hired him.

“Of course, Your Highness.” Dr. Morrison smiled in kind. “I’m always willing to discuss matters concerning my clients. Which, I assume this is about Varian, yes?”

“That’s right.” Rapunzel took a deep breath. “Now, I… know you have to keep some things private for Varian’s sake. And I totally understand that. I just… want to know if there’s anything else I could be doing to try and help him,” she explained.

Dr. Morrison tilted his head, considering. “What have you been doing thus far?”

Rapunzel played with a strand of her hair. “I’ve… been trying to keep my distance to let him adjust, but now I’m wondering if that’s just going to make it harder to put this behind us,” she admitted worriedly. “Because I _have_ seen changes in him, I mean, a month ago he wouldn’t even speak to anyone, much less me, but now I’m almost feeling like he’s… like, our relationship has reached as far as it can go on its own.” She sighed. “You know what I mean?”

Dr. Morrison nodded slowly, his expression thoughtful. “Varian has yet to discuss anything concerning you in our meetings,” he said. “I do agree with you that he might need some encouragement to face these problems instead of putting them off, but it’s critical we do so in a way he feels comfortable with.”

“What would you suggest?” Rapunzel asked.

Dr. Morrison sat back in his chair. “Start small,” he said decisively. “Just get him used to being around you more often. I understand it’s a large castle and your schedule is almost always full, but spending time with him will help ease the intensity of your past experiences. Making new memories, so he doesn’t consistently associate you with what occurred before.”

Rapunzel hummed. “That makes sense.”

Dr. Morrison held a finger up. “Keep in mind, make sure these interactions are something he can easily opt out of, without feeling pressured either way. If he feels he’s trapped in a situation with you he’ll be more reluctant to let his guard down. Always make sure he has a choice.”

Rapunzel bit her lip. “And if he keeps saying no?”

“At least he’ll know you’re trying if you keep offering.” Dr. Morrison shrugged. “That alone might be enough for him to consider it.”

“Alright.” Rapunzel nodded. “I can do that.”

“I’m happy to hear it,” Dr. Morrison said, his voice genuine. “I think this would greatly benefit the both of you.”

Rapunzel grinned, an even mix of excitement, apprehension, and hope fluttering in her chest.

“I think so, too.”

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: God I think all that fluff gave _me_ a cavity. Anyways, as I've said from the start, this is a really slow burn fic when it comes to character development. Varian's only just begun to try and make amends with Cass and Eugene, and hasn't even started with Rapunzel. I know it might not feel like it, but from the beginning of the series to now only about a month has passed? So we're not even close to the end at this point. This part, Part 3, is actually plotted to have about twenty chapters at the moment, and then we have Part 4, 5, and 6 to go. So hang in there!
> 
> If you enjoyed, **please don't forget to leave a comment!** Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next time. - Aqua


	9. expressive calibration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _expressive calibration_  
>  Rating: T  
> Warnings: non-descriptive kissing  
> Timeline: A few days after Ch. 8  
> Summary: When Varian gets the opportunity to work on a project at the castle, he gets a little too invested in it, so Perilune is forced to take drastic measures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! First off, I really appreciate the feedback from last chapter, each new comment totally made my day. Now, as you’ve no doubt noticed, the rating has gone up. This is very largely due to my own paranoia; I am being extremely safe with this, and though it really isn’t necessary, I’d rather over estimate than underestimate. There will be kissing beyond what we’ve had so far, but it’ll be nowhere near the level of super-descriptive making out. So no worries about that! I’m just being super careful.
> 
> Also, it just so happens to be fluff week, so this fits perfectly! Hope you enjoy! - Aqua

_expressive calibration_

~*~

Varian stood in the throne room, his hands folded in front of him to combat the urge to fidget.

Like last time, he was unaccompanied, standing alone in front of the king, queen, and princess. He took slight comfort in the knowledge that he wasn’t in trouble; Dr. Morrison had taken him aside earlier and explained that the royal family would be asking to speak with him at some point. Though it’d been nerve-wracking to wait all day, it was better than having it sprung on him unexpectedly, so for that he was grateful.

Still, Varian really wished they wouldn’t call him to the throne room whenever they needed to tell him something. It did nothing to help his nerves- nor did the fact that Perilune was waiting anxiously outside with no clue what was happening.

“Hello, Varian.” Queen Arianna started it off to, presumably, put him more at ease. She gave him a kind smile. “Thank you for speaking with us.”

As if Varian had a ch- no. He _did_ have a choice, he reminded himself. He managed a tight-lipped smile. “Of course, Your Majesty,” Varian replied, his voice stiff but laced with enough politeness not to be considered rude.

King Frederic remained impassive. “It has come to our attention that the plumbing system in the castle is in need of an upgrade,” he began, without preamble. “The current system is inefficient, and there are several recent additions that need to be connected.”

From there, Rapunzel spoke up. “We’d like to offer that job to you,” she said, smiling. “Coming up with a better working system.”

It took Varian a moment to realize what they were saying. He couldn’t help but gasp. “R- really?”

King Frederic nodded. “In place of your community service,” he continued. “You’ll be provided with a workspace and any materials you need. There’ll be guards posted outside, and when you’re ready to work, the room will be unlocked for you. You will have to be supervised while inside, and the room will be kept locked when not in use. But you may work whenever you wish, so long as you’re back to your room by curfew.”

“Do you accept?” Queen Arianna asked.

“I- yes, I accept,” Varian stammered. “Th- thank you, Your Majesties.” He glanced at Rapunzel, hesitant. He had a feeling this had been her idea, and despite the conflicting emotions that brought up, he offered her a faint smile. “Your Highness.”

Rapunzel’s eyes widened, pleasantly surprised, before she dipped her head in return.

King Frederic seemed satisfied. “Very good. There’ll be a guard outside to show you to your workshop.” He put his arm out. “You’re dismissed.”

With a final bow of his head, Varian turned and left the throne room. 

Perilune was waiting for him outside the doors, their face lighting up with relief when they saw him. “So, what was it about?” they asked, apprehensive but trying not to show it.

“I’m… going back to work,” Varian said slowly, dumbfounded.

Perilune blinked at him. “What?”

“Actual work.” It finally finished processing, and Varian broke out into a huge grin, sweeping Perilune up in a hug. “Peri, can you believe it?” he cried excitedly. “I actually get to do _real work_ in a _real workshop_ and _everything!”_

Perilune laughed as he set them back down. “Varian, that’s wonderful!” they exclaimed, leaning in to give him a quick peck on the cheek. “Congratulations!”

“Excuse me.”

They both looked up at the sound of a new voice. A guard was standing before them.

“I’m to show you where you’ll be working,” he said.

Varian felt like his heart was going to burst from excitement. He slipped his hand into Perilune’s.

“Yes, sir. Lead the way.”

~*~

Perilune slowly blinked awake, staring up at the gray stone ceiling.

From the amount of light shining underneath the door, it was still not too late in the morning, not late enough to have missed breakfast. Though, maybe a bit later than usual. Perilune wasn’t surprised they’d slept in a little; last night had certainly been exciting.

They’d spent the last hours of the prior day in Varian’s new workshop, listening to him explain what each little gadget and instrument was with the most brilliant spark in his eyes. It was clear he was in his element and it was just enthralling to watch.

He’d probably want to get to work straight away. Perilune rolled over onto their side. “Varian?” they whispered. “Are you awa-”

He wasn’t there.

Perilune stared at the empty space beside them for a moment before bolting upright, looking around the room. Ruddiger was missing as well, no sign of either of them. Heart pounding, Perilune shrugged off the covers, sparing a moment only to pull their boots on before racing to the door.

Perilune threw open the door, startling Stan and the other guard accompanying him while Pete was on suspension. “Where’s Varian?” they asked breathlessly.

Stan clutched his heart. “Oh, Perilune, good morning!” He caught his breath. “Varian left a couple hours ago to go to his workshop,” he said, jabbing his thumb down the hallway.

Perilune’s knees went weak with relief. They let out a shaky breath, leaning against the wall and willing their heart to calm. Of course. It was fine, Varian was fine, nothing happened. Everything was fine- so why did they still feel like they were going to be sick?

“Woah, are you okay?” The second guard sounded concerned.

Perilune glanced up at the guards. “Yes, sir, sorry. I’m fine,” they assured, giving them a faint, apologetic smile. “Thank you for telling me. I’ll… go find him now.”

Pushing off from the wall, Perilune started their way down the halls. They tried to get control of their breathing, their heart beating madly in their chest. There was no reason to be so worked up! They knew that. But they couldn’t help it if their footsteps were a bit hurried.

The door to the workshop was open, no guards visible. Perilune poked their head through the doorway.

“Varian?”

“Oh, hey, Peri!”

Varian was standing hunched over at a workbench, tracing a sheet of paper with a gloved finger as Ruddiger watched him from his perch on Varian’s shoulders.

The last of Perilune’s fear vanished, and they exhaled slowly. “Varian.” They walked over to him, giving Ruddiger a pat on the head before pressing a kiss to Varian’s temple. “Morning,” they murmured, pulling back to give him a faint smile. “Why didn’t you wake me before leaving?”

Varian didn’t look up from his work. “I left early, I wanted to let you sleep,” he explained.

“Oh.” Perilune picked at their arm bracers. He was just being considerate- there was no reason for them to feel so off about it. They shook themselves out of it. “Well, I’m going to get some breakfast. Have you eaten yet?”

Varian waved a hand in Perilune’s direction. “Nah, but it’s okay, I’ll just eat a big lunch.”

Perilune pursed their lips. “Alright,” they relented. “I’ll be back in a little bit, then, okay?”

“Okay.”

Perilune lingered a bit, hesitating, wanting to say something else but not knowing what. Finally, they turned a gave a polite smile to the guards sitting back against the wall and excused themself, departing silently down the hall.

Maybe they’d feel better after breakfast.

~*~

Perilune blew their bangs out of their eyes with a huff, adjusting their grip on their swords.

Training wasn’t going well today. Everything felt awkward and unbalanced, their swords too heavy in their hands. Cassandra hadn’t said anything yet, but Perilune could see from the lines around her mouth that she’d noticed, and that only made them feel worse.

Frustration and anxiety bit at them. They were trying their best to stay focused, but their mind kept straying to Varian, to what he might be doing at the moment. It’d been a few days since he’d started his new project, and as time wore on he seemed to get pulled further and further into it and they didn’t know what to do.

Perilune fumbled through another parry, and Cassandra frowned.

“Perilune, is everything okay?” she asked, lowering her swords. “You seem distracted today.”

Perilune sheathed their swords with a sigh. “… no,” they relented. “It’s Varian.”

Cassandra raised her eyebrows. “Varian? What about him?”

Perilune bit their lip. “It’s been three days, and he’s been working pretty much nonstop. He wakes up before I do and goes straight over to the workshop after getting his potion, and stays until curfew every night. I can barely get him to eat anything. I’m… getting really worried about him,” they admitted.

Cassandra was quiet for a moment, her expression clouding into something unreadable. Perilune suddenly had a striking moment of clarity; here they were, expressing their worries about Varian to the person he’d almost _killed,_ once upon a time. Though she’d made it clear she didn’t hate Varian and wanted things to get better, there was no reason Perilune should expect her to care or help.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Perilune said quickly, their face flushing. They lowered their gaze, picking at their arm bracers. “I- I didn’t realize- please, just forget about it. I’m sure it’ll be alright-”

“Woah, hey, you’re fine!” Cassandra assured them. “Really, it’s okay. It’s not like you’re forbidden to talk about Varian around me.” A bit of amusement entered her tone. “I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”

Perilune met Cassandra’s gaze tentatively, finding it to be genuine. “… alright,” they said, relieved. “Thank you. I just… want to help him, but I’m not sure how.”

Cassandra’s expression turned thoughtful. “I… could talk to Raps about restricting his time in the workshop?” she suggested. “Only let him work a few hours a day.”

Perilune winced. “I… don’t think he’d take that well,” they said apologetically.

Cassandra tilted her head. “If his health is starting to become at risk, we might not have a choice,” she said gently. “But you’re right, we don’t wanna set him back if we can avoid it. Have you tried talking to him about it yet?”

“A couple times,” Perilune said. “But it’s like he barely hears it. He’s so wrapped up in what he’s doing… and when we’re outside the workshop there really isn’t time, because he’s usually rushing a meal, or it’s already bedtime and I want to try and let him rest.”

Cassandra hummed noncommittally. “Sounds like he needs a change of scenery,” she said. “Try getting him somewhere else, getting him out of the workshop to talk.” She held up a finger. “Don’t take no for an answer, this is too important.”

“I… understand.” Perilune nodded slowly. “That’s as good a place to start as any, I suppose.”

“Good.” Cassandra’s eyes glinted with satisfaction. “Now, let’s try this again.”

Determined, Perilune drew their swords.

~*~

Varian squinted down at his blueprints, frowning.

Well, this wasn’t going to work. He couldn’t run a pipe through that wall because it was load bearing, so he’d have to redirect the entire line. Biting back an irritated huff, he slumped back in his desk chair and rubbed at his temples. He could feel the beginnings of a stress headache, a small, steady beat drumming against his skull. There’d been quite a few of them the past couple days.

He’d been excited about this project, but admittedly, it was a little out of his comfort zone. It was one thing to write up blueprints for the plumbing system; he’d improved on his old version of the idea exponentially, had hardly broken a sweat. But it was another thing to try and fit it into a pre-existing structure. Architecture wasn’t his forte and it was giving him more problems than he cared to admit.

Varian shook himself out of it, snatching up his pencil again. No complaining.

“Hey, you.”

Varian glanced over his shoulder at the sound Perilune’s voice, finding them in the doorway. “Hey,” he greeted them briefly, turning back to his desk. So, that way wouldn’t work, but maybe if he shifted the entire system one unit counter-clockwise he could-

“Come on, we’re taking a break.”

Perilune’s voice was right beside him, making Varian jump. He looked up at them in surprise. “What? No, no, I- I can’t take a break right now, I’ve got-”

“It’ll still be there when you get back,” Perilune said, giving him a knowing smile.

Varian hesitated for a moment, studying their gaze, before sighing. “Okay, okay, fine,” he relented. “But just a quick break, alright? I- I wanna get this draft done tonight so I can submit it for review-”

“Come on.” Perilune gently took him by the hand and pulled him away from the desk. “Thank you, sir,” they added, giving one of the guards a polite nod as he stood to lock the door behind them.

“I’ll be back soon!” Varian called over his shoulder as Perilune lead him down the hallway. Their grip on his arm didn’t let up as they turned the corner and continued down the wing, and he huffed. “Perilune, where are we going?”

Perilune didn’t reply, leading him around the corner and towards a plain, unassuming door. Without a word, Perilune opened the door and ushered Varian inside, closing it behind them. Varian’s eyes took a moment to adjust to the dimmer lighting; it was a small cleaning closet, he realized, noting the piles of linens and brooms stacked in the corner.

And emphasis on small; there was hardly room to move.

Varian glanced up at Perilune. “What are we doing here?” he asked, knitting his brows together.

“Talking.” Perilune’s gaze bore into him; still kind and understanding as always but with an added edge of intensity that spoke of just how important this was. The perfect picture of firm, but gentle. “What’s this about, Varian, really?”

“I- I don’t know what you mean?” Varian tried for a smile. “Look, I’m sorry I haven’t- I haven’t been around much but I’ve just got so much work to do-”

“This project.” Perilune put their hands on his shoulders. “Why is this so important to you?” 

Varian swallowed. “I… don’t know, it’s a job from the royal family, alright? It’s- it’s a big deal.”

“Yes,” Perilune said patiently, “but why to you? If I remember, you don’t hold them in… particularly high esteem.”

Varian winced. They weren’t wrong. “I just… this is my first real chance to make an impression,” he said quietly. “To prove that… I’m more than I was before, that I’ve _changed._ That I can use my skills for something good. That…” He glanced away, his voice dropping. “… that they were right to give me a second chance.”

Perilune was quiet for a moment. “Varian,” they said finally, their voice reverent, “everything you’ve done has already been proof of that.”

Varian looked up, surprised. “What?”

“You haven’t done anything to bring that decision into question,” Perilune said. “You follow their rules without complaint and you work hard and you’re _trying._ They can’t ask anything more of you.”

Varian blinked, processing the words. “That’s… oh. I- I guess you’re right.” 

Perilune nodded. “And besides, running yourself ragged won’t make a great impression,” they added gently. 

Varian chewed his lip. He wanted to argue, and coming from anyone else, he might have. But this was Perilune. “Yeah, you’re right, I’ve just… always sort of done this?” He frowned. “It’s never really- I’ve always been fine, before, I just… neglect certain things at times, and…” he trailed off, realizing exactly how bad it would sound to say he forgot to eat or sleep for days.

Perilune, however, was nothing but compassionate understanding, no judgement or disappointment. “You need to take care of yourself, Varian,” they murmured.

Varian sighed. “I know,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair. “I know, it’s just- I just get so caught up in it, you know? Like I can’t focus on anything else.”

Perilune hummed, pulling him a bit closer. “Need a distraction, my love?” they asked, their hands moving to cup his face.

Varian’s breathing stuttered, his cheeks heating up. “W- what did you have in mind?” he managed, loosely curling his hands around their wrists.

Perilune only smiled, leaning forward, and then their lips were on his. 

Varian melted into the kiss, his eyes slipping closed. Kissing Perilune was easy, thoughtless. Warm, and familiar, and right. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this, missed Perilune, but now that he was here it was like nothing else mattered- which, he thought absently, might’ve been the whole point.

Then Perilune shifted, tilting their head to deepen the kiss. Varian’s stomach exploded into butterflies, his mind spinning, dizzy from the intensity of it. At the same time, it was tentative, uncertain, like Perilune was anticipating the first sign that they should stop. Varian answered back to reassure them, putting as much meaning behind the kiss as he could, as if by doing so they could feel his heart, feel the way it sang. They kissed slow but deliberate, listening to each other, the slight subconscious messages in each movement so they could adjust accordingly until they were practically breathing as one; an expressive calibration. 

Suddenly, Perilune pulled away. Varian’s eyes fluttered open, confused.

“I’m tired of leaning over to kiss you,” Perilune whispered.

Varian blushed even harder. “I’m not- I’m not _that_ much shorter than you,” he protested.

Perilune looked amused. “Mm, I beg to differ.”

And then suddenly they were lifting him, carrying him back against the wall. Varian yelped in surprise, his legs instinctively coming up to wrap around Perilune’s waist for support. His back hit the wall with a soft thud, taking his weight, and Perilune’s hands found his to brace them against the wall, their fingers intertwining.

They were eye-level now. “Is this better?” Perilune asked quietly, grinning.

Flustered, Varian nodded. “Much,” he breathed.

Perilune leaned in to kiss him again, and all thoughts vanished from Varian’s mind.

~*~

“So, remind me again…”

Eugene waved a hand as he followed Rapunzel down the hallway.

“Exactly _why_ are we going to be eating dinner in the castle staff’s dining room tonight?” he asked. “Cause I mean don’t get me wrong, they’re a lively bunch, makes for riveting conversation, but-”

“I’m hoping to catch Varian,” Rapunzel cut in gently. “I think it’d be a good opportunity to spend some time around him without any stress. I can ask him how his project is going, that seems like a pretty safe, easy topic, don’t you think?”

“Ah,” Eugene nodded, “I see. You know, you might be onto something with that. You know how excited the kid gets when it comes to that stuff.”

And maybe that was the wrong thing to say, because Rapunzel’s expression saddened. Eugene winced; he knew they were both thinking about the same thing, thinking about the way Varian used to be- that overzealous chatterbox of a kid they’d met all those months ago- and comparing him to the Varian of today.

Anxious, resentful, guilt-ridden, and painfully unsure of himself. Eugene knew that Varian would never be the innocent kid he used to be, that he’d done and been through too much to go back. But Eugene still held onto the hope that part of that kid was still inside of Varian, that he wasn’t gone for good. He’d seen flashes of it; Varian just needed some help bringing it to light.

“I think this was a good idea,” Eugene told her softly. “Giving him that project. He probably really missed doing that kind of thing.”

“Thanks, Eugene.” Rapunzel smiled, and all was right again.

They finally came to the kitchens, and the staff dining room across from it. Rapunzel poked her head through the doorway, Eugene following. There were a few maids seated at the tables, who gave happily surprised smiles and waves, but no sign of Varian or Perilune.

Rapunzel hummed to herself thoughtfully, turning back towards the kitchens. “Excuse me!” She caught the attention of the head chef. “Have Varian and Perilune come for dinner yet?”

“No, Your Highness,” the chef answered. “In fact, if you see them, please tell them to hurry; I won’t be serving dinner much longer.”

Rapunzel knit her brows together as the chef walked away. “Huh. I wonder what’s keeping them?” she mused, glancing up at Eugene.

Eugene shrugged. “They might still be holed up in Varian’s workshop,” he said. “You wait here in case they show up and I’ll go check, alright?”

Relieved, Rapunzel gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Alright, thanks Eugene.”

Eugene grinned. “Don’t sweat it, Blondie.”

Fortunately it wasn’t too far of a walk to the workshop. Eugene reached it in the span of a few minutes. Unfortunately, the guards were standing outside the workshop with the door closed, which was enough of an indicator in of itself that Varian and Perilune weren’t inside.

“Hey,” Eugene called as he approached. “You know where the kids are?”

One of the guards shook his head. “No. They left about a half hour ago. I just assumed they were leaving for dinner. Said he’d be back soon, though,” he added.

“Hmm.” Eugene frowned. “Well, alright, thanks anyways,” he said, turning away again.

He made his way down the halls. Now he was starting to worry. Where could those two have gone? He wracked his brain trying to think of where else they liked to hang out. The library? Maybe the courtyard? And of course he could always check their room, but-

Eugene stopped in his tracks as he heard a sudden muffled noise, coming from inside one of the many hall closets. Brows furrowing, he reached a hand out and opened the door.

Light from the hallway flooded inside, revealing the two teenagers in question. Perilune was holding Varian up against the wall, his legs wrapped around their waist and their intertwined hands braced against the wall. Though they were both currently frozen, staring at Eugene like deer in torchlight, it was clear they’d been kissing, their faces heated.

Ah, teenagers.

“Mystery solved,” Eugene drawled, leaning against the doorframe.

The trance seemed to break, and Perilune immediately hurried to let Varian down. They were both blushing furiously now, expressions a mixture of shock, horror, and mortification as they nearly tripped over themselves to explain.

“Eugene! It’s n- not what it-”

“- so sorry, we were just-”

“Please don’t be mad?”

Eugene chuckled. “Hey, no need to explain yourselves, I was a teenager once, too.” He winked. “Now, come on, you lovebirds are gonna miss dinner.”

Heads ducked sheepishly, Varian and Perilune followed Eugene without complaint. Perilune, at least, seemed a little amused, a certain cheekiness to their expression despite their embarrassment, while Varian looked like he wanted to fall through the floor and disappear.

Eugene had a feeling this was about to be an exceedingly awkward dinner.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay so quickly, just to clarify, they were just kissing. Nothing else. And it won’t ever go beyond that in this series because they are still pretty young. Of course, that doesn’t mean people (cough _Eugene_ cough) won’t tease them about it. Relentlessly.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, please leave a comment if you did, and I’ll see you next time! - Aqua


	10. little talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _little talks_  
>  Rating: K+  
> Warnings: mildly suggestive implications, implications of child abuse  
> Timeline: The day after Chapter Nine  
> Summary: Progress often requires difficult, but necessary, conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! Sorry this one got out a bit later today, been busy with some other stuff this week and the last chunk of this was fighting me something _fierce._ I'll also get replies out to your comments on last chapter as soon as I can, rest assured that I appreciate each one _immensely._ Hope you enjoy, please comment if you do! - Aqua

_little talks_

~*~

Varian took the chair beside Perilune, sitting down across from Rapunzel and the king.

The request for an audience had come unexpectedly, early in the morning before everyone’s schedules took them away for the day. They hadn’t told him or Perilune what it was about, just that they wanted to talk.

Part of him was almost worried Eugene had told them about the… incident… from the day before and they were about to be thoroughly scolded for ‘inappropriate behavior.’ But neither Rapunzel nor the king looked particularly scolding.

And another thing- they hadn’t actually asked Varian to be there. For once, it was Perilune they’d wanted to talk to, Varian tagging along for moral support. That alone reassured him a bit- if they didn’t mind him sitting in on the talk, it probably wasn’t serious. And on the plus side, they’d called him and Perilune into one of the castle’s many meeting rooms, not the grand throne room Varian usually found himself in when speaking with the royals. That was another weight off his shoulders.

Didn’t mean he was entirely at ease, though. He was wary of their purpose in speaking to Perilune- there was always a part of him that feared the talks meant trouble, and he knew Perilune hadn’t done anything to warrant that. It left him feeling uneasy and defensive, which made him even more nervous because he didn’t want to _cause_ problems but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sit idly by if they were intending to blame Perilune for some perceived wrongdoing-

Perilune gently squeezed Varian’s arm, as if they could sense where his mind was at. Varian let out a slow breath. Right- don’t jump to conclusions.

“Good morning, Your Majesty,” Varian said. “Your Highness.”

“You wished to speak with me?” Perilune asked.

King Frederic nodded. “Yes, about some matters concerning the Servants.”

Varian tensed, taking Perilune’s hand in his protectively. He understood why they always consulted Perilune for this- after all, they were the only inside source to the Servants. But he also hated the fact that the Servants were constantly being brought up to Perilune. It didn’t seem fair to them, to keep dragging them back to it as they were trying to move on.

Perilune gave Varian a reassuring look before turning back to the royals. “Of course,” they said politely.

King Frederic cleared his throat. “My men have returned from the other two compounds, and everything they’d found has been investigated. Both locations were completely abandoned and stripped bare of anything of note. There was, however, some information gathered from the main compound.”

Varian relaxed slightly. So it was just a report, then. Alright, that was fine.

Rapunzel picked up from there. “There were records of membership, dating back to the past couple centuries,” she said. “Births, deaths, marriages, and something called…” She quirked an eyebrow. “Rebirth?”

Perilune nodded. “That’s the ceremony where an initiate becomes a full member and receives their new name,” they explained. “If you’re born into the Servants, you have it very soon after being born. Like a christening.”

Varian straightened up at that. “New name?” he asked, his brows furrowing. “Wait, you said you joined when you were a kid, so does that mean you had a different name?”

Perilune shrugged. “I don’t remember, I was too young,” they said simply.

Ah. Varian gave their hand a comforting squeeze.

Rapunzel continued before a silence could settle. “There were also recordings of assignments; dates where a person was given a title.”

“The Choosing Ceremony.” Perilune’s hand came up absently, brushing along their left cheekbone and the three silver moons inked on the skin there. “Where we receive our tattoos and our rank.”

Rapunzel’s gaze rested on Perilune’s tattoo for a moment before flitting away. “And other than that,” she continued, “it was just logistical records. Inventory, supplies, building layouts, and travel routes. Shift rotations, training logs, that kind of thing.” She shrugged. “So, not much, but we just wanted to keep you updated on everything we’d found.”

Perilune knit their brows together. “… was that all?”

King Frederic leaned forward. “What else were you expecting?”

Perilune bit their lip. “There are… there were supposed to be some ancient texts. The… scrolls, the _prophecy,_ the very _foundation_ of the Servants. They date back to… _thousands_ of years ago, written in a dead language.”

Varian’s eyes widened. He’d heard Perilune talk about a prophecy before but it’d never occurred to him that it’d had to come from _somewhere._ The thought almost sent chills down his spine. Was it really possible that some old scrolls could have predicted his powers thousands of years ago? And if so, what else did they say?

King Frederic shook his head. “There was nothing matching that description.”

Perilune exhaled slowly. “The High Priest must’ve taken them when he fled,” they said quietly, looking disappointed but not surprised. “Of course.”

“It’s quite likely,” King Frederic said kindly. “In the meantime, your descriptions have been put to good use, and if Umbra and his men are sighted anywhere within the walls of Corona, they will be brought to justice.”

Perilune nodded faintly. “Thank you, Your Majesty,” they said, politely dipping their head.

“While you’re here,” Rapunzel added, “I also had a question for you. We’ve found a few more foster homes for the other kids. I’m going to the orphanage today to discuss the arrangements with them.” She gave Perilune a considering look. “Would you like to come with me? I think that having a familiar face will make things less… overwhelming for them.”

Perilune hesitated, glancing at Varian.

“Hey, don’t worry about me,” Varian told them softly. “I’ll be fine for the day.”

“Are you sure?” Perilune asked, uncertain.

“Yeah, of course,” Varian assured them. “If this is something you wanna do, then go for it.” He knew Perilune had visited the other Servant kids a couple times, so obviously it was important to them.

Perilune hummed. “Alright, then. I’ll be back in time for dinner. Don’t spend all day in your lab,” they added, teasing.

Varian gave them a sheepish grin. After yesterday, he’d resolved to pace himself more when it came to his project, to Perilune’s relief, but he had a feeling that meddle would be tested when left to his own devices. “I’ll do my best,” he answered.

Smiling, Perilune turned back to Rapunzel. “I would be happy to accompany you, Your Highness.”

“Wonderful!” Rapunzel beamed. “We’ll leave as soon as you’re ready.” 

“Thank you for your time,” King Frederic said, standing. “I will continue to update you should anything change regarding the Servant situation.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty, we appreciate it,” Perilune returned, rising from their seat.

“Yeah, thank you, sir,” Varian said, standing beside them. He glanced at Rapunzel for a heartbeat before turning away, leaving hand-in-hand with Perilune.

Seemed like it was going to be a productive day for both of them.

~*~

Varian tapped his pencil on his desk, studying his work thus far.

He’d only been at it for a couple hours, but he was pleased with his progress. Turned out he worked better with a full night’s sleep. Go figure.

Setting the pencil down, Varian reached out and grabbed his astrolabe off his desk. The little device fit perfectly in the palm of his hand, the coolness of the metal felt through his glove. A fond smile pulled at his lips and he gently brushed his thumb along the surface, the silver grate spinning slowly. He’d brought it from his room to keep on his desk, as a reminder of his promise to Perilune. Maybe he should take a break now, get a drink of water-

There was a knock on the door, startling him from his thoughts. Who could that be? Surely it wasn’t late enough that Perilune had gotten back already- he’d been very careful about watching the time. Varian glanced over at the two guards, who shrugged as if to say, _‘up to you.’_

Varian returned his gaze to the door, setting the astrolabe down on his desk. “Uh, come in?” he ventured.

The door cracked open, and Eugene poked his head in.

“Hey… you.”

Varian raised an eyebrow. “… hi?”

Eugene glanced over at the guards. “Hey, could I get a few minutes to talk with the kid?”

Nodding, the guards left, leaving Varian and Eugene alone.

Varian stood up from his desk, unable to help the small spike of anxiety that ran through him. “What’s up?”

Eugene rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, buddy, there’s really no easy way to go about it, and no matter how we swing it it’s gonna be unpleasant, so I’m just gonna come out and say it.” He inhaled slowly. “Recent… _events,_ have made me realize that… you’re a teenager, and I can’t control what you do, but I _can_ make sure you’re being safe and smart about it. It’s… probably time someone gave you… the talk.”

Varian blinked. “The… talk? What do you-”

Oh.

 _That_ talk.

~*~

Perilune sat down at the weathered coffee table, folding their hands in their lap.

Rapunzel dropped into the chair beside them, with a tired but contented sigh. The orphanage’s sitting room was just as cozy as Perilune remembered it, if a bit messier today. But they didn’t mind a few shoes scattered here and there or dirty dishes left out; they were thankful to sink into the plush armchair and relax after a day filled with activity. Several of the Servant kids had left for their new foster homes today, and they’d all had questions and apprehensions that Perilune had done their best to put at ease.

It had been strange, to see them off. Perilune wouldn’t say they were close to any of them; after all, they’d only visited the orphanage a couple times prior and they hadn’t exactly been friends back at the temple. But after everything, Perilune felt a certain amount of responsibility for them all. It was… good, that they’d found homes to live in, to better adjust to life outside the temple, but the thought that they were getting split up all over the kingdom was a bit daunting. They’d promised to write regularly, at least, so Perilune supposed that’d be enough.

Bernadette set a tea pot down on the table before taking her own seat. “Thank you, Perilune, for talking to them all about it,” she said gratefully, pouring them all a cup. “They seem a lot less worried. Some are even excited to go to their foster homes, now.” Her eyes shone with emotion. “It’s… nice to see on them. Excitement. I can’t thank you enough for that.”

Perilune took their cup with a smile. “You’re welcome.”

Bernadette smiled in return, sipping her tea.

Rapunzel took a drink of her own cup before returning her attention to the stack of papers she’d brought; documentation on all the Servant kids and their foster homes.

“Now,” she said thoughtfully, “Ephemeris and Aphelion will be leaving tomorrow, and then we just have the four others whose fosters are still pending. But if there are no problems, then they should be settled by the end of the week. And then that’s everyone!” Her smile faded. “Well, _almost_ everyone…”

Perilune exhaled slowly. “Lacus.”

“Yeah…” Rapunzel winced. “We have to tell potential fosters about the pasts of the kids, and… their behavior and… it’s hard enough that he’s sixteen. The fact that he came from the setting that he did and has a history of violence… doesn’t make him a good candidate,” she said apologetically, wringing her hands together.

“And,” Bernadette said, her expression somber, “the older he gets, the less chance he has of getting into a normal family. Entering adulthood without that experience, without that structure or support system in place… traditionally, it doesn’t turn out well.”

Perilune nodded. “I see,” they murmured. “I… appreciate everything you both are doing. I know he’s not the easiest person to handle.” That was putting it nicely.

“I’ve been meaning to ask about that, actually,” Rapunzel said, giving Perilune a curious look. “Why is this boy… different, from the others? Of course, everyone’s different and adjusts in different ways, but… it seems like he’s having a much harder time adapting to life here,” she said, exchanging a glance with Bernadette, who nodded confirmation.

Perilune tilted their head, making a noncommittal noise. “Lacus was part of a special rank,” they explained. “The Templars are the fighters of the Servants, and he was training to become one. They’re the only rank to receive extended combat training- aside from basic self-defense we all get- and ruthlessness is encouraged.” They lowered their gaze. “It’s… an intense atmosphere.”

One that Perilune had wanted to be a part of, once upon a time. How things changed.

Rapunzel was quiet for a moment, a finger idly tracing the rim of her tea cup. “Why is he the only one?” she ventured.

Perilune bit their lip. “All the other Templars in training were temple-born,” they said quietly, “and they fled with their parents in the evacuation. Lacus was left behind with the other outsider kids.”

“Oh.” Bernadette looked sympathetic, but there was a certain weariness behind her eyes, like she was recognizing a story and didn’t like the ending. “That certainly is a… special case. We’d have to find someone equipped to handle the unique challenges his situation would present.”

Perilune could tell from the way Bernadette said it that she didn’t have high hopes of finding such a place. It was… confusing, the twinge of sympathy and guilt they felt. They didn’t regret their actions at the temple- it was the right thing to do- but whether they liked it or not, Lacus was in this situation because of Perilune. And while he hadn’t given them any reason to care about him, at the very least they didn’t want him to cause problems for Bernadette or the kingdom, at large.

Something secure, with structure. Someplace where Lacus wouldn’t be a danger to anyone. Someone who’d be able to handle him, teaching him everything he’d need to move on from the Servants.

Perilune’s eyes widened.

“I… have an idea.”

~*~

Eugene’s smiled grew pained as he nodded at Varian.

“Yes, _that_ talk,” he said. “So.”

Varian’s expression was almost comical; the wide eyes, the dropped jaw, his face paling and flushing simultaneously. Eugene did feel a pang of sympathy for him, because he knew no teenager wanted to hear this, but it was for his own good.

Finally, Varian spoke. “A- are you _serious?”_ he demanded, his voice strained. “Oh my god, Eugene, we were just _kissing.”_

“I’m aware,” Eugene amended, an apologetic grin spreading across his face. “But oftentimes, kissing leads to more, and _if_ and _when_ that time comes, there’s some things you need to know about-”

“Hey,” Varian cut in, picking anxiously at his gloves, “uh, I- I actually don’t need this talk, be- because Perilune and I have already agreed we’re gonna wait ‘till we’re older for… that stuff.” He cringed. “So, I’m- I’m good, thanks, and I don’t need to-”

“Ah, so you’ve talked about it, that’s good!” Eugene nodded. “That’s important in a relationship. Communication.” He spread his hands. “So clearly, you’ll understand why it’s necessary for me to-”

“Eugene,” Varian deadpanned. “We sleep in a guarded cell where, at _any given moment,_ someone could just glance in through the hole in the door. _Trust me,_ we won’t be doing anything.”

“Be that as it may,” Eugene said, “you do realize that we allot you a significant amount of unsupervised time, yeah? And as someone who has a certain degree of responsibility for you, I want to make sure that you’re prepared.”

Varian bristled. “Who ever said you’re responsible for me?”

Eugene raised his eyebrows, noting the sudden hostility in Varian. “You’re a ward of the castle,” he explained patiently, “as is Perilune, so as an adult living in said castle, I’m-”

 _“Well,”_ Varian snapped, “I didn’t ask you to-”

“Look kid, you’re just lucky I didn’t tell anyone else about that.” Eugene worked to keep his voice level, pinching the bridge of his nose. He understood Varian’s reluctance, but only to a certain degree; why was he being so difficult? It wasn’t like he was in _trouble_ or anything, Eugene just wanted to make sure he was being responsible. There were plenty of things _he_ wished someone had told him when he was younger. Now that he had the benefit of hindsight, he figured he could help Varian out.

“And anyways,” Eugene continued, “I’m doing this as a favor so you don’t get dragged in for a lecture, okay? So why are you getting all worked up about-”

“Because you’re not my _dad,_ so _stop acting like it!”_

Varian’s voice was a hoarse shout, raw and angry and devastating. It echoed harshly in the room, the immediate silence afterwards as jarring as whiplash.

Eugene stared at Varian in shock.

It took a moment to sink in. When his mind finished processing, his stomach dropped to the floor. He should’ve known. He should’ve realized how it’d sound coming from him, should’ve realized what the implications would look like to Varian. But he hadn’t, and now he’d torn up wounds that hadn’t even _begun_ to heal over and _oh, damn it._

Varian looked horrified, his face drained of color and his eyes wide. “I’m s- sorry,” he whispered. “I- I didn’t mean to yell.”

The fear in Varian’s expression made Eugene’s heart jolt. “No, no, it’s okay,” he assured Varian quickly. He fought the urge to put a hand on Varian’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s _okay._ You’re right. It’s not my place to parent you. I’m sorry.”

Varian wrapped his arms around himself. “Don’t.” His voice shook. “P- please, don’t do that. I- you’re just t- trying to help. That’s all you’ve been doing, right from the start, I… I don’t know w- what’s wrong with me.” He glanced away, but not before Eugene saw the tears brimming in his eyes.

Eugene knit his brows together. “Hey, don’t say that,” he said gently. “There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way.”

Varian didn’t respond for a while, his gloved hands twisting in his shirt. He was trembling, staring hard at the wall as if trying to ground himself, breathing raggedly through his nose. When he finally spoke again, it was so faint Eugene almost didn’t catch it.

“… he probably would’ve been worse at it than you.”

Eugene’s heart twisted. As far as he knew, Varian never talked about his dad, to anyone. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Varian bit his lip. “He- he probably would’ve started out with s- something cheesy, like _‘now, s- son, when a boy becomes a man,’_ and- and put his hand on my shoulder a- and-” His voice broke, a tear streaking down his face. “God. He should be here f- for things like this. He w- was _supposed_ to be here, b- but I-”

Eugene pulled him into a hug. Varian froze.

“I am _so_ sorry,” Eugene whispered.

Varian’s breathing hitched, and he broke. He threw his arms around Eugene, burying his face in his neck as his shoulders started to shake with sobs.

“I m- miss him _so much,”_ Varian cried. “Every s- single day. It’s n- not _fair,_ he’s gone and it’s- and it’s all m- my _fault_ and I _can’t-”_ His voice gave out again, and he devolved into sobs, clinging to Eugene like his life depended on it.

Eugene’s chest felt tight. It was so easy to forget, for the horror of the crimes Varian had committed to overshadow the horror that started it all. But unlike everything else this wasn’t something Varian would ever get the chance to fix, something he couldn’t hope to make amends for. Losing a parent like that would be traumatic for anyone, but to feel responsible for it?

Eugene rubbed Varian’s back in soothing circles. “It was an accident,” he murmured. “You know that, right?”

The change was instantaneous. Varian tensed before roughly pulling away. Sniffling, he wiped quickly at his face, avoiding Eugene’s gaze.

“S- so, uh. Sorry. For yelling.” His voice was thick. “Are- are we done, here?”

Eugene sighed, a sad smile tugging at his mouth. “Yeah,” he said, dipping his head. “If you say that you’re fine for now, then I trust you. But just know that I’m here if you have any, and I mean _any,_ questions about that. Or… anything else. Okay?”

Varian gave a terse nod. “Okay.”

“Alright, then.” Eugene rubbed at the back of his neck, glancing at the door. “I’ll… let you get back to work now-”

“Eugene?” Varian spoke hesitantly, watching Eugene out of the corner of his eye. He swallowed, and his expression shifted into something more vulnerable, his eyes glimmering with apology and gratefulness all at once. “… thanks.”

Eugene blinked. His smile turned warm and genuine, the knot in his chest unwinding itself. “You’re welcome, Varian,” he said softly. And then, because he couldn’t resist; “Now, take it easy, Casanova,” he added with a wink.

Varian’s face turned bright red, and Eugene cackled as he slipped out of the room.

~*~

Perilune knocked on the door.

It wasn’t long before it opened. Lacus didn’t look happy to see them, which was hardly a surprise. Perilune kept their face impassive, reminding themself why they were doing this. They had no reason to be intimidated; Lacus hadn’t done anything since that first explosive meeting and they didn’t think he would now.

Perilune dipped their head. “Lacus.”

“Perilune.” Lacus studied them, suspicious. “What do you want?”

Perilune let their gaze drift around the empty room, half-packed suitcases sitting out on stripped beds. “Seems that the rest of them will be settled with their fosters by the end of the week,” they announced.

If Lacus was bothered that he was the only one left, he didn’t show it. “More room to myself,” he said coolly.

“True,” Perilune said, leaning against the wall. “But it doesn’t have to be this way.”  
Lacus’s eyes narrowed. “If you think I’m going to go make nice with whatever family you or the princess have convinced to take me in, then you’re wrong.”

“That’s not what I’m offering,” Perilune countered. “I’m offering you a position; a trainee under the Royal Guards.”

Lacus’s eyes widened in surprise. Perilune could guess what he was thinking- why would they do that for him? And why would Rapunzel approve it? Admittedly, it’d taken some convincing on Perilune’s part. But eventually Rapunzel had agreed; a traditional home setting just… wasn’t practical for someone like Lacus. This would give him a productive outlet for all that energy, that frustration, and under the supervision of the guards, he wouldn’t be able to cause trouble.

It did mean that he’d be living at the castle, where Perilune might encounter him from time to time. But that was a sacrifice they were willing to make. And really, if there was even the smallest chance they could help Lacus change… maybe things would get better.

Lacus finally recovered himself. “I don’t need your charity,” he hissed.

“It’s not,” Perilune said evenly. “You’d be earning your keep. Outside of the training you’d receive, there are a number of tasks that you’d be-”

“Like a servant?” Lacus cut in, disdainfully.

“Like a squire,” Perilune amended, pushing down a flare of annoyance. “If that’s what you want to call it. It’d be more work than the Templars, though, so if you’re not up for that-”

“Oh, _please._ ” Lacus scoffed. “I’m not scared of hard work, I just don’t particularly care to serve this kingdom.” He rolled his eyes. _“Shocking,_ I know.”

“That’s up to you.” Perilune shrugged. “If you’re fine just living here until you come of age and get kicked out on your own, then that’s fine by me. I just figured I’d give you the opportunity to do more.” Their tone sobered. “You’d be learning how to protect and help people instead of hunt them down, but you’d get to work with your swords again.”

Lacus hesitated. Perilune could see it in his eyes, the desire to get back to that. It was a feeling they knew well, and they hadn’t even been in official training. Lacus had to miss it. Terribly. And that’s what Perilune was counting on.

But there was also something holding Lacus back, and Perilune had a feeling they knew what.

“And… they’re different,” Perilune said quietly. “From the Templars. From the Servants.”

Meaning; they won’t beat you.

Lacus glanced away, folding his arms. He picked absently at his arm bracers. “If I… _did_ agree…” he said eventually, “…what would I have to do?”

Perilune didn’t let their relief seep into their tone. “Tryouts. The Captain will assess you, and if you’re good, you’re in.”

Lacus’s eyes flashed with challenge. “Oh, I’ll be better than good.”

“Wonderful.” Perilune gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Then there shouldn’t be any problems.”

Lacus snorted. “No promises.”

“One more thing.” Perilune took a step towards him. “If you do this, and move into the castle?” Their eyes narrowed. “Stay away from Varian.”

Lacus raised his eyebrows. “Understood.”

“Great.” Perilune turned away. “Good talk.”

They left the room without another word, wondering if they’d made the right decision.

~*~

Perilune flopped onto their bed with a sigh, mumbling an apology to Ruddiger as they disturbed the raccoon’s sleep.

It was nice to be back at the castle. They’d stopped by Varian’s lab only to find it empty; the guards said he’d left a little while ago to go on a walk. Rather than try to track him down, Perilune figured they’d just head back to the room and wait for him there. Dinner wasn’t for a couple hours, and they figured it wouldn’t hurt to rest for a bit.

And to think. Perilune wasn’t looking forward to Lacus moving into the castle- assuming he made it through tryouts- but they were also trying to work out how they were going to tell Varian. It was important that he know, but Perilune didn’t want to freak him out. After all, Lacus really couldn’t do much harm on his own. He’d just be an unpleasant fixture in the castle; Perilune wouldn’t have suggested it if they felt he could actually pose a threat to Varian.

Perilune just worried about what he’d remind Varian of. Lacus didn’t understand the meaning of the word ‘sensitive’ and still seemed to cling to the Servant’s beliefs. Varian didn’t need anyone putting that on him. They’d just have to keep a close eye on it, and if Lacus stepped out of line, they wouldn’t hesitate to correct him.

There was a knock on the door. Perilune sat up. “Come in!” they called.

Eugene pushed the door open. “Hey there, kiddo,” he greeted. “You got a sec to talk?”

Perilune sat up straighter, raising their eyebrows in surprise. “Oh! Yes, of course.”

They hadn’t spoken to Eugene since yesterday’s incident and the awkward dinner that’d followed. Eugene hadn’t said anything about it to Rapunzel, thankfully, but Perilune would be lying if they said they didn’t feel a bit sheepish about that. Of course, they didn’t feel guilty, not for being… _affectionate,_ with Varian, but they really could’ve done without Eugene catching them.

“What do you want to talk about?” Perilune asked.

“Okay.” Eugene took a deep breath. “So, uh, look, I’m not gonna judge or scold you for whatever you and Varian get up to in your free time, yeah? But it did occur to me that you might have some questions about that kind of thing.”

Perilune tilted their head. “About my relationship with Varian? I don’t…” Sudden realization dawned on them. _“Ah._ I see.” They couldn’t help the slight flush that came to their cheeks, despite how amusing the situation was.

“Yeah.” Eugene cleared his throat, scratching the back of his head. “So I figured I’d just start with the basics, and if-”

“Eugene,” Perilune cut him off gently, “I can assure you, there’s no need. Back at the temple, we all receive a thorough education on reproductive systems before we even start puberty,” they explained. “And once we’re a bit older, we learn all about the actual process of reprod-”

 _“Great,_ so it sounds like you’re all set then!” Eugene said quickly, looking incredibly relieved. “If you’ve ever got questions, you know where to find me.”

“Alright.” Perilune tilted their head, bemused. “Good day?”

“Yeah,” Eugene nodded vigorously, “okay, you have a good day, I’ll see you around!”

And with that, Eugene was gone. Perilune shook their head, grinning to themself, and sank back down onto the bed. They weren’t really embarrassed by that kind of thing, but hearing it all from Eugene definitely would’ve been awkward.

On the other hand, Perilune almost found it sweet, that Eugene was looking out for them like that. They’d never had anyone looking out for them, anyone to fill that kind of role. There was such a _familiarity_ to it, something Perilune had never realized they were missing, but now couldn’t imagine being without it. It was strange, that Eugene could say he’d be there for them if they needed anything, and they believed it.

Perilune heard the door open again and huffed a laugh. “Eugene, I already told you-”

_“Peri.”_

Perilune turned around in surprise. “Oh, Varian!” They stood up to greet him. “I was just-”

Varian ran into their arms.

With a start Perilune realized he was crying. Their stomach immediately dropped. “Varian?” They carefully moved him to sit down on the bed. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” Varian’s voice was muffled and choked with tears. “Today’s j- just a- a bad day.” 

Perilune’s heart twisted. “Anything I can do to help?” they asked softly, running a hand over his hair.

Varian let out a shuddering breath. “N- no, just. Just this,” he murmured, holding them tighter.

“Alright, then.” Perilune settled onto the bed, leaning against the wall. They focused on keeping their breathing deep and even, feeling Varian’s heartbeat gradually calm, his breathing to match. Questions buzzed around in Perilune’s head- the need to understand, to help Varian work through whatever was bothering him was almost unbearable.

But they held their tongue. They weren’t going to pry, they respected Varian’s wishes too much for that. And as hard as it was to accept sometimes, there were some things they just couldn’t help him with.

Varian inhaled slowly. “Love you,” he whispered.

Perilune kissed the top of Varian’s head.

“I love you, too.”

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Not shown; Eugene dropping onto Rapunzel's bed like _"Blondie that was AWFUL we can't have kids for like, thirty years."_ Also, would you believe that in my notes this was just supposed to be a light-hearted, funny chapter with some necessary developments with the Servants plotline? That little blurb with Varian and Eugene snuck itself in unexpectedly. I regret nothing.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, please comment if you did, and I'll see you next time! - Aqua


	11. right with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _right with you_  
>  Rating: G  
> Warnings: none  
> Timeline: A week or so after the last chapter  
> Summary: Varian’s work on his special project finally pays off, and Perilune finds their relationship called into question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! Something short and sweet this week, hope y’all don’t mind the departure from angst XD I figured the pacing of the story could use a break from the heaviness, and I’ve been in kind of a slump lately so it was nice to do something light. Your comments have been so wonderful and I really appreciate each and every one, thank you for your continued support! <3 - Aqua

__

_right with you_

~*~

Varian’s eyes tracked the movement of the wrench as it tightened the last pipe into place.

His dedicated work on the special project was finally done. The first section of new plumbing was going in, and it was time to test it; the very first test of the design before the rest of the system went in. It wasn’t a _huge_ event; Varian had been asked to oversee the installation and Perilune had tagged along to support him. Rapunzel was there, since the whole thing was her idea in the first place, with her father’s head advisor, Nigel, there in the king’s stead. A couple curious castle staff members were lingering in the hall, watching the process.

A few engineers had been employed by the castle to install the first part of the system, working all morning to update one of the many spare washrooms. Gone were the hand pumps that drew water up bit by bit. With this design, water would flow freely with the simple turn of a handle. Varian had been asked, much to his dismay, to not add a water heater to the system- probably due to the disaster of _last_ time- so it’d still have to be heated by hand, as was the norm. But getting water would now be much faster and less labor intensive; that is, _if_ it worked.

Varian ran over the blueprints in his mind, scouring for anything he’d overlooked. The project wasn’t _difficult,_ per say, but it _was_ intricate and tedious, and such things opened up plenty of opportunity for simple, but crucial, mistakes. The workers who were actually installing the system hadn’t seen any problems with it, but that gave Varian little comfort.

Perilune shifted beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, don’t be nervous,” they murmured. “It’s going to be just fine, you’ve worked so hard on this.”

Varian let out a shaky breath. “What if my calibrations were off?” he muttered worriedly, picking at his gloves. “I-I only did three final checks of it, I could have _missed_ something-”

“Varian,” Perilune said gently. “Trust yourself.”

Varian bit his lip, giving a slight nod. “Okay…” He tried to think about what Dr. Morrison had told him, to imagine what the worst-case scenario would be and how he’d handle it. “I mean… I guess if- if something _does_ go wrong, then… we just fix it? There’s nothing explosive involved, so if the pipes burst from a miscalculated estimate of pressure, there’ll just be some water spill. Nothing dangerous, nothing that could cause severe damage, so- so we just make the necessary adjustments and… try again.”

Perilune smiled, lacing their hand with his. “Exactly.”

Varian smiled back, feeling the anxious knot in his chest start to unwind.

The chief engineer finally stood, slipping his wrench into his belt and clapping his hands to quiet the chatter. “All finished! Now, for the moment of truth!” he announced, stepping back and sweeping an arm out to Rapunzel. “Your Highness.”

“Actually…” Rapunzel turned to glance at Varian. “Would you like to do the honors?” she offered, a tentative smile on her face. “It’s your design, after all.”

Varian blinked in surprise, shrinking a bit under the sudden attention of the room. But he wasn’t about to make a scene by refusing, so he simply gave a short nod and stepped forward, gripping the faucet handle in his gloved hands.

Holding his breath, Varian turned the handle. The metal squeaked slightly, still a bit tight. There was a moment of silence before the pipes gave a sudden kick, and water started flowing from the faucet, pouring into the tub below.

Scattered cheers and applause broke out.

A wide smile spread across Varian’s face. “It works!” he breathed, relieved and happy and almost stunned. Strangest of all was that the pride he felt wasn’t a result of the approval of others, but of his own satisfaction with his work.

It didn’t used to be like that. Before, everything Varian did was for approval- from his Dad, his village, his friends… or, rather, people he’d considered friends. But now, it didn’t matter if anyone was impressed or not. All that mattered was that he’d done it, it _worked._ The realization was a bit startling; he had no idea when _that_ had changed. But… he was glad for it. It felt… nice, to be proud of _himself,_ for once.

Perilune wrapped their arms around him. “I knew you could do it.”

Varian grinned. “Thanks, Peri,” he whispered back.

The king’s advisor, Nigel, broke up the celebration quickly. “Alright, alright everyone,” he called, clapping his hands. “Back to work!”

The small group of castle staff dispersed, still chattering excitedly, and the engineers started to pack up their gear for the move to the next work site. 

Rapunzel beamed at Varian. “Congratulations, Varian,” she said warmly. On her shoulder, her little chameleon friend Pascal gave Varian a thumb’s up. “The rest of the system should be installed and running by the end of the week.”

Varian flushed, lowering his gaze. “It was nothing,” he mumbled.

He… didn’t really know how he felt about her praise- a nasty part of him almost wanted to snap that he hadn’t done it for _her._ But he reminded himself to keep his emotions in check. It wasn’t important that it was _Rapunzel._ What was important was that he’d proved himself capable of more than destruction, of being more than he was. It was an accomplishment too great to throw away because of old resentment.

“Thank you, Your Highness,” Varian said in parting, as he and Perilune turned to go.

And if he said the title with a little less disdain than usual… it didn’t have to mean anything.

~*~

Perilune slid off Saros’s back.

“Good boy,” they murmured, patting the horse’s damp neck, before gathering up his reins to lead him back to his stall. It hadn’t been a long ride, just around the castle grounds, but Perilune knew Saros had enjoyed it just as much as they had.

It’d been nice to get out, enjoy some fresh air. Since Varian was back in the town on a job, and Cassandra was busy assisting Rapunzel with her princess duties, Perilune had found themself with some free time and decided to pay Saros a visit. The stable hand mentioned Saros hadn’t been exercised yet that day, and Perilune had jumped at the opportunity. They reminded themself to make it a point to visit the horse more often from then on.

Bidding Saros goodbye with a pat on the nose, Perilune returned to the castle. They figured they should probably go wash up before lunch, get the smell of sweat and horse hair off of them. Especially because dinner tonight was something of a special event; the royals were hosting a banquet in celebration of the new plumbing system, and Perilune and Varian were invited. It was supposed to be a casual affair, but Perilune knew Varian was anxious about it, so they’d do their best to make a good impression-

“Pardon me!”

Perilune stopped walking, turning to see a vaguely familiar man approaching them. Brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, a prominent nose, and a slight frame. Perilune recalled seeing him around the castle, and at yesterday’s unveiling; Nigel, the king’s advisor.

“Oh! Hello, sir,” Perilune greeted him politely. They fought the urge to straighten out their robes or fix their slightly messy hair, a faint blush warming their cheeks. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Quite the opposite, actually.” Nigel’s expression was hard to read, his keen eyes studying Perilune intently. “My child, I couldn’t help but notice that you seem… _close,_ with that boy.”

Perilune blinked. “Varian?”

Nigel nodded. “I thought it prudent that someone should warn you.” A frown pulled at his features, his gaze clouding with displeasure. “That boy is a _menace._ It’d be best for you stay away from him.”

The friendly smile dropped off Perilune’s face. They stared at Nigel for a moment, so taken aback they didn’t even know how to react.

They should’ve expected this, they realized absently. At some point or another, people were going to catch on about them and Varian, and not everyone was going to agree with it. After all, he was a former criminal, not even done serving his sentence yet. Not everyone was going to believe he’d changed. It made sense.

That didn’t mean Perilune was going to tolerate it.

“Forgive me, sir, for my boldness,” they said coolly. “I cannot assume to know you the way you have so readily assumed to know me. But perhaps it’d be best for _you_ to refrain from meddling in the affairs of others.”

Nigel’s jaw dropped. “I-”

“Varian has already told me everything,” Perilune cut him off without remorse. “Everything he did to get arrested, everything leading up to it. He spared no detail. So if you have any premonitions that he lied to me, or tried to make himself look good, then you can lay them to rest right now.” Their eyes narrowed. “He also told me about the two months following his arrest. About the crushing depression and regret, how he never spoke and cried himself to sleep most nights. How he felt abandoned and betrayed and alone but most of all, how he hated himself. And the _only_ reason I tell you this is because I know you are already aware, as His Majesty’s advisor, but it seems you could stand to be reminded.”

Nigel seemed speechless, his face torn between paling in shock or flushing with anger.

Perilune continued heedlessly. “You must also be aware that _not once_ has Varian attempted to cause anyone harm since being here. No revenge plots, no escape attempts, no broken rules. You’d be hard-pressed to even a single instance of backtalk.” They lifted their chin. “So until Varian does something to give you legitimate cause for concern, I would appreciate you staying out of my love life.”

Without waiting for a response, Perilune turned on their heel and departed. Regret and apprehension tugged at them almost immediately, but they refused to indulge it, still quietly fuming.

If they were to get in trouble for defending their relationship with Varian, then so be it.

~*~

“Welcome, friends!”

Varian sat up straighter at the queen’s voice, nearly bumping the banquet table with his knees.

Beside him, Perilune stifled a laugh, reaching out to hold his hand under the table. Their gaze was amused, but also reassuring, as if to say, _‘relax, this is a dinner party, not a court of law!’_ and Varian smiled, taking a steadying breath.

There was a slight nervous energy to the room, several round tables filled with castle staff members wearing their best- and making Varian wish he had something slightly nicer than his regular clothes to wear. He could tell the staff didn’t often eat with the royal family, particularly from the disdainful expression on Nigel’s face. Eugene and Cassandra were there as well, but other than that it was just castle staff, and Varian and Perilune.

Once again, Varian was made painfully aware of how odd his circumstances were. He wasn’t a friend of the royal family, or a member of the castle staff. Yet here he was.

Queen Arianna, seated at a smaller table at the head of the room with her husband and daughter, had a kind twinkle in her eye.

“Tonight,” she continued, “we celebrate a new addition to the castle that, I’m sure, will be a welcome change to everyone’s daily routines.” She lifted her glass, nodding at Varian. “The wonderful new plumbing system designed by Varian!”

Polite applause filled the room, making Varian blush. He lifted his water glass in acknowledgement, dipping his head.

Perilune toasted his glass with their own, others in the room following suit as the clinking of glass filled the air. And then, a mischievous light came to Perilune’s eyes, and they leaned forward to plant a kiss firmly on Varian’s lips.

Varian froze, his glass hovering midair, even after Perilune pulled away. Someone let out a whistle, prompting a few laughs, and Varian’s face burned red as he sank into his chair.

Queen Arianna, to her credit, merely gave a bemused smile. “Now, let’s eat!” she announced, sitting back down.

A gentle chatter settled in the room as people started to eat, a few curious gazes still resting on Varian and Perilune. Out of the corner of his eye, Varian saw Eugene give him a thumb’s up, and he immediately felt his face get even warmer despite previously thinking he couldn’t get any _more_ embarrassed.

He didn’t look up from his food for the rest of the meal.

~*~

Perilune dropped onto the bed, reaching down to tug their boots off.

“I think that went well!” they hummed. “It was nice of them to host a dinner for the occasion.”

Varian crouched down to greet Ruddiger, setting down a napkin full of leftovers he’d brought for the raccoon. “Yeah, it was… cool,” he mumbled, stroking Ruddiger’s fur.

Perilune tucked their boots underneath the bed. “Are you okay?” they asked, noting the odd tone to his voice. He’d been quiet that evening, but Perilune had just figured he’d had a lot on his mind, with the project completion and everything.

Varian bit his lip. “I just… what was that about?”

Perilune gave him a confused look. “The kiss?”

“Yeah,” Varian said quietly, lowering his gaze.

Perilune blinked in surprise. Privately, they thought that’d been the highlight of the evening. Not only because the expression on Nigel’s face had been _priceless,_ but because it’d made their relationship loud and clear to everyone in the room. Without saying a single word, Perilune had declared that they were more than friends with Varian, and that they were fully committed no matter what anyone else thought of it.

“Oh… hey, if I made you uncomfortable, then I won’t do it again,” Perilune promised, feeling a small knot of guilt forming in their chest. They _had_ sprung that on him a bit unexpectedly. “No worries.”

Varian made a noncommittal noise. “It’s not you, it’s just…” He sighed, sitting down on the bed beside Perilune. “It doesn’t feel… right… around other people.”

Perilune paused, a sudden cinching feeling in their stomach. “… oh. I see.”

Varian’s eyes widened. “Hey, it’s- it’s not like I’m ashamed of you, Peri,” he said quickly, “or- or embarrassed to be with you or anything, it’s…” He struggled for a moment. “It feels… _wrong_ for people I don’t know to see me… happy.”

Perilune knit their brows together. “What do you mean?” they asked softly.

“I dunno, I…” Varian glanced away. “I… I’m scared that people will see me happy, with you, and think… that I’m not sorry for what I did. That I don’t feel guilty about it.”

Perilune’s heart twisted. “Oh, Varian,” they murmured, “you don’t need to be repentant every second of the day! Just because you’re not overcome with guilt doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten, or that you don’t care.” They covered his hand with theirs. “You’re allowed to be happy.”

Varian gave them a watery smile, wiping at his eyes. “Thanks, Peri. For saying that,” he said. “Because… you make me very happy.”

Perilune smiled, their heart fluttering. Gently, they tugged Varian down onto the bed, settling into an embrace for the night.

“That makes me very happy to hear, my love.”

~*~


	12. far from perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _far from perfect_  
>  Rating/Warnings: G (none)  
> Timeline: A couple weeks after Chapter Eleven.  
> Summary: Varian's troubled thoughts lead him to a new perspective, while Perilune bonds with Cassandra over combat training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey readers! Thank you as always for the feedback, you guys are great! Since classes started up again this week I was struggling to get this done, and your support was just that extra bit of motivation I needed. So thanks!
> 
> So, you’ll notice that I’ve spanned a bit more time. Here’s the reason; these relationships take time to develop, but I don’t need to write chapter after chapter of Varian working in the castle, growing more comfortable in his relationship with Perilune, and slowly building trust with the gang. I’ve tried to sort of imply that these things are still continuing behind the scenes, such as Perilune’s training with Cass and visits to the orphanage, Varian’s sessions with Dr. Morrison and his visits to the Captain and Xavier each morning for his work orders and potion. In the draft phase of the story, it reached a point where I had to ask myself, _exactly how much of this do I need to show?_ The answer is _certainly not **all** of it._
> 
> Additionally, I didn’t think it important to show Lacus being assessed by the Captain and joining the Royal Guards as a trainee. I’m sure you guys can imagine it just fine and I’d rather just jump to where he’s been at the castle for a little while.
> 
> Now, enough of that, please read on and enjoy! - Aqua

__

_far from perfect_

~*~

Varian finished the last of the potion, hiding his grimace.

He handed the empty glass back to Xavier, wiping his mouth with the back of his glove. After about two months of taking the potion, he would’ve thought he’d be used to the taste, or the way it coated his throat, or the strange pins-and-needles feeling he’d get deep in his core. Apparently not.

“Thank you,” Varian said dutifully, giving Xavier a nod.

It was a bit earlier in the morning that usual for Varian to stop by Xavier’s forge for his potion, but the cozy building was already rife with activity. The large hearth fire was ablaze and heating a block of metal, the bright flames turning silver to a warm, glowing orange wherever they touched. The workbench was cluttered with a new array of projects, scraps of metal and strips of leather strewn about.

Not for the first time, Varian felt a sharp pang of longing. Since finishing his work on the plumbing project, he’d gone back to doing odd jobs around the castle or town. It’d only been a couple weeks, but he was already itching to be back in his lab, working with his mind as much as his hands instead of-

“Of course,” Xavier said, turning away. “You have a good day now, Varian.”

Varian hesitated, fidgeting with the edges of his gloves. He should just ask now, before he lost his nerve. He’d been trying all week to muster up the courage- but what if Xavier took it the wrong way? What if he thought Varian wanted to-

“Something on your mind?” Xavier asked, a knowing gleam to his eyes.

Varian jumped, a flush coming to his cheeks. “S- sorry.” He dipped his head. “Yes. I’ve… been meaning to ask you something.”

“Oh?” Xavier quirked an eyebrow. “Ask away.”

Varian took a deep breath. “You… you said this potion stops my powers from accidentally acting up. Whenever I have a nightmare, or- or get scared.” He bit his lip. “But… what would happen if I _wanted_ to use them? Like, if I- if I really tried to?”

“Ah.” Xavier tilted his head, considering. “The short answer is… I’m not certain.”

Varian’s eyebrows shot up. _“What?”_

“Long answer, then.” Xavier smiled kindly. “Your powers are still uncharted territory. I was able to concoct a potion to stifle the instinctive, physical reaction to fear they have. But there’s really no way of knowing how attuned to your mental state your powers can be. How much your sheer strength of will would be able to combat the potion’s effects.”

Varian suppressed a shudder. “Th- then why not just make the potion stronger?” he asked.

Xavier’s expression sobered. “That wouldn’t be healthy, I’m afraid,” he said. “Increasing the dose would completely incapacitate you, like a sedative.”

“Oh.” Varian swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. “But… then what’s to stop me from using them if I really wanted to?” he asked hoarsely.

Xavier hummed. “I suppose we’re simply fortunate you don’t want to use them,” he replied mildly.

Varian’s eyes widened. That… was an _incredible_ amount of trust Xavier was putting in him. Because even though part of it was just the simple fact that Xavier didn’t know _how_ to completely block Varian’s powers off, if he was _truly_ concerned about it he would’ve told the Captain, or the king, and they would’ve figured out some other restriction to put on Varian.

But he hadn’t. So he trusted that Varian wouldn’t want to use his powers. And that was almost terrifying, being trusted again, having the potential to _betray_ someone’s trust again. Except… this was the one thing Varian had a feeling he would never waver on.

The memory of the last time he’d used them was forever seared into his mind. He never wanted to feel like that ever again. But… he didn’t want to have to rely on the potion to control it for the rest of his life. He wanted to be in control of himself.

“…when do you think I’ll be ready to stop taking it?” Varian asked finally.

Xavier’s expression didn’t change. “Would you like to?” he asked patiently.

Varian’s heart jolted. “No!” he said quickly. He flushed at the sudden volume of his voice, ducking his head self-consciously. “I- I mean, I don’t know. I’m still having nightmares, so… I don’t think I’m ready,” he admitted.

Xavier simply nodded. “Well, when you are, we’ll discuss it.”

Varian exhaled slowly, willing his heartrate to calm. “Okay,” he said. “Thank you, sir.”

Xavier gave him a warm smile. “Until next time, Varian.”

Varian ducked out of the forge, taking a deep breath of fresh, morning air. That’d gone… better than he’d expected. Or hoped, at least. Even if nothing was going to change, it’d been nice to get his concerns off his chest. He hadn’t wanted to bother Perilune with this because…

Well. Because.

He couldn’t exactly go to Perilune and say he was feeling this way because he didn’t want them to worry. And even though Dr. Morrison had promised to keep everything confidential, that didn’t apply in circumstances where he believed Varian or someone else was in danger. Varian couldn’t risk it. And he certainly couldn’t tell _else_ at the castle.

So he’d decided on Xavier. Out of everyone Varian knew, the blacksmith had remained the most unbiased, treating Varian with the same polite regard he treated everyone with. That’d been a risk, too, but Varian knew he’d evaluate the situation with his calm, level-headed wisdom and not do anything rash. And it turned out, that was exactly what Varian had needed. He felt better just having told someone about it, even if those fears of himself and his powers weren’t completely gone.

Even if they’d _never_ truly be gone-

“Hey.”

Varian jumped again at the unexpected voice, whirling around.

Lacus was leaning against the wall of the forge, his arms crossed over his chest. The pale teen’s complexion was even more washed out by the light green shirt he wore, the uniform of Royal Guard trainees. The bronze bracers he wore on his forearms were like Perilune’s, glinting in the morning sun.

Varian eyed him warily. Perilune hadn’t told him much about Lacus, just that he was one of the more intense kids from the Servants and might still be bitter over how everything went down. Varian hadn’t spoken to the boy yet, hadn’t even seen much of him in the short time he’d been training at the castle.

Of course, if Lacus posed an actual danger, he wouldn’t _be_ at the castle, but Perilune had warned Varian that the boy was bad-tempered. Varian had no idea what to expect.

After a moment, Lacus spoke. “So, it’s… Varian,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

Varian bristled. “Yeah.” _Not ‘Moon Child,’_ he added mentally.

Lacus studied him for a moment, his dark brown eyes flashing. “Alright.” His voice was impassive as stone. “Look, I’m… not gonna get all weird about it. About you. Okay? So just relax.”

Varian forced some of the tension from his shoulders. “… what do you want?”

Lacus shrugged. “I just wanted to… I don’t know, meet you myself? Because I’ve heard two very different versions of who you are.”

Varian creased his brows together. “Wh- what do you mean?”

Lacus’s eyes narrowed. “Growing up, there was always this idea of what the Moon Child would be like. That you’d be some… all-powerful being. Sent here to destroy the unworthy. You were supposed to be faultless, awe-inspiring, _not of this earth.”_ He frowned. “But… you’re just a kid.”

Varian was taken aback. He’d… never really given much thought to that before. It was one thing to know that there was a whole secret group of people who’d spent centuries building a false image of you. It was another thing to be confronted with it, blatantly.

… was that what Perilune had been expecting?

“Not only that,” Lacus continued. “You’re a kid that everyone says did horrible things, but nowadays can hardly stand to look people in the eye. Whenever I hear people talking about you, it’s things like how good of a job you did on your last assignment _scrubbing floors,_ or how surprised they are that you were _polite_ to them, or how _happy_ you are with Perilune.”

Lacus’s expression twisted, and it was confusion and disbelief and the slightest hint of bitterness wrapped up in one. “You’re nothing like what I was expecting, what _we_ were expecting back at the Temple. But it doesn’t seem like you’re what anyone here was expecting, either.” His features smoothed over again, cool indifference masking the whirlwind of emotion. “So, I just wanted to see for myself what the person my _entire life_ was built around is like.”

Varian’s surprise left him quickly, replaced by outrage. “What, are you _disappointed?”_ he spat out. “I’m sorry I’m not what you were expecting, but did you guys ever even consider I might have my own life? My own problems?” He threw his hands up. “I didn’t ask for this, I- I didn’t ask for _any_ of this!”

Lacus’s eyes widened at that, almost looking hurt. “… none of us did,” he said quietly.

Varian felt his anger flicker away. He looked at Lacus again, and suddenly the crossed arms weren’t a sign of aggression but self-defense, the tension wasn’t borne from bitterness but uncertainty, and he was just another kid dealing with the consequences of something beyond his control. Like Varian. Like Perilune.

Varian’s expression softened. “You’re right.”

Lacus tensed before glancing away. “A- anyways, I just wanted to let you know you don’t need to worry about any trouble from me, okay? The Servants don’t exist anymore, so it’s not like I could do anything even if I wanted to.” He winced at his word choice, quickly clarifying, “which I don’t.”

“Oh.” Varian blinked. “I… appreciate it?”

Lacus snorted, but there was a slight tint to his cheeks. “Yeah, well. You know.” He stepped away from the wall. “I’ll see you around… Varian.”

Varian watched him go, brows knitted in thought. Maybe _this_ was something he could talk to Perilune about…

 _After_ his work for the day was done.

~*~

Perilune brought their sword up to block, the harsh clang of metal-on-metal ringing out across the training field.

Cassandra recovered quickly, adjusting her hold on her sword. “Watch your footing,” she advised, before coming in for another strike.

They’d been training for a couple hours now, and despite the brisk, end-of-autumn weather, Perilune had found themself shedding their outer layers and tying their braid up into a low bun in an effort to stay cooler. The adrenaline they got from training was always a rush of warmth to their blood, their heartbeat thundering in their ears.

It’d been a few days since Perilune had finally graduated to sparring, and they were enjoying every minute of it. After spending so long training independently, unguided, this was everything they dreamed of. And considering their first actual combat experience hadn’t actually been a… _formidable_ fight, they knew they needed to build up experience fighting against a skilled opponent if they were ever going to successfully defend themself or anyone else.

Despite how much of a challenge Cassandra posed.

Gritting their teeth, Perilune deflected Cassandra’s lunge and whirled around to try and catch her on her offside. However, Cassandra was quicker, using her momentum to spin and catch Perilune’s blade on her own with enough force to unbalance them.

Fortunately, instead of going for the finishing blow, Cassandra disengaged, backing away and lowering her sword. She gave an approving nod. “Good. You’ve improved a lot.”

Perilune caught their breath. Cassandra had hardly broken a sweat, but they were proud of how well they were keeping up with her lately, particularly because they weren't as comfortable with a single sword. “I’ve had a good teacher,” they returned politely, lowering their own sword. “Speaking of, I’ve been wondering. Was it your father’s idea for you to learn about combat?”

Cassandra tilted her head. “Yes, and no,” she decided. “Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a Royal Guard like my dad. I trained hard for it, every day, and I thought for sure it’d happen, but… fate had other plans.”

“Oh.” Perilune blinked. It’d never occurred to them that Cassandra hadn’t always wanted to be a lady in waiting. “Were you disappointed?”

Cassandra brushed her thumb along the hilt of her sword. “It was hard, at first,” she admitted. “I felt like I had… wasted potential. But now I have Rapunzel.” A small, fond smile tugged at her lips. “I never would’ve become such great friends with her if I was a Royal Guard. So, it wasn’t what I expected, but looking back now? I wouldn’t change it.”

“I see,” Perilune said thoughtfully. “That… makes sense. I never would’ve expected to be where I am today, but I wouldn’t change it, either.”

Cassandra gave them a considering look at that. “So what was _your_ plan?” she asked.

Perilune lowered their gaze, their cheeks heating up a bit. “There… was a special group among the Servants I wanted to join,” they said. “Knights, of a sort. It was the same rank Lacus was training for.”

“Ah,” Cassandra hummed. “I was wondering about him. I’m not much involved with guard training nowadays, but I hear he’s been doing well.”

“I’m not surprised,” Perilune sighed. “He always took it very seriously. And they expected nothing short of perfection.”

Cassandra creased her brows together. “So why’d you want to join?” 

Perilune thought about it for a moment. “I… suppose it had something to do with wanting to… give back? The Servants took me in when I had nothing, no one, and I wanted nothing more than to serve my new home well. To protect and defend them and give my all.”

Cassandra’s expression softened. “Funny, that’s kind of how I felt, too,” she murmured.

A warm feeling bloomed in Perilune’s chest. It was nice to be understood.

Cassandra looked past Perilune, raising her eyebrows. “Oh, looks like we’ve got an audience.”

Confused, Perilune turned to follow Cassandra’s gaze. Varian was lingering at the edge of the training field, leaned against the equipment shed as if he’d been there awhile. He looked surprised to find himself beneath the combined weight of their gazes and gave a shy little wave to Perilune, which they returned brightly.

“He must be done with his work for the day,” Perilune mused. They glanced over at Cassandra, some of their enthusiasm fading as it occurred to them she might not be as happy to see Varian as they were.

Fortunately, Cassandra didn’t look bothered. She simply nodded. “We should probably wrap it up, too. I’m supposed to accompany Raps to the menu tasting for the Gala.” She sheathed her sword, patting Perilune on the shoulder. “Good work today.”

Perilune ducked their head at the praise. “Thank you, Cass! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

With a last polite nod, Perilune took their leave, jogging off the training field. They dropped their sheathed sword off at the weapon’s rack before heading to meet Varian.

“Hey, you,” Perilune greeted him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before grinning. “Enjoy the show?”

Varian flushed, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to spy, I- I just figured I’d drop by and see if you were finished yet.”

Perilune laughed. “It’s alright, I don’t mind the attention!”

Varian chewed his lip. “Cassandra didn’t mind?” he asked uncertainly.

“No, not at all,” Perilune assured him. “We were already finishing up, anyways. But if you wanted to drop by sometime and watch properly, I’m sure she wouldn’t object.”

Varian nodded thoughtfully. “I’ll have to take you up on that. You ready to go grab some dinner?”

“Yep.” Perilune slung an arm around Varian’s shoulder as they started to walk, nuzzling his hair affectionately. “As long as you don’t mind that I’m sweaty.”

Varian snickered, a hand coming up to cling to Perilune’s arm. “Eh, it’s not a special occasion, no need to be fancy.”

Perilune fluttered their eyelashes at him. “Every moment with you is special.”

Varian gave a proper laugh at that, and Perilune laughed with him.

~*~

Varian leaned against Perilune with a contented sigh, gaze sweeping out over the balcony.

The sky was a lush blend of vibrant orange and soft pink, the sun sinking ever toward the horizon. A gentle evening breeze swept through the open balcony, ruffling Varian’s hair. The little nook had become a favorite spot of theirs to catch moments together, away from everything and everyone and just relax. They didn’t always make it up in time to watch the sunrise, but watching the sunset like this was the perfect way to end the day.

Or, it would be, if Varian’s mind wasn’t so troubled. He’d been mulling over his conversation with Lacus all day, and while he didn’t want to ruin the peaceful moment, he knew he needed to say something.

“Perilune?” Varian finally ventured. “Can… can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Perilune hummed.

Varian swallowed. “I spoke to Lacus today."

He could feel Perilune go tense. "... how did it go?" they asked warily.

"Fine!" Varian assured them quickly. "He was fine, he didn't try anything. But... he _did_ say something that got me thinking. Back at the temple, before we met… did- did you sort of… have an expectation of what I’d be like?”

Perilune sat up to look at him, curious. “Oh! Yes, I suppose so. We were taught from an early age what to expect from the Moon Child’s arrival.” They snorted. “But clearly, none of that was true.”

“Right.” Varian picked at his gloves. “So, when you met me… w- were you disappointed?”

Perilune’s eyes widened. “What? Why would you think that?”

Varian bit his lip. “I mean… for so long you’d been expecting this perfect being, this Moon Child, but instead… you got me. I was a mess. And- and I still am, in some ways, I… I don’t know what I’m feeling about everything that’s happened, about all th- the others, about _any_ of this. I don’t know how to control my powers, everything that happened at the temple was a- a complete _accident,_ I didn’t _save_ us, I was out of control.” His voice dropped down to a whisper. “I’m… I’m _so_ far from perfect, Perilune. Some days, I’m far from even being okay.”

Perilune was quiet for a moment, brows knit together in thought. Varian’s heart gave a nervous stutter. Maybe he’d said too much. Maybe it’d just taken this long for Perilune to realize he wasn’t worth it, that he was-

“Varian, do you know what I loved about you right from the start?”

A jolt of surprise ran through Varian. “What?”

“How human you were. And how human you made me feel.” Perilune’s voice was slow, measured, full of conviction, meaning in every word. “Even though we didn’t know each other, even though you were hurt and scared and confused, you didn’t lash out at me. You asked me my name, asked me what I believed, looked at me like no one ever had before. Like I was someone... deserving of respect.” Their lips quirked up in a rueful smile. “It’s kind of funny, almost. Despite claiming to be nothing but servants to some higher power- mere, simple _mortals_ in comparison- we’d forgotten how to be human.”

Perilune took Varian’s hands in their own, gently tugging his gloves off. Their skin was warm against his. Varian’s breath caught in his throat, but he didn’t pull away, his eyes locked on Perilune’s gaze, drinking in the trust and reassurance and love.

“You reminded me,” Perilune said softly. “So no, I wasn’t disappointed. I am not, and will never be, disappointed in you for being human, my love.”

Varian’s heart fluttered. “Even if I make mistakes?”

“Especially then,” Perilune promised, squeezing Varian’s hands.

Varian exhaled slowly, giving a small nod. “Thanks, Peri. I needed that,” he murmured, smiling. “And uh, j- just know that I feel the same about you. There’s nothing you could do that’d make me stop loving you.”

Perilune’s gaze clouded with emotion, and without another word, they leaned in to kiss him.

Varian kissed back, his eyes slipping closed. The sunset vanished from view, but he hardly minded.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It’s been awhile since Long Be Hidden, so in case you’ve forgotten, the first time Peri was ever in a fight was when a highway man tried to rob them and Varian, after the escape from the temple. But that was hardly a challenge, haha. And for the fight with the assassin, Peri wasn't even armed. So really, they don't have much combat experience.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed, please leave a comment if you did, and I’ll see you next time! - Aqua


	13. take a step back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _take a step back_  
>  Rating: K+  
> Warnings: Mentions of death  
> Timeline: About a week after the last chapter  
> Summary: Varian has his most difficult conversation yet. Fortunately, Perilune is there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! I apologize for the delay, we didn’t end up getting hit by the hurricane at all, but since classes were canceled for a couple days I was swamped with school work. Hopefully it was worth the wait! I still haven’t gotten around to replying to comments, and I sincerely apologize for that. I want to make sure you guys know how much I appreciate it. **Please do keep commenting if you’re enjoying this series!** \- Aqua

_take a step back_

~*~

Varian held Perilune’s hand tighter as they neared Dr. Morrison’s office.

It’d been a while since he’d felt the need to have Perilune accompany him to one of these. As the weeks went by, he’d gotten more comfortable speaking with the doctor, and Perilune had gotten more comfortable spending time apart from him.

But today was different. Today, Rapunzel would be waiting inside.

Dr. Morrison had first suggested it a couple weeks ago, and Varian had vehemently refused. But after thinking it over, and talking with Perilune about it, he’d finally decided to give it a try. After all, things wouldn’t change on their own, and Perilune was actually getting pretty close with Rapunzel. At the very least, Varian could try to smooth things over with her for Perilune’s sake.

It didn’t mean he was looking forward to this, though. He had no idea what to expect, and that made him nervous.

Perilune must’ve sensed it. “It’ll be okay,” they said gently.

Varian let out a shaky breath. “Probably,” he amended, giving a wry smile. “Still nervous, though.”

Perilune hummed reassuringly. “I’ll be right outside if you need me.”

“Thanks.” Varian’s expression softened. “It… means a lot, to have you here.”

“Of course.” Perilune gave his hand an encouraging squeeze as they came to a stop in front of the office door. “Try to keep an open mind, okay? They only want to help.”

Varian nodded. “I’ll try.”

Smiling, Perilune stepped away to sit on the waiting bench. Bracing himself, Varian opened the door and slipped into the office.

Dr. Morrison was seated at his desk like usual. There were two chairs in front of the desk, now, one of which was occupied by Rapunzel. 

Rapunzel offered him a hesitant smile. “Hi,” she said softly.

Varian gave a slight nod of acknowledgement, wordlessly dropping into the chair beside her.

Dr. Morrison gave him a welcoming smile. “Hello, Varian. Let’s get right to it, then.” He turned to Rapunzel. “Rapunzel, thank you for being here. As I’ve told Varian, everything you share here will be kept confidential, unless you or someone else is in danger.”

Rapunzel exhaled. “Okay.”

Varian noticed the slight tremor in her voice, and his eyes narrowed. She was nervous, too. Why?

“Now,” Dr. Morrison said, “let’s get right into it. I’d like each of you to tell me what happened. Varian, first.”

“What?” Varian’s head snapped up. “You- you mean like, what _happened,_ happened?” His brows furrowed in confusion. “Why? You already know.”

“But I haven’t heard it from you,” Dr. Morrison said lightly. And that was true, Varian realized, because they hadn’t actually talked about any of it yet, focused more on his current situation. “From the beginning, whenever you’re ready.”

Varian swallowed. “Oh.” He lowered his gaze, pointedly avoiding looking in Rapunzel’s direction as he fidgeted with his gloves. “Okay. Um… I- I guess it started back when… the rocks started taking over Old Corona.”

With those simple words, Varian was instantly transported back to that time. The terror, the hopelessness, the uncertainty, never knowing where the rocks were going to strike next.

“It was… a disaster,” he breathed. “They were destroying people’s homes, the farmland, the- all our food sheds and silos… and there were some close calls. We- my dad and I, we came to the castle to ask the king for help, but… he lied.”

In the chair beside him, Rapunzel shifted. She knew that part.

“When we got home, he lied to everyone else, too.” Varian’s voice hardened. “No one was doing anything. Or- or it _felt_ like no one was, and everything was just getting worse. So I thought, I thought that I could fix it, that I could be the one to solve the problem. And I went behind my dad’s back to do it.”

He’d been so naive. Head full of fantasies of being a hero, of pulling off some miraculous success and suddenly everything would be perfect.

Varian’s eyes blurred suddenly with tears. “He… he told me not to mess with them, but I was so determined to fix everything that I didn’t listen, and-” His voice broke.

The room lapsed into uncomfortable silence as Varian struggled to keep it together. He could feel Rapunzel’s gaze on him. Part of him desperately wanted to snap at her to stop it, that this was hard enough without her staring at him. But another, more bitter part of him was almost grimly satisfied, wanting her to look, to see exactly what she’d done to him-

No. This wasn’t her fault. Dad’s death was on him and him alone, no matter what else happened.

Varian squeezed his eyes shut. “There was an accident,” he got out finally. “He- he pushed me out of the way. It- it was going to get me, it _should’ve_ gotten me, but… he saved me. I- I went to get help, but that was the night of the big storm. And- and I didn’t get help. So I went home.”

Varian kept himself from looking at Rapunzel, but he couldn’t help the note of accusation in his voice. She might’ve flinched, he wasn’t sure. He couldn’t bring himself to care if she did.

“When I got back, he… he was already dead.” Varian forced the words out. “After, I-”

“Wait, Varian.” Dr. Morrison spoke up unexpectedly. “Would you tell me a bit more about that?”

Varian’s heart plummeted. “What?”

“What was it like immediately after the accident?” Dr. Morrison asked gently.

“I…” Varian’s stomach twisted itself into a knot. He didn’t want to think about that. They weren’t here for that, they were here to talk about what Varian had done, what’d led up to him committing those crimes.

Dr. Morrison seemed to read his trail of thought. “For us to truly understand, Varian, you’ll have to explain what you were going through.”

Varian swallowed, lowering his gaze again. “Okay.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “I… think I knew right away that he was… that there was no chance of saving him. There was no air, he wasn’t breathing, I couldn’t find a heartbeat. But I was in denial. So I- I tried everything I could think of to get him out. F- for a few days.” He knit his brows together. “It’s… actually kinda fuzzy, I don’t think I was sleeping… or eating… and then I made a machine that could pick up brain activity and… there wasn’t any.”

He didn’t mention how he’d collapsed at the base of the amber and cried himself to sleep that night, only to be screamed awake by nightmares. He didn’t mention how the guilt and horror nearly left him paralyzed, how it was only his rage that sustained him, how he had to convince himself it wasn’t his fault just to stay sane.

“I was devastated,” Varian said, his voice hoarse. “I was angry. I f- felt like I’d been abandoned, like no one cared. And… I wanted to find a way to get him out. He… wrote a note for me. But I couldn’t read it inside the amber.”

Varian finally met Rapunzel’s gaze. “From then on, I was always intending to betray you. I- I was going to use you to get to the flower be- because I thought it’d get him out and give me closure, and then I was going to get revenge, anyways. When the flower didn’t work, my plans changed. Two birds with one stone.”

Rapunzel stared back at him with a remarkable amount of composure. Taking his words for what they were with only the slightest glimmer of hurt in her eyes.

Varian pressed on. “So I set Ruddiger lose on the town as a distraction and kidnapped the queen. I trapped you in my lab and tried to use your hair to shatter the amber. And when that didn’t work, I tried to kill you, and Cassandra, and your mother.” He slumped back in his chair, his arms crossed tightly across his chest as his shoulders hunched. “You know the rest.”

Rapunzel didn’t say anything, and that somehow made Varian feel even more horrible.

Dr. Morrison nodded. “Thank you, Varian,” he said simply. “Rapunzel?”

Varian felt his own surprise mirrored in Rapunzel. That was it? He was just going to move on? No criticizing him, no lecturing, no psycho-analyzing?

Rapunzel blinked. “Oh. Oh, okay, um… it actually started over a year ago,” she began tentatively. “I… was still adjusting to… everything, and needed to get away, so Cass snuck me outside the castle. We found the first black rocks, by the spot where the flower was. I touched one of them, and that’s when they started growing. We-”

“What?” Varian demanded suddenly. “You- you didn’t tell me that’s why they started growing! You-”

 _“Varian.”_ Dr. Morrison’s voice was the sternest Varian had ever heard it. “Rapunzel didn’t interrupt you. Let her speak.”

Varian stared at the doctor, stunned, before snapping his mouth shut, his cheeks heating up.

Satisfied, Dr. Morrison turned back to Rapunzel. “Please, continue.”

Rapunzel swallowed. “Um, so we thought that they’d stopped growing. But then Varian told us about some he’d found by his village, and… we agreed we would keep it a secret and figure it out.”

Varian gave a derisive snort but held his tongue. What a great job they’d done at _that…_

Rapunzel winced, but moved on. “I… didn’t realize how much of a problem they were until the day Varian came to the castle. And then the storm hit.” She bit her lip. “I… couldn’t help you then. And afterwards… so much was going on with repairs and my dad healing and everyone recovering that I just… wanted to believe that you were okay.”

Varian stiffened. That hit disturbingly close to home to his own wishful thinking, his own guilt-ridden denial, and he wasn’t prepared for it.

“But there’s no excuse,” Rapunzel said quietly. “I should’ve come afterwards, and I didn’t.” She met Varian’s gaze, her eyes shining with tears. “Varian, I’m sorry.”

Varian’s breath went shallow in his ears. “You’re… sorry.” He blinked. “I… I almost kill you, and _you’re_ the one who’s sorry.”

Rapunzel creased her brows together. “Varian?”

“Unbelievable,” Varian murmured, running his gloved hands through his hair. An almost hysterical laugh bubbled up in his throat. “No way, no way, no _way.”_

Rapunzel sounded concerned now. “Varian, are you-”

 _“Don’t.”_ Varian’s strange humor quickly left him, his face twisting into a sneer. “Don’t you _dare_ ask me that!” He was nearly shouting now, the rush of his blood a horrible pounding ache in his ears, but he couldn’t stop. “You shouldn’t care! You shouldn’t be sorry!”

Rapunzel’s eyes were wide with shock and hurt, and Varian didn’t stop.

“But that’s not even the _worst_ part,” he hissed. “You wanna know what is? The fact that everything I suffered means _nothing_ because _I_ was the one in the wrong, _I_ was the one who went too far so any point I might’ve had, any- any justification went out the window and I have no one to blame but myself.”

“Varian, that’s not true!” Rapunzel protested, reaching out to touch his arm. “Just because it doesn’t justify what you didn’t doesn’t mean it’s not important-”

Varian pulled away like he’d been burned, jumping to his feet. “It _is_ true, though!” he snapped. “It is. So- so you can be _sorry_ all you want but it won’t change _anything!”_

Without waiting for either to react, Varian stormed out of the room.

~*~

Rapunzel had to stop herself from going after Varian.

She sat uneasily in her chair as he fled the room, staring down at her hands folded in her lap. The door was left open, allowing her to hear Varian’s ragged breaths, Perilune’s soft, concerned voice, both their footsteps fading down the hallway.

Dr. Morrison didn’t seem bothered at all by the turn of events, sitting back in his chair. He hadn’t lost his composure once during Varian’s outburst, and that made Rapunzel feel even worse about the turmoil of emotion eating her up inside.

Rapunzel broke the silence after a moment. “Well, _that_ was a disaster,” she laughed weakly.

Dr. Morrison made a noncommittal noise. “How so?” he asked.

Rapunzel jerked her head up in surprise. Despite herself, she felt a twinge of irritation. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe Varian blowing up at me and leaving the room in tears has something to do with it?”

Dr. Morrison didn’t react to her tone, his expression still perfectly calm. There was the slightest glint to his eyes behind his glasses. “Maybe.” He shrugged. “Tell me this, then. What did you expect to come from this meeting?”

“What?” Rapunzel blinked. “I… I don’t know, but not _that.”_

Dr. Morrison leaned forward. “Did you anticipate that everything would be fixed with one meeting?”

Rapunzel felt herself flush. “Oh, no, of course not! I just…” She struggled for the words, playing with her hair absent-mindedly. “…I thought we’d make some progress.”

“Didn’t you?”

Rapunzel halted at his tone. There was something she was missing. “I… don’t think I understand,” she said, almost pleadingly. “How could any of that be considered progress?”

Dr. Morrison gave her an earnest look. “Before today, had you two ever talked about what happened?”

Rapunzel knit her brows together. It was strange, she… would’ve thought they had by now, but… they hadn’t. After his arrest, she’d avoided him as vehemently as he’d avoided everyone and everything else. And then after the kidnapping, after Varian’s powers, there’d been so much going on…

“No, not really…” she admitted.

“Then that’s progress,” Dr. Morrison said. “For the first time, you two actually sat in a room together and shared your experiences.”

“… oh.” Rapunzel’s mind spun. That… that was true. It wasn’t just that they’d finally had a conversation about the events, but she’d heard them from Varian’s point of view, just as much as she’d had a chance to explain her own perspective.

And there was no equivalence. Varian’s crimes far outweighed a broken promise. She knew that. And she suspected Varian knew it, too, which was part of what was making this so hard.

It was almost as if… his anger with her stemmed from the very concept of forgiveness, from the disproportion of it all. He was angry at her because she hadn’t done anything near as bad as he had, and accepting that forced him to look inward for his answers. To admit that it’d been him, all him this whole time, and Rapunzel couldn’t imagine how scary that had to be.

To believe so fiercely in your actions, to be convinced you’re right, only to be struck with the sudden horror that you aren’t. To realize you aren’t justified, that it wasn’t the circumstances that’d pushed you into it, because the average person wouldn’t have taken the same lengths. It was something inside him that’d allowed him to do what he’d done, and his powers were probably making it even worse.

Rapunzel wished she could help him deal with it, but the reality was there was only so much she could do. That was another thing making this hard.

“More importantly,” Dr. Morrison continued, “you made a genuine apology to him.”

“Yes.” Rapunzel frowned. “But he hardly accepted it.”

“But you’ve given it,” Dr. Morrison countered, his voice gentle. “That’s what matters.”

“I guess so…” Rapunzel sighed, wrapping her arms around herself. “I’m… worried that all this just made things worse,” she confessed.

“Mm.” Dr. Morrison tilted his head. “Do you remember when you met with me a few weeks ago? You told me you feared that yours and Varian’s relationship had improved as much as possible on its own and wouldn’t go any further.”

“Yes…?” Rapunzel ventured.

“Well, you were correct,” Dr. Morrison explained. “Up until now, your relationship had hit a plateau. It wouldn’t get any better, and that would provide opportunity for feelings of resentment to build up and fester, until it was impossible to keep inside anymore- and that’s when lashing out happens.”

Rapunzel swallowed. She didn’t like the sound of that.

“Or,” Dr. Morrison said, “maybe it _would_ have been possible to keep it all in. For the rest of your lives, even. Never actually facing your problems, never making an attempt to fix things, remaining slightly strained acquaintances as you each shouldered your silent burdens.” He smiled sadly. “Truthfully, that’s not much better.”

Rapunzel bit back an objection. She knew firsthand what it was like to keep everything inside- she’d done so for the better part of eighteen years. And she didn’t like the way things were with Varian right now; that was why she was doing this in the first place.

Dr. Morrison spread his heads. “But for _true healing_ to occur, these kinds of talks are necessary. Steps taken back are necessary. Getting all that hurt out in the open for you to confront is, unfortunately, necessary. And today, we’ve begun that process.”

“You’re right.” Rapunzel let out a slow breath. “Thank you. I… just have to remember how relative it all is.”

“That’s a great way of looking at it,” Dr. Morrison said encouragingly. “And he’s made more progress than you realize,” he added. “After all, he agreed to have you in today, didn’t he?”

Rapunzel perked up at that. “Yeah, that’s true,” she said hopefully. He certainly wouldn’t have done so before, even a few weeks ago. “So… how should we move forward from here?”

Dr. Morrison considered it. “He’s going to need some time for this all to settle,” he said decisively. “Pull back a little, give him some space, but at the same time, make sure you’re seeing him regularly. Even if it’s just having dinner in the same room. You don’t want to slip back into avoidance.”

“Okay.” Rapunzel nodded. “I can do that.” She stood up and shook the doctor’s hand. “Thank you, again, for everything you’re doing.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Dr. Morrison said warmly. “We’re going to get through this, you’ll see.”

Rapunzel smiled in return.

She might not be certain, but she could hope, and that was enough.

~*~

Perilune was already standing when Varian pushed through the door.

He was upset, that much was immediately apparent. But if Perilune hadn’t known it from the angry flush to his cheeks and his ragged breathing and the way he brushed past them without stopping, they would’ve known it from hearing his voice through the wall.

They’d never heard Varian like that before. Raw and hurt and filled with venom. Almost _hateful._

But Perilune couldn’t think about that right now. Varian needed them.

“Varian.” They caught up to him in a few quick strides. “Our room?”

Varian nodded breathlessly, and Perilune looped their arm through his.

Arm in arm, they walked back to their room. Perilune acted as both and physical and verbal buffer to anyone they happened to pass, giving a dismissive, “can’t talk right now” as they pointedly led Varian along, not making eye contact.

It seemed a lot longer than it probably was for them to reach the room. Perilune quickly brought them inside, closing the door behind them. Varian seemed to have calmed down a little on the walk there, but only a little- he no longer looked like he might explode, but rather that he might burst into tears.

“Come here, love.” Perilune took him by the hands, pulling him to sit down on the bed. He was shaking, they realized with a start. “Tell me what happened.”

Varian struggled to speak for a moment. “She apologized.”

Perilune was taken aback. “Oh. But… isn’t that a good thing?”

“That’s the problem.” Varian let out a shuddering breath, wrapping his arms around himself. “I know she’s sorry, and- and I know she’s trying, because otherwise she wouldn’t be here, right? Hell, I know it wasn’t even her fault. It was mine. It was always _mine._ But n- no matter how much I tell myself that, it doesn’t change the way I feel about it. About _her.”_

Perilune was silent for a moment. “Then maybe that’s not what you’re blaming her for,” they said softly.

Varian’s breathing hitched. From the way his eyes widened and then darted to the side, Perilune could tell something clicked for him, something he didn’t want to admit.

Perilune creased their brows together. “Varian, you know you can tell me anything. Now, truthfully…” They gently cupped his cheek, turning his gaze to meet theirs. “Why are you angry with her?”

Varian held their gaze for a moment, wavering, before his jaw tightened. “Because she wasn’t there for me.”

Perilune blinked, and Varian pulled away, letting out a hoarse laugh.

“How messed up is that?” he asked, running a hand through his hair. “She- she had an entire _kingdom_ to worry about. Her f- friends, her parents, her boyfriend, all of them, everyone- even after the storm. And I know that, I do, she- she had no choice and I _know_ that. I didn’t even know her that well! But she couldn’t be there for me when I needed her. When I needed someone, _anyone,_ but I had nobody.” He glanced away, but not before Perilune saw the glint of tears in his eyes. “… what’s _wrong_ with me? It’s not fair to her. I’m j- just a bad person.”

Perilune grabbed him by the shoulders. “Don’t say that. Varian, please, don’t say that, there’s nothing wrong with you. You are not a bad person. You know how I know that?”

Varian stared at them in surprise. “What?”

“Because you keep trying,” Perilune said. “A bad person wouldn’t.”

Varian’s face crumpled, and Perilune pulled him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around them, burying his face in their shoulder as he started to cry.

“I’m s- so _tired_ of- of- of feeling this wa- ay…” Varian sobbed. “I w- want t- to move on but I _can’t.”_

“You will,” Perilune murmured, running a soothing hand through his hair. “I know it doesn’t feel like it but you will. And if you can’t believe that, then I’ll believe enough for the both of us.”

Varian held them tighter, and Perilune prayed that they were right.

~*~

It was a late night.

Pale moonlight shone through a metal grate, casting glowing blades across stone. The sewers were dark, and damp, and disgusting, the sound of moisture dripping and echoing off the walls. Despite having clearly been occupied at some point, with forgotten scraps and pieces of furniture collecting mold in the corners, it was festering with vermin and stewing with rot. 

It was no place befitting of a High Priest, but Umbra couldn’t afford to be picky.

Everything was in shambles. The Servants, the temple, all Umbra’s hopes and aspirations. It’d been a long time since Umbra was so abruptly reminded of how fickle life could be. One moment, he was about to fulfill a centuries old prophecy and unlock untold power. And the next, everything he’d spent his entire life working for was ruined because of the actions of a lovestruck teen.

His people were scattered. Most of the ones who had children took them and fled. Others still deserted out of fear of being found out by the king, their faith broken. The ones who were still loyal were in hiding, tucked away in dark corners of big cities as they awaited further instruction. But it seemed as if every day another one would slip away, growing restless and uneasy the more time passed until they gave up and abandoned the cause.

Of the few hundred Servants who’d been living at the three compounds, Umbra was despaired to say he had not a clue how many were still loyal, and despaired even more to say it was likely well under one hundred in total.

“High Priest.”

A voice brought Umbra out of his musings.

“Parallax.” He didn’t need to turn to know it was the Templar. “What news have you brought?”

All the royal guards knew Umbra’s face, thanks to that traitorous Patron, reducing him to lurking in the sewers like a rat while his remaining followers went scouting on his behalf. What they reported made his blood boil.

The Moon Child was being kept in the castle.

A _prisoner._

Made to do work like a common servant.

It was unthinkable. It was despicable. It was pure _heresy,_ of the highest order, and Umbra yearned to make them suffer for it. He seethed to know that they held such _power_ in their possession, such wondrous might, and they did nothing but stifle it, fear it, contain it.

Ignorant, foolish, pitiful _wretches._

Umbra had exercised incredible self-restraint, waiting this long to strike. But he’d lost the Moon Child once before, and no matter how much it infuriated him, he had to be cautious. Parallax had done great work setting this up, for months now. It was not the time to act rashly.

Parallax cleared his throat. “Everything is going according to plan,” he said. “The guests for the Gala will be arriving next week, and our agent is ready to act.”

“Good,” Umbra replied. “This will be our first step in recovering the Moon Child. There cannot be any mistakes.”

“I understand.” 

Umbra tilted his head slightly in acknowledgement. “And how goes your… _project?”_ he asked. “Do you believe this will get us the Moon Child?”

“I do,” Parallax answered steadily. The Templar knew Umbra hadn’t put much stock in his idea, but with limited options, they had to make do with what they had. “I need only a little more time to fully get through.”

Umbra made a noncommittal noise. “Take great care in how you act, Parallax,” he warned. “One false move will have us exposed. But, should your little venture succeed, we will once again have the opportunity to fulfill the prophecy.”

“Of course, High Priest,” Parallax said. “For the glory of the moon.”

The Templar’s footsteps faded away, and Umbra inhaled slowly.

They were close, now, he could feel it. It wasn’t going to be easy or pleasant, but once this was over, he was rather inclined to think the Moon Child might even be _grateful_ for it. After all, he was but a child, with no idea what his true destiny was, the incredible potential he held. He needed guidance, and Umbra was more than happy to oblige.

Umbra tilted his head up, peering through the sewer grate to the street, to the outside, to the moon sitting humbly in the sky.

He smiled.

“For the glory of the moon.”

~*~


	14. turning, part I - show your happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _turning, part I - show your happiness_  
>  Rating: K+  
> Warnings: Implied homo/transphobia.  
> Timeline: A couple weeks after Chapter Thirteen.  
> Summary: Varian and Perilune enjoy a special night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! So as it turns out, updating on Sundays just works a lot better for me now that school has started up again, so I think I’m just going to stick with it. From now on, **updates will be on every other Sunday!** Thanks as always for your wonderful feedback, please keep sharing your thoughts with me if you’re enjoying this series. And I hope you do enjoy, because these next two chapters are pretty significant! ;D 
> 
> Also, this update coincidentally comes to you on Ghostar's (Perilune's co-creator) birthday! Hope this brightens your day, friend >:3c - Aqua

_turning, part I - show your happiness_

~*~

Varian clasped the last button on his vest, smoothing down the fabric.

It was a modest outfit by royalty standards, but for Varian, it felt exceedingly fancy. A white, long-sleeved shirt with cuffed sleeves underneath a rich, navy blue vest with silver buttons. Black dress pants and shiny black boots that came up just below his knee, and the look was completed with an embroidered silver cravat, laid out expectantly on Varian’s bed as Ruddiger sniffed at it curiously.

The tailor had convinced Varian to trade in his usual gloves for a smaller, nicer pair of black leather ones. They felt tighter against his skin, and because they were brand new they were a little stiff, and had a weird smell. But they completely covered his hands, so Varian wasn’t going to complain.

It was just for one night, after all.

The Winter Gala.

One night of wearing nice clothes and going to a ball attended by all sorts of important people.

Couldn’t be simpler.

Pushing the thoughts away, Varian grabbed the cravat off the bed, slipping it around his neck. The soft necktie was an unusual presence around his throat. Wait, how did the tailor say it went? Over, under, through? Was there a loop somewhere? No, that just made a bow-

There was a knock at his door, making Varian jump.

“C- come in,” he called, fumbling with the cravat.

The door cracked open, and Eugene slipped in. “Hey, kid, you ready?”

Varian felt his face heat up. “Um-”

“Ah.” Eugene’s gaze fell on the cravat. “A man never forgets his first cravat,” he said knowingly, giving Varian a wink. “Here, let me help. It’s sort of an acquired skill.”

Varian froze as Eugene came over and started tying the neckwear. Part of him wanted to smack Eugene away- _leave me alone, I don’t need help, you’re not my dad-_ but he didn’t. He simply averted his gaze as Eugene finished and stepped back to admire his handiwork.

“Ta-da! That’s one mighty fine cravat if I do say do myself.” Evidently satisfied, Eugene settled himself onto the bed, kicking his feet up and giving Ruddiger a friendly scratch behind the ears.

“Thanks,” Varian mumbled, fidgeting with his new gloves.

Eugene was dressed the fanciest Varian had ever seen him, but still looked completely at ease. Over the past few weeks, Eugene had taken to dropping by to chat with Varian, either while he was on a job or at dinner or even just in his room. He’d even taken Varian to see Lance at the pub a couple times, and when they went, Varian marveled at how casual it was, like it wasn’t an outing between the princess’s boyfriend and the person who’d tried to kill her.

Like they were friends.

“You doin’ okay?”

Eugene’s voice broke Varian out of his thoughts. He ducked his head. “Yeah, yeah, just… kinda nervous,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean, I really didn’t expect to get invited to this thing.”

“Hey, you’ve had dinner with us a few times before, now,” Eugene pointed out. “With Rapunzel’s parents.”

“It’s just… so surreal.” Varian shook his head. “A… a few months ago I was… you know… and- and now here I am, about to attend a fancy party with a whole bunch of nobles like I’m some- some special friend of the royal family and I tried to _kill_ them.” His throat tightened. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“Look at it this way.” Eugene spread his hands. “Do you think everyone who’s gonna be at this get-together is close with the royal family? Do you think all of them have ever even _met_ Rapunzel? Or spoken to the king and queen at all since the last Gala?”

Well, when he put it _that_ way… “No?” Varian ventured.

“That’s right.” Eugene nodded. “They’re here because having them is a show of respect. It’s like saying, ‘you matter to us and we want you here.’ And that can apply to you.” He shrugged, his eyes tracing the ceiling. “If you like. It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to. Just a night off and the chance to dress up and have a little fun. Okay?”

Varian blinked. “A night off,” he mused. “That… could work.”

“And if you _do_ have a little fun,” Eugene continued, “it doesn’t mean you have to be buddy-buddy with everyone afterwards, or that everything’s fixed. It can just be taking a night off. Make sense?”

“… yeah,” Varian said softly. “Yeah, it does.” He offered a smile. “Thanks, Eugene.”

Eugene grinned. “Don’t sweat it, kid.” He swung his legs off the bed to stand. “Now, let’s go find your date.”

Varian blushed.

~*~

“How does it look, Cass?”

Perilune gave a half-twirl, looking at Cassandra expectantly.

After bringing Perilune’s outfit to them, Cassandra had stuck around to help them figure out exactly how to put it on. It was unlike anything Perilune had ever seen before; the top part was a cuffed jacket like a suit, but instead of coattails, the bottom part was an open-faced skirt, with trousers to wear underneath. The fabric was nearly the same shade of blue as Perilune’s usual robes, but all the accents were silver instead of bronze. The embroidery shimmered like stars in the skirt, sparkling in the light, and it took Perilune’s breath away.

The only thing out of place was Perilune’s bronze arm bracers. They didn’t match the silver in the outfit, but Cassandra hadn’t mentioned it, hadn’t asked Perilune to leave them off, to their immense relief.

“Looks good, kid,” Cassandra said approvingly. She managed to still look comfortable in her Gala dress, lounging on Perilune’s bed.

They were in the room Perilune had stayed in during their first week at the castle, before they started sharing Varian’s room. Even though Perilune didn’t sleep there, it’d been given to them to keep, to store the small wardrobe they’d been compiling in their various trips out to town with Rapunzel. Or even if Perilune just needed a place of their own to get some privacy. It’d come in handy several times before.

Like right now. Perilune had needed a place to get ready for the Winter Gala. And sure, Varian and them could’ve just taken turns using the room to get dressed, but there was something exciting about not seeing each other until they were both ready for the Gala.

“Now,” Cassandra mused, “all you need is the hair.” She glanced around the room, gaze falling on the dresser. “You got hair stuff in here?”

“O- oh!” Perilune quickly pulled a brush and some hair pins out of the top drawer, presenting them to Cassandra. “Yes, here.”

Cassandra took the brush and gestured for Perilune to sit down on the bed. “So, I know the braid is kinda your thing, but how do we feel about an up-do?”

Perilune sat down, humming thoughtfully. “Whatever you think would look best,” they replied.

Cassandra tutted as she took Perilune’s braid out, brushing through their hair. “Maybe some French braiding,” she murmured to herself. “You’ve got a lotta hair here and it’s gotta stay up somehow. Anyways, how are you feeling? You excited for the big night?”

“Oh, yes,” Perilune said enthusiastically. “I really appreciate your help, Cass, I’ve never done anything like this before.”

Cassandra snorted. “Well, the Winter Gala isn’t a bad one to start with. In my opinion, if you’ve been to one fancy ball you’ve been to them all, but Raps worked really hard on it this year, so it’s nice you get to see it.”

“Yes.” Perilune smiled faintly. “I… still can’t believe it, to be honest. That Varian and I get to go.”

“Well, Raps has really taken to you,” Cassandra said. “Honestly, I’d say most everyone at the castle has. And we knew if we invited you, it wouldn’t be fair not to invite your boyfriend. Can’t have you mopey and lonely at your first party.”

It took Perilune a second to realize Cassandra was teasing them. About _Varian._ They felt their cheeks warm up. “Oh, w- well, I- I appreciate it,” they stammered. “I know that things are still, uh, tense with Varian, and you didn’t have to-”

“Hey, it’s a party,” Cassandra said, gentler. “No big deal.”

Perilune let out a breath. “Right. Thank you.”

Cassandra made a noncommittal noise in response, falling silent for a few moments as she continued working on Perilune’s hair. “Alright, hair’s done,” she said eventually, sitting back. “How do you like it?”

Perilune stood, looking at their reflection in the small mirror on the dresser. Their hair was pulled back in an intricate braid that curled up into a bun, a few strands left out to frame their face. They couldn’t help the massive grin that spread across their face.

“I love it, thank you so much!” they said, turning back to Cassandra.

Cassandra smiled at them, standing up. “Yeah, no problem. You ready to head out now? The guests will be arriving in an hour and it’ll get a little hectic.”

Perilune nodded. “Good idea.”

They left the room, making their way down the halls towards the ballroom. Already, members of the castle staff were rushing about in a hurry, pushing carts of food and doing one last thorough clean of the castle.

It was so strange, not to be a part of that. To be dressed up so nicely and attending an event like this. One of the hardest things for Perilune about living in the castle had been figuring out what was expected of them. A guest, they were called, and guests didn’t do work. Of course, the staff didn’t mind Perilune helping out every now and then if they happened to be passing by, but for the most part, they politely declined Perilune’s offers. They said that they were proud of the work they did- it was a great living and almost a place of honor to be employed at the castle.

That had been even stranger. Getting paid to do that sort of work, instead of it being an expected duty. Perilune still didn’t fully understand it, but over the months they’d come to respect it.

Perilune and Cassandra turned a corner and nearly ran into Varian and Eugene.

Perilune felt their heart skip a beat. Varian looked absolutely stunning. They were so used to his everyday clothes that the change was made all the more dramatic. The blues he wore were darker than his eyes, but it complemented them perfectly.

“Oh, hey there!” Eugene said cheerfully. “We were just coming to find you.” He gave Varian a playful nudge. “Weren’t we?”

Varian’s eyes were wide, a faint blush coloring his cheeks as he took Perilune in. “You look incredible,” he breathed.

Perilune’s stomach filled with butterflies. “Thanks. So do you,” they replied softly. 

“Okay, lovebirds,” Eugene said loudly, clapping Varian on the shoulder. “Can't go a minute without flirting, we get it."

Cassandra snorted. "Hypocrite." She rolled her eyes, grabbing Eugene by the arm to pull him away. “Come on, Fitzherbert, we’ve got a princess to find.” She gave them a wry smile- Varian too, Perilune noticed- before leaving.

“See you two later!” Eugene called over his shoulder as the pair disappeared down the hall. “Have fun tonight, yeah? But not _too_ much fun!”

Perilune hid a smile behind their hand as Varian’s face flushed even more. “Well,” they said simply. “Should we head in now? Get a good spot by the snack table before the room fills up?”

Varian grinned, stepping back to sweep his arm out in a grand gesture. “Of course,” he said. “After you, my darling.”

Perilune took his arm, and together they entered the ballroom.

~*~

The ballroom was impressive.

Varian had seen it a few times in passing, in all the time he’d spent around the castle. But decorated the way it was and filled with people, now that all the guests had arrived, it made for a stunning sight. Rich blue fabric was draped all around the room, around the columns holding the ceiling up. The sconces on the wall were covered with frosted glass, making the glow from the candlelight cooler to better fit the winter theme. A four-piece orchestra was playing on a raised platform, made of polished wood. And the grand centerpiece of it all was the crystal chandelier hanging from the domed ceiling; custom-made to mimic the look of icicles and snowflakes.

It was, hands down, the most extravagant place Varian had ever been. Everything had been planned to the most minute detail- the special uniforms the castle staff wore were embroidered with silver thread, in a snowflake pattern unique to each person. Even the guards had changed out their usual red and gold in favor of the themed colors.

Varian observed it all from the side of the room, practically clinging to the wall. Which suited him just fine. He didn’t know anyone here, after all, aside from Rapunzel, Eugene, and Cassandra, who were all busy making the rounds and speaking with all the important people.

Well, rather, _Rapunzel_ was speaking and Cassandra was escorting her and Eugene was following like a lost puppy. That was just as well. It wasn’t like Varian would _want_ to talk to her, anyways. He'd been avoiding her as much as he could in the couple weeks since their disastrous therapy session, and though she seemed to constantly pop up in his day-to-day life, they hadn't really talked about it yet. He was perfectly happy to keep it that way.

“Looked around long enough?”

Perilune’s voice made Varian jump. “What?” He glanced over at them, noting the amusement in their features. “Oh, c- come on, it’s not like we’re gonna go _mingle.”_

Perilune shrugged. “Why not? It’s a party.”

Varian snorted. “Yeah, okay, I- I might not have ever been to a party myself but I know _this,”_ he gestured to the crowd of chattering, standoffish upstarts, “definitely doesn’t count. There isn’t even any music-”

On some unseen cue, the orchestra struck up a tune. A flurry of excitement spread through the room as people paired off and started to dance. Eugene in particular seemed thrilled to sweep Rapunzel off to the dance floor. Varian let his arm fall limply to his side, sighing. 

Well then.

“I still think it’s a bad idea,” he muttered. “It’s crazy enough that we’re here in the first place, these types of people don’t come to associate with _common folk.”_ He pulled a face, meaning to be humorous. “Besides, people watching is pretty fun. That duchess just picked her nose.”

Perilune snickered and took him by the arm, pulling him away from the wall. “Oh, come on!”

Varian’s heart jolted. “W- wait, Peri, what are we doing?” he asked, unable to keep the nervous tremor from his voice.

Perilune brought them to a stop at the edge of the dance floor. “Dancing.”

 _“Dancing?”_ Varian repeated, incredulous.

“Yes,” Perilune said with a grin. “That’s what people do when they like each other, isn’t it?”

“B- but I don’t know how!” Varian protested.

“Neither do I.” Perilune slipped one of their hands in Varian’s, their other hand resting on his waist. “It can’t be that hard, can it? Look, I’ll just do what Eugene does, and you do what Rapunzel does.”

Varian glanced over his shoulder at the dancing couple before back to Perilune. “Why do _I_ have to be Rapunzel?” he grumbled.

Perilune gave him a quick peck on the nose. “Because you’re shorter.”

Despite his nerves, Varian felt himself smile. “Only by a few inches…”

Perilune laughed. “Come on, we’re wasting time! The song’s half over already.”

Rolling his eyes good-naturedly, Varian placed his free hand on Perilune’s shoulder, stepping in close. His heart sped up, and he squeezed Perilune’s hand before they began. Looking over Varian’s shoulder at Eugene, Perilune took the lead, stepping forward and prompting Varian to step back.

One step back, one step to the side, step the feet together. Repeat while turning. Back, side, together. Back, side, together. Back, side, together. Turning, turning, turning, hands held tight, faces only inches away.

They found a rhythm, Varian’s tension easing away as he grew more comfortable with the steps. It wasn’t nearly as hard as he’d been expecting. It wasn’t nearly as hard when he was looking into Perilune’s eyes.

The first song came to an end, a contained applause breaking out because apparently fancy people applauded _everything._ Varian and Perilune were both grinning and slightly breathless and he marveled at how everything seemed to disappear when he was with them. When the music started up again, they still lingered, not so much dancing as swaying slightly together, and Varian was profoundly, incredibly at peace.

“I wasn’t aware Corona made a habit of inviting criminals to their events.”

Varian froze.

The speaker was an old man, white-haired and thin, his fancy outfit hanging off his frame like a sheet. The style of his outfit suggested he was a visiting noble from one of the other kingdoms. And he was staring at Varian with a gaze as cold as ice.

Before Varian could react, Perilune stepped in front of him, fixing the man with a polite smile. “Excuse me, sir,” they said, their voice clipped, “but Varian and I are here as guests of the royal family.”

The man gave them a patronizing look. “We _all_ are, dear child,” he sniffed. “Traditionally, the Winter Gala is for ambassadors, dignitaries, military officers. Nobility. Not murderers and…” He trailed off, looking Perilune up and down disdainfully. “Who even _are_ you? A maid? Some orphan girl?”

Perilune’s smile strained even further. “I’m not a girl, sir.”

The man’s nose wrinkled. “Even worse.”

Varian’s blood ran hot. The shock of the words only lasted a second before it was swallowed with outrage, his hands curling into fists. As he looked at this hateful old man, the only thing coming to mind was _how dare he?_

Just as Varian opened his mouth to say something- what, he didn’t know- Perilune’s voice cut in.

“Come on, Varian, this is my favorite song.”

Before Varian knew it, Perilune firmly took him by the wrist and pulled him away, to the center of the dance floor. The music was louder here, dancing people on all sides, shifting around each other. Varian blinked at the change of surroundings, finding Perilune’s arms around him once more in a waltz position as they slowly turned in a circle.

“Hey,” Perilune soothed. “Varian. Just look at me.”

Varian took a shaky breath. “But did you hear what he-”

“Yes, I heard.” Perilune’s expression softened. “It’s nothing I haven’t heard before. Frankly, I’m more upset with what he said about you.”

Varian frowned, pulling his gaze away from Perilune’s eyes. “You shouldn’t be. At least his problem with me was because of something I had done. With you, he was just- it was just who you are, and that’s not okay.”

“No, it’s not,” Perilune agreed. “But to be quite honest, Varian, it looked like you were about to tackle him, and I’d rather not make such a scene at an event like this.”

Varian’s head whipped around to meet Perilune’s gaze again, surprised. “Really?”

Perilune nodded. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s sweet that you’d assault an old geezer to defend my honor, but not everyone would see it that way.”

Varian felt his face heat up. “Oh, god, that’s right,” he murmured, a knot forming in his gut. “That- that could’ve been a _disaster.”_ What more evidence would they need that he was dangerous? All that tentative trust he’d spent months building would’ve vanished in an instant, all because he couldn’t keep his temper.

He inhaled slowly. “Thanks for looking out for me, Peri.”

“Of course.” Perilune smiled. “But even more, you know what the best way to deal with people like that is? Show them your happiness.” Emotion clouded their eyes, conviction glimmering in the vibrant shades of blue. “Their words are aimed to hurt, to tear you down, but if you turn around and show them how happy you are, anyways, it’ll make it clear just how little their words matter.”

Varian’s heart missed a beat. “Wow,” he breathed.

Perilune’s smile turned mischievous. “Now quick, he’s looking this way- give me a big kiss and act hopelessly in love.”

That got a real laugh out of Varian, almost startling himself. “But _Peri,”_ he drawled, fluttering his eyelashes at them, “I _am_ hopelessly in love. And,” he added, leaning in, “I never need an excuse to kiss you.”

Perilune laughed into the kiss, and the only thing better than the feeling of their lips on Varian’s was the feeling of their smile.

Varian knew people had to be watching them. He was only mildly surprised to find he didn’t care. They weren’t hurting anyone, after all. They weren’t being disruptive or obscene. Why should he be ashamed of his relationship with Perilune? Why shouldn’t he get to feel happiness?

And hey, it was his night off.

When they pulled away from each other, it took Varian a moment to realize the music had ended, that people were applauding the musicians and dispersing into the banquet hall for the meal. As he looked around the ballroom, some of that self-consciousness returned, that feeling of not belonging.

Perilune laced their’s and Varian’s fingers together. “Shall we?”

Varian let out a breath, his resolve returning to him as quickly as it’d left. He gave their hand a squeeze as he brought it up to his lips, brushing a feather-light kiss across their knuckles.

“We shall.”

~*~

“I would like to raise a toast.”

Perilune instantly stopped talking with Varian the moment the king’s voice rang out, addressing the room from the head of the massive banquet table. It’d taken a little time for everyone to be seated, a few mistakes with the name cards disrupting the order. Perilune had found themself only a few seats away from Rapunzel and her friends, Varian at one side and a stranger at the other.

It was an honor to be seated at the royal’s table, as several other tables had to be set up in the banquet hall to accommodate everyone. Perilune knew they and Varian were getting a fair share of strange and questioning looks, but they paid them no mind.

Drinks had already been served, and the low chatter that’d filled the room had come to a hush the moment King Frederic took his own glass and stood.

“To all of you who have joined us tonight,” he continued, his gaze trailing over the room. “To those who are not with us. To family and friends, old and new,” at that point, his gaze rested on Rapunzel, a fond smile on his face, “and to the prosperity of the Seven Kingdoms. Hear, hear.”

King Frederic took his seat again, toasting his glass against Queen Arianna’s.

A polite murmur rose around the room as everyone returned the cheer, clinking glasses together before drinking. Perilune turned to Varian, snickering at his wry smile as he toasted their glass self-importantly. It seemed a bit silly, considering they were the only two in the room with a nonalcoholic drink, but a tradition was a tradition.

The juice (grape?) had a sweet, nutty taste. Almost cloyingly sweet. Perilune had to stop themself from making a face as they drank it, carefully setting the crystalline glass back down on the table. The food looked exceedingly fancy. A bit intimidating, but exciting to try.

A quick glance at Varian confirmed he was feeling some trepidation as well. Perilune offered him a reassuring smile. Since they’d both come from humble backgrounds, it was the first time they were experiencing anything like this. And the fact that they were doing it together made it that more special for Perilune.

It was incredible to think about how much their life had changed since meeting Varian. It was something Perilune appreciated nearly every day- every morning they woke up next to him knowing they were loved, every decision they were able to make for themself, every time they were reminded of the friends they’d made.

Sure, it wasn’t perfect. There were still things Varian struggled with. Things even Perilune struggled with, they remembered, pushing down a surge of guilt. But that was okay, because they’d never expected it to be perfect, and it’d only been a few months. Things would be better in the future.

And that was the best part. That Perilune _had_ a future, something beyond a lifetime of servitude. That there were so many possibilities and they had the freedom to choose their own destiny-

A sudden pain stabbed Perilune’s stomach. They inhaled sharply, instinctively curling their arms around their middle as their shoulders hunched over.

Varian’s voice came immediately to their right-

“Perilune, are you-”

Perilune’s vision went blurry, their heart pounding in their ears-

“-thing wrong?”

The world tipped, too hot and too cold all at once, and that horrible horrible pain in their stomach-

Perilune lost consciousness.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Perilune’s not dead, that’s all I’m gonna say. - Aqua


	15. turning, part II - beneath the skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _turning, part II – beneath the skin_  
>  Rating: T  
> Warnings: Poison/illness, mentions of self-harm  
> Summary: Tragedy shines a cruel light, and nothing can stay in the dark forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey readers! Hope you all enjoyed last chapter >:3c Prepare yourselves, because the hits are still coming. Also, this arc was originally going to take place in two parts, but I'm splitting it up into three. So the next chapter will be turning, part III. 
> 
> Bit of a review from _Long Be Hidden;_ when Perilune first came to the castle, one of the guards turned out to be a long-time spy from the moon cult who tried to kill them. He, and another spy caught trying to get to Varian, were arrested and have been in the dungeons ever since.
> 
> That in mind, please read on and enjoy! - Aqua

_turning, part II - beneath the skin_

~*~

Varian’s mind went blank as Perilune collapsed.

Everything stopped for a moment. The chill that’d seized him when Perilune had gasped in pain all but froze him solid, his concern and confusion falling way to a jarring, mindless buzz.

Perilune fell sideways, out of their chair, and Varian was moving before he’d even processed it. Practically falling out of his own chair to catch Perilune before they hit the ground, his knees slamming against the floor but he didn’t feel it. There was a breath caught in his throat that might’ve been a scream, held there silently by shock.

Perilune was heavy in his arms. Limp, lifeless, head lolling and eyes closed and their face horribly, _horribly_ still in a way that sent terror twisting through Varian like something was trying to drag his heart out through all his veins at once.

Captain Elliot’s voice was the first one to break through the white noise. 

“Everyone stay calm!”

Varian’s voice unfroze itself. “Perilune,” he whispered.

“Go alert the doctor.” Captain Elliot was strong, authoritative, snapping the order to someone beyond Varian’s field of view. “Sudden collapse, possible- _everyone please stay seated!”_

_“Perilune.”_

Footsteps, cries of alarm, the clatter of silverware dropped on plates, people stepping in close and then away- 

“Give them space!” Cassandra barked sharply, her voice close, “return to your seats, everyone”-

“Perilune!” Varian cried, tears suddenly stinging his eyes. Oh god, oh god, what was wrong? What’d happened to them? What-

“Hey.” There was a snap by Varian’s ear- an actual finger snap, making him jolt. “Varian. What happened?” Cassandra asked urgently.

It took a second for Varian’s vision to come into focus, to make out Cassandra’s tense face. “D- drink,” he stuttered out, “they only took a drink and then-”

Cassandra had moved before he’d finished speaking, twisting up and away to shout, “don’t touch the food!” And then, to the guard that’d rushed up beside them, “secure all the exits.”

So many people were talking. Scared and confused and angry and concerned and Varian couldn’t pick out any of the words, all of it crashing together into a meaningless jumble of noise that was swallowed by the thunderous pounding of his heart. Perilune still hadn’t moved. The only way he could even tell they were still alive was their labored breathing-

“Hey.” Cassandra’s voice was gentler now. “Varian. It’s gonna be okay.”

Varian tore his gaze away from Perilune’s face. “O- okay.” Please, they _had_ to be okay.

Cassandra’s eyes flicked over Perilune, brows creasing. “The doctor’s here, she’s going to take care of Perilune, okay? We’ll get to the bottom of it.”

Varian simply nodded, numb. A shadow fell over them as people approached, and then Perilune was being lifted from Varian’s arms and eased onto a stretcher carried by two guards. The doctor was a woman he faintly recognized- she’d taken care of him when he’d first gotten back to the castle- and she was already studying Perilune intently, taking their pulse.

It wasn’t even a question as to whether Varian would go with them or not, his legs moving before he’d processed it. If anyone objected to him going, he didn’t hear it. He kept pace with the stretcher as the guards carried Perilune away, his hand gripping their limp hand as a desperate prayer ran through his mind.

_Please don’t leave me._

~*~

Cassandra watched the doctor’s group leave through the doors of the ballroom, her brows pinched together.

Out of all the things she’d anticipated going wrong at this event, Perilune being poisoned was not one of them. It shouldn’t have happened, not after how carefully everything had been prepared and checked, and Cassandra couldn’t help the pit of guilt forming in her stomach for not catching it.

Right now, a kid was very likely fighting for their life and it’d happened on Cassandra’s watch.

“Cassandra.” 

Her dad’s voice brought her out of her thoughts. “I’m going with the doctor,” he said, looking grim. “If this was a poisoning, the danger might not be over yet.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m putting you in charge of the situation here. Keep a detail on the royal family at all times.”

Cassandra nodded. “You can count on me, Dad,” she promised. “Be careful.”

“You too.” With a slight smile, Dad turned and followed after the doctor, disappearing through the grand doors of the ballroom.

Cassandra took a breath, steadying herself. A few more guards had gathered now, waiting expectantly for her orders. Heading over to join them was Eugene, who’d been speaking lowly with Rapunzel.

Cassandra zeroed in on him first. “How’s Raps?”

“Worried, but keeping it together,” Eugene replied. “She’s going to check up on them in a little bit once the doctor’s had time.” His voice was tight with nerves, his face looking a bit pale. It was clear he felt just as much anxiety about Perilune’s condition as Cassandra did. “What are you thinking?”

Cassandra swept her gaze around the room. “Out of everyone here, Perilune and Varian were the only two with specialty drinks, non-alcoholic. That means it had to be a targeted attack- either on Perilune, or it was intended for Varian but something went wrong.”

“What’s your gut say?” Eugene asked.

Cassandra narrowed her eyes. “I think those moon freaks are out for revenge, and it’s on Perilune,” she said lowly. “They seemed keen to have Varian in one piece so it wouldn’t make sense to poison him.”

Eugene glanced around. “You think they got in somehow?” 

“That, or they’ve already been here.” Cassandra turned to one of the gathered guards. “Go check the dungeons,” she ordered. “Make sure the two cult spies are still there and ask the guards posted there if they’ve seen anything.”

The guard nodded and rushed off. Eugene glanced sidelong at Cassandra. “What about that kid,” he said, “that- that one training with the guards?”

Cassandra shook her head. “Can’t be Lacus,” she said, frowning. “He’s shadowing Stan and Pete tonight and they’re stationed at the front gate.”

Eugene rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Should we talk to him anyways? Maybe he knows something about this-”

“If you want to find the culprit, you need look no further than who the child arrived with.”

Cassandra glanced over at the unexpected voice to see Lord Dunthorpe. The old noble, hailing from one of the other kingdoms, was a fixture at these kinds of events and proved more and more unpleasant the longer Cassandra saw him.

She’d also spotted him harassing Perilune and Varian earlier. The kids had handled it, fortunately, but Cassandra had been keeping a close eye since.

It took a second for the Lord’s words to register. “Wha- Varian?” Eugene’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief, a barely contained laugh in his voice. “You think _Varian_ did it? Oh, oh man, all due respect, Your Lordship, but Varian is the absolute _last_ person to do this. They’re _dating.”_

Lord Dunthorpe regarded Eugene coldly. “Once a criminal, always a criminal,” he sneered.

Eugene stiffened, his eyes widening slightly in shock.

Cassandra stepped in. “Apologies, My Lord,” she said evenly. “In the context of our investigation, it’d make more sense to look at people who actually had conflict with the victim, wouldn’t you agree?”

It was the bare bones of an accusation- Cassandra didn’t think he did it, not really, but it was enough to make him back off. Members of court always hated to be reminded of their hypocrisy.

Lord Dunthorpe glowered at her. “Yes, of course,” he muttered, turning away.

Cassandra pressed her lips into a thin line. “We’ve got work to do.” She returned her attention on the several guards that’d gathered. “Interview the guests, ask if anyone saw anything suspicious concerning Perilune’s drink. Don’t let anyone leave.” She nodded at one of them. “I need you to go to the gate, find the trainee that’s with Stan and Pete and bring him here for some questions. Eugene and I are going to investigate the kitchens. Keep your eyes peeled, everyone; the night isn’t over yet.”

There was a chorus of, _“yes, ma’am!”_ before the guards dispersed, and Cassandra turned to Eugene. “You okay?” she asked, softer.

Eugene gave a wry smile. “As much as any of us can be expected,” he answered, brushing off Dunthorpe’s jab. “Now, let’s get to the bottom of this.”

Cassandra nodded, her jaw setting with determination.

_Hang in there, Perilune._

~*~

Rapunzel’s footsteps rang through the halls, echoed by the heavy boots of her guard.

He’d insisted on accompanying her to her visit, in case there was someone dangerous around the castle. She felt awkward, walking through the castle in her fancy Gala dress and heels, but she hadn’t wanted to waste time getting changed.

It’d taken her a minute to slow down and think it through. Her parents were handling the ballroom of panicked nobles, and Eugene and Cass were fronting the investigation. That left it up to her to go check on Varian and Perilune, as the only other person they knew well.

Even if she wasn’t certain how Varian would receive her.

She’d made sure to compose herself, not wanting to make the situation worse by getting hysterical. The last thing Varian needed was anyone falling apart on him, so she pushed her concern for Perilune down and focused on what she _could_ do to help.

Rapunzel came up on the room where Perilune had supposedly been taken (in times of crisis, it was surprisingly hard to get a straight answer out of anyone). Captain Elliot was posted outside.

“Are Varian and Perilune in there?” she asked.

“Yes, Your Highness.” Captain Elliot dipped his head, looking somber. “He requested a moment alone. It’s… not looking great.”

Rapunzel swallowed hard, nodding in acknowledgement before stepping up to the door. “I’d like to go in alone, if that’s alright,” she said aside to her guard. Once he’d nodded, she reached up and knocked.

“Varian?” she called, pushing the door open. “I wanted to stop by and see how Perilune’s doing. Are you…” She trailed off.

Varian was sitting in a chair beside a bed where Perilune was laying. The expression on his face made Rapunzel stop cold, her heart jolting. She glanced over at Perilune, suddenly fearing the worst- except, they were still breathing, the labored rise and fall of their chest more pronounced, their eyes shut tightly in unconscious pain, skin feverish and flushed.

They weren’t in their Gala outfit anymore, wearing just their underclothes; an off-white tunic. Their hair had been let down from its braided updo, their thick dark locks fanned out on the pillow.

Varian looked miserable. He’d taken his vest and cravat off, his sleeves rolled up. His face was pale and tearstained, eyes wide and haunted as he stared down at Perilune, clutching one of their hands in his own.

Rapunzel bit her lip, wrapping her arms around herself. “How are they?”

Varian didn’t even look up at her. “The doctor made them throw up, but she thinks the toxin is already in their bloodstream.” His voice was oddly detached. “She doesn’t know what it is so she doesn’t know if it’s fatal or not. She’s doing lab work right now to try and find out.”

Rapunzel’s heart tightened. “Varian,” she murmured sympathetically, “I’m… so sorry this happened. I-”

“You know what makes it worse?”

Rapunzel blinked. “Varian, what-”

“Do you know what these are?” Varian asked, finally looking over at her. He was holding Perilune’s arm, brushing his gloved thumb along their skin.

Rapunzel suddenly realized Perilune wasn’t wearing their arm bracers. She winced; she’d known about Perilune’s scars from the beginning, known of the cruelty they’d endured under the moon cult, but it was another thing to _see_ them. Thick, scarred skin cross-hatched along their forearms in varying degrees of fade-

She noticed red. Bright red slashes of skin nestled among the old, dead tissue. She creased her brows, uncertain, glancing back up at Varian for an explanation, because why would there be-

Varian was staring at the marks carefully. So carefully, like if he dared to even blink they’d rise up and devour him. “The doctor didn’t wrap them. Said they needed to air out because they were still fresh.” He swallowed. “From yesterday.”

Rapunzel’s stomach dropped. “I… don’t understand, how could Perilune even- why would they-”

“The doctor said they’re self-inflicted,” Varian said, his voice hoarse. “There’s some here that are new, some that are a few days old, weeks, two months. Perilune’s been… hurting themself. All this time.” 

Rapunzel’s mind went blank.

Self-inflicted. Deliberately causing oneself harm. It didn’t make any sense. How… how could that make sense? Why would anyone do that? Why would _Perilune?_ She felt sick- Perilune had been hiding it for months now, seeming perfectly happy. There was no way anyone could’ve known… was there? Rapunzel suddenly didn’t know, suddenly wondered if there’d been signs she’d missed, if there was anything she’d done that’d caused it or anything she could’ve done to stop it.

But, she reminded herself quickly, no matter how horrified she was, Varian had to be feeling even worse.

It took Rapunzel a moment to find her voice. “…Varian-”

“I should’ve known,” Varian whispered, tears welling in his eyes. “I- I should’ve known something was wrong. Why… why didn’t I see it? I should’ve seen it b- but I didn’t, I was just too wrapped up in myself and everything going on and I didn’t _see_ it and-”

“Varian-”

“Why didn’t they tell me?” Varian was shaking, gripping Perilune’s hand. “They- they’ve been keeping it a secret this whole time and I- I only find out when they might _die?_ It’s not fair, w- why is this happening? _How_ could this be _happening?”_

 _“Varian.”_ Rapunzel put a hand on Varian’s shoulder.

Varian fell silent, head snapping up to meet her gaze. He looked terrified and heartbroken and completely lost. He looked painfully young and on the verge of falling apart.

Rapunzel took a shaky breath. “This isn’t your fault,” she said softly. “No matter what happens, you won’t have to go through this alone. Me, Cass, Eugene, we’re here, we’re going to help you through this. You aren’t alone, not this time.” Tears stung at her eyes. “I’m here.”

Varian stared at her, wavering, expression clouded with emotion. His breathing hitched. And then he was hugging her, arms wrapped tight as his shoulders shook with sobs.

It only took a moment for Rapunzel to hug him back. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling tears streak down her face. Right then, their history with each other didn’t matter. The hurt and resentment and regret didn’t matter. Varian needed someone, and Rapunzel was all he had.

“I’m here,” she breathed, “I’m here.”

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, yeah. Perilune's been self-harming. This is something I've had in mind this entire time, you can see hints of it in previous chapters if you look carefully. Now, the reason it hasn't come up in any of Perilune's POVs is simply because they aren't thinking about it all the time. More will be explained next chapter. And if anyone is apprehensive, I can assure you I'll never go into graphic detail, though there will be discussions about it, so tread carefully if that might be potentially triggering for you.
> 
> Thanks for reading! - Aqua


	16. turning, part III - nothing you could do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _turning, part III – nothing you could do_  
>  Rating: K+  
> Warnings: discussion of self-harm, minor violence  
> Summary: With Perilune’s life hanging in the balance, Cassandra and Eugene work to solve the mystery before it’s too late, and Varian finds strength in an unexpected place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! As always, thanks to those who continue to support this series, I appreciate your feedback greatly!
> 
> But unfortunately, I've had to come to a difficult decision. From now on, **I will only be updating once a month.** My workload is just too much to realistically keep updating both my fics at frequent rates, and I can't let my grades suffer. I really apologize and hope you'll bear with me through this series now that the pace will be slower.
> 
> So, my other fic Darkness Exists will be updating (hopefully) next Sunday, and then this fic will update November 18. Sorry again, thank you so much for understanding! - Aqua

__

_turning, part III – nothing you could do_

~*~

“Okay, just go over it one more time.”

Eugene kept his tone gentle as he spoke to the kitchen maid, sensing her nervousness. It was almost a physical sensation in the air, that sense of unease. Drifting from person to person and building within if you stopped for even a moment to let it. Eugene was thankful he had a task to focus on, something to keep his hands and mind busy, because it kept him from completely losing his cool.

He and Cassandra were in the process of interviewing the kitchen staff one on one (or, two on one, he supposed), starting with the woman who’d brought Perilune and Varian’s drinks.

She took a deep breath, nodding. “O- okay, um, the drinks were all prepared about ten minutes before they were served,” she recalled. “I wasn’t actually pouring them, I was setting the banquet table, going over everything and all the little touches. When I came back to the kitchens they were already poured- the children’s drinks were on a separate platter so they wouldn’t get mixed up. And then the call came, and we took the drinks in.” She knit her brows for a moment, thinking, before relenting. “That’s all.”

“That’s _all?”_ Cassandra demanded, calling over her shoulder. She was conducting a thorough search of the kitchen, going through the cupboards and dirty dishes and baskets of vegetables left on the counters. “Come on, you were _right there_ and you didn’t see anything?”

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t notice anything off!” the maid said tearfully, wringing her hands together. “I wish I could help you… Perilune’s such a nice child. Always asking if they could help us with our work… I hope they’ll be alright.”

Eugene softened. “Hey, it’s alright,” he said soothingly. “We appreciate your help. Sit tight for a second, okay?”

The maid gave a watery smile and nodded. Eugene smiled back before turning to meet Cassandra.

“I don’t know about her,” Cassandra murmured, crossing her arms.

Eugene frowned. “She’s worked here almost ten years now, Cass, it can’t be her.”

“The spies were working as guards for several years, too,” Cassandra pointed out. “We can’t take anything for granted-”

“Pardon the intrusion.”

Eugene glanced over at the kitchen doorway to see one of the guards poking his head in. Exchanging a look with Cassandra, Eugene stepped back, waving his arm in a _go on_ gesture.

The guard cleared his throat. “Cassandra, I’ve brought the trainee you wanted to speak to.” He pushed the door open to reveal a somber pale teenager in a guard’s trainee outfit.

Lacus. Eugene had seen him around the castle, though they hadn’t spoken. No bad reports on him, just that he was kind of standoffish. Not too surprising, considering where he came from. All things considered, Eugene felt like he’d adjusted well to life at the castle.

However, if this was at all related to the cult, then they couldn’t rule Lacus out just yet. Despite how Eugene felt for the kid and his situation; with a life at stake, they had to investigate every single possibility.

Lacus stepped forward, meeting Cassandra’s gaze evenly- despite the nervous clenching of his jaw. Interesting. Was it a challenge or obedience? Eugene wasn’t sure.

“You wanted to see me, ma’am?” Lacus asked, voice carefully neutral.

Cassandra drew herself up, still managing to look intimidating in her Gala dress. “Yes,” she said shortly. “It’s about Perilune. They’ve been poisoned.”

Lacus didn’t react other than the slight widening of his eyes, shock flashing in dark brown.

Eugene stepped in. “We just wanted to ask you some questions,” he said, offering a friendly smile. “Just relax, you’re not in trouble.” 

Eugene accentuated his words with a meaningful look at Cassandra. They had to remember they were dealing with a teenager, and taking his background into consideration, Cassandra’s typical methods might make him clam up.

Cassandra pursed her lips before turning to the kitchen maid. “You’re dismissed,” she said. “Please wait in the ballroom with everyone else.” And then, to the guard, “make sure she gets there.”

The guard nodded and escorted the kitchen maid from the room, closing the door behind them.

Returning her gaze to Lacus, Cassandra jerked her head at the empty chair.

“Let’s talk.”

~*~

Cassandra studied the teen’s face.

He had a good grip on his emotions, she’d give him that. There was no indication of guilt in his features, and his shock had an element of stoicism to it that, if she had to hazard a guess, had probably been trained into him. Taking it all into account, there was no way of knowing if he was deliberately concealing or if it was a result of his upbringing. That was unfortunate; she’d only find out the truth through questioning.

“Alright, Lacus,” Cassandra began, “walk us through your night.” She remained standing, deliberately, back straight and arms folded neatly while Eugene leaned more casually against a counter.

He immediately presented a less intimidating front; a more sympathetic nature, someone Lacus might be more inclined to trust and look to.

But Lacus held Cassandra’s gaze as he responded. “I reported to the barracks to receive my orders at three. The Captain assigned me to Stan and Pete, working the front gate. So I went to find them, and was with them ever since.”

Cassandra knew as much. “Were you near the kitchens at all today?”

“No.”

“Where’d you eat lunch?”

Lacus’s expression didn’t change. “It was delivered to the mess hall today because the kitchens were busy, and they didn’t want us crowding the area.”

Cassandra was silent for a moment. She knew that too, that none of the castle staff had eaten in their usual room across the kitchens because of all the activity, but she’d been hoping to trip Lacus up.

Though she was confident Lacus hadn’t actually been the one to slip poison in Perilune’s drink, the notion that he had nothing at all to do with it was a little less likely. After all, if not the Servants, then who could’ve possibly been behind it?

Eugene spoke up. “Has anyone from the Servants ever approached you?”

“No,” Lacus said easily.

“Have you ever seen anyone from the Servants around the castle, or in town?” Eugene pressed. “Even someone you _think_ might’ve been, but you weren’t sure?”

“No,” Lacus said again.

“Have you spoken with anyone outside of the castle?” Eugene tried.

“No.” Lacus might as well have been made of stone.

Cassandra frowned. Lacus was only answering the questions asked of him, he didn’t offer up any additional information or explain himself further. Damn it. That was a good indicator he knew something about interrogations, that he’d been coached on how to handle them.

She had a nasty feeling that if they asked him a question he didn’t want to answer, he just wouldn’t, and nothing short of torture would get him to give in. She wasn’t willing to go that far- and as far as she knew, her Dad wasn’t either. So they were wasting time, when it counted the most. This wasn’t working; she needed to try something else.

Without looking at Lacus, or giving any other indication she was about to speak, Cassandra suddenly exclaimed, “what’s that?”

Eugene looked over at Cassandra curiously, but Lacus’s eyes shot over to one of the kitchen countertops, towards a pile of dirty dishes.

Gotcha.

Cassandra was on it immediately. She crossed over to the counter and grabbed what Lacus had looked over at; a small glass vial. At a glance, it looked like any other vial the kitchen staff used to store vanilla or almond extract for flavoring.

She turned back around, holding it up. Eugene’s eyebrows were raised in surprise as he realized what she’d done.

Lacus had quickly lowered his gaze again, but it was too late and he knew it. She could tell from the way his jaw was clenched, hands curling into fists by his sides.

“This,” Cassandra said coolly. “How did you know that was there?”

Lacus seemed to have to force himself to look up at her. “I noticed it when I came in,” he said stiffly.

Cassandra turned the vial over in her hand. Upon further inspection, it was a slightly different shape than the ones the kitchen used; thinner, tapered off at the top. There was a small amount of dark liquid inside, just a few drops. 

“What is it?” she demanded. “Why’d you notice it?”

Lacus tensed. “It’s nothing. I don’t-”

“Perilune’s life is at risk,” Cassandra snapped. “You don’t get to keep quiet on this.”

“Look, kid,” Eugene swept in, spreading his hands, “all we want is to get to the bottom of this. If you know something, it could very well save Perilune’s life.”

Lacus looked visibly anxious now. “… you’re not going to like it,” he murmured.

“I don’t like a lot of things,” Cassandra replied evenly, narrowing her eyes.

Lacus bit his lip. “It’s… I recognize it from the Temple,” he said eventually. “It’s a poison the Templars use on… elimination missions, concentrated death cap mushroom extract. It’s made to be faster acting than the mushrooms themselves would be if you ate one you picked.”

A sudden chill came over Cassandra. She kept her face a mask. “And what would it be doing here in the castle?” she asked, barely-contained fear turning into anger and accusation in her voice.

Eugene put a hand on her shoulder. “Cass, lay off,” he said lowly. “He wouldn’t tell us if he was the one who did it.”

Cassandra inhaled slowly. Eugene was right; if Lacus was guilty he wouldn’t have said anything. “Fine. What’s the cure?” she asked.

Lacus hesitated. “I don’t know.”

Cassandra glowered at him. “Don’t you give me that-”

“I don’t, I swear!” Lacus insisted, a pleading note entering his voice. “They didn’t tell me much about the poison, I haven’t- I didn’t start training so I don’t know all about it. They never mentioned a cure, or if there even is one.” He swallowed. “But… I do know it’s fatal. Within the day.”

Cassandra’s blood ran cold. “.. excuse me a minute," she murmured.

Glancing at Eugene to tell him to stay put, she walked to the door and ducked her head out. A guard was waiting outside in the hall, straightening up when he saw her.

"Bring me the head chef, please," Cassandra said.

It didn't take long for the guard to return with the chef; a portly man with a thick accent who'd been serving the royal family for the better part of two decades now. He looked nervous, but not so much so to be suspicious. Cassandra held up the glass vial.

"Did you see anyone with this tonight?" she asked simply.

The chef blinked at it, his brows furrowing together as he thought. His eyes widened in recognition. "Yes... yes, I did," he said. "The newest maid, Rena, I hired her just about two months ago."

Cassandra's fingers curled around the vial. She turned to the guard. "Bring Rena here, please," she asked, before walked back into the kitchen.

Eugene looked over at her as she reentered, but he didn't say anything. Lacus was watching the both of them warily, shoulders hunched by his ears. His gaze settled on the vial in Cassandra's hand for a moment before he met her eyes.

"... do you believe me?" he asked lowly.

Cassandra's kept her face impassive. "Well, you have a history with the prime suspects of this attack. However, in your time here you haven't caused any problems. There's no evidence you've had contact with any of the former cultists, and you were nowhere near the poisoned drink tonight. So as long as you've been completely truthful to us, you don't have anything to worry about."

Lacus was quiet for a moment, frowning. "What... what do you mean, cultists?" he asked tentatively.

Cassandra's mind came screeching to a halt. Oh, _right._ Of course the people in the cult wouldn't have recognized what they truly were. Much less someone as young as Lacus- he had no point of reference for this kind of thing, nothing to compare his upbringing to. It wouldn't be a cult to him.

Cassandra locked eyes with Eugene, trying to figure out how they were going to explain this, when the door pushed open.

Two guards entered the kitchen, escorting a woman Cassandra was largely unfamiliar with. Blonde, plain, an entirely unremarkable face that was easily passed over in a crowd. 'Rena.' Cassandra nodded at her as she entered, expression carefully neutral. She watched Lacus out of the corner of her eye to see if he gave any sign of recognition. He didn't, looking more confused than anything.

Rena gave a nervous smile. "Yes, ma'am? How may I help you?" she asked.

"We just need to ask you a couple questions about tonight's events," Cassandra said shortly. "Pull up a chair."

Rena pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and sat down, her curious gaze drifting from Lacus to Eugene and back to Cassandra. "Oh, alright then," she said. "I'll do my best."

Cassandra eyed her for a moment before holding out the vial. "This vial contained a poison made from deathcap mushroom. It was poured into a teenager's drink tonight, and now they're fighting for their life." She could hear the edge to her voice but she was beyond caring at this point.

Rena blinked. "But... I'm sorry, what does any of this have to do with me?" she asked apologetically.

Eugene leaned forward. “Have you ever heard of a group called the Servants-”

Rena lunged for a kitchen knife lying on the counter. Cassandra was faster, catching Rena’s arm and swinging her around to slam her into the wall.

“Cuffs!” she barked to the guard.

He rushed over, helping Cassandra restrain Rena long enough to snap a pair of cuffs around her wrists. Together, they pulled her into a chair, where she finally relented, breathing heavily. Lacus had stood from his chair but remained motionless, every muscle in his body tense, gaze locked on Rena in a focused stare Cassandra recognized well. Rena was the threat here, and at this point Cassandra felt certain enough to conclude that Lacus truly hadn't known anything about this.

Cassandra stepped back, brushing a loose strand of hair from her face. “Start talking," she snapped at Rena. "Now.”

It was startling, the change that’d come over Rena. Her eyes were completely unhinged, all traces of the mild-mannered kitchen maid vanished. “You don’t understand!” she cried, face flushed. “I had to, I had to do it, you don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me,” Cassandra countered, folding her arms.

“I had to do it. They took me off the streets,” Rena babbled. “I had nothing. I was nothing. They took me in. Saved me. Told me they had the answers.”

Eugene knit his brows together. “To what?” he asked.

“Salvation,” Rena breathed. “They told me they could save my soul and all I had to do was get hired as a kitchen maid… and then put the extract into their drink… I had to do it, don’t you understand?” Her gaze fell on Lacus, dipping down to the bracers on his arms, and frenzy overtook her eyes again. _“You_ understand, don’t you?” she asked him desperately, attempting to rise from her chair as the guard held her down. “Tell me, _please,_ you understand! You _have_ to understand!”

Lacus’s eyes were wide and slightly panicked, his pale face even paler as he stumbled away from her.

Cassandra stepped in front of him. “That’s enough,” she growled. “What’s the cure?”

“Don’t know.” Rena shook her head frantically. “They didn’t tell me, I didn’t ask…” Her gaze drifted back up to Lacus, pleading. “I had to do it, please, you understand, I had to, I _had_ to-”

“Take her away.” Cassandra waved her hand, turning away from Rena as one of the guards pulled her from the room.

There was an uneasy feeling to the room, now. It was clear to Cassandra what’d happened; the Servants had found some unstable woman off the streets and recruited her to do their bidding. It was scary to think about, that she’d been hiding in plain sight for a couple months now, that she’d been able to pretend so well none of them had any clue what lurked beneath the surface.

Cassandra handed the vial to another guard. “Go tell the doctor, bring this to her,” she ordered.

The guard nodded and rushed off. Cassandra glanced sidelong at Lacus. He was staring the way they’d gone, a stricken look on his face as he held his arms close to his body, fingers curled around those bronze bracers of his.

“You okay?” Cassandra asked.

Lacus bristled. “Yes.”

Privately, Cassandra doubted it. He seemed badly shaken by the whole affair, and she couldn’t blame him. But since he wasn’t physically injured, she’d let the matter drop. He most certainly wouldn’t be opening up to them or anyone else anytime soon.

Eugene let out a breath. “Hey.” He nodded at Lacus, smiling faintly. “You did good, kid.”

Lacus lowered his gaze. “… is Perilune going to be alright?” he ventured quietly.

Eugene’s smile faded, and he exchanged a look with Cassandra.

Cassandra’s throat tightened. 

“I hope so.”

~*~

Rapunzel picked at the hem of her dress.

The room was quiet, uncomfortably so, save for Perilune’s breathing. Varian seemed to have cried himself out, pulling away from her once the reality of their situation hit him. He was avoiding her gaze; maybe embarrassed, maybe guilty. Rapunzel had no idea what to say to him, how she could possibly provide comfort.

It was impossible to guess where his mind was at. Rapunzel had never been through a situation like this- the closest thing was almost losing Eugene, but she didn’t think she had any advice she could give from that time.

She almost felt like she was intruding, being here. After all, what was she to Varian? They weren’t close, they weren’t even _friends._

But… she was all he had right now. It was better than him being alone through this, wasn’t it?

Varian spoke up unexpectedly, his voice hoarse. “I can’t help thinking that I should’ve known,” he whispered. “That I- that I should’ve stopped it.”

Rapunzel bit her lip. “The poison?” she asked softly. “Or…” She trailed off, glancing at Perilune’s arms.

“Both?” Varian said helplessly, jerking his shoulders in a shrug. “I just… I should’ve known.”

Rapunzel knit her brows together. “Varian, none of this is your fault.”

“You already said that,” Varian shot back, but it lacked any actual heat, his words ringing hollow. “It’s not just th- that I didn’t stop it, it’s that there’s n- nothing I can do about it now. I’m- I’m just powerless to fix this, _any_ of this, and I _hate_ it.” He glanced away, but not before Rapunzel saw tears brimming in his eyes.

Rapunzel swallowed. “That’s… not a personal fault, Varian. None of us know what to do right now. None of us can fix this with a wave of our hand, or… a magic healing song.” She brushed a stray strand of hair between her fingers. What she wouldn’t give right then to have her powers back… “But the point is,” she continued, “we’re all trying. That’s all we can do.”

They were both quiet for a moment. Varian’s eyes drifted to Perilune, his jaw tightening. He might’ve said something, but before he could, there was a knock at the door.

The handle turned, Captain Elliot opening the door to reveal the doctor, Aletta. She swept into the room without a greeting, immediately crouching by Perilune’s side to check their vitals.

“They found out what the poison is,” Dr. Aletta spoke over her shoulder, holding up a small glass vial. “Deathcap mushrooms.”

Varian blinked. “What?” He sounded confused. “But the symptoms were immediate, they shouldn’t-”

“That’s what I thought, too,” Dr. Aletta said quickly, standing back up. “But it’s a concentrated extract, designed to be fast acting. There was a spy working in the kitchens, from those moon people, and according to that kid who used to be with them, they use it for assassinations.”

Rapunzel’s stomach dropped. “But now that you know what it is, you can cure it, right?”

Dr. Aletta’s face was grim. “If it was just plain mushrooms? Yes, with milk thistle. But the substance has been modified, and there’s not enough time to do a proper chemical analysis using only the small sample we have-”

“I can do it.” Varian spoke up suddenly, rising from his chair.

Dr. Aletta studied his face for a second before merely looking over at Rapunzel. “With your permission, Your Highness?” she asked.

Rapunzel met Varian’s gaze. “Varian, are you sure?” 

Varian nodded. “I was able to create an entirely different compound from one drop of Xavier’s mood potion, I _know_ I can make a cure.” His gaze was unwavering, a sudden steel in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. “Trust me, _please.”_

Rapunzel didn’t hesitate. “Go.” She glanced over at Captain Elliot. “Whatever they need to make a cure, get it to them. No matter what it is,” she emphasized.

Maybe in different circumstances, Captain Elliot would’ve objected allowing Varian unrestricted access to all sorts of potentially dangerous chemicals. But there was a life on the line, and he simply nodded and opened the door for them.

Varian was gone without another word, disappearing with Dr. Aletta down the hall.

Rapunzel swallowed and sat down in the chair, glancing at Perilune’s unconscious form. She closed her eyes.

_Please, let him be right._

~*~

Varian’s foot tapped against the floor, the rhythm disrupting the silence of the room.

In the bed beside him, Perilune lay motionless. They looked better than before; their face was peaceful instead of twisted in pain, their skin had lost its sickly flush, no sweat gathered on their forehead. It was incredible how quickly the antidote had gone to work. In fact, it made Varian anxious, part of him unable to accept that things were okay now and expecting something to go wrong again.

Which was why he was still sitting there, by Perilune’s side. After the antidote worked, Rapunzel had tried to convince him to take a break. Go eat something, rest a little. But he’d refused, and she’d finally left him alone, to wait for Perilune to wake up.

Varian had taken this time to, other than imagine the worst-case scenarios, think about what he’d say to them when they woke up. He hadn’t come up with much. What was he supposed to say? What _could_ he say? No matter how he spun it, he knew this conversation was going to be difficult. There was no way he could’ve prepared himself for something like this, and after the stress of Perilune almost dying, he felt even more lost.

His eyes swept over Perilune’s form, lingering on the white bandages wrapped around their forearms. It was still so hard to wrap his mind around. How many had Perilune held him in arms that were freshly wounded? How many times had he spoken to them mere hours or even minutes after they’d done it? It almost made him nauseous, thinking about how well Perilune had pretended. How completely and utterly he’d failed them in not noticing before now.

A small, weak part of him almost wished he didn’t know, that Perilune’s secret hadn’t been found out. But logically, he knew it would’ve come out eventually. Timing just wasn’t on their side today-

Perilune’s eyes fluttered open, and every thought vanished from Varian’s mind.

They sat still for a moment, just blinking, their eyes gradually trailing around the room. Their gaze fell on Varian, and their mouth pulled up in a half-smile, their movements sluggish as they pushed themself upright.

“Varian…” Perilune’s voice was hoarse from sleep, warmth and affection and relief to see Varian spelled clearly across their face. “What happened?”

“You were poisoned.” Varian didn’t even wince at the way the words came out; short and emotionless, straight to the point. “The Servants had someone working in the kitchens. Deathcap mushrooms.”

Perilune’s eyes widened. “I… really?” They gave a weak laugh. “I guess that’s why I feel like I’ve been dragged behind a carriage. How long has it been?”

“The Gala was last night. It’s the next evening, now.” Varian couldn’t tear his gaze away from Perilune’s face. Searching for any kind of indication of the secret he’d just learned. Hadn’t they realized yet?

“Oh, wow.” Perilune swallowed. “That’s… scary to think about. What could’ve happened. What happened to the spy?”

“She’s been arrested,” Varian said. “Everything and everyone else is fine.”

Perilune nodded slowly. “Okay, okay good… that’s good. I… that’s a lot to take in.” They glanced over at him. “Are you okay?”

“Perilune…” Varian took a deep breath. “… why didn’t you tell me?”

He saw the moment it clicked for Perilune. The confusion blending into realization, into _horror,_ as they glanced down at their bandaged arms.

Perilune found their voice. “Varian, it’s- it’s not what you think,” they said shakily. “I just haven’t been taking care of them, okay? The last ones I got, b- back at the temple, they haven’t had a chance to heal properly, I keep opening them up by accident and-”

“Don’t lie to me.” Varian’s voice sounded so incredibly strained, even to his own ears, as if close to breaking. “Please.”

Perilune looked terrified. “I’m sorry,” they breathed. “Varian, I- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I-”

“What _happened?”_ Varian’s eyes stung. “I- I thought you were okay, why would you do this?”

Perilune struggled for a moment. Blinking rapidly to ward off tears, their breathing rapid and uneven. Varian fought the urge to say anything else, wanting to give Perilune a chance to collect themself. At the same time, it was hard to watch, to see them desperately try to keep it together.

It was almost painful enough to make Varian let it go. He hated this, seeing someone he loved in so much pain, but he knew that if he didn’t get an honest answer from them it would just rot, like an infected wound. This had to be done.

Finally, Perilune spoke. “I’m only okay _because_ I do it.” 

Varian blinked, frowning. “What do you-”

“I don’t know.” Perilune shook their head slowly. “It… doesn’t make any sense out loud. But I just… sometimes, everything suddenly hits me and gets so overwhelming, but once I do it? I feel… better. That’s why I’ve been handling everything so… well.” They laughed without humor. “Or, you know.”

Varian wasn’t sure he understood, but he gave a slight nod anyways. “Why… is there a particular thing that makes you do it?” he ventured.

Perilune bit their lip. “Yeah. Usually when I do something… wrong.”

“What?” Varian’s eyes widened. “You… punish yourself?”

“I… suppose that’s a way of putting it,” Perilune murmured, their brows creasing together. “I’m just… so used to certain things, having to _do_ certain things, and when I don’t or can’t do them, it… feels like a failure. And because mistakes like that were always punished, I can’t focus or relax because I’m anticipating it, and I just want- I _need_ that feeling to go away.”

Varian’s heart tightened. “Perilune, that’s-”

“I know, I _know,”_ Perilune interrupted, “it doesn’t make sense, but it’s how I feel! And you weren’t supposed to know,” they added, almost hurt. “God, Varian, you were _never_ supposed to know! It doesn’t affect you, it’s not your problem, you already have so much going on and I didn’t want to-”

“It _is_ my problem,” Varian protested. “Perilune, your problems are my problems, that’s how this works. After everything you’ve done for me, it wouldn’t be fair for me to expect you to deal with things on your own.” He softened. “I mean, how long has this been going on? When did it start?”

Perilune glanced away. “It… I started a couple days after I got here. After… it was just so hard not knowing how you were doing, because- I mean, I know that everything that happened was so horrible for you, you were dealing with your powers and…” They wrapped their arms around themself, their voice dropping. “… I know why you did it, now. But back then? It… it really hurt, when you wouldn’t see me and- and I just… I didn’t know how to deal with it.” They met Varian’s gaze warily. “I’m sorry.”

Varian was struck with sudden clarity; Perilune had started hurting themself because of _him._

They’d been through so much- everything had changed, and instead of being there for them Varian had just pushed them away. He’d let his own fear keep him from realizing how Perilune would take it, without even considering they might blame themself for it, thinking that they’d done something wrong.

Horror seized Varian, so sharp and intense it was almost a physical pain in his chest. His vision blurred immediately with tears. How _could_ he? How could he have done this? He hadn’t known Perilune very well back then but he should’ve known better, he should’ve seen-

Perilune was watching him anxiously. Everything about their demeanor spoke of regret and guilt, their shoulders hunching and their head slightly bowed as their hands curled into fists around the sheets. They were scared of his reaction, scared they’d made the wrong choice in telling him- and he realized this was exactly what they’d been worried about, why they’d kept it secret.

Varian inhaled slowly. He wiped at his eyes.

No. Now wasn’t the time to fall apart. This wasn’t about him, this was about Perilune. Perilune needed him. He had to be there for them.

“Hey,” he said softly. “It’s okay. I’m sorry for not being there for you.”

Varian moved without thinking, shifting to sit on the bed. He didn’t know if Perilune’s arms would be a sensitive area at the moment, so he put his hands on their shoulders, firm but gentle, in the hopes he could convey at least a fraction of the meaning of his words through his touch.

“Perilune,” he said, “do you remember what I told you one night on the balcony, when we were watching the sunset?” He held Perilune’s gaze steadily, determined not to let any of the turmoil he was feeling show through. “There is nothing you could do that would make me stop loving you. I meant it then, and I mean it even more now.”

Perilune stared back with wide eyes, fear and pain and uncertainty swimming in depths of indigo blue. It was an expression Varian was entirely unused to seeing on them, and that only helped drive home just how much they needed him right now.

Varian leaned in, pressing his forehead to Perilune’s. “I love you,” he whispered.

A sob rose up in Perilune’s throat. They threw their arms around Varian, burying their face in his shoulder as they started to cry. 

Varian held them tight, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Everything’s gonna be okay.”

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Quick recap; in chapter 8 I mentioned that the chef was out interviewing for new kitchen maids. Guess who he ended up hiring :) (Also, the moment Varian is talking about at the end is from chapter 12). Hope you enjoyed, if you did please let me know!
> 
> And just a reminder, the next update will be Nov. 25. See you then! - Aqua


	17. build from ruin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _build from ruin ___  
> Rating: K+  
>  Warnings: Nongraphic discussion of self-harm, past illness  
> Timeline: Several days after Chapter Sixteen  
> Summary: Following the disaster of the Winter Gala, Perilune and Varian try to adjust to their new normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey readers! I apologize if you were expecting this update last week, but I had to push back my other fic’s return from hiatus, and then realized that meant this one would get pushed as well to get onto a regular schedule. Thanks for your patience, hope you enjoy! - Aqua

__

_build from ruin_

~*~

Cassandra smoothed her dress over, shifting in her seat.

Rapunzel and Eugene, seated on her other side, were speaking in low tones. The king and queen were speaking as well, and overall, the conference room had a stiff, uncertain feeling to it. That same uncertainty that had been clinging to Cassandra like a burr ever since the Winter Gala.

Several days after the fact, the whole castle was still talking about it. And Cassandra wasn’t surprised; it wasn’t an incident to be taken lightly. A teenager had been poisoned on their watch by a spy among their ranks, that’d be enough to make anyone skittish.

Even worse was the revelation about Perilune. Cassandra had thought about it a lot since she’d heard, and come to the grim conclusion that… it made sense. But that didn’t make it easier to swallow.

She was only here, as was Eugene, to provide a friendlier face for Perilune to feel more at ease as Rapunzel and her parents explained the solutions they’d come up with. But a part of her balked at doing nothing, at not being able to help.

This was the kind of problem that couldn’t be physically confronted, fought, and overcome. It was one of those… inner problems, and that threw Cassandra way out of her depths.  
The doors to the room opened to reveal Varian and Perilune. Everyone hushed and looked up at their entrance, and Cassandra could almost sense everyone putting on their masks.

After an awkward pause, the teenagers sat down at the end of the table and waited silently for someone to speak.

It was reminiscent of several conversations they’d had with and about Varian before, but this time it was Perilune. The shift in the room was subtle, but noticeable. It was now Perilune who kept their eyes lowered, Varian who was holding their hand reassuringly.

Perilune looked better than they were before, but still worn out. Their arms were still bandaged, the echoes of dark circles under their tired eyes. Cassandra almost wished they could do this another time, but Perilune been on strict bedrest for a few days, so the conversation had already been put off. But now that they were up and moving, that time was now.

Rapunzel took point, clearing her throat. “Well, thank you so much for talking with us!” she said cheerily. “How are you feeling?”

Perilune looked up briefly. “Better, thank you,” they said quietly.

Queen Arianna offered a smile. “We’re all relieved to hear that, Perilune,” she said. “And again, words cannot express how sorry we are that this happened in the first place.”

Perilune nodded. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

From there, King Frederic spoke up. “Now, I’m certain you’ve an idea what this meeting is about,” he began. It was strange, to hear him try to soften his voice. “Before anything else, we want to stress to you that you are not in any trouble. No one here is judging you or blaming you. We just want to help.”

“Of course, Your Majesty,” Perilune replied.

Their tone of voice was almost impossible to decipher, their face a perfect mask. Cassandra would’ve been impressed at their composure if she wasn’t so concerned. It was a pretty good indicator Perilune didn’t trust them- maybe had never trusted them at all. That stung Cassandra more than she’d anticipated, but at the same time, she couldn’t blame them.

“So,” Queen Arianna picked up again, “we’ve come up with a couple of options for you.” She paused, as if bracing herself. “The first is that you discontinue wearing the bracers around your arms.”

Perilune didn’t react. Varian glanced up at the queen, his anxiety clearly showing. “Um, w- what would be the second option, Your Majesty?” he prompted carefully. 

“The second option,” Queen Arianna continued, “is that every morning, when Varian gets his work order from Captain Elliot, you go with him, and Captain Elliot checks your arms.” Her expression turned apologetic. “We understand it would be inconvenient, but I’m afraid these are our only options.”

Perilune stared at the table for a moment. They inhaled slowly. “… I would p- prefer the second option, Your Majesty,” they murmured.

“Alright,” Queen Arianna said gently. “In addition, you will be required to attend weekly sessions with Dr. Morrison, starting today.”

Perilune looked up at that. “Today?”

“Yes,” King Frederic said. “We apologize for the short notice, but this situation requires immediate intervention.”

Perilune didn’t react to that, but Varian must’ve picked up on something because he met their gaze, and a silent conversation seemed to pass between them.

“I… understand,” Perilune said eventually. “Thank you.”

Rapunzel sat up a bit straighter. “Did you have any questions for us?” she asked kindly.

“No, Your Highness.”

Rapunzel deflated a bit at the use of her title. Eugene reached for Rapunzel’s hand under the table and gave it a squeeze. Cassandra pretended not to notice.

“Very well.” Queen Arianna wrapped it up briskly. “That’s all for now. Please, feel free to let us know if you ever do have questions or concerns.”

Perilune nodded in response and stood with Varian. The pair departed without another word.

Cassandra held back a sigh and glanced over at Rapunzel and Eugene.

This might be harder than they thought.

~*~

Eugene settled onto the bed, Rapunzel nestled in the crook of his arm.

After the meeting, he, Rapunzel, and Cassandra had decided to head to Rapunzel’s room to talk. At the moment, though, all Eugene wanted to do was take a nap. He’d hardly said anything, but he was tired. Maybe it was just the meeting itself, and what it was about. Tiring. In a world-weary sort of way.

“That went okay, right?” Rapunzel asked hopefully, playing with a strand of her hair. “I mean, I can’t imagine Perilune’s happy about any of this, but they didn’t react as badly as they could’ve.”

“I think it was okay,” Eugene said. He traced gentle circles along her back, slow and soothing. “I mean, they agreed to it and that’s all anyone can really expect right now.”

“Yeah, it was fine, Raps.” Cassandra’s voice was short, her brows furrowed as she paced the length of Rapunzel’s bed. “As fine as it can be.”

Eugene gave her a discerning look. “What’s that tone for? I thought it went fine.”

Cassandra made a noncommittal noise. “It’s… I’m frustrated we even got to this point,” she said finally. “Perilune should’ve been in therapy like Varian from the start. They’re from a literal _cult,_ how could we have overlooked it?”

Rapunzel shrank in Eugene’s arms. “We were all convinced, Cass,” she said quietly. “There was nothing to indicate Perilune was struggling so badly. No one could’ve known.” She sighed. “You couldn’t have known.”

Cassandra stopped pacing, guilt flashing across her face. “Doesn’t make it easier to deal with,” she mumbled.

“No,” Rapunzel amended, “it doesn’t. But we’ll get through it. We can’t change what happened, so right now, we all just need to be there for Perilune. And Varian, too.”

“Yeah.” Cassandra shook her head. “Poor kids can’t seem to catch a break.”

Eugene laughed without humor. “You said it.”

It was so unfair. And Eugene had learned a long time ago how unfair life was, but this really stung. Perilune had been raised this way, had been a victim of this mentality since they were five, and it hurt knowing how deeply it’d been instilled in them.

Maybe that was why they’d all missed it. They hadn’t wanted to believe Perilune wasn’t okay, hadn’t been unwilling to uncover the ugly truth. That… or they just hadn’t considered it. Either way, Eugene had a feeling the guilt sitting like a rock in his stomach wasn’t unique to him alone.

“I’m sorry, guys,” Cassandra sighed, running a hand through her hair. “My dad’s just been more tense than usual because of all the stress.”

“Stress?” Rapunzel sat up, looking concerned. “Have there been any more security concerns I don’t know about?”

Cassandra pursed her lips. “Thankfully, no,” she said, “but news of the Gala disaster spread fast, and the whole town’s gossiping about it. He has to dispel wild rumors people bring him pretty much every day. All the Gala guests took the news back to their own kingdoms so now Corona looks like it’s seriously lacking security, and he’s worried about both foreign and domestic attack.”

A sinking feeling settled in Eugene’s stomach. He hadn’t even considered what this would look like to the rest of the kingdom, to their allies… the fact that someone had been poisoned at one of the most high-profile events of the year didn’t exactly invoke much confidence, he had to admit.

“And on top of that,” Cassandra continued, “Lacus was set back pretty badly. Dad had him investigated to make sure he wasn’t self-harming too, and even though the doctor found nothing, Lacus _hated_ having to take his arm bracers off and he’s been angry about it ever since. His bad attitude is riling up the guard, who are already worn thin from extra shifts, and that feeds into the staff’s shot nerves.” She wrapped her arms around herself, glancing away. “This whole castle feels like it’s just waiting to explode…”

Eugene frowned. “Hey, c’mon, I’m sure things will calm down,” he said. “It hasn’t even been a week yet, give it time. Besides,” he added, a teasing tone entering his voice, “Varian doesn’t have access to the lab at the moment so nothing will be blowing up.”

“Easy for you to say,” Cassandra huffed, but some of the tension eased from her expression, a wry smile pulling at her lips. She dragged a hand down her face. “But you’re right, I just need to be patient,” she relented.

Eugene shot her a grin. “Did you hear that, Blondie? Cassandra just told me I’m right.”

Cassandra grabbed a pillow off Rapunzel’s bed and hurled it at Eugene’s face. “Don’t get used to it,” she scowled, though her eyes flashed with mirth.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Eugene replied, plucking a feather out of his mouth. 

Rapunzel chuckled, leaning back against Eugene. “He is right, though. We just have to give it time.”

Eugene hummed in agreement, settling against Rapunzel. “Yeah, time.”

Cassandra dropped heavily onto the end of the bed. “Time,” she agreed.

They released almost a collective breath, then, sinking into the bed. This was a setback, sure. An unforeseen difficulty none of them had anticipated dealing with. But they’d had those before, and they’d gotten through it together.

And it wasn’t like they were on a time limit. Things could go slow; progress always was, after all. It’d be okay.

Day by day, step by step. Eugene knew they’d get there.

~*~

Perilune sat outside Dr. Morrison’s office, drumming their fingers along the arm of the bench.

Varian was inside for his weekly session. They could barely make out his muffled voice through the door, curiosity and apprehension biting at them. The wait was made uncomfortable with the knowledge that after Varian was done, Perilune would be going in for their first session. Something that’d become normal was now fraught with uncertainty. Did his sessions normally last this long?

 _‘Probably talking about me,’_ Perilune thought guiltily. They wouldn’t blame him- they’d given him a lot to talk about. They couldn’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for him when they were poisoned, and then this on top of it? The timing was incredibly unfortunate.

That wasn’t to say they’d wanted Varian to ever find out, but at least it could’ve been at a better time. Or a… less awful one, they supposed.

The door opened, and Varian stepped out. Perilune stood quickly, wiping their palms on their pants.

Dr. Morrison smiled at Perilune. “It’s nice to properly meet you, Perilune.” He held the door open, waving an arm. “Come on in.”

Varian caught Perilune’s hands, giving a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll be right out here,” he told them softly.

Perilune managed a faint smile before entering the office. The door closed behind them with a sense of finality. They sat down in the chair across the desk, their hands folded in their lap and their head slightly bowed.

Dr. Morrison sat at his desk, pulling a sheet of paper from one of the drawers. “So, Perilune,” he started, “how are you recovering? Everyone at the castle was quite concerned to hear of your illness.”

It took Perilune a second to realize he was referring to the poisoning. They bit their lip, keeping their gaze lowered. “I’m doing okay, sir, thank you,” they said quietly. They fought the urge to pick at their bandages.

“Oh please,” Dr. Morrison said kindly, “I’d prefer if you didn’t call me sir.”

Perilune glanced up in surprise. “Oh. Alright.”

“Now, then.” Dr. Morrison sat back in his chair. “Normally, we would ease into discussion, just start off getting to know each other. And we will most certainly be doing so, gradually building up to discussion about the cause of your self-harming. But at the moment, when your health and safety is a concern, we must turn our attention to the symptom.” There was an apologetic note to his voice. “How often were you self-harming?”

Perilune suppressed a flinch. “I… every other day, at least,” they murmured.

Dr. Morrison started writing on his paper. “How often were you harmed back at your old living arrangement?”

The wording made Perilune pause. How often they were harmed… he was talking about the punishments, they realized. “A couple times a week,” they replied after a moment.

Dr. Morrison made a noncommittal noise. “So there’s been an increase since coming to stay at the castle.”

Perilune frowned. They hadn’t even realized. “… yes, I suppose so.”

“How often do you get the urge to self-harm?” Dr. Morrison asked. “Do you always act on it?”

Perilune inhaled slowly. That was… harder to discern. What exactly determined something as an ‘urge’? Every time they wanted to? Every time they thought about it? Every time they felt like they should?

“I’m… not sure,” Perilune said haltingly. “A few times a day? Sometimes it… comes at bad times. When I’m with someone. Sometimes it goes away. Other times… I can usually hold out until I get the chance to be alone.”

A wave of guilt crashed over them as they recalled all the times they’d bid Varian goodbye, all smiles, only to head straight to their room and pull the whip out of their dresser. It was practically lying to Varian’s face.

Dr. Morrison looked thoughtful. “So you don’t feel the need to drop everything and go act on it?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Perilune said.

“Have you noticed anything that typically causes the urge?”

Perilune glanced away. It was so disorienting, hearing how casually Dr. Morrison could talk about it while Perilune couldn’t even stand to say ‘self-harming’ out loud. “It’s… complicated,” they mumbled. “Um, it’s usually when I feel like I’ve done something… wrong.”

“Would you like to build on that?”

Perilune’s stomach was in knots. “I… I don’t know…”

“That’s alright,” Dr. Morrison said reassuringly. “We can talk about that another time. What I’d like to do now if find an alternative for you, something else you can do whenever you get this urge.”

Perilune watched warily as Dr. Morrison opened one of his desk drawers. He brought out a sheet of paper with a list of writing on it, and a leather-bound journal.

“If you happen to be alone at the time,” he said, “there are plenty of alternative methods for releasing your emotions in a constructive way. I’ve written a list of them for you to take, and refer to if this happens. And a journal for you to use, however you see fit. Ripping pieces of paper, journaling, writing a detailed description of one object in the room… these are a few of the methods that have been proven helpful in curbing the urge to self-harm.”

Perilune took the list and the notebook. “Thank you.”

“And if it happens while you’re out and can’t get away, I have something more discrete you could use.” Dr. Morrison pulled something else from the drawer. It was a small loop of almost twine-looking material, like a ring. “This is a stretchy band you can wear around one of your fingers,” he explained, stretching the band. “So if you get hit with the urge to self-harm, you can pull the band and snap your finger with it to cause a mild, temporary pain.”

Perilune studied the band. It felt… wrong, almost. It wasn’t like they did what they did because they enjoyed pain. But they didn’t know how to explain that- and who knew, maybe the band would be sufficient for punishments.

“Okay.” Perilune took the band from him, slipping it around their left index finger. “Thank you.”

“I think that’s plenty for our first session.” Dr. Morrison set his pencil down, leaning back in his chair. “Do you have any questions for me?”

Relief swept through Perilune. They shook their head, eager to leave. “No.”

Dr. Morrison studied them for a moment, his expression soft. “The first session is, in many ways, the hardest,” he said gently. “You’ve done a wonderful job answering my questions. From here on out, there will be steps forward and steps back. Progress isn’t linear, after all. But it’s important that you remember this is all to benefit you, and if at any point you don’t feel like it is, I implore you to let me know. Okay?”

Perilune’s throat tightened. “Okay.”

“Alright.” Dr. Morrison smiled. “Let me know if any of those suggestions help, and I’ll see you next week. But if you feel the need to speak to me beforehand, feel free to stop by.”

“Thank you.” Perilune stood, managing a faint smile in return before quickly slipping out of the room.

~*~

Varian curled up under the sheets, listening to Perilune’s even breathing.

They had settled in a familiar embrace; laying side by side, facing each other, Varian’s head tucked under Perilune’s chin. A deep sense of contentment swept through Varian. It’d only been a few days, but when Perilune had been recovering, he’d missed this. Badly.

As nice as it would have been to drop off to sleep, Varian knew they needed to talk. He could tell the earlier therapy appointment was weighing on Perilune, though they’d declined to talk about it immediately afterwards, and he himself was curious about it.

“So… h- how did it go?” he ventured. “It’s weird to get used to, at first, but I promise it’ll get easier.”

“He was… nice,” Perilune mused. “He surprised me, being so upfront about why I was there. We’re going to talk more next week, but for now, he gave me some suggestions to help with it.”

Varian perked up. “Oh?” 

“Yeah.” Perilune nodded. “He gave me a list of things I can do instead. One of them is this band around my finger I can snap to distract myself, or… take the edge off.”

Varian bit his lip. It still sounded like a way of hurting themself, but if Dr. Morrison had recommended it, he had to have his reasons. “Good, that’s good!” he said encouragingly. “That’s- I’m glad it went well.”

Perilune inhaled slowly. “… that doesn’t mean I like it,” they murmured.

Varian paused. He tilted his head up to see Perilune’s face. Their gaze was downcast, their expression pinched like they were holding back tears.

His heart jolted. “Perilune, what do you-”

“It’s humiliating.” Perilune curled in on themself, their breath hitching. “And… and I know they’re all disappointed in me. I could tell, this morning.”

Varian frowned. “Perilune, that’s not true. We’re concerned-”

“And I can’t blame them!” Perilune exclaimed, upset. “Every time I want to get angry, I remember that I have no one to blame for this but myself. It’s just… a lot to deal with.” Their voice dropped back down, suddenly tentative. “I… know you all want to help, but… part of me can’t help but wish that you didn’t.”

Varian’s throat tightened. “That’s… that’s okay,” he said after a moment. “I mean, you remember how much I hated going at first, right? I’ve been through it, and am still going through it.”

“That’s the _problem.”_ Perilune’s voice climbed again, stricken with emotion. “I’m not supposed to be like you.”

Varian stilled, a sudden pain gripping his heart. He sat up slowly, moving away from Perilune. “W- what?”

Perilune jolted upright to meet his gaze, eyes wide and regretful. “I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean it like that,” they said quickly. “I mean, I’m supposed to be the one who’s there for you, the one who has everything together so I can support you.”

Varian flinched. “According to who?” he demanded, his eyes stinging. “Who decided that I’m such a mess you have to be this- this pillar of _strength_ for me to lean on? _God,_ Perilune, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and I love you _so much,_ but this relationship isn’t a caretaker and their patient. We take care of each other.”

Perilune was staring at him, frozen, looking caught somewhere between hurt and horror, and Varian softened. He took a deep breath, taking Perilune’s hands in his own.

“You helped me through a really dark time,” he said, gentler, “and while I’m grateful, I know I put a lot on you I shouldn’t have. And this is me telling you now that it’s not your job to pretend everything’s okay for my sake. _I’m_ here for _you.”_

Perilune swallowed, looking down at their intertwined hands for a moment. A faint smiled drifted across their face as they brushed a thumb along Varian’s gloved hand, almost fondly. They took a shaky breath.

“I love you too, Varian,” they whispered, “but… I can’t do this right now.”

With a gentle squeeze, Perilune pulled their hands away, laying down with their back facing Varian. They didn’t say anything more.

Varian sat there for a moment, stunned almost numb. His vision suddenly clouded with tears, his breath catching in his throat. He swallowed hard, blinking rapidly and curling his hands into fists. Carefully, he turned and laid down, facing away from Perilune.

His gloved fingers gripped the sheets, his teeth gritted against the sob trying to work itself free. He closed his eyes against the sting of tears, absently wondering how he could feel so cold with the warmth of Perilune’s body right beside him.

They just needed time, he told himself desperately.

Everything would get better in time.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: PLEASE don't forget to leave a comment if you're enjoying this story! I'll see you next time on (tentatively) December 30 (may get pushed back because holidays!) - Aqua


	18. speak in little steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title: _speak in little steps_  
>  Rating/Warning: K+ (mentions of self-harm)  
> Timeline: Three days after Chapter Seventeen.  
> Summary: Varian gets some good advice from an unexpected source, and Perilune grapples with the parts of their past that haunt them today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi readers! Hope you're still enjoying this series, we're nearing the end of Part Three and I've got some BIG STUFF coming up! Please let me know if you like it, and I'll see you next time! - Aqua

__

_speak in little steps_

~*~

Varian tapped his foot on the floor, the sound echoing through the hallway.

He was seated on the bench outside Dr. Morrison’s office. Normally, this time of week, he’d be inside having his session. But now, Perilune was seeing the doctor as well, and today they’d gone first. He couldn’t make out anything through the walls, and not knowing how it was going only added to his anxiety.

He and Perilune hadn’t been talking much, not since that night three days ago. Varian tried not to take it personally and had kept his distance, the pair of them spending much of their time away from each other. Perilune had been through a lot, so he wasn’t going to push them. No matter how much it hurt.

The door opened, and Perilune slipped out. They always looked tired nowadays, eyes dull and lined with dark circles. Their braid was messy, almost coming undone at the bottom.

Varian stood, clearing his throat. “Hey. So uh, once I’m done, I’m heading over to the Captain’s office to get my work orders,” he said, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder. “Are you-”

“I figured I’d go now,” Perilune said, not quite meeting his eyes.

“Oh… okay.” It made sense, Varian told himself. There was no need for Perilune to hang around and wait for him. But he couldn’t help but wonder if there was more to it, if Perilune wanted to go get their arms checked alone because they didn’t want Varian seeing the scars. They’d found a reason to go alone every day since the rule had been implemented.

That was their right, Varian reminded himself. There was nothing wrong with Perilune wanting to keep that to themself. Plus, they were still getting used to the new system. Varian didn’t need to read into it so much.

Perilune was absent-mindedly picking at the rubber band around their thumb, the one Dr. Morrison had given them to snap if they felt the urge to self-harm. They weren’t snapping it, not quite, but the sight made Varian’s chest tighten uncomfortably anyways.

He glanced away. “So, uh, so I guess I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah.” Perilune nodded. “Yes, I’ll… see you later.”

Varian watched them depart down the hallway, swallowing. Then he turned to the door and opened it, stepping into the doctor’s office.

~*~

Perilune plunged their sword into the training dummy, metal ripping through straw until it was buried to the hilt.

Panting, they tightened their grip on the handle before wrenching the sword back out, straw spilling from the large gash in the dummy’s cloth torso. Shifting their weight, they slashed with their other sword, taking the dummy’s head clean off. It hit the ground and rolled in the grass a bit before coming to a stop.

Perilune lowered their swords unhappily. They hadn’t meant to aim that high. Huffing in annoyance, they planted their swords in the ground for a moment and brushed their bangs out of their face, their forehead sticky with sweat.

Following their visit to the Captain’s office for him to inspect their arms, they’d desperately needed to blow off some steam. But training was a lot less fun alone. After almost a week of inactivity while ‘recovering,’ Perilune had been anxious to resume training with Cassandra; only to be told that Cassandra felt it’d be better for them to ‘take some more time.’ Perilune had a feeling why.

She hadn’t said so, but this felt like a punishment. Training was a privilege, but Perilune had done something wrong, so that privilege had been taken away. Either that, or it was because Cassandra thought they were weak, or… fragile. Needed to be handled carefully. Perilune didn’t like that possibility either. At the very least, they hadn’t been forbidden from the training field, but their sessions with Cassandra had been put on hold indefinitely.

Frustrated tears stung at their eyes, quickly wiped away. As childish as it was, they couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t fair. They were the same person they’d always been. Why did everyone have to treat them differently? Maybe it was an attempt to be kind and mindful, but to Perilune, it just made everything worse.

“Hey.”

The unexpected voice was close. Perilune whirled around in surprise, and then immediately tensed. It was Lacus.

The boy hadn’t visited them once since the incident. That was perfectly fine by Perilune; they weren’t friends, and any attempt by him to be civil would’ve felt insincere. Even after what Perilune had heard, that it was Lacus who identified the poison, Lacus who indirectly saved their life. They still didn’t know what to think about that.

So seeing him now inexplicably set Perilune off. “Oh, what do you want?” they snapped. “Are you here to gloat? Or scold me? Ask for a thank you? Don’t bother, because it’s _none of your business!”_

Lacus blinked at them. “I… was going to use the training field,” he said, gesturing to the dual swords sheathed on his belt.

“Oh.” Perilune felt themself flush. “… my apologies, I just… never mind.” They sighed, rubbing their face. What was wrong with them? They’d never been short-tempered before. Even though it was Lacus, there was no need to be rude. “Are you training alone as well?”

Lacus squinted, regarding them carefully. He shrugged. “Outside of regular training, no one wants to- no one has time to spar with me.”

The slip-up was painfully obvious to Perilune, and evidently Lacus as well. His cheeks heated up, his features twisting into a scowl as he attempted to cover up his embarrassment with spite. “What about you? What, do you fancy yourself a warrior?” he sneered. “Why would _you_ even _need_ to train, _Patron?”_

Perilune raised an eyebrow. “You can use my name, you know,” they replied coolly. “And was the first assassination attempt not enough reason?”

Lacus snorted. “Alright then, Perilune.” In one fluid motion, he drew both swords, eyes glinting with challenge. “Care to put your skills to the test?”

Several months ago, Perilune would have been terrified if a Templar, even one in training, had pulled their swords on them. One month ago, they would’ve assumed Lacus was attacking them. But now, the prospect of sparring was oddly inviting, and Perilune found themself grinning as they took up their swords, slipping into a ready position.

“You’re on.”

~*~

“Thanks again, Doctor.”

With a final wave, Varian slipped out of Dr. Morrison’s office, gently shutting the door behind him. He let out a slow breath, dragging his gloved hands down his face. There was still a stray tear clinging to his chin, quickly brushed away. 

Today’s session had been… not bad, but not good either. It had more or less been a chance for Varian to vent all his worries about Perilune. Which, of course, he was thankful for the opportunity to get some things off his chest, thankful for the emotional release. But it was frustrating because he was no closer to finding a solution.

Shaking his head, Varian stepped away from the door- only to see Rapunzel standing there in the hallway, her chameleon friend on her shoulder. He nearly jumped out of his shoes.

“Rapunzel! What are _you_ doing here?” Varian’s tone of voice registered to him a second later, and he felt himself flush. “I- I mean, are you here to see Dr. Morrison?” he asked, more politely.

Rapunzel hesitated, before nodding. “I am, actually.” Her expression grew sheepish. “Looks like I’m a little early, whoops…”

Varian tensed, his thoughts immediately suggesting it had something to do with him or Perilune. “Why?”

Rapunzel shrugged, playing absently with a strand of hair. “I… visit with him weekly,” she said.

Varian blinked in confusion. Well, that was news to him. “You do? _You?”_ He creased his brows together. “Why?”

Rapunzel gave a soft laugh. “I finally realized… I need some help working through eighteen years in a tower.”

Varian’s stomach dropped. “Oh.” He swallowed, rubbing at his arm awkwardly. For some reason, it’d never even occurred to him, that Rapunzel would have her own reasons for seeing Dr. Morrison. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Rapunzel said, smiling faintly. “So, how are you?”

Varian eyed her nervously. “Uh… hanging in there,” he answered truthfully. He scuffed the floor with the toe of his boot, searching for something else to say. “I… I hope too much damage wasn’t done at the Gala.”

He hadn’t said so before, but he meant it. The Gala had been…. _beautiful,_ and clearly taken a lot of work. And it’d seemed important, too, considering all the people who were there. Of course, he certainly didn’t blame Perilune for what’d happened to them. The only ones to blame were the cultists. But in the days following, he hadn’t considered the fallout from… other perspectives.

Rapunzel looked surprised at his remark. “Oh, um… I mean, people were certainly shaken by it all. But everyone got home just fine. And aside from a few grumblers, everyone was very understanding. I don’t think Corona’s relationship with our allies has been hurt at all.”

“That’s… good.” Varian nodded curtly. He turned to go. “Good. Uh, anyways, I should probably get-”

“How is Perilune?” Rapunzel asked, her expression hard to read. “I mean, how are they, _really?”_

Varian stopped, pressing his lips into a thin line. Part of him didn’t care to have this conversation, with Rapunzel of all people. But at the same time… she cared enough to ask. And this was about Perilune, not him.

He took a breath. “We… aren’t talking much right now.” His eyes started to sting, and he blinked quickly to clear them. “They, um, they said they couldn’t deal with everything. So I’ve been giving them space. For… three days now.”

“Oh, I see.” Rapunzel looked thoughtful. “Can I… offer some advice?” she asked tentatively.

Varian’s reluctance grew even more. He really wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. But, the practical part of him argued, it couldn’t do much harm, and if Rapunzel happened to have some good advice, it would help improve his relationship with Perilune. “Uh… sure,” he relented.

Rapunzel’s face brightened, if only slightly. “Everyone’s different,” she began, “but I’ve been on the other side before. Eugene and I… we weren’t always on the same page with what we wanted. He was ready for more than I was, and… I was still adjusting. I still am, even now. But it was hard to focus on developing my relationship with him while I was processing everything else.”

Varian looked at the ground, fidgeting with his gloves as he thought over her words. He wouldn’t have known that Rapunzel and Eugene ever had relationship problems from looking at them. “What’d you two do?” he ventured finally, glancing up at her.

Rapunzel shrugged. “I asked Eugene to be patient with me, and… he was. He didn’t push things before I was ready, but he was still there for me. And truthfully, he’s still being patient with me. But that doesn’t mean he has to keep his distance.” She spread her hands. “So, did Perilune actually ask you for space, or… do they just want time?”

Varian opened his mouth, then closed it, stunned. Had he really misread the situation that much? He’d thought Perilune’s request meant they needed him to back off for a bit, but what if they thought he was avoiding them? That he was angry or upset with them? Or worse, that he didn’t want to deal with how much they were struggling?

“… oh,” Varian said softly.

Rapunzel gave him a knowing look. “Show them that you’re here for them, that you can be patient and help them through this. It’ll work out.” She cleared her throat. “Anyways, I really shouldn’t keep Dr. Morrison waiting. But think about what I said, won’t you?”

Varian nodded slightly, moving away from the door. “I… I will. Thanks.”

Without waiting for a reaction, he turned and hurried down the hallway, his mind racing. He still didn’t have a solution to fixing his problems with Perilune, but at least he could stop things from getting any worse.

~*~

Perilune ducked beneath the swords, wind whistling in their ears.

They brought their own swords up defensively against the barrage of strikes Lacus was delivering, their arms shaking from the strain. He was steadily driving forward, and Perilune was thankful they were on a flat, unobstructed training field as they edged ever so surely backwards.

Lacus hadn’t started official Templar training yet, but he’d been schooled in swordplay since he was ten. Back at the temple, Perilune wouldn’t have stood a chance. However, their lessons with Cassandra had been held at a higher frequency and intensity than the ones Lacus had, so they’d made a lot of ground in a short amount of time.

And, to put it frankly, Perilune had a lot of pent up frustration at the moment.

Gritting their teeth, Perilune dug their heels into the ground, pushed off, and threw Lacus back, following through the movement with a big sweep of their swords. Already off-balance, Lacus avoided the swipe by letting himself fall into a roll, quickly recovering to his feet.

From there, he sprang at Perilune, swords pressed together into a single driving point. Perilune raised their own swords to deflect, and they collided with the piercing shriek of metal-on-metal. The impact threw Perilune to the ground, hard, but they didn’t stay there- Lacus was already descending on them.

Perilune rolled out of the way just in time, Lacus’s swords gouging deep slashes into the ground. They aimed a kick at his stomach that sent him reeling, giving them time to get to their feet, swords at the ready.

Wasting no time, they dove at Lacus, who brought his swords up to catch their blades in a deadlock. Perilune could sense give in neither of them, their positions coming to a standstill, and finally they broke away, stepping back from each other.

Lacus caught his breath and sheathed his swords. “I have to hand it to you,” he said, looking them up and down with begrudging approval, “that was… not terrible.”

Perilune let out a laugh, their heartrate still coming down. “Hey, cut me some slack, I didn’t train at all last week so I’m a little rusty.” They smirked at him. “What’s your excuse?”

Lacus blinked, then raised his eyebrows as the jab processed. He rolled his eyes. “Haha, very funny…” he muttered. He let out a breath, picking at his arm bracers. “I’m, uh… I’m glad you’re better. For a while there it looked really serious, so...”

Perilune paused, surprised. “Oh. Thanks.” It was… almost touching, to think Lacus had been concerned for them. In a weird way. They sat down in the grass and set their swords down, wracking their brain for some other subject to talk about. “So, who was your main instructor back home?”

Lacus studied them for a moment, hesitant, before sitting down next to them. “Parallax.”

Perilune’s heart tightened. “Oh,” they murmured. “That… explains a lot.”

Lacus bristled. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he demanded.

“Nothing,” Perilune shrugged, “just… he was always so critical of outsider kids. I can see why you strove so hard to separate yourself from the rest of us.” Parallax was also one of the most ruthless Templars, as captain, and notoriously hard to please. Lacus’s behavior was making more and more sense- though Perilune didn’t want to push it.

Lacus bit his lip. “He… he was the reason I was picked to be a Templar at all,” he said softly. “He saw something in me, convinced the High Priest to give me a chance. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I wanted to prove that… never mind.” He glanced away. “It’s pointless, anyways.”

Perilune tilted their head. “Why so?”

Lacus laughed without humor. “Because that part of our lives is over?”

“Doesn’t mean it’s pointless to talk about it,” Perilune said mildly, picking blades of grass out of the soil.

Lacus’s expression sobered. “I don’t think the others will see it that way,” he muttered. “… do you know what they call it, here? The Servants?” His voice hardened. “A cult.”

Perilune blinked. They’d never heard that word before. “What’s that?”

Lacus gave a dry smile. “I didn’t know either. So I did some research in the library.” His voice lowered. “It’s… ‘a group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister.’ That’s how they see us, how they see the Servants.”

Perilune’s heart sank. “What? No, that’s… that’s not-”

“So,” Lacus pressed, getting worked up, “talking about any of it probably won’t get us anywhere but an insane asylum.”

Alarmed, Perilune put a hand on his arm. “That’s not true, Lacus, they want to help us!”

Lacus jerked his arm away. “Oh, did your little boyfriend tell you that?” he hissed, eyes flashing. “From what I hear, he’s got one foot in the door himself.”

Perilune stared at him. “What is your _problem?”_

“Me?” Lacus scoffed. “Hey, I’m not the one hurting themself.” 

Perilune’s ears rang.

For a moment, they didn’t know how to react. The insult was so unexpected they almost wondered if they’d heard right. But no, this was Lacus, they reminded themselves, their blood running hot. They’d given him too much credit, it seemed. 

“No, you know what?” Perilune stood, glaring down at Lacus. “I _know_ I have a problem, I do. But at least I realize that, and I’m doing something about it. Unlike you, I’m actually accepting help, no matter how hard it is, and _god,_ is it hard, because I want to get better and this is the only way.”

Lacus was staring up at them, wide-eyed. Perilune pointed an accusing finger at him.

“But you? You put yourself on such a high pedestal that you can’t admit when you’re wrong or that you’ve got plenty of problems of your own. And if you want to set yourself up for that fall, be my guest. But you don’t get to stand here and lecture me about my life while craning your head up to see out of the hole you’ve dug yourself into.”

Perilune snatched their swords off the ground and stormed off the training field. They found they were actually thankful for the fury boiling in their blood, as it drowned out the crawling of their scarred skin beneath their sleeves.

~*~

Varian shifted on his bed, trying to find a comfortable position.

He wanted to look relaxed, but not bored. Casual, not forced. Sitting upright would look like he’d been waiting for Perilune, which… is what he wanted, but not to that extreme. He leaned back against the wall, apologizing to Ruddiger as the raccoon got resettled in his lap. There, that was good.

Perilune hadn’t shown up to dinner that night. But Varian would rather do this in private anyways, if he was being honest. Not because it might go wrong- though, he supposed, the possibility was always there- but because it felt more personal that way. Less like small talk, more like genuine conversation.

 _That’s_ what he wanted. To show Perilune he still wanted to be present, to be there for them. Hopefully this would accomplish that, because he was at his wits end for what else to do-

The cell door opened, taking Varian by surprise despite the fact that he’d been waiting for it. Perilune gave him a searching look as they entered, their brows furrowing slightly, but they simply nodded in greeting and turned to get ready for bed.

“Hey.” Varian tried to keep his voice casual, running a hand over Ruddiger’s fur to calm himself.

Perilune turned to look at him curiously. “Hello,” they replied after a moment. “How… are you?”

“I’m okay.” Varian took a breath. “… how was your day?”

Perilune paused, blinking, as realization broke over their expression. They looked… still confused, but pleasantly surprised, and… relieved. Very relieved.

It made Varian’s heart jolt. So Rapunzel had been right, Perilune had seen his distancing himself as a negative thing, a sign that he was unnerved by them. Suddenly he wanted to cry, to reassure them how much he loved them, but- _time and place, Varian, little steps, take it slow._

It was almost like they had to learn how to be together again, which might’ve been despairing if it wasn’t so important. Varian was determined to do this right.

Perilune fell onto the bed with a huff. “Lacus is _infuriating,”_ they exclaimed, throwing their hands up, “but I don’t know why I expected anything different…”

As Varian listened to Perilune talk about their difficult day, he couldn’t help but think about the poison that’d once run through their veins, the scarred skin beneath their sleeves, and marvel at the fact that they were still there for him to listen to.

He wouldn’t be taking that for granted ever again.

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I actually screwed up this update schedule a bit, but I'm gonna try and update on January 20 to get back on track. We'll see! Thanks for reading, please leave a comment if you enjoyed! - Aqua


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